If Only (Kurt + Thierry)

The air was cold; he sat by the hearth on a soft cushioned chair. It was already January of the twenty-tenth, and it has been a long time since he had seen her. “I wonder where she could be,” he thought. “I wonder if she already knew.”

He hasn’t seen her yet again, he hasn’t been with her either. Not as intimate as Kurt have been with her, maybe. “How will I tell her? Or how will I not tell her?” His heart drummed as he think of what to do once they meet. He doesn’t know what her likes are, nor does he know how he should act when she’s there. What if he fails to make her happy? What if she will not like him? What if she will not forget Kurt?

His name is Kurt – or his middle name is, at least. But he’s not the Kurt she has used to be with, not the Kurt she has been mingling with. They look the same, pronounces same, but in a way or another, they are still different, and he is Jesse Kurt McCallister, not John Kurt McCallister. It is John whom she knew, not him. “But she does not know that he has a twin. He hasn’t told her yet, for sure. She does not know that I exist. She has to know, or maybe she doesn’t have to. But if she’ll then later know, she’ll might hate me for that.” he debated with his self as he stared blankly at the chucked woods in flames. “Then I guess I have to be truthful. Even if that means she have to be hurt.”

The end of holiday vacation is drawing near, on the next day he’ll be back at Hogwarts to continue the semester, and surely he’ll see her there.

He rode the Hogwarts Express and reached Hogwarts two days earlier, there were also some students who made it to get back earlier though not much of his room mates did. "I am Kurt McCallister," he sighed as he wandered in the castle. "Fifth year, Ravenclaw. If only..."