Challenge fiction - CLOSED

Another challenge hits the chamber with this idea from Running_Swift.

Write a short fanfiction based on Harry Potter. There are only a few rules;

It has to be around 500 - 1000 words
It has to be completely dialogue
It has to be light and funny (i like to laugh)
It has to involve at least three Harry Poter characters

There are 50 house points up for grabs for the first place winner
30 for the second
and 15 for the third

Have fun!!

A/N: Hope you like, so, ENJOY!


“Voldemort is incedibly evil, isn’t he?”

“No, he’s a sweetie pie. Honestly, Ronald! You are such a git some times!”

“Shut up you two! I’m trying to do this stupid Potions assignment!”

“Why don’t you just get Hermione to do that for you, Harry?”

“Ron! You know that I absolutely abhor doing homework for you two.”

“Well, you didn’t seem to ‘abhor’ it yesterday, when you did my Potions assignment, now did you.”

“Well, yes, er…”

“Hermione, you’re blushing!”

“Shut up Ron – Hey, you ARE blushing ‘Mione.”

“Harry, you will never get that down at this rate!”

“Why don’t you just help me then?”

“I can not believe you two!”

“What?”

“Oh, bother, here, give it to me.”

“Thanks. Hey, Ron, want to play chess?”

“Sure, where’s your board?”

“Here. Oh, and Hermione?”

“Yes?”

“Make sure it looks scratchy, Snape recognizes my frustrated writing.”

“OK, fine.”

“Harry? Is that the jumper my mum sent you that you are wearing?”

“Yea…Why?”

“Nothing…except for the fact that you look ridiculous!”

“That may be so, but at least mine doesn’t say Ronniekins!”

“You know what? I don’t think I want to play anymore.”

“Why not?”

“OK, here Harry.”

“Thanks Hermione.”

“I don’t want to play with you because…Hermione here wants to go to the Library.”

“Yes, I do! I wanted to find that book about Hinkypunks, you know? The one we have to do for Defence –“

“I didn’t realize that you actually wanted to go! I was just using you as an ex-er, never mind. Want to play that game now Harry?”

“Sure…Ronniekins!”

“I’m just going to ignore that “Mr. Flyer” because I do NOT want to go to the Library.”

“Oh, then we’ll go later Ron?”

“Um…Done setting up the board, Harry ol’ pal?”

“Ron?”

“Yup. Do you want to be black or white?”

“Black. White always goes first.”

“I know because I am ALWAYS white.”

“Yea, I know!”

“Fine, I will just sit over here and do my homework, you know? The one that is due tomorrow?”

“Yea, OK what ever you say ‘Mione.”

“I am serious! You Harry, of all people should be more worried about your grades!”

“OK, I moved, your turn Ron.”

“Maybe if we ignore her, she’ll stop talking, eh?”

“I doubt it. And I just moved, I killed your pong.”

“I can’t think of anything right now. Maybe I’ll just knit some more hats for the House Elves.”

“No, Hermione, not those again!”

“They deserve to be free!”

“They LIKE being servants, Hermione.”

“It’s people like you that SPEW is trying to fight against.”

“Haha, what a dumb name. SPEW!”

“It’s not SPEW, Ronald, its S-P-E-W!”

“Go Ron!”

“OK, mate. Check.”

“Darn! If only Sirius were here, he’s a good chess player.”

“He’s still hiding, isn’t he?”

“No, he’s just strolling around Hogsmeade as we speak. OF COURSE HE IS”

“I was only asking, why do you always have to be so mean?!”

“Ron, Hermione, SHUT UP! I’m trying to concentrate on how to win.”

“Why? I’m going to win anyways. See, you’ve already moved your queen into the wrong position, she should be over –“

“Honestly! Crookshanks has more sense than the two of you!”

“Speaking of him, where is the old fur bag?”

“He’s not a fur bag, and he’s in my dorm, as usual.”

“What do you mean he’s in your dorm?! He is never in your dorm!”

“Checkmate.”

“Ron! How do you always win?”

“It’s all in the eye, my friend.”

“I bet it is. I’ll show your eye –“

“This is pointless! Do you want to go to the library now Ron?”

“Um, you see, the thing is that me and Harry, we were…”

“You were what?”

“Uh…”

“See you later, Ron, ‘Mione!”

“Harry!”

“Come on Ronald. We have lots of searching to do.”

“No-Wha-HELP!”


Word Count(not including A/Ns): 635...and might I remind you that ALL of it was dialogue, all of it!

A/N: OK, I know it says 1000 words, but, that would be kinda ridiculous. I hope you like this and although I no it wasn’t the best, I hope you know that I really enjoyed this challenge.

For Hufflepuff!!!! (My new House... ^_^....btw, I made this up on the spot...and lot's of mention of a vegetable....)

(Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione)

"Ron! Wake up you dolt! Time to go down and pick cabbages for Hagrid!" Hermione called.

"Did she just say cabbages. Mental she is, isn't that right Harry?"

Harry popped up from his bed, "Nah, not so mental, Ron."

Ron squinted at Harry, "Are your eyes cabbages???" he asked.

"Now your the mental Ron, come on and get up before Hermione has a cabbage."

"What is it with cabbages!?!?!?" Ron asked.

"Nothing except the fact they're the supreme ruler of the world. Is that so wrong?" Harry asked.

* * *

(Few minutes later.)

"Her hair, it's....green." Ron commented, repulsed at Hermione's hair.

"All girls are required to dye their hair light green because of--"

"Cabbages." Ron mumbled glumly.

"Now you're catching on!"

"Stuff it Harry."

Harry pulled a cabbage out of his pocket and took a bite, "O-ay." he said through a mouthful.

"Hermione! Over here!" Pansy Parkinson called.

