Create your birthchart

This is an easy and quick class worth 45 HousePoints

Part 1:

Follow the link below and enter your details to create your own birth chart

http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/birthchart.php

Save your birthchart and upload it to an online photo storage and post the link here.

My example: https://2img.net/h/i105.photobucket.com/albums/m235/hogwartsexperience2006/create-birthchart1.jpg

Part 2:

another bit of fun!

follow this link: http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/life-history-generator.php

fill in your details and enter. post your life details reading here!

alrighty here it is:

part 1- https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v416/Amberg93/Siggys%20and%20site%20banners/create-birthchart.jpg

part 2-
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 14th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Amber, of the Grear family.

You were born into a noble family on the 24th day, of the 2nd month in the 1993rd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Lady Fanny MooseLumps, dear and beloved wife of Lord Vladimir KnobJockey

When you reached the age of 8, your Mother noticed a protuberance from your left kneecap, which was in the shape of Keeanu Reeves. This was removed and was later sold on the local flea market as a back scratcher.

Later on, you built your own wheat farm. Every harvest you would use your shoulder blade to harvest the wheat and then use it to decorate your bathroom with. One day your farm got set on fire, and all the wheat in the bathroom turned into 200,000 angry pixies who tied you up and thrusted twigs up your anus for 10 years. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

Later on, an Octopus called "Horace ChimpMasher" who wears a spare tyre on each ear, gave you a kiss for repairing his microwave and as a result your genitals were replaced with green moths. You built some new genitals from matchsticks and painted them pink before being arrested for crimes against marmalade.

Your current job involves exterminating rats by firing laser bolts from your nipples and urethra at them. Many people hire you to destroy pests in exchange for sexual services.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum



Comment- Oh God I hope my life isn't anything like that....

part 1:

https://2img.net/h/oi10.tinypic.com/2q2fnua.jpg

part 2:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 15th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of ducking the, of the ducks family.

You were born into a rich household on the 2nd day, of the 9th month in the 1994th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Ethel ArseGrapes, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Charles GrannyPanties

By the time you were 7 years old, you had made many friends and often enjoyed painting the words "Uncle Bertie" on your forehead and chasing their parents with a stick.

As you got older you found yourself sexually attracted to your next door neighbour's kidney. You fell in love with it and would often bring it flowers, biscuits, tea and lubricants as presents. One day the kidney morphed into a haggis and ran around screaming "Come get some you horny cows!". You were heartbroken and decided to do something more creative. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

One day, you met a mermaid who built you a new set of lungs from snakeskin and gravy. You were able to run 2000mph hour with your new body modification and people would come from around the world to see you catch penguins with your teeth with your eyes shut. After 2 years of doing this, your teeth spontaneously combusted and your butt fell off.

You currently own a ranch where you breed the finest racing cheeses which can run more then 200mph in a race. You sell spotlights to chimps and your garden is filled with flowers made of used tissues.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Here is my homework rofl

Part One:

Code:

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f306/mariec2006/create-birthchart.jpg

Part Two:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 15th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Marie-Christiane, of the Beaudry family.

You were born into a rich household on the 7th day, of the 4th month in the 1989th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Tabitha PissyFlaps, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Ludwig ChimpChunder

At the age of 7, you were subject to torture from your pet dog who would often tie you up and force feed you with gravy and boiled turnips. When your Mother found out, she exhanged the dog for a pair of tights and then exchanged the tights for the devil himself.

As you got older you found yourself sexually attracted to your next door neighbour's kidney. You fell in love with it and would often bring it flowers, biscuits, tea and lubricants as presents. One day the kidney morphed into a haggis and ran around screaming "Come get some you horny cows!". You were heartbroken and decided to do something more creative. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You felt you need to do something new. You covered yourself in moose poop and wandered the streets with a big neon sign attached to your forehead which said, "Encrustulated With Globules of Faeces". People would see you and say, "Look, there goes Aunty Mildred" and would give you free lemonade and goats cheese as a token of their love.

You currently own a ranch where you breed the finest racing cheeses which can run more then 200mph in a race. You sell spotlights to chimps and your garden is filled with flowers made of used tissues.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part 1- https://2img.net/h/i98.photobucket.com/albums/l259/traci92/birthcharttraci.jpg

Part 2- In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 15th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Traci, of the Spicklemire family.

You were born into royalty on the 11st day, of the 12th month in the 1992nd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Ethel MooseLumps, dear and beloved wife of Prince Icabod PottyLumps

By the time you were 7 years old, you had made many friends and often enjoyed painting the words "Uncle Bertie" on your forehead and chasing their parents with a stick.

