Santa's Helper

Santa's Helper


A simple challenge!
All you need to do is answer the following questions as if ou are Santa!
Bonus points for good answers! Be creative

Code:

1. What if there is no chimney?
2. What if we move?
3. What if there is no snow?
4. How will Santa find me if we are visiting and not at our home on Christmas Eve?
5. How do the reindeer fly?
6. How does Santa understand all the different languages of the world?
7. What's Santa's favorite food?
8. Is there any food Santa doesn't eat?
9. How much does Santa weigh?
10. What are the elves' jobs?
11. What is Santa's favorite Christmas Eve snack?
12. How does Santa visit the whole world in one night?
13. How does Santa get all the toys into the sleigh at one time?
14. How does Santa get up and down my chimney?
15. What if there is a fire burning in the fireplace?
16. Does Santa have any children?
17. Will Santa always bring what I ask for?
18. Where does Santa get his red suit?
19. Does bad weather make it hard for Santa to drive his sleigh?
20. Does Santa have any hobbies?
21. Why is Santa's suit red?
22. Is there really a Santa Claus?
23. How did the reindeer get their names?
24. Why does Santa live at the Northpole?
25. Is Santa ever sad?
26. Which is Santa's favorite elf?
27. How many elves are there?
28. What is Santa's favorite kind of music?
29. What kind of treats do the reindeer like?
30. Does Santa really read the letters he gets?

Possible points:

50 participation and bonus 50 for best answer for each answer!

What if there is no chimney? I knock down there door and use my magical powers to fix it once i leave.
2. What if we move? havnt you herd that song i know all about were you live i will makesure you get chrismas.
3. What if there is no snow? welcome to hawii when did did you need snow.
4. How will Santa find me if we are visiting and not at our home on Christmas Eve? again i know were you are you will get chrismas.
5. How do the reindeer fly? i feed them stariods.
6. How does Santa understand all the different languages of the world? i took language classes plus i live forever what else do i have to do.
7. What's Santa's favorite food? milk and cookies why do you think i ask you for them.
8. Is there any food Santa doesn't eat? carrots thats the easter bunnys thing.
9. How much does Santa weigh? 9999999999999999999999999999999 pounds.
10. What are the elves' jobs? make toys make me dinner orginize basically everything but fly the sled.
11. What is Santa's favorite Christmas Eve snack? hot chocolate it is warm and sugary it keeps me up.
12. How does Santa visit the whole world in one night? well i only go to the people who celebrate chrismas time diffrences and i have a awsome space engine that can go into hyperdrive.
13. How does Santa get all the toys into the sleigh at one time? no of corse not i barly have any room for me how do i fit all the presents in.
14. How does Santa get up and down my chimney? i send the elf.
15. What if there is a fire burning in the fireplace? fire proof suit or i blow out the fire.
16. Does Santa have any children? no i would spiol them to much and take me away from my work i cant have that.
17. Will Santa always bring what I ask for? no but you will always get something sometimes i cant find any or make any of what you want.
18. Where does Santa get his red suit? the elfes make me one every year.
19. Does bad weather make it hard for Santa to drive his sleigh? no i could always put the top up and put it into tank proof mode.
20. Does Santa have any hobbies? eating
21. Why is Santa's suit red? because it makes me looke faster.
22. Is there really a Santa Claus? if there wasnt would i be anserwing these questions.
23. How did the reindeer get their names? i looked up raindeer names on the internet.
24. Why does Santa live at the Northpole? its magnetic, i getbad headachs so the magnetic field helps.
25. Is Santa ever sad? all the time i mean i am fat of corse i am going to be sad.
26. Which is Santa's favorite elf? wichever one makes me the best dinner this week
27. How many elves are there? 786093
28. What is Santa's favorite kind of music? hard metal.
29. What kind of treats do the reindeer like? oats and glitter.
30. Does Santa really read the letters he gets? no theres like a milion i just skim the important ones.

1. What if there is no chimney?
Well, between yuo and me, i'm supposed to use my key and go through the front door, except i prefer to jimmy the window open and squeeze through. Of course don't tell my Union Rep, he'd have a fit with my breaking Health and Safety rules.