"What?!?!" Ron asked again, "Slyth-Gryff, oh god the world is coming to an end!" He panicked then looked over at Harry; except he wasn't there.

"Look at meeeeeee! I'm streaking!!!" Harry screamed for the whole Great Hall to hear.

Several girls squealed excitedly.

"Look at his cabbage!"

"It's huge!"

"I think it's sexy!" And they all erupted into a fit of giggles.

"Have you all gone mad?!?!?!" Ron shouted.

Hermione came over to him, "Oh Ronnie, don't be so jealous!" she ripped his pants down. "Show your cabbage too!"

"Hermione!" Ron shouted again, red-faced. His boxers were covered in, what else, little, green cabbages.

"I'm getting out of here!" he screamed and ran, tripping over his pants.

* * *

(Five minutes later.)

Ron had ripped his trousers off and was sitting by the edge of the lake, well, cabbage patch.

Not just any cabbage patch either, it was loaded with cabbages. . . and cabbage patch kids.

"Ronnie!!!" a girl called, "Oh Ronnie! Pick me some cabbages!"

"NO! This entire world has gone mental!" He shouted back.

"Come on Ron! Let's frolic in the cabbages!"

"NO! I will not pick cabbages! I will not frolic in them, I will not-!"

* * *

"Ron! Ron! Wake up before you give yourself a seizure or something!"

Ron fell out of his bed. "What the bloody hell is going on?" he screamed, "Your head is a cabbage!"

“What are you talking about Ron?” Harry asked him.

“Y-your head! Look in the mirror!”

Harry looked, “Nothing’s wrong with my head! You just don’t like gay people!” he ran from the room.

“He’s gay?!”

“Yeah, didn’t you know? You where here, Ron, it was bound to happen. . .” Hermione said.

* * *

“Ron! Ron! Wake up before you have a fit!”

“NO! Not this again! No cabbages! No cabbages! NO CABBAGES!!!”

“Ron! Calm down! There aren’t any cabbages around!” Harry shouted at him.

Ron fell out of the bed. “Are you sure? They’re not ruling the world?”

“Not that we know of Ron. . . are you alright?” Hermione asked.

“No, yes, I had the strangest dream is all. . .”

“So fill us in.” Harry said.

“Nah, trust me, you wouldn’t want to know.”


********************************

lol, total count: 504 words

Meep!This be the link to my fic challenge, scroll down to the third paragraph:

http://www.freewebs.com/lizle/fanfics.htm

okay!


"Hermione stop studying!!!!!!!!!!!" Ron ran out of the room mad that Hermione would pay more attention to her books than him!!!!!

"Harry Is Ron ok?" Hermione wondered.

Harry looks up "No." Then he looks back down and starts reading his quidditch book.

"Harry that was very...blunt!" Hermione rasped.

Harry stands up on a chair. "I am the bluntness king...FEAR ME......BOW DOWN AND KISS MY FEET PEASANTS!!!" Then he sits back down and starts reading again.


Hermione gets frightend and runs out of the common room
and runs into malfoy!

Draco: MUDBLOOD!

Hermione: GIT!

Draco: BEAVER

Hermione: FERRET!

Draco: YOU FILTHY MUGGLEBORNE!

Hermione: YOU SPOILED PUREBLOODE!

Draco:YOU...YOU...YOU.....WITCH

Hermione: YOU...YOU...YOU....WIZARD!!!!!!!!!!!

Draco: I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Hermione: I LOVE YOU TO [kisses him]

Ron sees them kissing

Ron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO HERMIONE!!!!!!!!!!! Runs off crying to Harry.

Ron: Harry Hermione is with MALFOY!!!!

Harry looks up at Ron

Harry: Sucks for you!

Harry looks back down and starts reading again.

Umm for the challenge...I just wrote it down of the top of my head...I know..issues!!


"Ron!! Push harder!! Push untill you hear a snap!"

"I'm trying Hermione!! I can't see!!"

"Ron its not that hard!! I have done it billions of times!!"

"Fine then Harry you do it"

"Honestly Ron..hurry up we have to get going soon!"

"Hermione, you are so mean!"

"Oh great Ron is crying again"

"Sorry guys, a little pmsy"

"Ron..do you know what that means?"

"Of coarse Hermione, People must say yellow"

"That makes no sense...and has nothing to do with you crying"

"Well....leave me alone!"

"Ron this really isn't the time for crying! Now get it in!"

"Ok, can we turn on a light or somthing?"

"Fine!"

"Ok I see it thanks"

"Finally! Its not that hard to buckle a seatbelt! Ok now can we leave?"


"Yeah mum sorry!"

"Its ok sweety, oh and Hermione don't forget to call me when your ready to be picked up"

"Ok, lets go already!"
~

"After the Concert"

"Harry, your not suppose to say that!"

"But we can only use dialogue so I have to!"

"so you want us to say our actions?"

"No...I had to say that so this made more sense."
e
"but what if I want to say my actions? like...Runs around in a circle for example of saying actions"

"..........Ron.....should I even ask"

"Ron! Harry! Get over it we have a fic to continue!"

"Right sorry"

"Bloody brilliant concert"

"Yeah, thanks for takeing us Hermione"

"Anytime, anyone notice the lead singer had like..no nose?"

"and pale skin"

"Wait a second....I knew him from somewhere..."

"Hhaha!! You found me out!!"

"Ahhh Voldemort!"

"Voldemort? I was going to say Micheal Jackson"

"Who is that Hermione?"

"Nevermind.."

"There is a guy with no nose??"

"Yes Harry...well sort of. He got rid of it"

"Why?! He didn't want a nose?!?! How does he smell the wonderful food??"

