Secret Door Behind the Filing Cabinet

Mwahahahaha. Yes yes indeed, I have been lurking about in my secret, spacious spot, conveniently concealed for my contentment.

You don't see me. I was never here.

Sshhh.


TO DO LIST:

Opinion - World Ending-You Wanna Know?
Editorial - TBA
WTDW (What to Do When...) - TBA
Book Review
DVD Review

Opinion: Do You Want to Know When the World is Going to End?

I know something you don't.

A crazy lady with frizzy hair whispered it to me in the park, just as the sun was going down and the demons were rising from their slumber. I would have dismissed her words as random ramblings if not for their prophetic content. She gave me a string of numbers. And an exact date.

Gesticulating wildly, she tottered down the path and then fell onto a bench, stone drunk. I immediately wrote down the numbers and date, which I had been repeating in my head, and then chuckled. This was crazy, right? Why was I even writing this down? However, I resisted the urge to throw the paper into the nearest bin.

I entered the string of numbers into the local lottery drawing. And I won seventy-five thousand dollars.

With enough money now to support myself for a few years, I have elected to spend this time informing everyone who wants to know the date on which I believe the world will end. First, I have been approaching my family and friends, and therefore consulted with members of the Pensieve on whether or not they were interested.

--

Gemma, who had been walking around the room in circles while humming a tune under her breath, paused her dizzying trek to answer the question.

"I'd want to know it, but only assuming that the end would be at some date before my 'normal' death," Gemma said. "The reason really is simple: If I know that I'm going to have to leave soon, then I know exactly how much time I have for doing whatever I've always wanted to do and saying goodbye to the people I care about.

She took a deep breath. "However, if the world was going to end after my life did, then I'd rather not know. Not only would it not apply to me, but given that I might one day have children, it would be more than a little weird to be sure of the day they (or my grandchildren, great-grandchildren...) would perish. Why would I want to know that? It'd simply be depressing."

Gemma slumped in her chair, contemplating her future generations' deaths, and refused to speak to anyone for the rest of the evening.

--

Next I approached Ettie, who was quite busy adding ingredients to a bright blue potion with a smell so potent it made me sneeze five times in a row. Ettie hurriedly had me drink a clear liquid that tasted faintly of honey, and dodged the question when I asked what the potion was for, muttering something that sounded like 'bloody first years' under her breath. I'm not sure I heard right though. It may just as well have been 'beauty face lift' or 'muddy foot disease.'

Ettie let the pot simmer for awhile as she answered my question.

"Having recently realised I'm not immortal like I always thought I was--" I snickered rather loudly at this point, after which Ettie glared at me and stirred the potion furiously-- "I'd rather not know when the world is ending.

"If it was let out that the world would end in 3 weeks, it would cause chaos. Everyone would panic, and our last days on earth would be rather sad.

"Saying goodbye to loved ones, well you're always saying goodbye to them. If you're so concerned about not getting the chance to make peace then you'd do something about it now wouldn't you? I always make sure my friends and family know I love them and I have made my peace with those who I needed to."

--

My secret starting to weigh heavy on my mind, I next turned to Stephy, who had mixed views on the subject. Stephy believed that if she knew the date then she would take more risks, not caring if she put her life in danger. She listed this as an advantage and a disadvantage, and though I sat with her for nearly an hour she was unable to decide whether or not she wanted to know.

--

Shausto-la decided that she would like to be present the moment the world ended, but didn't want to know exactly when. Much but not at all like you expect a surprise birthday party, and want to be present, but don't want to know all the details. Shausto and I exchanged numbers and information just in case the date was soon. I did not disclose the exact date to Shausto, or even whether it would be in her lifetime.

As I left, she shouted after me, "Knowing the date would just make me think about everything that I didn't yet get to do and all of the things that I'll never be able to do, and then I'll just start walking around talking to the trees about how much I'll miss them and then I'll be put in an insane asylum and then the world would end while I was in an insane asylum, and that would kind of suck!"

I assured her that if the world ended in our lifetime, I would visit her in the asylum and hold the Goodbye Earth Party there, which cheered her up a bit.

--

Worried voices started up in the back of my head. Was NOBODY interested in when the world would end? Was it possible that the woman from the park had been spouting her prophecy for years, and nobody had paid it the slightest attention until now? Dejected, I raised my hand to knock at Stephy's door again, to see whether or not she had made up her mind, but heard her talking to herself. "It would be cool to know when the world is going to end, but people might go all crazy! Robbing and doing crimes and stuff!" I backed away from the door, sighing.

It wasn't like I was planning on making a mass announcement. I was just curious if those closest to me were interested.

Apparently not.

Suddenly everything went dark. I screamed and flailed my arms, shocked and terrified all at once. Then I heard Etta's voice shouting crazy words, and realized she had thrown a bag over my head. I wondered if maybe even the IDEA of knowing when the world would end had made dear Ettie go 'round the bend, but who are we kidding? She's ALWAYS been insane.

Shausto must have spread the word about the Goodbye Earth Party, because suddenly Etta and Stephy were enthused, babbling about the party like there was no tomorrow. Er. Not that I'm implying that the date is before tomorrow.

Stephy and Shausto were ready for me to announce on some random day that there'd be a party, and that way they'd know that it was THE DAY. But Ettie panicked and said we should just party every day, being thankful for all the time we have!

The front door swung open and Rigby tromped in, her cheeks bright from a walk to the bakery. She immediately joined in with wanting to know when the world would end, simply because she figured the parties would be awesome.

Now here they all were, glad to know the date and I was glad to not have to plan the humongous Goodbye Earth Party all on my own. Rigby theorized, while pulling out muffins from a white paper bag and setting them down on the desk, "What if the world has already ended and we're all dead and in some kind of hellish limbo already?

"What if I am thinking that I'm here with you all but really my body is laying in the rubble of my building?"

We were all silent for a moment, pondering Rigby's theory, but I decided that the muffins smelled too good to be just in my imagination.

Gathered around the copier, I solemnly told the date to those who wanted to know. There were a few surprised gasps, a 'Come ON!' from Rigby, and an eyeroll from Stephy. I smiled, and we began planning the party.

But YOU don't know if it will be the Goodbye Earth Party or a Huffie Pride Party. You'll find out when you get your invite. See you then!