2. What if we move?
I'm Santa, you can't hide from me, no matter where you go, i will find you dear.

3. What if there is no snow?
Use a snow machine, but of course you don't need snow, it's just an added bonus ... and should you get snow remember, don't eat the yellow stuff.

4. How will Santa find me if we are visiting and not at our home on Christmas Eve?
Oh deary dear have some faith, i've installed a secret tracking device into your neck when you were born so i will ALWAYS find you.

5. How do the reindeer fly?
With a little bit of magic and lots of wishful thinking ... Plus the beer and carrots help as well.

6. How does Santa understand all the different languages of the world?
Ever heard of the TARDIS? Yes? Good, i have one of them in my head. That's how i can understand so many languages.

7. What's Santa's favorite food?
Deer burgers and sausages, oh they're just divine!

8. Is there any food Santa doesn't eat?
Yes ... the nasty stuff they make those silly celebrities eat when they go into the jungle. You wouldn't catch me eating anything like that!

9. How much does Santa weigh?
Never ask a man his weight or you'll get a lump of coal in your stocking!

10. What are the elves' jobs?
To make me plenty of Tea ... and of course work on all the toys in my work shops, which is called Toys R Us.

11. What is Santa's favorite Christmas Eve snack?
Chocolate and plenty of it.

12. How does Santa visit the whole world in one night?
I freeze time and nip around each continent, then when i'm finished i unfreeze time and that's that. A normal job of around 22 hours actually takes me 48 hours but i don't mind.

13. How does Santa get all the toys into the sleigh at one time?
A magic sack of course, its never ending, well that's a lie. Its this secret chute we have. When we get to a house i look at the list, ring home and order the toys i need, which are then sent fdown the chute into my sack and then under your tree ... WE call it Armed Roses Go On Santa... ARGOS for short.

14. How does Santa get up and down my chimney?
Well that's simple. I stand on the roof, peer down the chimney and then jump down. Getting up it is the tricky bit, i lie and use the door. My reindeer's pick me on your doorstep.

15. What if there is a fire burning in the fireplace?
There had best not be! Do you know how painful a burnt bottom is? Its a crime worthy of a lifetime on the naughty list!

16. Does Santa have any children?
Oh no, i see enough children in my line of work to have put me off for life.

17. Will Santa always bring what I ask for?
No but i have to lie and smile sweetly and saw "Yes dear if you're good."

18. Where does Santa get his red suit?
Primark in the January Sales. What a bargain!

19. Does bad weather make it hard for Santa to drive his sleigh?
No its all done with engines now, electric engines, never let it be said Santa doesn't do Green. The Reindeer's are just for show.

20. Does Santa have any hobbies?
Yes, Golf and sleeping and a bit of a knees up on a Friday nigth down the local

21. Why is Santa's suit red?
I fell into a vat of coca cola years ago and it got dyed red, it was once green, green was much more flattering.

22. Is there really a Santa Claus?
What am i? Invisiable?

23. How did the reindeer get their names?
Well, we were all out on a bit of a nasty night, was thunder and lightening and very very frightening. And the Tooth Fairy, very nice chap called Michael Schumacher, annouced we HAD to name the darling reindeer so we never ate them, because you don't eat your pets do you? At least i hope you don't. anyway, there we were, with the riendeer and we started talking names. We managed to name Dasher because he kept looking at the door nervously and muttering "Must dash darlinks." he's always off somewhere. Then we had Dancer, she was easy to name because she was always on the bar dancing. Prancer ... well dear you're too young for his name because he is an awful reindeer, his name is actually spelt horribly wrong, it begins with a *is gagged*. Vixen always thought herself a fox so she was easy to name. Comet loved the girl from the pussycat dolls and so she pleaded to share her name. Couldn't say no really when a reindeer is sitting on your left foot. Cupid kept trying to set everyone up into a relationship, Blitzen was secretly involved in moving children out of London and Liverpool during the Blitz during the second world war so we honoured her and dinally Donner, well there's two sides to this name. See when we named him, there was a big clap of thunder and at that same moment my belly rumbled and i got awfully hungry and i shouted DOnner! Thinking of a Kebab and thinking of this last reindeer, wondering if i really needed another one when Tooth Fairy said "YES! What a name for your final reindeer! We shall name him after thunder!" Alas every time i look at Donner my belly rumbles and i contemplate haveing a Kebab.

