The Things Moms Say

First topic message reminder :

Okay we all have moms who tell us the same thing over and over. Don't you hate it? lol, where here are a few things my mom told me while I was still living at the house:

"Am I talking to the wall?"

"Going to a party? Leave a phone number in case I need to call."

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out! " <---my mom's fav

"You can't find it? Well, if you'd put things where they belonged, you wouldn't have this problem."

"Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?"

"Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty!"

"I don't know is NOT an answer." <----another one of her fav's



Lol, that was just a few...anyone else? hehe

Life is short, stop reading Harry Potter fanfics.

(It IS really odd how moms all say the same things...)

--Mom: The grass is always greener on the other side!
Me: The grass isn't green at all.
Mom: Having fun, aren't you?

--Finish everything on your plate!
--Why does it take you so long to eat?
--Mom: Are you going to finish that?
Me: Why, do you want it?
Mom: No...*mumble*

--Don't put empty bottles back in the fridge!
--Who left the milk out again?

--The world is full of lowlifes, but you don't have to be like them!

--Mom: He's a famous designer, and he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, like everyone else.
Me: Yeah, but they were probably expensive jeans...
Mom: So what? What's the big deal?

My mom is pretty funny.

OK so I am at the library actually my mommy is dropping me off and there are these girls in the parking lot from my school and I don't like them...
Me~"Mom run them over!" I know mean but I was just kidding
Mom~"No..They'll hurt the car." My mom so not kidding
Me~"MOM!!" I am shocked she would say that.
Mom~"What!? They are bigger then a deer." I was laughing at this point
....aren't we nice

some regular things my mom says
Watch your sister please
HEY DON'T FLUSH...."**me flushes toilet** "the toilet. AHHH HOTT!!" mom jumps out of shower.
JAQULENE ANN ****** NO NO NO I TOLD YOU NO
Traci Jane *****Vacumm the living room thanks

Yeah there are probably more

My daddy can be cool too. So it was saturday night and we were talking about random stuff and it turns on how I am such the good one in the faimly....
Dad~"Traci you have it made. You could probably murder someone and get away with it because I would be but she's the good one." I smile
Me~"I'll keep that in mind."
Dad~" No you won't."

some regular things out of my dad

Gosh Traci I thought you were smart not special
For a smart person you sure are dumb

A lot of the other things are not appropiate for young ears....eyes in this case

I heard you the first time, I'M NOT DEAF!

XD

Every year: "Why aren't you guys helping me with the Christmas tree lights?" Two minutes later: "Leave it alone. You guys are messing it up. Just go sit down."

"If you keep bugging me, I won't sign your permission form." Due date of said form comes along. "You should have reminded me. Maybe next time I won't sign it at all."

"Just let me do it." (regarding cooking, dishes, homework, etc).

"Your just like your father." Never meant as a compliment.

"I'm trying to read."

Here're a few of my mum's:

Mum: How was school?
Me: Fine.
Mum: Can I have an answer with more that one syllable? How was school?
Me: Ok.
(lol)

"How can you live in this room!"
"It's 11 o'clock! Get off the computer and go to bed!"
"Go and use the bathroom before Dad goes for a bath."
"I say 'dishing up' so that you can go to the toilet BEFORE dinner."
"One hour's study... NOW!"
"Have you got any homework?"
"Tidy your room or I'll take the keyboard and mouse off your computer." <--- Fate worse than death! No HE!!

More to come... really soon. My mum just saw the state of my brother's room, and most of the language at the moment is a bit offensive.

I've got more...

Annoying times when your friends are over for dinner...
"So Jennifer, who's the next boy in your life?"
"You're going to have great fun at your wedding..." I'm 14...14!!!!
"You know other people's parents embarass their parents."
"Apparently we're not allowed to embarrass Jennifer today..."

"JENNIFER CLAIRE --- YOU'RE A PART OF THIS FAMILY!"
"Go outside and socialise!" With what, the cows? "Go and talk to the girl next door!"
"GET OFF THAT COMPUTER AND UNPACK SOME BOXES!"
"WHAT IS THAT?" It's a scar mum, it was over a year ago. "Then WHY didn't you tell me about it?!"
"Your rat has made a 'mess' downstairs, go and clean it up." It's a guinea pig. "It's a rodent, go and clean up!"
"You need to get a boyfriend."
"Are you sure you don't want to go out?"
"Phone a friend and arrange something."

* Talking to some one in a video conversation with some one you met on HE*
"Jennifer, here's your underwear, put it away now please!"
Dad: "Put that boy down!"

*In M&S during one of our trips home.*
"How about this one?!" In an embarrassingly loud voice when in the underwear department.
"You are NOT going out wearing that!"
"Seriously, where would you wear that? The muck heap?"