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"Yes!! And after this fic..we are hitting the diner...the food is calling!"

"Ron!! Ron!!"

"Omg I hear it too!"

"No Harry ou idiot!! That was me!!"

"Ohh...Hermione you confuse me"

"Hello! can we get on with the fighting!"

"Right, sorry"

"how do we say what happens if we can't use action?"

"uh..ok skip this part!"
~

"Right, after they get home"

"I can't believe it! We were so close!!"

"If only Voldemort wouldn't have found that old Pickle Truck and took off"

"Who knew he could drive.."

"Kitchen!"

"Ron! We just got back from a fight with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and your hungry?"

"Yes Hermione I am!"

"Your back!!"

"Hey Ginny"

"How was it??"

"Scarry!"

"Ron..how was it scary??"

"Mosh pit! People pushed me!"

"Ron..your crying into your pudding now"

"I-i'm sorry!"

"I'm tired"

"Hermione! you can't go to bed! This fic isn't finished, and we looove you!"

"HoHoHo!"

"Its Christmas??"

"Santa!!"

"I'm not a hoe!"

"Ginny...he wasn't Calling you a hoe!"

"Ohh...you sure Harry? ..Fine!"

"night everyone!"

~

"Morning!"

"Morning Hermione"

"Hey Mione!"

"Ron!! Don't call me Mione!! It sounds funny"

"And Hermione doesn't?"

"Hey!!"

"Ron! Hermione stop! we have plotless fiction to conitnue!!"

"Right sorry Harry"

"Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Woah Ginny!"

"Hehehehehe"

"......."

"you sound like the Wicked Wicth of The West Ginny"

"That wasn't me..."

"I'll get you my pretties! hahahahhha"

"Woah!! She was flying!...on a broom!"

"Uh Ron....we do that"

"Sure Harry!...I think he needs his Medecine Hermione"

"oh Ron..."

"Lets go to Malfoy Manner!!"

"Ok Ginny!"

~

"At Malfoy Manner"

"Harry...did you just say that"

"Yeah Ginny, we already went over this..we say it so this fic makes more sense"

"Ohh ok!"

"Potter, Weasle, Weaslette, and Mud-blood...so nice you could make it to my dinner party!"

"Yay! pool!"

"Ginny...were you wearing that bathing suit before?"

"Come on Hermione!"

"yay!"

"Girls...."

"Lets go to my private room"

"Ok Malfoy..wait why?...This isn't a slash fic you know!"

"Not like that!!"

"Ohh ok..."

~

mwahahah....yea I have issues...but to tell ya what happend ... The three boys went to his room and went through his...Magazine...Collection.....and the girls swam untill they couldnt anymore...then sank to the buttom....jk XD

“I love Quidditch…Don’t you Ron?”

“Um…yea.”

“Oh Ron, you’re so silly.”

“Ginny, you had sugar again didn’t you?”

“Maaaaaybe!”

“Hermione! Help Me! Ginny had sugar!”

“Ron! Honestly! Don’t be so weird.”

“Harry! Did you miss me?!”

“Ow! Ginny! Don’t tackle me!”

“Aww Harry! Don’t you like being tackled?”

“No.”

“Don’t you like meeee?”

“I suppose.”

“Yay! Let’s get ice cream!”

“Ginny, you’ve had enough sugar.”

“Fine…then let’s make out.”

“mmm mm”

“Wow…they got into that didn’t they Mione.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m bored.”

“Read a book.”

“Hermione! I said I was bored! I did not say I needed a cure for insomnia!”

“Fine then!”

“Hermione….erm….sorry.”

“Not good enough”

“Erm…you smell nice?”

“Nice try.”

“Hermione! I think Harry and Ginny are dead!”

“What? Why?”

“They haven’t come up for air in AGES!”

“Oh. Let’s poke them!”

“Oh! I wanna do it first!”

“Ow!”

“What was that for?

“Are you dead?”

“Um…Hermione, if we were, would we be talking.”

“See Ron, their not dead.”

“Harry! My lover boy! I luuuuuuuuuurve you!”

“Um…Ginny…mmmmmm”

“They like to snog…”

“Yes…”

“Hermione….”

“Ron…”

“Are we talking yet?”

“What does it look like?”

“Don’t be mean!”

“I’m not mean.”

“Are so.”

“Am not.”

“Are so.”

“Am not.”

“Are so.”

“Ronald. Stop this childish behavior immediately!”

“Well fine!”

“Ron. Don’t be like that.”

“Be like what?”

“Oh never mind! Come on, we have to go to breakfast.”

“OW!”

“Would you stop with the poking Ron?”

“Time for breakfast.”

“Mmmm! Food!”

“Ginny, you know they don’t serve sugar at breakfast.”

“So.”

“Whatever.”

“Let’s go.”

“Going. Gosh Hermione, chill.”

“Honestly Ron.”

“Honestly Hermione, stop flirting with my brother.”

“I’m not!”

“How’s come your all read then?”

“Ron’s red too!”

“Stop looking at him!”

“I wasn’t!”

“How did you know he was red?”

“Umm…I guessed…”

“Sure.”

“Food!”

“Harry, we know there’s food there.”

“Then shut up and eat.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I wanna snog.”

“Later love.”

“Promise?”

“Of course.”

“Yay!”

“Boo!”

“Ahhhh!”

“Fred? George? Why’re you here?”

“I dunno.”

“You have to know, you’re here.”

“So. We just felt like visiting our faaaaavorite siblings.”

“We’re broke.”

“Damn.”

“Sit down you two, breakfast time.”

“Hermione, you sound like mum.”

“Thank you.”

“Fine. We’ll eat.”

“Great.”

“That was good food.”

“Yes.”

“Anyway…Fredrick and I must go.”

