My Brother the Marine.

Not a usual title for a diary entry but this is my diary of coping with the unknown, the fear and worry and on top of that the general rubbish life throws at you.

So to start i'll begin with ME and MY LIFE:

Always impatient i was born 4 weeks early and yellow, yes i was a jaundice baby and hey i was bald until i was 2! At my 6 week health cheak the Doctor discovered i had a slight heart murmur (thats when the heart beat is irreguar)further tests revealed 3 small holes in my heart, nothing to worry about thats what they told my mum and dad, yest at 2 years they began to worry, the holes were growing bigger instead of smaller, they told my parents they needed to operate ASAP fast forward 3 years - January 1989 to be exact - they finally performed Open heart surgery to close the holes. Now lets not get to graphic with the op, but its more or less, slice down the chest break the ribcage in half, and do a bit of sewing, except something slipped, my right lung was punctured and left lung collapsed. Not bad for a mere child of nearly 5. Have no fear i died for more or less 3 minutes and i've lived to tell the tale.

By now, my parents had divorced, oh and my days of a rocker were over after i did a bit of head banger straight into my nana's fireplace and split my eyebrow open, almost lost my eye haha, anyway, my mum has met a new man, he had 6 kids and a step son, everything seemed great.

My childhood wasnt exactly happy, my stepdad was violent towards my mum and as the years went by his violence turned towards us. My dad had little or no contact with me or my lil brother for ten years, then when i was 14 he turned up at our front door, i was over the moon, i went on hokliday for a week to stay with him in London, at the end of that week, it was the last time i ever saw him.

My younger years were littered with trips to and from hospital as well as the deaths of two very important people in my life, my grandfather and my best friend. Have you ever seena dead body before? I was scared when i saw them, but they looked so peaceful so relaxed, i understood that they no longer felt pain.

Skip forward a few more years to now and heck, i dont know if im coming or going, i dont know what i have to offer this life and i often find myself acting stupid. They say when you grow up, you grow up fast, i grew up too fast, i witnessed things and experienced no one of my years should ever have to, i was born fighting and i know i'll die fighting.

Now

I have a younger brother, Ian who is 22 now and married, he's still at uni and working 3 jobs, i look at him and wonder what happened to the carefree little lad that would think nothing more then throwing a dart in my head for fun.

I always have stepbrothers and sisters but im not close to any of them except Chris. He's the marine.
And i'm proud of him.

I was proud of him when he enlisted, i was proud of him when he told us why he was doing it, yet i never understood, i still dont, but it's his choice, he's 27 now, has been serving in Afghanistan for the last 9 months and has so far lost three very good friends, and witnessed things which makes my life seem innocent.

At Xmas we got word he was coming home for the holidays, our hearts skipped a beat when he rang to say and these are his exact "By foot or by coffin i'll be coming for christmas."

He came home, by foot, thank god. But there was a change, a spark was gone, he wasnt the same guy who used to bet up those who bullied me at school, he has changed, everything else is so different now, the Marines dont just change the Marine themselves they change the families too.

We wait each day for a phonecall or a knock at one of our doors (My home is the second call if no-one is in at parental home) the stress of not knowing is taking its toll on the family, my mum and stepdad have split up, his violence grew worse as the days passed without contact from Chris, it got the point where my mumleft and now she is here, at my place XD We take turns on watching the news each day, its so bad now, we havent heard from him for 3 weeks, that my stepdad has been placed on the sick from work, im on the sick also, but i have fresh health problems to deal with.

Well thats me for now, i'll post regulary on whats happening with Chris and my ever so rubbish life.

Wow, Ettie. I've talked to you so many times and never knew this side. *huggles tightly* I hope everything will return to normal..or at least, somewhat normal. I miss my happy, excited Etta. *huggles more* If you ever wanna talk, you know how to catch me.

Hola.

April 25th 2007 News From afar

We received an email last night from my brother Chris, even though he's not my birth brother he's been in my life for so long i call him that lol. It was a simple one word email, all it said was "Hi" sooooo i emailed him back and asked what was wrong, something about this simple email made my heart skip a beat and i waited anxiosly for his reply.

Thankfully he replied rather quickly and myself and my mum read the email in shock. Im not sure whether or not this will make the news, my brother seems to think not for most of the news reports are focusing on Iraq on the terrible loss of the US soliders, but my brother confided in his email that he saw a small child's dead body. Here:

Quote :

the sight was enough to make even the toughest men vomit, we could not determine whether this innocent child was male or female. We knew it was too late and were ordered to continue our task without a second thought to the poor being laying there on the ground. That is the way of the Marine, yet when i close my eyes i see it's body, i think of home, of the boys and my mind, heart and soul all confirm why i enlisted, i'm doing this to protect my family, my brothers, sisters and nephews and nieces. But i doubt i will ever shake the vision of that child, helpless and alone.

This will probably sound really selfish but all i want is for my brother to come. The next few weeks will be one of silence as his commando move out into the mountains and we will receive no contact what so ever.

I only hope that he is safe.

Which reminds me, at the start of December i was on a two week training course, we were waiting to here if Chris would be coming home for Xmas, it was all confirmed which gave me somethign to look forward to, but on our 3rd last day, 4 days before Chris was due to fly home, my mum rang my mobile phone whilst i was in the course. I freaked, she knew not to call me unless the worse had happened. I remember grabbing my phone and running fropm the room, down the stairs and outside where i answered her call, she only wanted to know if i wanted the frozen chips from her freezer since they needed used. I could have killed her, instead i started laughing like a loon.

Until news reaches us from Chris, we'll be doing our normal routine, we'll sit up until the early ours of the moring watching the news, and thinking of our boys out in a far away place, away from their family and friends.

x

Happy Days

I just found out my step brother has come home. He wont be returning to Afghanistan until next Summer and thats only if our troops are still out there, which they shouldnt be, because its time they all came home. Soooooooo massive party tomorrow night im well happy. thought id share.