Right lest get this started:

Mum:

'What did your last slave die of?'

'Seriously!'

'MATTTTTTHHHHHHEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW'


Step dad
(this list will go on for a but, he never shuts up!)

'Why is this here? When has t been there from? Why didn't you lift it?'

'You give me one more dirty look like that and ill brain you!'

'Stop storming up those stairs!'

'If you got up off your back side and do something you might be like James (brother)'
reply : Humph! Like i wanna smell like a pig and work so hard i become snotty and dominant!

'I'm the boss now, not your mother'

'You walk all over your mother'
reply: No i don't! Shes not a mat you know!

' MAAAAATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHEEEEWWWWWW MMMMMMMMCCCCCCCCCNNNNNNNNIIIIIIHHHHHHOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!!'

'MMMMMCCCCCNNNNNIIIICCCCHHHHOOOOLLLL!'

'Do you ever shut up about Charmed and Harry Potter?'

'Were'd you get that book from?'
The shelf its one of yours i finished all mine
'humph, never seen it before'
because I would surprised if you could read

'Matthew listens to tasteful music'
(talking about how bad my brothers music is compared to mine'

'There's the brains of this family!'
*points at me who wants to fall into the core of the earth and die!*

'Call it and it'll jump out in front of you why not?!'

'Nadia? Who's she?'
my best friend I've been telling mum about for like 30 minutes now!
'Oh right, she good looking?'
Shut up! *slaps*

DAD:

'Do i look like a taxi service?'
Well all you need is the sign and license and then yes!

'Am I your salve?'
Yes
'Its okay I only see you at weekends'
Really? Never noticed! I'm very sad now can i have money to go drink my sorrows away?
'Yea, come on wanna lift in too?'
Yea please
*rolls in drunk!*
'Have you been drinking'
No
'Yea you have!'
No s**t Sherlock you gave me the money!
'Yea that's right, If your mum asks Leanne gave it to you!'
She didn't!

Lets see....heres some I can remeber

*comes out in a happy bunny shirt and blue jeans*
mom: No, thats shows you have boobs.
me: momma, its the nicest shirt i have
mom: we are only going to the fair, but something else on.
me: no I like this.
mom: We'll stop at The Outlet and find you a nicer shirt that doesnt show you.
me: .... Fine...

~~*~~*~~

*grabs a bag of family size chips and cookies*
mom: Are you pregnant?
me: *chokes* Momma, no! Why would you say that?
mom: because you just had a grilled cheese sandwhich
me: It looks like it didnt feel me up huh?

~~*~~*~~
me: can I go to the football game?
mom: no.
me: please
mom: no
me: Why not?
mom: There are boys there.
me:....duh, its a game. Well can I go to the dance
mom: no.theres guys there to.
dad: Looks like you're going no where huh?
me: Aww come on, let me go with madison!!
mom: No.
me: he is my cousin!! He cant do anything.
dad: I dont trust him, his eyes are weird.
me: Fine, I'll grow up knowing I never left the house
dad: Thats my girl!

~~*~~*~~

mom: SMOKEY!!
me: What? Dont call me that
mom: Ok cigarette girl, go clean your room.
me: I just did.
mom: well your dad said its not clean.
me: he isnt here.
mom: yes, but we know you.

~~*~~*~~

mom: LESLEY RANDALL -----
me: Ma'am?
mom: why dont you like Chris ---
me: because he is my best friend/brother!
mom: he is cute, he looks like Neville Longbottom
me: Momma! He is my best friend, I dont like him like that!
mom: Yes you do, you just dont know it

~~*~~*~~

*sitting talking to shadow , nixy and pickles on MSN*

mom: Whose that? *points to shadow*
me: Her name is Jennifer, but everyone calls her Shadow
mom: Where she from?
me: France
mom: Dont think about going there
me: i will.
mom: NO! Whose that *points to Nixy*
me: Nixy. She lives in England
mom: Your not going there either.
me: yes I am!
mom: No, over my dead body! Whose is that *points to pickles*
me: Pickles, Matthew, Jamie. I call him all of those.
mom: He looks like a geek!
me: momma! Thats mean.
mom: Do you like him?
me: momma! no, I dont. He is just my friend.
mom: Thats what you said about Chris.
me: We are still friends though!
mom: Thats what you think, *looks at screen* Oh he has a fish! He looks like Bobby Brady to! I wanna talk to him.
me: No. He doesnt, he looks like a person. And he does have a fishy. I think it died though.
mom: Where does he live?
me: Ireland.
mom:....You can go if you want.
me: *blushes red and hits head on the computer* no momma, the only way i'm going there is to force feed him the chocolate pie and shrimp jumbalaya.
mom: cough *yesh right* cough.
me: I wish I had a book.
mom: I love you to Ken.