“Okay.”

“Hermione, don’t be so cold hearted!”

“Fine! Oh please don’t go! I need you here next to my! Please don’t leave me!”

“Well gosh Hermione. If you feel that way!”

“Ewww! Get off me Fred!”

“Yeah. You know that she’s Ronnie’s girl.”

“I’m not!”

“Okay.”

“What!”

“Ron…tell them!”

“Yes Ronnie! Stop blushing and tell us!”

“Hermione, maybe we should talk about this later.”

“Why’s that Ron?”

“Mmmmmm”

“God…do they ever stop?”

“Nope. Now, why do we have to talk about this later?”

“Fine, come here.”

“I like you Hermione.”

“What?”

“I said..”

“I know what you said.”

“Well?”

“Shut up Fred!”

“Ron, don’t yell.”

“Hermione, do you love me?”

“I dunno Ron. Do you love me?”

“I do I really really do.”

“Good. Cause I love you too.”

“Hey Hermione.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you wanna make out?”

“Yeah.”

“mmmm.”

Here's my entry:

Towels, Dogfathers and Parma Violets

“I’m so hot!”

“Me too Sirius, this has to the hottest summer in all our six years at Hogwarts”

“No Remus, I mean I’m so sexy hot.”

“If you’re hot, then I must be boiling.”

“Well, if Sirius is hot, and you’re boiling James, then that makes me ice.”

“Oh no, Moony my friend. You are the se-hexiest, manliest wolf that I’ve ever known.”

“I’m the only wolf you know and, uh….James, is it me, or is Padfoot coming on to me again?”

“Paddy, leave Remus alone. You know he isn’t comfortable with his sexuality.”

“I am so! I’ll have you know that I, uh, have a date tonight.”

“Oh, really”

“Hey, Prongs, haven’t you and I been out with all the girls already?”

“Only the ones fifth year and above.”

“So, that means Remus is going out with someone fourth year and below.”

“Remus! You’re not going out with a first year are you?”

“Of course not. And besides, there’s one person you haven’t been out with.”

“Who? Do you know who he’s talking about Pad?”

“Nope. The only girl I haven’t snogged is McGonagall. Wait! I did snog her. Well, she snogged me.”

“Sirius. You drowned in the lake after trying to ‘rescue’ a chocolate éclair that Peter threw into the lake because you were ‘making out’ with it.”

“And McGonagall gave you mouth to mouth. That definitely does not count as snogging.”

“You’re just jealous. Oh! I just figured out who James hasn’t snogged!”

“Tell me! Please!”

“She is hot! Hey, James. Because you haven’t kissed her yet can I? We’ve one year left and I need a complete record.”

“I don’t even know who you’re talking about, Sirius.”

“Come on James. You’ve been obsessed with her since she stormed into our train compartment in first year.”

“Oh! Lily! I’m so stupid, how could I forg... Ow! Sirius, what was that for?”

“Whenever you say something like ‘I’m so stupid’, you’re supposed to slap your head. And since you didn’t do it, I did it for you. Can you please answer my question?”

“No Padfoot, you cannot kiss my Lilyflower. I thought you knew we were getting married.”

“James, I think you’re dreaming again. Lily has rejected you every time you asked her out.”

“So that means over the past six years, she’s said no to you three hundred and twenty five thousand, four hundred and fifty million times.”

“You’ve been keeping count, Padfoot?”

“Yep. I feel it my duty to mention it in my best man speech to embarrass you.”

“One, I can’t believe you wasted so much time counting all the times I’ve been rejected by Lily and two, who says you’re going to be my best man?”

“You did. On your birthday last year I got you to sign a contract. Har, har, you were so drunk you don’t even remember.”

“Can I please see this contract?”

“Remus has it.”

“Why does Moony have it?”

“Because I lose things.”

“Can I see it?”

“No. You’ll rip it up. You can hear it though. Moony, would you do the honours?”

“Hem, hem. I, James Muriel Potter...”

“I told you never to ever mention my middle name ever, ever!”

“Don’t interrupt! As I was saying, I James Muriel Potter hereby promise that Sirius ‘the sexy beast’ Black will be my bestest best mandog at the wedding of Lily Evans and I, James Muriel Potter. I also give Mr. Padfoot permission to say absolutely anything in his best mandog speech, and that he’ll be all my children’s dogfather. Signed: James Muriel Potter.”

“Dogfather?”

“I’m a dog, I’ll be your kid’s godfather, and therefore I’ll be a dogfather!”

“What if I don’t want you to be my kid’s dogfath…I mean godfather? Maybe I want Peter?”

“What! The gavomit machine! He’ll get really nervous when holding the baby and vomit all over it.”

“Don’t be mean Padfoot, he’s one of your best mates. But he does have a point Prongs.”

“Look. I’ll decide when Lily actually says yes. Can we please talk about something else?”

“Sure. Remus?”

“Yes, Sirius?”

“If I had three blueberry muffins in one hand, eight chocolate cheesecakes in the other, and tub of double chocolate raspberry swirl ice-crème in my mouth, how many pumpkins can I put on James’ head?”

“Have you taken your pills today, Padfoot?”

“Yep. My happy pills.”

“You don’t own any happy pills.”

“Yes I do. They’re purple and you can get them from Muggle shops.”

“They don’t happen to be called Parma Violets, do they?”

“You have them too!”

“They’re not happy pills Sirius. They’re a type of sweet.”

“But they’re full of E numbers and they look like pills, and E numbers make Sirius go hyper, so, in a way, they are his ‘happy pills’.”

“Hey, Sirius old buddy, old pall. I don’t suppose I could have some.”

“SIRIUS DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!”

“I only want one. Are they in your bag?”