As you got older all the hair from your armpits fell out and were replaced by extremely intelligent snakes who would educate you at night. You learn't all about subjects like "Rancid Gherkins", "Trumpets" and "Bottled Gas". After they educated you, they layed lots of eggs. Spiders hatched out of those eggs and flew away. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You then sold all your possessions and bought a banjo. You formed a band of travelling minstrels called, "Dr Pizza and The Exploding Chicken Heads" with which you played classic songs by the Beatles and the Beach Boys. You had many no 1 hits in Italy and Slovenia before you split up over an argument about who flicked a pea at the drummer's head.

You now live with your Grandmother where you clean out her mouth with a toilet brush in exchange for being allowed to live with her. She often glues to the wall and throws bricks at your chin to show you how much she loves you.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part One

https://2img.net/h/oi9.tinypic.com/33yq6fb.jpg

Part Two

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 16th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Erin, of the Johnson family.

You were born into royalty on the 17th day, of the 8th month in the 1992nd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Annabel PissyFlaps, dear and beloved wife of Prince Ludwig KnobJockey

When you were 5 years old, you decided to paint a turnip dark green and throw it at your father whilst he was dressed as a moose, dancing in the living room. It hit him on the spleen and as a punishment you were forced to eat rancid potatoes using a rusty spoon.

When you were older you attempted to build the worlds first German Shepherd dog entirely from planks of wood and lollipops. You were successful and the event was covered by major media organisations. Then the dog decided to morph into a squid and salsa dance to the beat of a tambourine before spontaneously combusting into flower petals. Your dreams were shattered. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

After a while, you thought it was best if you entertained the local gypsies with a new party trick you had learn't off a horny donkey back home. You set up a circus act where you could pull an entire couch out of your anus and then swallow it whole. The whole trick would then repeat itself. You made a lot of money from this and became a very famous ass clown

You currently reside in a cottage made of cheese and wool, where you smoke monkey fur and set fire to your neighbour's chin for fun and pleasure. You are often chased by police officers for humping old men's legs in the street, where you feel the urge to get horny when you see the elderly.

rofl so so funny I couldn't believe my life would actually get this bad.

Part 1- https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v387/cheetahpie/birthchart.jpg

Part 2-

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 17th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Merranda, of the Sike family.

You were born into a rich household on the 1st day, of the 6th month in the 1993rd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Daisy CameltoeAcid, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Icabod KnobJockey

When you were 4 years old you took a dump in your Father's slippers and were punished by being covered in lard and yo-yo'd from a motorway bridge using a steel cable made from copper.

As you grew older you worked on a fish farm polishing all the fish eggs with a wax candle to make sure they were fertile enough to hatch. The owner of the place was very nice to you and would occasionally let you out of your shackles and would sometimes beat you less on a Sunday. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You eventually had all the blood in your body replaced with microscopic flying wombats who would transport oxygen around your organs. They were huge Michael Douglas fans, so occasionally you felt anaemic due to the fact that they would take breaks and watch Michael Douglas's films. Eventually you had the wombats surgically removed and replaced them all with giraffes.

Your current life involves helping people build plastic monkeys from tree trunks, eating them whole and then barfing them on their Grandmothers. This gives you a special fuzzy feeling inside and you are immune to sperm whales as a result.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

( My life sounds... scary. *sniff*)

lol i like this homework

part 1: https://2img.net/h/oi11.tinypic.com/2rqdf1y.jpg

part 2:
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 17th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Jayde, of the Crystal family.

You were born into royalty on the 18th day, of the 10th month in the 1993rd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Annabel SweatyKnickers, dear and beloved wife of Prince Sigmund KnobJockey

When you were 5 years old, you built a small bird from wood which you called "Egbert". You fed it grapes, and made it tell war stories to your Mother before you painted it green and burnt it along with all your underwear.

When you were a little older your Granddad took care of you and you went to live with him in his underground windmill where you were made to bake bread from strands of cheese. Your Grandfather would impose strict rules on you where if you were caught picking your nose after midnight, you were forced to sing Britney Spears songs really loud in front of all your friends and dance like a chimpanzee. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

After a while, your restless nature got the best of you and led you to partake in rare olympic events such as projectile vomiting on rubber snakes and firing corks from your anus at oak trees. You met a canary who taped your eyelashes to your nipples and waxed your nose hairs. This made you reconsider your life and think about the future of bananas and jellyfish.

You currently own a ranch where you breed the finest racing cheeses which can run more then 200mph in a race. You sell spotlights to chimps and your garden is filled with flowers made of used tissues.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

What a great class!!