24. Why does Santa live at the Northpole?
Because i like to make snowmen and throw snowballs at the back of peoples heads ... plus the northern lights are so prettyful.

25. Is Santa ever sad?
Yes, have you ever seen Mrs Clause trying to cook?

26. Which is Santa's favorite elf?
Elfie Dumbledore of course, she knows where to find the purple hippo.

27. How many elves are there?
Only one in my eyes.

28. What is Santa's favorite kind of music?
Rock.

29. What kind of treats do the reindeer like?
Beer and lots of it. Alas Blitzen was very drunk last year after we stopped off at a pub to deliver some presents, i almost left him behind, instead he got to ride up front with me ion the sleigh.

30. Does Santa really read the letters he gets?
No i have Mrs Clause to do that for me, i'm too busy sleeping beside the fire for meaningless tasks like that.

1. What if there is no chimney?
Ho, ho, ho! I get this question every time. Because I am the spirit of Christmas, from Christmas Eve Night to Christmas morning at sunrise, I have the special ability to magically enter houses by basically phasing through doors, walls, windows, what have you. The magic is also extended to my bag of toys and my reindeer.

2. What if we move?
Don't worry, I don't rely on phone books or change of address forms. The North Pole has a special machine that is attuned to each child's thoughts the moment they are born, and it keeps tabs on your location so that even if you're on vacation I can find you. The machine also balances your thoughts for the naughty or nice list. Just something to think about, kiddos.

3. What if there is no snow?
I go lots of places where it never snows! My suit has built in air conditioning, so with just a touch of a button I can be cool. Plus, the reindeer are not big fans of snow. They actually love the tropics.

4. How will Santa find me if we are visiting and not at our home on Christmas Eve?
Again, the machine at the North Pole keeps tabs of all the boys and girls. In a non-creepy way of course.

5. How do the reindeer fly?
The reindeer at the North Pole are a magical breed that came into existence the moment after I did. Because they are immortal, just like me, there's been no need to replace them with a plane or private jet. A few of their descendants have been able to fly as well, which is how I ended up with Rudolph.

6. How does Santa understand all the different languages of the world?
I've had an awful long time to study up on languages. While the elves make the toys, I meet with my language tutors in the months before Christmas for brush up lessons. The TRMANONLS (Thought Reading Machine And Nice Or Naughty List Sorter) can also interpret any language, although I've only had that the last three hundred years. I used to have to hear the thoughts in my own head, but these days there's just two many children.

7. What's Santa's favorite food?
This may sound trite, but I love cookies and milk. I actually start out the Christmas flight quite slim, but by the end of the night my belly is stretched to the bursting point with goodies you kids set out. Then I spend all year trying to lose the wait to make Mrs. Claus happy. It's a vicious cycle, but I can't very well not eat the food, that would be rude.

8. Is there any food Santa doesn't eat?
The Mrs. doesn't let me eat any white food on my off season (no milk, white bread, sugar, flour, etc.) Then she wonders why I splurge.

9. How much does Santa weigh?
As I've mentioned, my weight fluctuates. At my best fighting weight I am just 145, but there have been some seasons where I go up to 405.

10. What are the elves' jobs?
They make and or purchase the toys. They also invest money in the stock markets, which is how they raise the money to buy some of the toys. But they are so talented at recreating certain toys, which was very helpful during the Cabbage Patch Kid shortage back in the 80's.

11. What is Santa's favorite Christmas Eve snack?
I like Chocolate Chip cookies with hazelnuts.

12. How does Santa visit the whole world in one night?
I don't know that I can explain it well. Basically, while time goes about being time, I can slow it down or speed it up to my needs without it being noticed by anyone. But that's why you sometimes feel sleepy in the morning, because I've had to do a quick time speed up to catch up with your time zone.