Ok, here's mine.

*On holiday in Malta*

Mum: Lucy, take that heart off your face NOW!
Me: But mum...Hannah has one too.
Mum: (looks at Hannah) oh...you have one too....never mind...

Hannah: Why did the girl fall off the bike
Me: Why?
Hannah: Cause someone threw a fridge at him.
(Both Laugh)
Me: Ok....why did the girl fall out of the tree?
Hannah: Why?
Me: Because someone threw a rollercoaster at her.
(More laughing)
Me: Oh...I have another one....why did the man fall down the stairs>
Hannah: Why?
Me: Because someone threw a pizza at his face.
Mum: Now you'se are just getting silly girls.

Mum: Why take the stair's when there is a perfectly good lift.
Me: I don't like lifts
Mum: Oh....rubbish Lucy...this is a special lift.
Me: *Feels like I'm about four*

(In the middle of an outdoor restaurant in Malta...cockroach lands on the table)
Me: *Screams*
Mum: Shh....Lucy please...this is a nice place....and it's us that's invaded their country...

Mum: I'm getting a packet of crisps and I'm not sharing them with either of you'se.
Me: Zzzzz (alseep you numpties))
Hannah: Mmm

*Random days at home*
Mum: What did you buy in the town today?
Me: a DVD
Mum: What DVD?
Me: *Looks at Hannah for help....and none comes* Seed of Chucky
Mum: Seed of Chucky....of all the things you could buy.....seed of Chucky?
(One hour late)
Mum: (mumbles) Seed of Chucky...

(A while later)
Me: MUM! HAVE YOU SEEN MY SEED OF CHUCKY DVD?!
Mum: I disposed of it.
Me: WHAT?! WHY?!
Mum: You have enough obsessions.
Me: What obsessions?
Mum: (Counts on fingers) Harry Potter, the internet, Friends.
Me: Oh do shut up mum.
Mum: Oh, and so you know, I stood on it before I threw it out.
Me: *Groans*

(The next day)
Mum: Hello....I'm home.
Me: Hi
Mum: How was school?
Me: Good....we had a GCSE discussion in the hall today and I actually had fun for the first time in PE.
Mum: You looked for that DVD didn't you?
Me: Nope.


Dad: It's 12 o'clock...get off the internet....you need your beauty sleep.
Me: Should I be insulted?

(Six years ago)
Mum: What's this stain?
Me: I um....dropped toast on my bed.
Mum: Toast doesn't make a green stain....and why is your tongue green.
Me: I...um...had a sweet.
Mum: Then why is it on the bed.
Me: Ok....don't yell at me...but I licked a magic marker to see what it tasted like and then to get the horrible taste away I licked my quilt.
Mum: YOU GET INTO THAT BATHROOM AND WASH YOUR TONGUE! YOU COULD HAVE POISONED YOURSELF!

Dad: Lucy...I think the cats been sick under the table.
Me: (Goes to look)
Dad: HAHA April Fool!
Me: Dad....it's the 31st of March dear

Sox (My cat): Meow...meow....meow..
Mum: Sox! What are you meowing about?
Me: You do know that's a cat.

*Out shopping*
Mum: (To dad) Try on this t-shirt Spiro
Dad: *sighs*
Mum: Oh go on...you know you want to.
Dad: No I do not.

(Two years ago)
Mum: Yes...we'd like a 28AA please.
Sales assistant: *Sniggers*
Mum: (loudly) Oh it's not for me...it's for my daughter.
Me: Thanks mum for that.

Mum: *Holding up her new bra* Oh....I've bought the same on as last year.
Me: Mum....slash out a bit...buy at least two.
Mum: I'm just very set in my ways Lucy.
Me: (mumbles) in more ways than one.

*Most recent ones*
Me: (Knocks down pile of papers) Oops
Mum: Lucy....why do you have to be so clumsy
Me: It's not something I can help
Mum: try please.

Mum: Get off that computer and come and help with the dishes.
Me: I don't do dishes.
Mum: You do now.

Me: Can I go to Newry with Hannah and Sam on Wednesday
Mum: I hope you aren't going to be the gooseberry
Dad: And does her mother know she's going
Me: Yes and no I'm not going to be the gooseberry.

Me: (To Hannah) I'm thinking about asking this guy out.
Mum: No....you wait for the boy to ask you out...and I think JW's a lovely wee fella....he would make a lovely boyfriend....I would want him too if I was your age...but wait to be asked out by him.
Me: Oh for the love of...