Part 1:

https://2img.net/h/oi11.tinypic.com/33pdco0.jpg

Part 2:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 19th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Ilyria, of the Ilyria family.

You were born into a noble family on the 21st day, of the 6th month in the 1985th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Lady Ethel MooseLumps, dear and beloved wife of Lord Icabod ChodeSmoker

When you were only 6 years old, your Father gave you a pet rabbit which taught you how to play chess and dance like Michael Jackson. The rabbit was given away by your Father when he came home and discovered you had fed it liquid soap.

As you grew older you worked on a fish farm polishing all the fish eggs with a wax candle to make sure they were fertile enough to hatch. The owner of the place was very nice to you and would occasionally let you out of your shackles and would sometimes beat you less on a Sunday. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

One day, you met a mermaid who built you a new set of lungs from snakeskin and gravy. You were able to run 2000mph hour with your new body modification and people would come from around the world to see you catch penguins with your teeth with your eyes shut. After 2 years of doing this, your teeth spontaneously combusted and your butt fell off.

Your current activities include sniffing peoples armpits in search of worms and electric eels. This is extremely satisfying for you as you get to play the kazoo if people misbehave or say the word, "Blobby Muppet"

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

part 1: https://2img.net/h/oi11.tinypic.com/2u9tjev.jpg

part 2: In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 19th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Moony, of the Moony family.

You were born into a noble family on the 26th day, of the 10th month in the 1986th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Lady Valerie PissyFlaps, dear and beloved wife of Lord Herbert BluePlums

At the age of 4 your Father bought you a pet chinchilla which you nicknamed "Aunty Chim". You would often play with it, by teaching it to throw mangos at you whilst you pretended to be Spiderman.

When you were older you attempted to build the worlds first German Shepherd dog entirely from planks of wood and lollipops. You were successful and the event was covered by major media organisations. Then the dog decided to morph into a squid and salsa dance to the beat of a tambourine before spontaneously combusting into flower petals. Your dreams were shattered. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You then decided to search for missing pineapples and fight off angry canaries armed with stun-guns in Antarctica. You helped many residents there and the local wildlife even throw an annual projectile snot blowing party (known as "Gym Teacher's Handkerchief") in honour of your skill and the cheesy smell which is emitted by your left ear.

You now spend your time, living inside a giant acorn where you invite round the worlds biggest politicians to your wild parties. Your favourite party activity is dancing naked in front of a mirror along with all your friends and party guests.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

I laugh at poor Timmy. XD


Part 1

https://2img.net/h/i51.photobucket.com/albums/f391/running_swift/create-birthchart.jpg


Part 2

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 19th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Swifters, of the HE family.

You were born into a noble family on the 28th day, of the 1st month in the 1990th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Lady Fanny ArseGrapes, dear and beloved wife of Lord Sigmund GruffConkers

When you reached the age of 8, your Mother noticed a protuberance from your left kneecap, which was in the shape of Keeanu Reeves. This was removed and was later sold on the local flea market as a back scratcher.

When you were older you met an octopus called "Timmy" who you became best shopping buds with. You often shopped at local dept stores for pieces of wood and plastic gherkins. One day Timmy spontaneously combusted after you fed him a rancid orange, and you were all alone again. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

One day, you somehow became addicted to smearing Possum fat all over you and dressing in a pink moose outfit whilst running into the streets and screaming bloody murder. After being chased the cops for the 2000th time you got bored and decided to open a business where you made money from people who wanted to change the colour of their spleens.

You currently reside in a cottage made of cheese and wool, where you smoke monkey fur and set fire to your neighbour's chin for fun and pleasure. You are often chased by police officers for humping old men's legs in the street, where you feel the urge to get horny when you see the elderly.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part 1:

https://2img.net/h/i63.photobucket.com/albums/h156/hogwartsexperience/create-birthchart.jpg

Part 2:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 20th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Amy, of the G******* family.

You were born into a noble family on the 27th day, of the 5th month in the 1987th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Lady Valerie *******, dear and beloved wife of Lord Ludwig ******* ( bad words!)

When you were only 6 years old, you accidentally set fire to one of your Father's kidneys and made him very angry. He punished you by removing one of your eyeballs with a shoe and filling the socket with horse manure.

As you got older, your primary concerns began to drift towards members of the opposite sex. You met a fantastic individual by the name of "Gladys the Rotating Mandrill". Gladys taught you how to make yourself look sexy by wearing strands of wire wool on your head and dangling planks of wood off your ears and tongue. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You decided to change things and do something good for cats. You invented a special computer which allowed them to send each other emails and play games. They operated the mouse with their paws and typed with their noses. This was very successful until one day all the computers morphed into walruses and threw tomatoes and rotten eggs at their feline owners.

