Ask Snape

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Dear Dark Lord.

I really don't like you, you broke my heart, go play with zombies. And yes that does eman i won't be reportin to the manor for my crucio im far to busy and handsome to do so.

Snapeywapey.

Dear Snivellius,

Is it true you only have one pair of boxers?

Your Worst nightmare

Dear My Worst Nightmare

I don't know how you head such tru-false (i meant false) rumor

-Snape not Snivellus


---------

Dear Snapeypoo

Why don't go come visit me anymore?
are you too busy with ladies, i always knew you were a ladies' man!

Love Mum

Dearest mumsy

Im sorry for not visiting, my life has been filled with far too many females for me to keep count of, i promise to come to tea a week on saturday in seven years.

Severus.

Dearest Snapeypoo

Can i wash your hair, scratch your back and just completely boil you in a bag?

love you always
Lucius

Mr. Malfoy,

Let's make the situation clear again: I do not know you
And please stay away from me or I'll call the Muggle FBI
Who are very very very dangerous people with pepper spray
yes, that spray that you're allergic to

-Snape

Dear Luv,

This is ur most most secretest love that has been in love u since like 4ever!!
please meet me by the lake @ 4 - thanxs

XOXO
-Your Boyfriend

URGH YOUR BOYFRIEND

stay away from me, AVADA KEDARVA!
thats you sorted.

Snape.


Dear snapeypoo,

you are invited to the biggest party of the year, Hufflepuff's Beach Party, taking place in the common room, right now! Come dance Disco Queen!

Yours
HUfflepuff's Mad one.

Dear HUfflepuff's Mad one

I would go toyour party except I have to maintain my wonderful mean reputation and can't be seen at a beach party even if I love those
If I'm allowed to wear a costume or disguise, I'll go

Delighted,
Snape

Dear SmellySnape

I heard you never shower because you're afraid of getting water in your eyes and drowning in your bathroom
Is that true?

From Curious But Disgusted

Dear Curious But Disgusted

alas it is true, i am afraid of getting water in my eyes, i have no idea what to do!

yours
severus "afraid of water" snape


Dear Snapeypoo

You left your boxers at my house last night, ive washed them for you and i thought, since my huby is away you'd like to spend another weekend with me?

forever loving you
Cissy

Dearest Cissy

Next time please tell the owl to deliever it to me and specify the instrutions
today it went to draco first and he fainted from shock

-Sev
P.S. I'll get my boxers tomorrow

Snape,

Why are you spending the weekend with my mum?
I'm gonna tell daddy!

-Draco

Draco,

He already knows. oh what the heck, Obliterate.

Snape.

Snapeypoo darling,

it's Bella, are we still on for next tuesday?

Bellawellla

Dear Bella,

Tuesday will be great.
See you then darling

xoxoxo
Snape

Snape,

ARE YOU CHEATING ON MY MUM?
How DARE you?!?

-Draco

p.s. your spell didn't work- HA

Draco,

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
It'll work this time! Obliterate!

Severus Snape.


My Dearest Severus,

We still on for tonight?

Love,
Minerva.

=x

Minnie,

Of course.
I'll see you in the 2nd floor closet on midnight

Hugs N' Kisses
Your Darling Snape

Dearest Snapeylove

Someone sent me a note that you are cheating on me!
I hope not 'cause I was really looking forward to Friday

Hope you see you then
Love Sibyll

[me: why is snape dating so many people?]

Dear Sibyll,

I am.
Sorry.
We still on for Friday??

Love,
Severus.

Dear Snape,

I know what you are and I'm watching you.

-Dumbledore.

[I was wondering that myself..lol]

Dumbledore:

Please Do. Not. Stalk. Me.
Or I may be forced to call you a pervert

-Snape

Snape

How dare you eat my marshmallow?
That was my personal favorite flavor!

-Draco Malfoy

P.S. Dumbledore set up a camera in your room

Draco,

It asked for it.
Sitting there looking all marsh and mellowy.
Get another one.

Dumbledore is such a perv.

Snape.

Dear Severus,

I know what you did last summer.

Harry Potter

Harry,

I know what you did last summer too

Sev

Snape,

Malfoys do not SIT there and look marsh and mellowy
You should have that job

-Draco

Draco,

Don't make me come over there!

Snape.

Severus,

Oh yeah?? Then prove it!!!!

Harry

Harry,

Well..in the morning you woke up
then you breathed
then you got up
then you went down stairs
etc.

-Sev
P.S. Dumbledore is a STALKER! he installed cameras everywhere! (even you're room)

Snape,

Then come over here then
Bet you're scared!
*imitate chicken squawks*

-Draco
P.S. Beat That!

Draco,

Oh yes, I'm sooo scared.
Yeah, that was sarcasm.

BRING IT.

Snape

Severus,

HOW DID YOU KNOW??

ARE YOU SERIOUS??
What for?
Old man pervert?

Harry

Draco

Ha! I would bet I'll be kissed by the dementer for killing a little kid VERY violently

-Snape
P.S. and your father will sue me

Harry,
Didn't you see his flat screen T.V. in his room for looking at people?

-Sev

Harry,

No! When did you see that???

Snape

Snape,

Please, I'd blast you into the middle of next week.
and my father can mind his own.