13. How does Santa get all the toys into the sleigh at one time?
I don't. The bag is filled up initially with the toys from my first neighborhood stop, then the elves toss the next bunch into a machine called the Gift Tosser, which is magically linked to my bag.

14. How does Santa get up and down my chimney?
Well, I jump down, or I jump up. Magic does the rest.

15. What if there is a fire burning in the fireplace?
Then I just phase through it. It only took me a few third degree burns to learn that little trick. Ho, ho, ho!

16. Does Santa have any children?
No, Mrs. Claus and I consider all the world's children as ours, at least for one very special night.

17. Will Santa always bring what I ask for?
No, but there's many reasons behind this. The first one is rather obvious- sometimes you're on the Naughty list, and bringing you a pair of socks instead of Wii is your punishment. A more complex one is your parents. You see, if I buy something so outside your parents financial means or beliefs, then that can cause problems. The whole Christmas thing works because children believe it does, but adults are just suspicious. So if your mom and dad really don't want you to have a toy gun, then I can't bring you one, otherwise they might think the other of them bought it, which leads to arguments and to a not so merry Christmas day.

18. Where does Santa get his red suit?
I've been through lots of suits and costumes. My wife makes them based on the figurines and dolls we've seen of the many versions of my image that are out there. But the red suit has the most magical give, so it's usually what I suit up in.

19. Does bad weather make it hard for Santa to drive his sleigh?
It makes it hard for me, but the reindeer handle it well. With the addition to Rudolph though, they can now see through even the worse of weather conditions.

20. Does Santa have any hobbies?
I really like making ships in a bottle.

21. Why is Santa's suit red?
Just one of my many suits is red, I have others that are blue, some white, some green, and so on.

22. Is there really a Santa Claus?
Who do you think is answering all these questions?

23. How did the reindeer get their names?
They came with collars, trust me, I would not have chosen some of those crazy names. I mean, come on, Blitzen?

24. Why does Santa live at the Northpole?
I needed lots of land and lots of privacy, which I've got plenty of in the Northpole.

25. Is Santa ever sad?
Only when Mrs. Claus puts me on one of her "special" diets. I would kill for a girl scout cookie right about now.

26. Which is Santa's favorite elf?
You have to promise not to tell the other elves, but my favorite is Mopet. He's been with me since day one, and one Christmas when the Mrs. was fed up with my Christmas flight, he took the first leg of the gift giving while I calmed the old lady down.

27. How many elves are there?
You know, that's something I don't even know. With the exception of Mopet and a few others, elves pretty much keep to themselves.

28. What is Santa's favorite kind of music?
It changes over time, but I really like alternative right now. Love Coldplay, wish they'd come out with a Christmas album.

29. What kind of treats do the reindeer like?
They love any kind of nuts, and apples. Sometimes people leave those out for them, but I also carry some in my pockets to make them think people put out treats even if they haven't. If we pass too many houses without a treat for them, the reindeer get a bit cranky. And I don't need another reindeer strike like back in 1885. Then I had to get the Mrs. to pull the sleigh, and she's still complaining about it!

30. Does Santa really read the letters he gets?
The TRMANONLS translates any letter you write onto paper. The elves and I go though it nightly to see if we have what you ask for in stock, and to see where you are on the list.

1. What if there is no chimney?
Then - but only then - I shall be forced to ... use the door. :D

2. What if we move?
There are quite a few ways of finding out where you are - Santa has connections in high places, if you know what I mean. *winks* ... and no, I don't mean "in heaven" ... more like, secret services or even town hall. Let's stay realistic.

3. What if there is no snow?
BIKINI TIIIIIME!

4. How will Santa find me if we are visiting and not at our home on Christmas Eve?
The magic of GPS and other snazzy satellite-based tracking systems - they make Christmas so much more enjoyable for me now than in the old days!

5. How do the reindeer fly?
They've gone to Holland and eaten magical, ehh, stuff. Not good for anyone else but reindeer, you see.

6. How does Santa understand all the different languages of the world?
I'm as old as the world itself - whether my presence was known or not. Therefore, I've traveled a lot and have been around for most languages' formation - and I love learning languages.