You now live in Southern most Antarctica where you teach wild animals how to dance like Britney Spears and hold regular pole-vaulting events to entertain the local wildlife. Your nose has fallen off due to leprosy.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part 1: https://2img.net/r/ihimizer/img156/1977/createbirthchartwm9.jpg

Part 2:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 20th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Jesse, of the M family.

You were born into a rich household on the 3rd day, of the 4th month in the 1990th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Lucinda CameltoeAcid, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Ethelbald GruffConkers

When you reached age of 6 you resembled a duck billed platypus. Your parents sold you to the nearest freak show as a Romanian Tap Dancing Vampire Cat in exchange for a wireless toothbrush.

As you grew older you worked on a fish farm polishing all the fish eggs with a wax candle to make sure they were fertile enough to hatch. The owner of the place was very nice to you and would occasionally let you out of your shackles and would sometimes beat you less on a Sunday. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You then sold all your possessions and bought a banjo. You formed a band of travelling minstrels called, "Dr Pizza and The Exploding Chicken Heads" with which you played classic songs by the Beatles and the Beach Boys. You had many no 1 hits in Italy and Slovenia before you split up over an argument about who flicked a pea at the drummer's head.

You now live in a villa on the Southern most edge of the Sea of Tranquillity where you teach moon-leppers how to lap dance for fun and profit. You are well respected amongst the lunar homeless community.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part 1:

https://2img.net/h/i50.photobucket.com/albums/f326/elanarichardson/create-birthchart.jpg

Part 2:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 20th day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Elana, of the Richardson family.

You were born into royalty on the 17th day, of the 8th month in the 1992nd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Ethel BeefCurtains, dear and beloved wife of Prince Ludwig PottyLumps

At the age of 8, you decided to leave home and seek your fortune selling pins to midgets at the local flea market. You made many people happy, including a man called "Bertie The Banana Slapper" who made burritos from eggs.

By the time you were older, your nose was being used as a homeless shelter for badgers and hippies. You evacuated them all and then stuffed chopped liver and onion up your nostril in hope that it would make you really cool. It did for 5 minutes and then your nose exploded. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

Before long you decided it was time to set fire to your chin and replace your kidneys with plastic spoons. This made you extremely agile and you were able to focus more on important issues such as the colour of beans and the whiff of cheese. You spent a long time researching various dog biscuits and fighting for lost causes such as painting your future Mother-In-Law purple.

You now spend your days as a dentist for old, retired Horses who pay to to remove sugar lumps and pork chops from their teeth. You also get paid to remove lobsters from their bungholes.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

https://2img.net/r/ihimizer/img20/4754/createbirthchartpj6.jpg
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 23rd day, of the 10th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Jessica , of the Anderson family.

You were born into a rich household on the 9th day, of the 11th month in the 1991st year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Annabel SweatyKnickers, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Wolfgang GolfballArse

When you were 5 years old, you built a small bird from wood which you called "Egbert". You fed it grapes, and made it tell war stories to your Mother before you painted it green and burnt it along with all your underwear.

As you grew older your left eyeball morphed into a giant pumpkin and ravaged entire villages using a cheese grater as its weapon of choice. You hired a moose to hunt down your runaway eyeball who managed to find it within 2 days and disarm it using a cattle-prod which it found in your underpants. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

After a while, you thought it was best if you entertained the local gypsies with a new party trick you had learn't off a horny donkey back home. You set up a circus act where you could pull an entire couch out of your anus and then swallow it whole. The whole trick would then repeat itself. You made a lot of money from this and became a very famous ass clown.

You now live in Southern most Antarctica where you teach wild animals how to dance like Britney Spears and hold regular pole-vaulting events to entertain the local wildlife. Your nose has fallen off due to leprosy.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

I know i'm a bit late to do this, but i was just sorted, so even though i'm not going to get the points, i just wanted to post it anyway :D

Part 1
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v63/Celestrus/birth%20charts/create-birthchart.jpg

Part 2
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 3rd day, of the 11th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2006, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Daniella, of the Fiorino family.

You were born into a rich household on the 6th day, of the 12th month in the 1985th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Valerie SweatyKnickers, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Herbert ChodeSmoker

When you were 8 years old your Father taught you the deadly art of scaring off monkeys using a blue plastic attachment on your nose. This was very helpful during WWII where you were employed as a monkey frightener for the home front.