“You touch that bag and I’ll bite you.”

“Ha! Do your worst.”

“James, don’t encourage him. Why doesn’t he ever listen to me?”

“Mr. Padfoot challenges you, Mr. Prongs to a fight.”

“Mr. Prongs accepts your challenge, and wishes to say prepare to die.”

“I accept your death threat and threaten you with the Snarl of Death. Rrrrrooooaaarrr….hiss….snarl…”

“Guys, you’re attracting attention. Get James’ head out of your mouth Sirius!”

“I accept your Snarl of Death, and meet it with a grunt and a stag like charge,”

“James, that’s the worst stag impression I’ve ever seen.”

“What do you know Wolfman? You’re not the Stag. I am!”

“What! You’re an animagus Potter!”

“Oh, sodding flobberworms. We didn’t see you there, Lily.”

“Since when were we on first name terms?”

“Oh Holy Hippogriffs.”

“Prongs? I thought you only called her Lily in your Dreams.”

“Moony. You swore to take that to the grave.”

“No Remus. He calls her Lily in his Diary. He calls her Lilyflower in his dreams.”

“Really Potter?”

“Uh…yes? I mean no! I mean will you go out with me?”

“Prongs, I think you should just stop talking and drown yourself in the lake.”

“Good idea.”

“I was only joking James!”

“Oh my Godric. He’s actually doing it.”

“James! If I go out with you will you stop drowning yourself?”

“Ye…gurgle…sss.”

“What was that?”

“I think he said no.”

“Wait, it must have been a yes. Look, he’s doing a victory dance.”

“Ha! What a great story to tell at yours and James’ wedding Lily!”

“My and James’ what! Never mind. I don’t even want to know.”

“You know what Lily dear?”

“What?”

“You can never have too many towels.”

“I really need a girl friends, Ron"

"Listen Harry, all you need to do is have an practise."

"What! What do you mean?"

"Well all I mean is we give out some sighs to girls and they come you ask them stuff when you find on you like ask her out."

"Well Ron i kind of like this-"

"Oh come on Harry! Its fun!"

At the place were girls are all wanting harry.

"Harry! come on its not that bad. Now come on dondt make me push you inside there."

"Ron stop pushing me in that room."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The girls screamed as harry entered.

"Oh man Ron. Fan girls."

"Let the first girl come up and meet Harry!"

"Hi my name is higeypigface. and i am dating draco. I also worship toast."

"Yeah, this willl not work out."


"Ah um...Hermione what are you doing here?"

"Well ron gave me a fleir. And i think it is not right..."

"Thank you. I have been telling Ron that."

"And what wha?!?"

"Hermione jsut to make Ron and slightly me feel better, Will you please go out with me."

"Hmmmmmmmm. ok."

"ewwwwwww Harry and hermione! that is not what i had in mind. I really did not see you together, well at least harry is not girlfriend less. wait awww man i need a girl friend. Hey ladies i am single."

"GETTTTTTTTTTTT HIMMM!!!"

"I TAKE THAT AS A NO."

“Do you think we should help him, Hermione,”

A/N Hope you enjoy, its set in Marauders Time, It's hard writing in just speech, i don't think I explained things well enough, so just try and picture theweirdest senario that this could apply to

YMCA

“Oi, Potter!”

“Hey Sirius,”

“You coming to the three broomsticks?”

“Nah, its 8:00 I better be getting home and remember what happened last time?”

“So you tried to snog Snivelus, we all make a fool of ourselves once in a while!”

“Shut up Sirius, I thought I told you never to mention that again, I cannot believe you got it on camera!”

“I’m a natural photographist,”

“Yeh, right, anyway, you ended up doing the funky chicken on the bar!”

“Well, it was Friday fun night, or whatever it was called,”

“Yeh, and what day is it today Sirius?”

“So it’s Friday, big deal, anyway, I heard Evans is going to be there, and also Samantha, I’d like her to get drunk,”

“I thought you were going out with, whatsherface, Amie, I thought she asked you to be her girlfriend?”

“Hey, hey, hey, I’m not ready for anything serious like a girlfriend! Anyway, you’re coming whether you like it or not!”

* * *

“Oi, Remus!”

“Hi James,”

“Oh my God, he’s already drunk,”

“No I’m not Sirius, stop being so serious, hey you know, your name is Sirius and you’re being Serious, Ha, Sirius-Serious-Sirius-Serious!”

“Come on James, let’s get this fella sitting down, how about over there by the fireplace?”

“No! In his state he’ll probably set himself on fire! There by the window,”

“Come on Remus, lad you really can’t handle your bottle,”

“Yeh I can Serious, I mean Sirius, hiccup,”

“Whatever mate, hey James, look who just walked in,”

“Wow, she looks amazing! Remus, stop wolf whistling! Hey Evans,”

“Oh, hi James, just ask me out and be done with it,”

“One day Evans, One day, you and your bobbing hair will go out with me, and until then, I will continue asking you out, you will crack, now Samantha, I believe that someone over by the window is waiting for you,”

“Who the drunk one?”

“No, Sam, not Remus, Sirius!”

“Oh O.K, Lils I’ll see you in a bit,”

“Don’t leave me with this jerk,”

“Soz,”

“Excuse me, you really think I am a jerk?!”

* * *

“Hi Sirius,”

“Hey Sam, urm, how you doin’?”

“James told me you were waiting for me,”

“Yeh, can I buy you a drink?”

“Yeh, a fire whiskey,”

“Cool, oh, don’t mind Remus, he got drunk a tad to quickly,”

“He’s asleep!”

“Urm, yeh, I’ll go get your drink, so stay where you are, grrrowl,”

“So, you think I’m a jerk? I thought you were meant to be nice?”

