The HE Howler

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Subject: The HE Howler Thu Nov 01 2007, 05:43

The HE Howler

Welcome to the official newspaper thread for Schools Out

Please ONLY post here if you are part of the Schools out newspaper team.

Thanks

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Tue Nov 13 2007, 13:51

Welcome to the first editiong of the HE Howler! Sit back with a warm cup of coffee and enjoy!

The HE Howler HEHOWLER

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Mon Nov 19 2007, 16:51

Umbridge Rampage, Purple Hippo Kidnapped!

Yesterday morning Aurors from the Ministry of Magic were staked outside of former Minister of Magic Dorlores Umbridge's London apartment attempting to defuse what started as a hostage sitituation.

The disgraced former Minister of Magic was found guilty of various crimes against the Wizarding world, but given house arrest and community service as her punishment. For the last few months Umbridge has been cleaning out the hippo cage at our very own Hogwarts Experience.

Early yesterday morning beloved purple hippo was pronounced missing and it was later confirmed that Umbridge was the culprit.

]The stand off was intense. Obliviators were working around the clock to keep the Muggle population under control. Another former Prime Minister, Cornelius Fudge, was brought in the final hours of the standoff to attempt peaceful negotiations with Umbridge. The pair have been rumored to have been romantically involved in the past.

Aurors attempted a successfully to infilitrate Umbridge's apartment. Police were able to get a voice recording of the rescue. This is a transcript taken from the scene:

Umbridge: Come and get me, Aurors! I have nothing left to lose! But your precious purple hippo is going down with me!
Screaming, incoherant shouting, several loud thuds.
Man: I see the hippo!
Female: Now, now! Go now!
Umbridge: You may have taken my wand, but you'll never get my kitties! Attack, my sweets, attack!!
More screams.

A short while later Auror in Training, Ronald Weasley rescued the purple hippo to the much relieved cheers of the waiting crowd.
It is also confirmed Umbridge has been apprehended. Miinistry officials transported her to St. Mungo's.

The purple hippo suffered no ill side effects from the nine hour stand off and is expected to be returned to Hogwarts Experience sometime today.

-Rigby Dumbledore

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Harry Potter's Uncle in Crime Ring

Vernon Dursley, Muggle uncle to Harry Potter, was taken in for questioning yesterday afternoon by the Ministry of Magic. It appears that Mr. Dursley has been attempting to cash in on The Boy Who Lived and Defeated Voldmort's fame.

For months this foul man has been hounding Minister Shacklebolt for recompensation for raising Harry after the death of his parents. And now he is suspected in the case of several Harry Potter merchandise forgery rings.

Petunia Dursley, wife of Vernon and sister of Lily Potter, and her son Dudley, were not available for comment. When asked his opinion of the charges being brought against his uncle, Harry Potter simply laughed and shook his head.

But Potter close friend, Hermione Granger went on record as calling Vernon Dursley 'the very worse example of Muggle greed and ignorance.'

-Rigby Dumbledore

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Mon Nov 19 2007, 18:11

After many weeks of negotiation with the famous Harry Potter and his lawyer, Mr. Percival Weasley, the HE Howler is proud to present an exclusive interview with the savior of the Wizarding World: Harry James Potter himself. Yours truly was lucky enough to snag the assignment, so I hope I did this wonderful man justice.

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Sitting at a quaint table outside of Florean Fortescue’s ice cream shop, I am slightly awed at the man across the table from me. He is Mr. Harry James Potter, acknowledged savior of the Wizarding World, yet he appears humble of his accomplishments, and down-to-earth. He is dressed casually and my eyes are instinctively drawn up to examine his trademark lightining-shaped scar. Even now, nineteen year after the defeat of You - Know- - Lord Voldemort, the symbol of the Boy-Who-Lived remains… though he is a boy no longer. I sit, my scarlet and gold-streaked quill poised over my notepad.

Mr. Potter smiles and his green eyes seem to sparkle. “Gryffindor colors,” he remarks.

I smile tentatively and nod. “Yes, I was a Gryffindor at school.”

He remains smiling and appears relaxed, an emotion and that I wish I could share. I bite my lip and decide to begin the interview.

“So Mr. Potter.” I begin somewhat hesitantly, “Let’s start at the beginning. When you were a year old, you survived the Killing Curse, a completely unprecedented event. How did you do that?”

“Before I answer your question Ms. Mei, please just call me Harry,” he replied genially.

I nod and wait for him to continue.