When you were a little older your Granddad took care of you and you went to live with him in his underground windmill where you were made to bake bread from strands of cheese. Your Grandfather would impose strict rules on you where if you were caught picking your nose after midnight, you were forced to sing Britney Spears songs really loud in front of all your friends and dance like a chimpanzee. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

After a while, your restless nature got the best of you and led you to partake in rare olympic events such as projectile vomiting on rubber snakes and firing corks from your anus at oak trees. You met a canary who taped your eyelashes to your nipples and waxed your nose hairs. This made you reconsider your life and think about the future of bananas and jellyfish.

You now spend your days beating the living crap out of your carpet with a wooden spoon and calling its Mum a "Filthy Ho". This brings you a lot of money every year through sponsored advertisements and internet broadcasts.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

My Birth Chart XD
https://2img.net/h/i604.photobucket.com/albums/tt121/clafin/create-birthchartphp.jpg

My Life History:
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 23rd day, of the 8th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2009, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Caitlin, of the LeVier family.

You were born into royalty on the 11st day, of the 8th month in the 1993rd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Daisy MooseLumps, dear and beloved wife of Prince Icabod KnobJockey

When you were only 6 years old, your Father gave you a pet rabbit which taught you how to play chess and dance like Michael Jackson. The rabbit was given away by your Father when he came home and discovered you had fed it liquid soap.

When you were older you met an octopus called "Timmy" who you became best shopping buds with. You often shopped at local dept stores for pieces of wood and plastic gherkins. One day Timmy spontaneously combusted after you fed him a rancid orange, and you were all alone again. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You eventually had all the blood in your body replaced with microscopic flying wombats who would transport oxygen around your organs. They were huge Michael Douglas fans, so occasionally you felt anaemic due to the fact that they would take breaks and watch Michael Douglas's films. Eventually you had the wombats surgically removed and replaced them all with giraffes.

Your current activities include sniffing peoples armpits in search of worms and electric eels. This is extremely satisfying for you as you get to play the kazoo if people misbehave or say the word, "Blobby Muppet"

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

My birthchart for part 1


And Part 2

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 26th day, of the 3rd month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2010, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Pamela, of the P**** family.

You were born into a rich household on the 9th day, of the 11th month in the 1983rd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Valerie SweatyKnickers, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Wolfgang KnobJockey

When you were 8 years old your Father taught you the deadly art of scaring off monkeys using a blue plastic attachment on your nose. This was very helpful during WWII where you were employed as a monkey frightener for the home front.

As you grew older your left eyeball morphed into a giant pumpkin and ravaged entire villages using a cheese grater as its weapon of choice. You hired a moose to hunt down your runaway eyeball who managed to find it within 2 days and disarm it using a cattle-prod which it found in your underpants. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You then decided to search for missing pineapples and fight off angry canaries armed with stun-guns in Antarctica. You helped many residents there and the local wildlife even throw an annual projectile snot blowing party (known as "Gym Teacher's Handkerchief") in honour of your skill and the cheesy smell which is emitted by your left ear.

You now live with your Grandmother where you clean out her mouth with a toilet brush in exchange for being allowed to live with her. She often glues to the wall and throws bricks at your chin to show you how much she loves you.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part I:
https://2img.net/h/i829.photobucket.com/albums/zz216/kitkat736/class.jpg

Part II:
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 8th day, of the 8th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2010, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Katie, of the M family.

You were born into a rich household on the 4th day, of the 12th month in the 1994th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Annabel BeefCurtains, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Vladimir GrannyPanties

At the age of 7, you were subject to torture from your pet dog who would often tie you up and force feed you with gravy and boiled turnips. When your Mother found out, she exhanged the dog for a pair of tights and then exchanged the tights for the devil himself.

When you were older you attempted to build the worlds first German Shepherd dog entirely from planks of wood and lollipops. You were successful and the event was covered by major media organisations. Then the dog decided to morph into a squid and salsa dance to the beat of a tambourine before spontaneously combusting into flower petals. Your dreams were shattered. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

One day, you somehow became addicted to smearing Possum fat all over you and dressing in a pink moose outfit whilst running into the streets and screaming bloody murder. After being chased the cops for the 2000th time you got bored and decided to open a business where you made money from people who wanted to change the colour of their spleens.

You now spend your time, living inside a giant acorn where you invite round the worlds biggest politicians to your wild parties. Your favourite party activity is dancing naked in front of a mirror along with all your friends and party guests.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part 1:

Part 2:In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 15th day, of the 8th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2010, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Melanie, of the Stewart family.