“Oh James, I didn’t mean it like that, here, how about I buy you a drink?”

“Nah, I’ll buy you a drink,”

* * *

“Hey Sirius,”

“Hi James, how’s Lily?”

“She’s hot!”

“Yeh, Sam’s waiting for her Fire Whiskey, well see you, got to get back to Sam,”

“SAM!”

“Oh…Sirius…Hi,”

“Who’s this?”

“Urm, this…urm…is John,”

“I thought you where here with me?”

“I never said that, you just assumed I didn’t have anyone to go with!”

“What’s this feeling, in my chest, it hurts, so much, ow!”

“Sirius, it’s called rejection, so sorry, but I think John is waiting for me,”

“Fine…well…I was going to…erm…go on a date with erm…Lisa, yeh, aren’t you Lisa,”

“Sure!”

* * *

“Here you are Lily,”

“Thanks James,”

“Look, I’m sorry about before, calling you a jerk and all that, I didn’t mean to make you cry,”

“Oh, don’t worry, I was faking it,”

“What? Oh I can’t be bothered to argue, this drink is really nice, what’s in it?”

“Just a bit of alcohol,”

“What was that, I didn’t hear, you were mumbling,”

“I just said it has orange in it,”
“James? I really wanna dance with you,”

“Ok then,”

“Loosen up, I’ll be right back, I have a request for a music change,”

“Ok,”

“James, I need help, I think I’ve just been…rejected!”

“Oh no, not…rejected!”

“No, I’m not joking, Samantha was just snogging someone else, who wasn’t me! What’s wrong with me? Does my breath smell? My hair, is it like Snapes? Or, or my clothes? Or a spot or-“

“Sirius, go…look after Remus or something, Lily’s coming back, I spiked her drink and now she’s actually dancing with me,”

“Oh, ok,”

“Hey Lils,”

“The song I picked should come on any-minute-now,”

“You picked the Y-M-C-A?”

“Yup, now come on, to the front we go,”

“Ok,”

“It’s fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A,”

“Wow, you’re funner then I suspected,”

“I am seriously offended,”

“Just keep Dancing,”

* * *

“Well Remus, look at that, how is it James gets a girl and I don’t!”

“You’re too serious, Sirius,”

“Don’t start that again, look at them, they’re going mad…what, everyone’s joining in! What is happening to the world?”

“See you Sirius, I’m going to have some fun, Y-M-C-A!”

“Not him as well, God the whole joint is loopy!”

“It’s fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!”

“Well…if you can’t beat them, join them!”

“Y-M-C-A, it’s fun to stay at the, Y-M-C-A!”

Draco: Hey Mudblood.

Hermione: Hi Pureblood.

Draco: Thats a bad insult.

Hermione: who said it was an insult?

Draco: I love you.

Hermione: Me too.

*smoocherooz*

Pansy:weasle?

Ron: Pug?

Pansy: why are you watching them?

Ron:because I lover Hermione. what about you?

Pansy:I love you Ron.

Ron:I think I love you to. but theres one problem......harry.

Harry: Darn tootin Im a problem! you cant have her!

Harry grabs Pansy and takes her to never never land.

Blaise walks up

Blaise:wow thats weirder than my silky sock obbsession.

Ginny: I love your obbsession.

*smooch*

The End.
(I know its dumb and b and dosnt fit the reqirements but oh well)

My assignment has more than 3 characters... I don't know if the limit was 3 or it could be 3 or more... so:

---In library---

"Ron, we have to go to our Quidditch practise. Come on..."

"Wait just a little longer. Hermione is doing my homework" *looks at hermione and smiles*

"You can look at her later, Ron. It's not like she's going to run away."

"What? You're talking to me?"

"No, Hermione. I was talking to Ron who seems to be hipnotized"

*Hermione blushes* "ah... hey... Ron... Go with Harry. We'll meet later"

"Yes, I'm sure we will..." *and smiles more*

"For the love of god, ron and Hermione, could you be MORE OBVIOUS???"

"Ginny! What are you doing here?"

"I came to pick you two up to our quidditch practise."

"Ok, Ron, lets go!..."

"But, but..."

"No buts, Ron. Harry's the captain and we're already 12 minutes late"

"oh, ok..."

*they all leave hermione alone*



---After the Quidditch practise---

"Where's Hermione, Harry? I can't see her."

"I don't know... Probably at the cafeteria, eating dinner... Oh, there's Ginny. Gotta go, Ron"

"ok." talking to himself: "gosh, these two are like..."

"Who are you talking to, Ron?"

"Hermione! Oh, no one..."

"So, here's your homework. You probably want to give it a more personal touch. You know, because Snape knows my letter and all..."

"What? Oh, ok... I'll do that"

"So, where's Harry?"

"Oh, he's with Ginny."

"You're ok with they're relationship, right? I mean, when two people are made for each other, there's nothing who can stop them from beeing together..." *looks up to Ron*

*Ron looks to hermione and they both stand there looking at each other's eyes*

"Hey, there you are!"

*Ron and hermione look down, embaraced*

"Harry! How was quidditch practise?"

"oh, didn't Ron tell you? It was a disaster... Angelina got hurt, the Slytherins went there to ruin our practise..."

*and Harry kept telling everything that hapenned, while Ron and Hermione weren't listening, looking at each other*

"And then, Dumbledore appeared to end that insainess... Hey, are you two listening?"

"What? Oh, of couse, Harry. Angelina did something to dumbledore who hurted the Slytherins..."

"Hermione! That wasn't nothing like that!"

"Well, that doesn't matter. I have to do my Muggle Sudies homework. You guys care to join?"

"well..."

"Harry! Where were you? I was looking for you...

"Ginny..."

*kiss*

"Geez, get a room!"