LucyXX

LUCY MY MUM AND DAD AND ME JUST SPENT THE PAST TEN MINUTES WETTIN OURSELVES OVER THAT LUCY!
OMG!

OH! and the time Lucy's mum told us to be back at 2pm, and we were back at 2.02pm and her mum had left a note saying "You were not home at the right time Lucy May, we will discuss this later."

MY MOTHER AND HER WAYS:

((At midday when Im online and in my bed))
Mum: ((Opens the curtains)) OMG! THE LIGHT! DOES IT BURN HANNAH? DOES IT?

Hannah: (mumbles)
Mum: What was that?!

ALL THE TIME:
Mum: Am I a maid service now?
Hannah: Uhh....
Mum: Dont even think about it.

((Weekends))
Hannah: ((Ambles downstairs half awake))
Mum: UP BEFORE MIDDAY? ((Puts hand on Hannah's forhead to check if she has a temperature))

Mum: HANNAH!? WILL YOU COME HERE PLEASE?
Hannah: Imm busy!
Mum: You're online! Now who's more important, Jenn, or me?
Hannah: You REALLY dont want me to answer that.

((When she goes out))
Mum: Now make SURE you turn the oven on!

Mum: KEEP. YOUR. PHONE. ON.
Hannah: In the past five years, I have not turned my phone off once.
Mum: Ive told you a million times not to exaggerate!

And thats just the beginning....

"Go to sleep early!" (every night)

"Have you started studying for law?" (just about every night since I got back to uni this term xD)

"What have you eaten today?" (every night)

"Why don't you call me? Don't you love me anymore?" (in term one, when she'd call me every evening, anyhow ... what's the point in *me* calling, then? xD)

Me: "Can I please ... get a Nintendo DS for Christmas?"
Mom: "You're twenty, grow up! ... now, if you asked me for a law book, I'd get you that one ..."

"You're reading manga AGAIN?!"

After her telling me to look for cheap flights from Brum to Warsaw, after me looking for them for like, 1:30 h, not finding much, her changing her mind and telling me to look for flights from London ... we finally settled on whatever flight from Brum...

.... and then she tells me, "Now go back to your studying, don't waste any more time!"
I was like, "..... you tell me that after 2 hours of looking for flights! :D"
"You shouldn't have taken that long."


... well, it was *her* who had the idea of a thorough search XD .. I sorta knew it long before that the most convenient Brum-Warsaw airline, bmibaby, wasn't flying that route anymore and I was perfectly fine with any flight lol XD


edit:

Oh yay, I think I have one of the world's most demanding mothers. XD Just today, she told me, "if you don't get more than 80% in all your exams, it means you've wasted your time the whole year." .... Mum? Hello? This is Uni, 60% counts as "good" over here ... "Yes, well, I don't care." XD ... don't get me wrong, I don't intend to slack off and get bad grades, but c'mooon ... 70% would still be a first ... gimme some credit, mom! ... also, please mom, understand that the first year of uni is pretty much the last time I get to procrastinate and have fun without fearing it will ruin my life ... don't take that away from me! XD (... unfortunately, if I tell her this last thing, she'll go bonkers. XD that and my true going-to-bed hours are secrets to be well kept. XD)

Hm... I have some new ones now that we've *finally* unpacked all the boxes and aquires two dogs...

Mum: "Jennifer, go take the dogs out."
Me: "It's Andrew's turn to take them out."
Mum: "I don't care, take them for a good two hour walk!"
Dad: "TAKE THE ******* DOGS OUT NOW!"

"Jennifer, it's after two o'clock, you need to feed the dogs!"

Mum: "Jennifer, your brother's been up all night with the dogs, so you're doing all the walks today, and you have to look after them as well."
Me: "So nothing's changed this past week, has it?"
Mum: "DO NOT TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME!"

"Jennifer, have you phoned round the kennels yet?"

"Jennifer, what's this?" As she points to a tick on one of the dogs.

"JENNIFER! TORRIN HAS A TICK! GET YOUR BACKSIDE OFF THE COMPUTER AND COME AND PULL IT OUT!"

"Well I don't know where the leads are!"

"Jennifer, xhat does it mean when a dog does *insert some movement/bodily function of a dog*"

Me: *writing my book and listening to music*
Dad: "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING?!"
Me: "Writing my book and listening to music."
Dad: "I don't care if you're painting the ******* Mona Lisa! Turn off that music!"

A phone call I got from my parents one day when I was walking to the station after school:
Me: "Hello?"
Mum: "Jennifer, what do you do to catch a horse?"
Me: "Why?"
Mum: "I just had a phone call from Dad and apparently Isis* is standing outside the kitched window..."

*Isis: A horse that lives up the road and belings to one of the girls I know from my riding stables.