You were born into a respected household on the 30th day, of the 3rd month in the 1992nd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Miss Lucinda Donkey*Rot, dear and beloved wife of Mr Oscar PottyLumps

You were kept in a cage until the age of 9 when you were finally let out and allowed to freely roam your parents home without someone firing a stun gun at your chin.

As you became older, your career started to lean towards dental surgery. Your methods were quite a brilliant stroke of genius as you used dynamite to extract people's teeth. As payment you would accept margarine carvings of Clement Attlee, or paper mache sculptures of Jennifer Lopez's pancreas. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

One day you decided to build an alien from oatmeal and chewing gum, and breathed life into it using an old vacuum cleaner. The alien became your best friend and you did lots of cool things together such as put deep fried turnips in the freezer and sell them to gypsies. The alien spontaneously combusted one day which made you very sad and lonely.

Your current job involves exterminating rats by firing laser bolts from your nipples and urethra at them. Many people hire you to destroy pests in exchange for marshmallow* services.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

(*it wasn't PG-13 so I changed it)

Part I
https://2img.net/h/i134.photobucket.com/albums/q111/jschere/JaymesPersonalHoroscopeBirthchart.jpg

Part II
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 3rd day, of the 12th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2010, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Samantha, of the Granger family.

You were born into royalty on the 16th day, of the 10th month in the 1982nd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Ethel BeefCurtains, dear and beloved wife of Prince Herbert PottyLumps

When you were 5 years old, you decided to paint a turnip dark green and throw it at your father whilst he was dressed as a moose, dancing in the living room. It hit him on the spleen and as a punishment you were forced to eat rancid potatoes using a rusty spoon.

When you were older you attempted to build the worlds first German Shepherd dog entirely from planks of wood and lollipops. You were successful and the event was covered by major media organisations. Then the dog decided to morph into a squid and salsa dance to the beat of a tambourine before spontaneously combusting into flower petals. Your dreams were shattered. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

One day, you somehow became addicted to smearing Possum fat all over you and dressing in a pink moose outfit whilst running into the streets and screaming bloody murder. After being chased the cops for the 2000th time you got bored and decided to open a business where you made money from people who wanted to change the colour of their spleens.

You now live in Southern most Antarctica where you teach wild animals how to dance like Britney Spears and hold regular pole-vaulting events to entertain the local wildlife. Your nose has fallen off due to leprosy.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

GRYFFINDOR

hppamela - 40
FaerieOfDoom - 40
Samantha Granger - 40
Clafin - 40

HUFFLEPUFF

amortentia773 - 40

Part 1:
https://s97.photobucket.com/albums/l217/kay_007/sites/?action=view¤t=Untitled.jpg

Part2:
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 9th day, of the 4th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2011, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of kresta kay, of the arellano family.

You were born into royalty on the 14th day, of the 9th month in the 1990th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Daisy ArseGrapes, dear and beloved wife of Prince Vladimir GruffConkers

When you were 9 years old, you had an operation on your left eye which permanently left you with a condition that makes you glow in the dark and plop ice-cubes from your rear when frightened.

As you got older all the hair from your armpits fell out and were replaced by extremely intelligent snakes who would educate you at night. You learn't all about subjects like "Rancid Gherkins", "Trumpets" and "Bottled Gas". After they educated you, they layed lots of eggs. Spiders hatched out of those eggs and flew away. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You eventually had all the blood in your body replaced with microscopic flying wombats who would transport oxygen around your organs. They were huge Michael Douglas fans, so occasionally you felt anaemic due to the fact that they would take breaks and watch Michael Douglas's films. Eventually you had the wombats surgically removed and replaced them all with giraffes.

Your current life involves helping people build plastic monkeys from tree trunks, eating them whole and then barfing them on their Grandmothers. This gives you a special fuzzy feeling inside and you are immune to sperm whales as a result.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part 1 -

Part 2 - In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 9th day, of the 4th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2011, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Amadan, of the Dubh family.

You were born into royalty on the 19th day, of the 7th month in the 1988th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Tabitha ClamSmacker, dear and beloved wife of Prince Wolfgang ArseNoodles

At the age of 9 you invented a gun which could shoot mice and it was used by other royal families to scare off elephants which broke their garden fences. This made your family very rich and your parents were extremely proud of you.