“It’s not because of me that I survived the curse,” Harry continues, “It was all due to my mother’s love.”

“Oh? I ask, slightly puzzled. I had never heard of any involvement from Lily Potter before…

“Yes,” Harry said. “My mother, Lily Potter, sacrificed her life for mind, and that great sacrifice of love caused the Avada Kedavra to rebound when Lord Voldemort tried to kill me.”

I blinked; this influx of information even kept me from flinching at the feared name… old habit. “That’s extremely interesting Mr. Po – Harry,” I said, scribbling away on my notepad. Thank Merlin for re-inking quills. “And after that night?” I continued after a brief silence while I wrote notes. “You were sent to your aunt and uncle, correct? Both muggles?”

Harry slowly inclined his head, an interesting look appearing on his face. Sensing an uncomfortable vibe, I quickly said, “I understand that you lived with them full-time until you received your Hogwarts letter. I’m sorry if I’m intruding, but well… what was that like?”

I hoped I hadn’t offended him… I breathed a little sigh of relief as he answered, “I considered the life I led to be normal, though it would have seemed, and still would seem, extensively unusual to anyone that I know. I was not mistreated, per say… but I was, to my relatives, more or less a servant of the house. I was expected to do chores around and outside the house, like a house-elf. I was not treated as an equal, but as a burden because my Aunt Petunia disliked my mother.”

I plainly, flat-out stared. This was Harry Potter, the Chosen One, the Boy-Who-Lived! How could his relatives have treated him as anything less than well… a prince! I suppose my surprise showed on my face, because Harry quickly explained, “My muggle relatives were extremely anti-magic. To put it bluntly, you could say that they acted as prejudiced pureblooded wizards could imagine as the ‘worst type of muggle’.”

“Oh,” I replied, trying to get out of my state of shock. I cleared my throat and plowed on. “During your first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is it true that you helped save the Sorcerer’s Stone from Lord Voldemort?” He nodded and I continued. “How?”

“Well, actually, my best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, though now she’s a Weasley too, helped me quite a lot. If it hadn’t been for them, I would never have made it as far as I did,” Harry replied. “Together, we discovered that Lord Voldemort’s essence had ‘taken up house’ in our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Quirrel, though at first, we thought it was Professor Snape.”

“Snape? Headmaster Severus Snape?”

“Yes. And he wasn’t a Death Eater, not really, anyway…”

“Please, would you explain?” I was eager for new information. It was accepted as a fact that Headmaster Severus Snape, previously the Potions Professor at Hogwarts had been a spy for Lord Voldemort… but the views of many people were muddled because of all of Snape’s contradicting actions. I tapped my quill against my notepad, refilling it.

Harry smiled. He seemed as eager to clear this issue up as I was to hear about it. “I would most certainly explain… but Ms. Mei –“

To get the story quicker, I decided to do away with formalities. “Please call me Rhia or Rhiannon, whichever you prefer,” I quickly interjected.

He nodded. “As I was saying, I would gladly explain Rhiannon, but …” He glanced at his watch. “I fear that if I take the time to tell the long story, we won’t have time to discuss the many other things I’m sure you were planning to discuss...” his voice trailed off.

I shrugged. Severus Snape had been such an enigma for so long… Plenty of people had heard that the late Headmaster and Harry Potter had been enemies. But for an enemy to understand the other? I was sure my editor wouldn’t mind if I took off on this track of thought. “I think we’ll be able to schedule a second interview; would that be alright Harry?” I offered.

He relaxed and nodded his agreement. “That’d be just fine,” he said. “So to the story. I’m sure almost everyone knows that Professor Snape and I had never liked each other… at all. He disliked me because of my resemblance to my father, James Potter, and I disliked him because he was Head of Slytherin House and was extremely prejudiced. When he killed Professor Dumbledore, I felt… well… very murderous.”

……………. Murderous???

“I wanted revenge, because I believed that Snape had murdered in cold blood and as a loyal Death Eater. I thought he had been a traitor to an organization that was fighting against Voldemort,” Harry continued.

“But he wasn’t, right?” I said.

“Right,” Harry said, nodding. “Snape was one of the bravest men I ever had the pleasure to know. He had killed Dumbledore on Dumbledore’s on orders, in order to remain within Voldemort’s trust. If it were not for Severus Snape, we might not have won the war.”

I nodded as well. “So… you could say Snape was merely misunderstood?”

Harry’s green eyes seemed to water for a moment, but then any sign of tears was gone. “Very misunderstood,” he concluded, “Especially by me.”

