HE and me (read the note)

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Subject: HE and me (read the note) Tue Feb 20 2007, 07:12

Note: I know that this technically already closed and I really shouldn't post it at all. But I started it a while ago and I worked extra hard on it. And I really wanted to put it here. So I don't really care about points or anything, but please don't just delete this. I put some stuff in here that I really want people to know and that I haven't had the courage to say before. But I said it now, and to me, it's important. So just read it at least before you go and delete it. ~lils

So...He and me
Let me just say first that when I joined this site, I didn't have any idea what I was getting into. I thought it was just another little fan site where I would come every once in awhile and look around for a bit, and then forget about it like I did every other site. But I was so incredibly wrong about it. I didn't know that it would grow to become something of an obsession. I didn't know that I would meet so many amazing people, who, no matter what, would treat me as a true friend and would never turn there backs on me or make me feel bad about myself and would always comfort me when I was sad. Through the thick and thin, you were there for me, even when my other friends weren’t. All I ever got from you was encouragement and love, and that is the best thing anyone could ever ask for. So, thank you.

But of course, I can’t just leave it there at my gratitude, I have to tell the story of how I found myself, Lily, sitting here today staring at this green box. So here goes.

You had better get comfortable, because I’m starting at the beginning.

So I was just a 15-year-old girl named Lily, who liked her curly hair, ice skating, and Harry Potter. I absolutely loved reading Harry Potter books and anything to do with Harry Potter. When I discovered that there was fanfiction for Harry Potter, you can imagine how happy I was. I had so much fun reading all the different stories, I loved all the different ships, well, actually some of them I absolutely hated and refused to read, I’m not going to lie. But, anyway, whenever I just needed to get away from real life, I would go read fanfictions to get my mind off things. A few times a tried to write them, but I couldn’t do it, I was never very good at finishing stories, and I could never think up a good beginning to start it with. I guess I was never destined to become an amazing author. And so, I went on reading them, until one time, I stumbled upon HPFF. It’s amazing that I hadn’t found it before considering the title was kind of an obvious one to look for. I made an account for myself along with the name, Skatinglils. I loved the name and was very proud of it, because it described who I was. It wasn’t much, but to me it was something that I could really call my own, it was something I made up and hadn’t turned out abysmal like everything else I ever came up with on my own.
When I joined the site, I was happy to see there was a chat room there. I hadn’t had very much experience with chat rooms, my mother didn’t really want me to use them, and she said they were dangerous, but then, she never liked me to do anything other than something that would look good on a college application. But, I never listened to my mother much, and since I could get away with it, I took the chance. I had never really had any close friends, acquaintances sometimes, but it just seemed like so many kids didn’t like me. It was like I wasn’t good enough for them. Even in Elementary school, I was just that stupid kid who kicked the yard duty, and ran away from school.
As you might imagine, I was always on the lookout for new kids at school, who might talk to me, and a chat room seemed like a perfect idea, I wouldn’t have to tell anyone about my flaws, and there was no way for them to find out. It seemed like a win-win situation, I could have someone who I could talk to who looked at me like I was an equal, and not like an inferior. I was very quiet for awhile, I would go in there and sometimes I’d just listen to their conversations and not even talk. I was so scared I might say something stupid and they wouldn’t like me.
Each time I went in, I would talk a little bit more, and a little bit more, but I still was pretty shy and before I said anything I’d think it over first to make sure it didn’t sound weird. Well, anyway, one day, I was listening to them talk and they were talking about how many posts you need to get for each year. Of course, I had no idea what they were talking about, so I took a brave stab at conversation and asked what they were talking about. Soon I was directed by Lily to this magical place we call the Hogwarts Experience.
I joined HE on March 2 with my username, skatinglils, and found the delights of the site. I was put into Ravenclaw house (the best house) and was very happy exploring the site. Soon, I discovered the Chat room and found people who I knew from HPFF, I spent a lot of time in the chat room talking or listening to people talk, each time, I got to know them better. But, sometimes they wouldn’t talk to me very much because they didn’t know me well enough. I always wished someone would just come out and talk straight to me, but a lot of the time I would just sit there, and wish I could be like them, part of the group, not the outsider. After awhile, I started to say a few things and people saw me as a person, and not just a name without a personality. When I started to make more friends, things got better. And not only on the site, I started to make some friends in real life. I think I learned how to make friends, I learned how to be nice to people. But I still wasn’t winning the popularity contest. I had one best friend, and we did everything together. She was kind of like me; she was strange and unpopular, but more outgoing than me. And she wouldn’t let things get to her. She was my rock, my stabilizer. She kept me from falling apart, and was just what a friend is supposed to be. I was happy, I had a friend and I didn’t need anything else. Of course, my mother hated her, she just wasn’t good enough for her, but then, neither was I, but I didn’t care, I wasn’t giving up my only friend just so my mom would approve.
Then, things changed, her dad lost his job and so they moved all the way away to Plaino, Texas. Far away from me. I was alone, and now my life was falling apart again. I hadn’t been on the site for awhile, I thought that I didn’t need it that much, I had life. So, I went back to it. I spent more time getting to know people here, but school was horrible, I had gotten used to having a friend around and now that she was gone, I didn’t know exactly what to do anymore. Eventually, I made a few friends, but most of them were the type who would really didn’t care about you. But, I still loved the site, it was the only place I knew where everyone was nice to me. And I had fun; I did some of the events, like the Quadwizard tournament. Slowly, I started to get a little happier, I would look forward to coming home and getting on the site everyday after school. And then, life started to improve again. Of course, things weren’t perfect, I made some mistakes, but life was better than it had been for a long time.
As I got closer to the people on the site, I opened up to them more. I used to pretend I was more perfect than I actually was. I wanted to be a normal kid with normal friends. So, I pretended I was. I pretended I was really ambitious about all my activities. I wanted to be that kid who had done something for 12 years, so I pretended I had. I pretended skating was my only dream, I had everything else. But, in reality, I liked to skate, but it wasn’t my life. I just did it for fun sometimes to get my mind off things. I pretended to be someone I could be proud of. I wanted to be someone other people would look up to, and not someone they would feel sorry for. I wanted to be those kids who had perfect lives with perfect friends and perfect families, so I pretended.
But, right now, I guess is probably the hardest time in my life so far. It is not that right now my life is so terrible. It is actually better than it has been in the past. But, right now I’m facing the hardest decisions ever. Sometimes I think it’s a bad thing. But sometimes I think it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m not sure whether to regret it or not. I have been so scared of saying the words to anyone. But I have to. The more I block it out, the harder it will get later on. And I think you guys; the ones who have been there for me all along should be the ones to know. I am pregnant. I have been holding back telling anyone this for a long time. I’m not sure why. I’m scared to say it, I guess. It’s like, the more I say it, the more I have to accept that it’s true. But I have to accept it. Because it’s happening right now. And then when I think about it, I realize it’s not a bad thing to happen. This might be exactly what I need. And I have decided to be happy about it because I should be and I want to be.
So now as this long post finally comes to a close, I want to say that HE changed my life. For the better. I have never been happier in than when I was here. I am not going to name each person and thank them separately, because I know I’ll forget someone and I don’t want to. But I do want to say that each one of you has helped me. You are the best people I know and it’s so amazing that a little website could have turned out to be such a big part of my life. I love this site and all the people in it, and I just know that from this, I became a better person and I learned so many important things. So thank you to everyone here. You have all helped lead me through my life. So, in closing I just want to say that I love all of you. And I hope this is only the first anniversary of many.

Subject: Re: HE and me (read the note) Tue Feb 20 2007, 13:26

And of course you will get the full 50 points as that was lovely

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