When you were older you attempted to build the worlds first German Shepherd dog entirely from planks of wood and lollipops. You were successful and the event was covered by major media organisations. Then the dog decided to morph into a squid and salsa dance to the beat of a tambourine before spontaneously combusting into flower petals. Your dreams were shattered. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You soon developed a severe case of haemorrhoids which created a large protuberance from your left armpit. You spoke to a surgeon regarding this, and he gave you a pineapple and told you to clean out your house with it. You followed his instructions and amazingly the protuberance morphed into a tiger who now cooks all your meals.

You now spend all your time urinating on peoples garden plants and telling them that it will help them grow better. When confronted by police officers you simply take off your cap and recite the entire works of Shakespeare in a high pitched singing voice, to confuse them.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

SLYTHERIN

Amadan Dubh - 40

HUFFLEPUFF

iamapureblood - 40

Part one:
http://tinypic.com/r/2i1jh90/7


Part two:
In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 25th day, of the 7th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2011, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Lesley, of the Dumas family.

You were born into royalty on the 17th day, of the 6th month in the 1993rd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Princess Ethel BeefCurtains, dear and beloved wife of Prince Ludwig KnobJockey

When you reached the age of 8, your Mother enrolled you on an intense training course where you learnt how to hover by standing on your head and blowing air out of your nose. This was to help you escape crocodile attacks.

As you got older all the hair from your armpits fell out and were replaced by extremely intelligent snakes who would educate you at night. You learn't all about subjects like "Rancid Gherkins", "Trumpets" and "Bottled Gas". After they educated you, they layed lots of eggs. Spiders hatched out of those eggs and flew away. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

After a while, you thought it was best if you entertained the local gypsies with a new party trick you had learn't off a horny donkey back home. You set up a circus act where you could pull an entire couch out of your anus and then swallow it whole. The whole trick would then repeat itself. You made a lot of money from this and became a very famous ass clown.

Your current life involves helping people build plastic monkeys from tree trunks, eating them whole and then barfing them on their Grandmothers. This gives you a special fuzzy feeling inside and you are immune to sperm whales as a result.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part One:


https://i.servimg.com/u/f40/16/70/90/47/birthc10.jpg
Part Two:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 25th day, of the 7th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2011, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Rigby, of the Dumbledore family. You were born into a noble family on the 22nd day, of the 5th month in the 1977th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Lady Annabel MooseLumps, dear and beloved wife of Lord Charles LastNameEditedForExtemeFilth By the age of 5, your Mother would entertain you by shaving her head and chasing you with a cattle prod. When she caught you, she would shove flowers up your eyes to make you look prettier. As you grew older you worked on a fish farm polishing all the fish eggs with a wax candle to make sure they were fertile enough to hatch. The owner of the place was very nice to you and would occasionally let you out of your shackles and would sometimes beat you less on a Sunday. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life. Before long you decided it was time to set fire to your chin and replace your kidneys with plastic spoons. This made you extremely agile and you were able to focus more on important issues such as the colour of beans and the whiff of cheese. You spent a long time researching various dog biscuits and fighting for lost causes such as painting your future Mother-In-Law purple. You now live in Southern most Antarctica where you teach wild animals how to dance like Britney Spears and hold regular pole-vaulting events to entertain the local wildlife. Your nose has fallen off due to leprosy. And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie. (Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

*I had to change a few details on this chart due to extreme inappropriate language*

PART 1


https://2img.net/h/i177.photobucket.com/albums/w234/Neji-9/create-birthchart.jpg

PART 2

(I went ahead a used my real first name for this, even though I hate it so much, to make it more....'accurate')

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 16th day, of the 9th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2011, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Nicole, of the Kerr family.

You were born into a noble family on the 28th day, of the 7th month in the 1993rd year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Lady Annabel PissyFlaps, dear and beloved wife of Lord Sigmund KnobJockey

When you were 5 years old, you decided to paint a turnip dark green and throw it at your father whilst he was dressed as a moose, dancing in the living room. It hit him on the spleen and as a punishment you were forced to eat rancid potatoes using a rusty spoon.

By the time you were older, your nose was being used as a homeless shelter for badgers and hippies. You evacuated them all and then stuffed chopped liver and onion up your nostril in hope that it would make you really cool. It did for 5 minutes and then your nose exploded. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

After a while, your restless nature got the best of you and led you to partake in rare olympic events such as projectile vomiting on rubber snakes and firing corks from your anus at oak trees. You met a canary who taped your eyelashes to your nipples and waxed your nose hairs. This made you reconsider your life and think about the future of bananas and jellyfish.