It was a touching moment and I winced as the scritch-scratch of my quill disturbed the silence.

- Rhiannon Mei

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Tue Nov 20 2007, 16:56

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Sun Nov 25 2007, 12:57

(Well I've lost patience waiting and I'd like to post SOMETHING since it looks like we're never going to get to the obits...XD)

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Featured Muggle Invention--The Aeroplane--A Most Accomplished Aircraft

by Streams of Silver
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Here in the wizarding world, we have our preferred forms of travel. Though some wizards still relish the feel of a broomstick zooming through the air, it has become common practice to rather Floo, use a Portkey or Apparate to one's destination.

One could argue that the broom is popular mostly in sports due to the its rather obvious nature. It becomes difficult to track down every Muggle who has happened to take notice of a broomstick--with a person seated upon it, no less!--whooshing through the air.

But I would like to bring forth another argument, in which I most highly praise the 'Aeroplane,' an entirely Muggle invention.

This craft lifts into the air and can travel great distances, all through various Muggle means that I have tried on numerous occasions to understand, and failed. I shall not attempt to explain the complex Muggle theories here, or doubtless you will all stop reading. Our dear Muggles definitely have a way of complicating things--they seem to always choose the most roundabout way of getting stuff done!

Nevertheless, I was vastly impressed by the 'aeroplane's' abilities. Naturally, they come in all shapes, sizes and forms. They can be programmed (basically bewitched) to fly to certain destinations, at times with the controls completely automatic! When one is in an aeroplane, one hardly feels the sensation of flying. The elements are kept at bay while the passengers sleep, eat or do whatever else they desire. It is rather like simply lifting up your house and taking it somewhere new. Of course, without the bother of actually relocating your home...

Don't even get me started on all the different sorts of 'aircraft,' such as helicopters, gliders, balloons and missiles. I don't have enough room on the page to tell you about them all. If you are still reading, and haven't simply flipped forward to the comics, I assume you are a Muggle enthusiast like myself. I then urge you to go for a ride in an 'aeroplane.' It will be necessary for you to buy a ticket, but those can be gotten at fair prices if one knows where to buy them. Travel on an 'aeroplane' and you will have the time of your life.

I simply caution you to enclose yourself with a silencing charm, so that other passengers will not look at you weirdly while you exclaim in wonder and joy. Contact me if you would like a ticket (first class, of course! That means you'll receive complimentary alcohol) and I will see what I can arrange.

Streams of Silver has at times been scorned for her love of Muggles, but she insists that they are 'So cute, in that silly puppy kind of way.' She has a N.E.W.T. in Muggle Studies and works at the Ministry to ensure peaceful relations with the Muggle government. She can be Flooed at her office, Room 217 at the MoM. Owls should be addressed to SoS.

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Wed Nov 28 2007, 18:32

(wanted to make sure this got posted before this closes, heh. we're going to have just lovely weather XD)

The HE Howler Weather-2

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Fri Nov 30 2007, 10:48

Crimes Report

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Sun Dec 02 2007, 13:45

(Well, this isn't moving, so here are the classifieds XD SOME newspapers put them in the middle! ...maybe)

NEWSPAPER CLASSIFIEDS

Flats/Shops for Rent:
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2 BR. 1 bath aptmt, ghoul in closet-not dangerous. Owl John Ripther
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Suite above 3 Brmsticks, occ. hag neighbor, ask Lymer @ 3 Brmsticks for details.
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Aptmt. in Godric's Hollow, newly renov 3 BR, fresh paint, hardwd flrs. Connected to Floo Netwrk. Please owl E. R. Spankers
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Shop space avlbl Diagon Alley, 1,500 sf. Owl Jabber Fortescue
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Shop space avlbl Knocktrn Alley, 2,000 sf. Owner requires certain ID before negotiating. Contact Slippery Gnash
__________

Mansions/Castles/Lots/Shops for Sale
___________

Haunted Cstle in Scotland, 3 ghosts, stone fireplces, brand new kitchen. Owl Smiley Sue
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18th century mansion, beautfl woodwork, marbl columns/flrs, wide staircase, tapestries/paintings inc. Owl Jojo Heera
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Shop in Hogsmeade, newly renov BSMT, suitable for bar or diner, owl Lillian Johab
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Love Romione? Love Emma and Elana? Then you belong in Romione Land! Lots currently open. Contact Emma/Elana by Floo or Owl
____________