"Oh, Ron. Don't be ridiculous!"

"What? I'M beeing ridiculous?"

"Yes, you are! Please, let them make out alone!"

"no, no. She's MY sister."

"and HARRY's girlfriend!"


*And has the four standed there, Harry and Ginny kissing and Hermione and Ron fighting, someone took a picture. And decided to keep that picture. The picture of good old times. That someone was Dumbledore. Dumbledore smiled.*

"Young love..."



THE END

this is probably more romantic than funny, but well...

~I have more than 3 chars in my little story was it supposed to be only 3? eeeek don't kill me~~~





"Hermione, were you really kissing Malfoy?"

"What? Harry how dare you accuse me of such a thing?"

"Well, Colin saw you."

"He what?"

"Look, he even gave me a picture to prove it."

"Harry that is not me!"

"Yes it is. Who else wears a Gryffindor robe and looks exactly like you?"

"Honestly Harry why would I be kissing Malfoy?"

"Did someone say my name?"

"Get lost, Malfoy!"

"Temper, temper Potter."

"See you later, Hermione, I'm out of here."

"Fine Harry, then just leave me with the ferret!"

"He's gone. We're alone now, Granger. How about another little kiss?"

"How about no."

"Come on, you know you liked it."

"Only because you don't kiss like a tree."

"Yeah, well don't be too hard on Potter. He can't help it that he has no idea how to treat women."

"And like you do?"

"Of course and by the way I got you a little something."

"What? A box?"

"Open it."

"Malfoy, it's another box!"

"I know. Open that one too."

"Why are you grinning like that?"

"You'll see."

"ARE YOU INSANE!"

"Why are you yelling? Don't you like your gift?"

"Malfoy, these are Blaise's socks!"

"Yeah, so?"

"So?? What kind of guy gives a girl his best friends bright pink socks?"

"Hey, they're only the best from Blaise's collection. Besides with you blushing like that I knew you'd like them more than expensive jewelry."

"Well, thank you."

"Uh oh, here comes Blaise. Quick, hide the socks!"

"Hey Draco, have you seen my hot pink socks?"

"Uh no, sorry Blaise."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"You answered that a little too quickly."

"D-Did not!"

"Why are you studdering?"

"I'm not s-studdering, Blaise."

"Yes you are. Is something going on?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh yeah."

"That didn't sound very convincing."

"Well uh...er..."

"Draco why are you fidgeting?"

"I'm not fidgeting."

"Yes you are."

"Zabini, why don't you go run along and play?"

"You keep out of this Granger and--Hey wait, what's...what's that behind your back?"

"Nothing."

"Then why do you keep turning when I try to look?"

"Because I don't want you looking at my butt."

"Why would I want to look at that? you don't have much of one."

"How dare you!"

"Don't poke me in the chest with your dirty mudblood finger! I don't need to die of your germs."

"You foul obnoxious--"

"Granger! Are those my priceless, pink, perfect, periwinkle problomatic, imperius, silk, socks in your dirty little mudblood hand?"

"No..."

"They look like it though I can't see with you tucking them behind your back like that!"

"Well, maybe...maybe they're mine.I happen to be quite fond of socks."

"Yeah right, but like you would ever wear pink!"

"I would too wear pink. After all it's a girl color."

"Yeah but you don't act very girlish and I really don't understand why Draco likes snogging you."

"Hey! Blaise that's hitting below the belt."

"Sorry mate, just stating my opinion."

"Well keep your opinion to yourself, Blaise."

"Fine, whatever Draco. Now Granger, what are you hiding?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you sweating?"

"It's a warm day."

"Warm? It's bloody snowing!"

"Zabini, you-"

"Aha! So those are my socks!!. Give them back to me or I will tell Malfoy you were kissing Weasel earlier!"

"You were doing what? Granger, are you cheating on me?"

"No Malfoy, I was not kissing Ron."

"I hope not."

"Enough already! Give me back my socks!"

"Blaise, shut up about your bloody socks, you have a hundred and ten pairs left."

"Draco, how would you know how many pairs of socks I have?"

"You've counted them in front of me a dozen times. Besides I took the ones you most likely wouldn't wear anyway."

"How do you know that I won't wear them?"

"Blaise they are pink for crying out loud! What self-respecting Slytherin would wear hot pink socks?"

"Well because they're soft and silky."

"But Blaise they are just socks!"

"Well they're important to me."

"Oh for goodness sake, here Blaise. Take your hot pink whatever socks back."

"Really? I can have Mr and Mrs Hotpink back?"

"They have names?"

"Yes Granger, Blaise names all of his socks. He's got some named Aphrodite,Becca,Conner, Dramione, Elly, Francy, Glaise, Hansy,Ignius,Julie,Karry,Liza,Mandy,Nita,Olly,Pugsy,Quinty,Romione,Sassy,Taters,
Umby,Veranda, Winter,Xia,Yuri and Zippy-to name a few."

"Draco shut up! What I name my socks is my business and how dare you tell this mudblood about them?"

"Okay fine! Enough already! Here! Take them!"

"Wow thanks Granger, I could kiss you."

"Blaise, you try to kiss her and I'll..."

"I'm off to take Mr and Mrs. Hotpink back home. La la la see you two lovebirds later!"

"Well, here we are alone again, Granger."

"Yes we are, Malfoy."

"So, can I kiss you?"

"Are you actually asking me?"

"Well yeah. Don't you think it's the gentlemanly thing to do?"

"Well yeah but coming from you is a shock."

"Well, what can I say? I'm just full of surprises."

"Yes, you are."

"Good. At least we agree on something."

"Yeah."


~~Hehe I got a bit carried away with this one~~
~Kitty

I finally got it done and posted in time! LoL Here's my entry...