You now spend your days as a dentist for old, retired Horses who pay to to remove sugar lumps and pork chops from their teeth. You also get paid to remove lobsters from their bungholes.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

SLYTHERIN

violetriddle - 45

RAVENCLAW

Rigby Dumbledore - 45 (almost gave you extra points for Britney reference xD)

HUFFLEPUFF

Snape_Luffer - 45

Part 1: https://i.servimg.com/u/f75/18/16/90/17/create10.jpg

Part 2:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 10th day, of the 3rd month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2013, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Jennifer, of the M family.

You were born into a noble family on the 21st day, of the 8th month in the 1989th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Lady Valerie ArseGrapes, dear and beloved wife of Lord Icabod ChimpChunder

When you were 5 years old, you decided to paint a turnip dark green and throw it at your father whilst he was dressed as a moose, dancing in the living room. It hit him on the spleen and as a punishment you were forced to eat rancid potatoes using a rusty spoon.

When you were older you met an octopus called "Timmy" who you became best shopping buds with. You often shopped at local dept stores for pieces of wood and plastic gherkins. One day Timmy spontaneously combusted after you fed him a rancid orange, and you were all alone again. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

After a while, you thought it was best if you entertained the local gypsies with a new party trick you had learn't off a horny donkey back home. You set up a circus act where you could pull an entire couch out of your anus and then swallow it whole. The whole trick would then repeat itself. You made a lot of money from this and became a very famous ass clown.

You now spend your days beating the living crap out of your carpet with a wooden spoon and calling its Mum a "Filthy Ho". This brings you a lot of money every year through sponsored advertisements and internet broadcasts.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

SLYTHERIN

Belladona Lestrange - 45

Part 1:

<a href="https://servimg.com/view/19832022/1042?utm_source=fa&utm_medium=image&utm_campaign=tinypic" target="_blank"><img src="https://2img.net/h/oi59.tinypic.com/33dbeow.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a>

Part 2:

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 19th day, of the 12th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2014, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Ava, of the Blacky family.

You were born into a rich household on the 7th day, of the 8th month in the 1996th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Mistress Valerie PissyFlaps, dear and beloved wife of Colonel Ludwig BluePlums

When you were 5 years old, you built a small bird from wood which you called "Egbert". You fed it grapes, and made it tell war stories to your Mother before you painted it green and burnt it along with all your underwear.

By the time you were older, your nose was being used as a homeless shelter for badgers and hippies. You evacuated them all and then stuffed chopped liver and onion up your nostril in hope that it would make you really cool. It did for 5 minutes and then your nose exploded. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

Later, you decided to start something new within the field of politics. You ran for president of the seals in Northern Canada and were finally elected as their leader. You did many great things for the seals, such as provide aqueducts, cream cakes even arcade games systems which had special controllers that could be easily operated with flippers.

You now live with your Grandmother where you clean out her mouth with a toilet brush in exchange for being allowed to live with her. She often glues to the wall and throws bricks at your chin to show you how much she loves you.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum

Part 1.

https://i.servimg.com/u/f58/19/67/90/93/create10.jpg

Part 2.

In the name of our Lord, (Gloria In Excelsis Deo), let it be known on this, the 30th day, of the 4th month in the year of our Lord Anno Domine 2017, his most Royal Highness the Goblin Prince - Victoria, Vires Et Honor, Rex et Imperator - for the greater wealth and glory of the Crazy Horoscopes empire, presents to you, Dei Gratia, the grand history of the life of Alabastor, of the Crowley family.

You were born into a respected household on the 30th day, of the 8th month in the 1995th year of our Lord Anno Domine, to Miss Ethel MooseLumps, dear and beloved wife of Mr Oscar ChodeSmoker

When you were 9 years old, you had an operation on your left eye which permanently left you with a condition that makes you glow in the dark and plop ice-cubes from your rear when frightened.

When you were older you went into the manure and marzipan business. You were the sales rep for a large company who sold marzipan and manure to travelling minstrels and toothless people. It was believed to be a common cure for ailments such as Chimpitis and Beetlechops. After several years you decided you'd had enough and that it was time to move on in life.

You later on decided to pursue a career as a Sugar-Bum. That basically involved removing excess sugar canes from the butts of the rich aristocrats and incinerating them on a fire built from glue and spears. You were paid in tea leaves and purple moths. After a while you got bored of this career and decided it was best to quit.

You currently own a ranch where you breed the finest racing cheeses which can run more then 200mph in a race. You sell spotlights to chimps and your garden is filled with flowers made of used tissues.

And tis with the deepest regret and sympathies, that I endeth this historical account, as we approacheth the current day. May the Lord God grant thee a long life and may it be as fruitful as your past historie.

(Let it be forever, for eternity) Esto Perpetua In Aeternum