7. What's Santa's favorite food?
Mmmmmh ... pies!

8. Is there any food Santa doesn't eat?
*thinks* ... *thinks again* ... excuse me as I go off to try them all again to refresh my memory!
.....
*A while later* ..... nope, don't think so!

9. How much does Santa weigh?
.... rude question! *gets angry* .... Hehe. Actually, I'm just not telling you because one of you might tell my doctor, who will then realise I have once *again* failed to respect the diet he's put me on. Gaaah.

10. What are the elves' jobs?
A bit of PR here, some accounting and financial tasks there ... or did you think those presents came free?! ... plus every proper Santa has to keep up with times ... for example, now they're helping me asses the impact of the financial recession on Christmas presents. Serious stuff. *nods*

11. What is Santa's favorite Christmas Eve snack?
Go to question 7.

12. How does Santa visit the whole world in one night?
You'd almost say it's magic! ... well, think again. It's all done with a few simple algorithms that change the space-time continuum to allow me to travel back and forth in time. All pure logic. ... and if only you knew how many other things I thus have time to do in that one night ... take last year, for example: I've spent a week tanning in Hawaii just as people were busy unpacking their presents in one half of the world, then went on to distribute them to the other half!

13. How does Santa get all the toys into the sleigh at one time?
Have you never seen that little banner of text, "This picture is for presentational purposes only"? Duhh, not all the presents are packed into one sleigh - Santa's way more modern than that.

14. How does Santa get up and down my chimney?
Chimneys have indeed gotten smaller these days, haven't they? (Or else, I've just put on some weight. But I shall not admit that.) Anyhow - the secret is, I've got helpers, they do it for me. Delegation of tasks, you see. Makes my employees feel they play a more important role in my business, which in turn means they will be more dedicated. Guess you could call that "job enrichment".

15. What if there is a fire burning in the fireplace?
Then it hurts. But there's no obstacle to put Santa - or his helpers - off his duty.

16. Does Santa have any children?
Yes! - Santina, Santos, Santy, Santers, Sanny, Santinette - all aged between 135 and 3.

17. Will Santa always bring what I ask for?
Yes! ..... if it doesn't exceed Santa's financial resources, that is. :D

18. Where does Santa get his red suit?
I don't think I'm allowed to say that, it's prohibited by advertising regulations, might give my lawyers some trouble. But it's a trendy suit, isn't it?

19. Does bad weather make it hard for Santa to drive his sleigh?
Nahhh, my sleight is protected. In fact, while we're at it, I'd like to pass on a message for those army generals harrasing my doorbell for a few years now - NO, I will NOT let you use any of my technology for making war!

20. Does Santa have any hobbies?
Playing my gameboy, eating, riding my snowmobile, ice-skating, eating .... and a few others.

21. Why is Santa's suit red?
... it's ... a pretty colour?!

22. Is there really a Santa Claus?
.... are you suggesting I might not be real?! Then how would I be answering this, silly?!?

23. How did the reindeer get their names?
Ask my kids, they're the ones with crazy ideas!

24. Why does Santa live at the Northpole?
Because there's nothing quite as comforting as being cut off from humanity. *winks* - No, honestly, I love cozying up in front of my fireplace while it's freezing outside.

25. Is Santa ever sad?
When there are no more pies left!

26. Which is Santa's favorite elf?
I can't say that, now can I? It would be discriminating against all the other elves!

27. How many elves are there?
Ask my HR-elf, I can't keep track of them myself.

28. What is Santa's favorite kind of music?
Cheeeeeesy Christmas music! Loooove it!

29. What kind of treats do the reindeer like?
Anything sweet.

30. Does Santa really read the letters he gets?
Of course I do, your letters are all very important to me! In fact, my wife has complained that I hardly read anything else. Especially, according to her, I should be reading stories to my kinds - but surely she can't be meaning all of them, since there's hardly any point in reading bedtime stories to someone who's 135 ..... right? :D

alice lovegood 13 - 425
Etta - 425
Rigby Dumbledore - 425
SilverLady - 425