“Prongs, what are you doing in the bathroom that’s taking so long? Everybody’s already leaving to go to Hogsmeade.”

“Well, Sirius, not all of us have time to get up at 6 in the morning to do our hair like you do.”

“Hey! I resent that. And for your information, it’s 5:30! You think having this perfect casual elegant hair is easy?”

“Resent it all you want, Padfoot. It’s the truth.”

“What IS taking you so long, James?”

“It’s called taking a bath and combing my hair. You should try it sometimes, Wormtail.”

“Why would you even bother doing your hair? You’ll just end up messing it up in front of girls again.”

“I don’t do that a lot! So where’s Moony today?”

“You don’t remember? Oh, right, I forgot. With your big head filled with air, you don’t have room for anything else. Or it must be your old age, forgetfulness is a syndrome of old age.”

“Padfoot, we’re the same age.”

“No, you, my dear old grandpa, are five months and 23 days older then me. That means you’re older then me, that means you’re old.”

“I’m younger then you, Sirius.”

“Right, Wormtail. And that means you’re still a kid, I’m far more advanced then you are.”

“Forget it, Wormtail. There’s no pleasing him. So is anyone going to tell me where Moony is?”

“Moony is at the Shrieking Shack. Madame Pomfrey took him there early this morning. He’s having a…particularly hard time with his transformation this month.”

“Should we be leaving him then?”

“You’re right, Wormtail. YOU stay here and wait for him while Prongs and I go to Hogsmead alone.”

“But…I wanted to…But…”

“That’s settled then! Come on Prongs, before I hit you in the head with Remus’s chocolate again.”

“That made my head throb for a whole week! Why’d you do it in the first place?”

“Well, Remus told me to find something hard to break the chocolate with. Your head was the first thing I saw.”

“I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“That’s because deep down, you know you can’t live without me.”

“No, I don’t feel it.”

“Then go deeper down.”

“Okay, I’m ready to go.”

“Finally! I think I hear everybody coming back from the Hogsmead trip. We could go ask them about how much fun they had.”

“Very funny. So are we leaving or what?”

“Let’s go! Peter, stay here and wait for Remus. We’ll bring you back some butterbeer from The Three Broomsticks.”

“But…I didn’t…I wanted…”

“Okay! Have fun! And if you get bored, you could go get my clean robes from the house elves. They should be ready by now.”

“Sirius, I don’t think Peter wanted to stay back today.”

“Of course he did! He offered to stay back didn’t he?”

“Actually, no he didn’t.”

“He didn’t? Oh, sorry I tend to just hear what I want to hear in my head.”

“You can’t use the voices in your head as an excuse. That’s not a reason. It just means you’re crazy.”

“Gee, thanks James. I know I’m brilliant and perfect but it’s nice to know that you think so too.”

“How many times do I have to tell you, Sirius? Every time you start to hear voices in your head, tell them to shut up. In fact, you both should shut up. So what do you want to do about Peter?”

“Well, we’re already outside the common room. So do you really want to go all the way into the portrait hole, across the common room, up the stairs, down the hall, into our room, just to tell him to come?”

“You’re right. We’ll just get him an acid pop when we get back.”

“I knew you’ll see it my way. You and me are exactly alike, Prongs. Well, not exactly, because face it, nobody is as perfect as me. In fact, I’m so great I’m jealous of myself. If only there was a way I could date me. I’d show myself a good time.”

“What? Would your idea of a perfect date with yourself be sitting in front of a mirror all day?”

“Green isn’t a good color for you, Jamesy. You shouldn’t be jealous of my perfectness. I’ll still talk to you lesser average people.”

“Sirius, do you want to go deflate your head a bit before we go to Hogsmead?”

“Sure, why don’t you join me Bighead James?”

“My head isn’t big!”

“He’s right, Black. Potter’s head is more swelled then big.”

“Evans! You didn’t have to wait for me here, you know. We could have met in the common room to go to Hogsmead.”

“Keep dreaming, Potter. I actually need to talk to Black here.”

“Yes, everybody wants to talk to the Sirius ‘Hotstuff’ Black. But as I told you before James’s dear Lily, it was only one night. And James is my friend. Sure, it was good but still wrong.”

“Why you! I should just hex you up your-”

“Now, Lily, Sirius, why can’t we just all get along? Sirius, you apologize to Lily. And Lily, you come over here and sit on my lap.”

“I’m leaving before you all make me as crazy as you are! I just had to say that Prof. McGonagall wanted Black to serve his detention tonight instead of tomorrow. You’ll be filing work for all her classes. I’ll show you how it should be done later tonight.”

“See? Even McGonagall can’t resist my charms for long. Will you be able to resist me tonight, Lily? I might be kind of tired after the Hogsmead trip.”

“I’ll hold my breath all night. Goodbye prats.”

“Bye Lily! How come you got detention without me, Sirius?”

“You don’t remember I spiked Snape’s drink with frog livers last week and got caught?”

“But you get to spend time with Lily? That’s not fair! Last week I had to scrub all the dungeons with a sponge alone!”

“What can I say, Prongs? My charms on women get me places.”




*And it's exactly 999 words! LoL hope you like it!

These fics have been chosen by three outsiders from the site. I had no say in the winners.

All the fics entered will be put into our new Hogwarts Experience co-site for challenge fics:

http://www.freewebs.com/hogwartsexperience/narratedsilence.htm

First place will have golden owl by submission, second - silver and third bronze!

All that said, here are the winners:

1st place with 50 housepoints: Wytchkitty

Joint second place with 30 housepoints each: Running_swift and jennifer Williams

Join third place with 15 points each: Ashes bo bashes and mcfly_42

Well done everyone