Help Wanted Male/Female
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Need exp. team to unload baby dragons for reserve. Must be v. skilled in magic and phys. strength a must. Owl Charlie W
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Diagon Alley. Help needed F/T in wand shop. Will train. Contact Z. V. Ollivander by Floo
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Manager needed for apothecary, Diagon Alley, F/T. Owl Elena Rainborne
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Bartender, Three broomsticks. F/T, P/T. Exp. a plus but not necessary. Good pay plus tips. Contact Yersh Llefena by Owl or Floo
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Secretary/receptionist F/T @ MoM. Good opp. Will train, excellent pay. Owl A. Weasley
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Compassionate, Licensed, Exp. Home Healer to work with elderly witch. Day/Night shifts. Ref. required. Owl Maryanne Bagshot
____________

Lost and Found
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Found orange/white Kneazle, w/ nametag. If can identify by name and serial number, Owl Jonane B.
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Lost Chocolate Frog card collection. Over 500 cards in brown paper bag. If found please Owl Loozy Snapkey
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Lost cherry wand in Diagon Alley. If found please Owl/Floo Jeremy Wovewhistle
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Found turnip earring in Three Broomsticks. Floo Ostiple R.

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Fri Dec 07 2007, 11:57

OBITS

Smyrna Templar, age 167

Smyrna Templar, well known Vampire and Stand Up Comedian, died Sunday eveing when a joke went terribly wrong. Whilst performing her infamous "Stake Me" routine, a Muggle attending her show did just that. The incident is still being investigated. Those who wish to show their support for Ms. Templar are asked to send donations to A Day In The Sun, a non profit organization that continues to search for a daylight cure for vampires. There will be a small memorial service held at the vampires family estate in Romania. Sadly, when staked Smryna burst into flames, effectively self creamating. The flames set off the clubs sprinkler system, but those wishing to say their goodbyes are encouraged to visit Donnetta's Den of Death, which is Ms. Templar's final resting place. Efforts to recover the ashes were unsuccessful. Smyrna is survived by her Great Uncle Vlad, her sisters Tatiana and Olga, and her wizard partner, Ren Stubblymine.

Davinia Marchbanks, age 99

Mrs. Marchbanks, heir to the Rememberall Fortune, died peacefully in her sleep on Monday night. Some say that her last few years have been plagued by anxiety over her own Rememberall, given to her by her grandfather, Alastair Marchbanks. Up until Sunday her Rememberall had been red, indicating that she had forgotten something. Her grandaughter, Emerald, says that she must have remembered what she'd forgotten and was able to move on from this life. Davinia Marchbanks is survived by her children, Hester Marchbanks Doge and Rainford Marchbanks, grandchildren; Temperance Doge, Willy Doge, Emerald Marchbanks and Torrance Marchbanks. Services are being held next Saturday, at the family church near Queerditch Marsh

Perry Mayfair, age 47

Mr. Mayfair, was pronounced dead at 11;40 PM yesterday. Mayfair was illegally flying a magic carpet when he accidently flew into a practice quidditch game for the Scottish National Team. A bludger hit Mr. Mayfair off his carpet, sending him crashing to the ground some four hundred feet below. Alcohol is thought to be a contributer to his accident. Mayfair is survived by his aunts, Lousie Mayfair and Tania Tenfellow. His funeral is to be held in London at the Marley Funeral Home.

Dorrie Crawley, age 87

Dorrie Crawley, of the Creepy Crawley Sisters, passed away on stage during the Creepy Crawley Sisters 26th final concert. Her moment came just before finishing their most popular song to date, A Spooky Kind of Love. The audience was shocked to see the singer die before their very eyes. Dorrie is survived by sisters, Debbie and and Dicey, her tthree children, Martin , 56, Pretty, 52, and Lulu, 49. She had seven grandchildren, and one great grandchild. Her funeral will be held on the Crawley Estates, and her sisters are urging mourners to support the family by buying the groups latest album- The Terror Within in leiu of flowers.

Subject: Re: The HE Howler Fri Dec 07 2007, 14:12

Well done to everyone involved in the paper. Everyone who has participated in this thread and the planning thread has been awarded points accordingly. These points will be updated to the main achievement board shortly.

The points are as follows:

Rigby Dumbledore : 460
RhiannonMei : 265
streams of silver: 215
Stephy: 165
Raistlin the Wizard: 140
Agatha Black : 100
polly :80
Elana: 75
Drkangelcat: 40
Kikso: 30
kjmut: 25
Im_Hermione: 25
Puppet Master:20