Draco

Harry,

It was right on the door - DUH
Jeez Potter sometimes I think dumbles is more aware than you

Sev

Draco,

Oh really?
Then why are you the student and I'm the professor?

-Snape the powerful

Snape,

cause I'm not old enough? Duh.
and you call yourself a proffesor.
Bring it old man!

Draco

Severus,

I wear the pants in this relationship!!!

Harry

Harry,

when you quote me, please site it

-Sev

Draco,

After you jump off cliff and stand on the table shouting: I'm as WEEEIIRDDO
that shows that you're not scared

then I'll duel with you
-Snape the Mighty

Severus,

Really?
Okay!
Meet me in the great hall and I'll do it!

Draco

Dear Severus Snape,

You should wash your hair.
I mean, really, that's gross, man.
They make shampoo for that.

Voldemort

Voldemort

do you know what are contacts?
red makes you look fat

-Snape

Draco,

Remember first : Jump off a cliff

-Snape
P.S. Get ready to be murdered...mwhahaha

Snape,

....
ANTONIO BANDARAS!!!
hah, bet you though I was going to say
AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!

No one calls me fat.

Voldemort

Severus Snape,

I am sorry to inform you that Draco Malfoy died a few minutes earlier.
Apparently he thought it would be fun to jump off a cliff.

Best Wishes,
Albus Dumbledore.
p.s. I'm still watching you. ; )

Dumbledore,

Thank you for the wondeful
that is such horrible news!
please tell the malfoys that I am offering them my DEEPEST symphathies

-Snape
P.S. Harry called you a pervert and I agree with him

To Voldie Mort
I am not scared of you and your silly bandaras
plus I was just giving you advice

-Snape
P.S. Malfoy Jr. died so you should express gratitude towards me ; )

(the game is called Ask snape, people ask Snape Questions, not Snape Ask other people questions. and why oh why did u both kill draco? meh evil girls. DETENTION!)

Dear Professor snape,

You are hereby ordered to report to the Ministry of Magic to give evidence in the hearing of the death murder accident suicide of Mr Draco "my dad is so hott" Malfoy, please be ware failure to show will lead to you being locked in a room with a hormonal Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy.

You have been Warned.
Yours
My underwear are cleaner then urs.

[oh..oops]

Dear My underwear are cleaner then urs

You did not have the official MoM stamp on the envelop so I will not go because I collect them and you're not helping

-Snape

Mr. Snape:

You are invited to Mr. Draco My-Dad-Is-So-Hot Malfoy's funeral at Disneyland
Please bring a swimsuit and a straw

-Crazy Man the Malfoy Representative

Dear Crazy Man the Malfoy Representative

I would love nothing more than

I can not attend this funeral due to prior commitments with my hairdresser.
My happiest congragulations to my Malfoy lovers, the loss of their son must be a great thing for them.

Yours
Mr. S. Snape

Snapeypoo,

Why oh why do you return my letters unread and marked with a big fat T?
Have i offended you?

Love always
Hermypoo

Hermypoo

Yes you have offended me
Oh and it's marked T because that's my favorite letter from Troll and Tinkerbell

-Snape

Mr. Snape

I am still watching your every move
Please stop stalking Harry

-Albus Dumbledore who doesn't want to write out his middle names

Dear Albus,

You're just jealous that I'm not stalking you.

-Severus
P.S. PERV.

Dear Severus Snape,

I was wondering how your hair got that greasy glow.
I've been working on mine for years and I just can't seem to get it right.

Sincerely,
Argus Filtch

Flich,

Oh, my hair is naturally like that.
I know everyone's jealous of my beautiful hair

If you are really desperate, you can ask someone to put glamour on it

-Sev

To: The Very Oblivious Person Snape

You are so oblivious that all the girls at school is swooning over you

From: Just a Hint To You

To Just a Hint To You

I know they are swooning over me, i ignore them because none of them are my beloved.

You're just Jealous.

Snape.

Dear Snivellus
Please can you return the items which you stole from my book bag and the items which you stole from Lily Evans, i so know she never gave them to a sniveling wimp like you.

The worlds greatest Chaser and handsome god, Prongs.

Dear The worlds greatest Chaser and handsome god, Prongs.

I will not return anything to you since
1. I just don't want to
2. You're dead
3. You're Ugly

-Snape the Person Who's Alive

To: Overgrown Bat

Stop being so biased toward us

-A Gryffindor

Dear A Gryffindor

1500000000 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!

Love always
Snape.


Dear Sev

Could you possibly bring me some chocolate milk into the afterlife? It's rather thristy work being dead.

Yours forever
Lily

Dearest Lily,

I'll love to but I can't abandon my WONDERFUL job of teaching your idiotic great son

I knew you'll understand
Yours Always,
Sev

P.S. I'll remember to tell Dumbles to bring them
P.P.S. How did you send a letter anyway

Dearest Sev,

Why don't you visit me anymore?
I miss you a lot
And I bought some new clothes for you. All pink, your favorite color if I remembered correctly

Love
Mummy

Dear Mummy,

Thank you oh so much i adore pink dont you agree it looks flattering one me?

Sev.


Hey Sev

Thanks for gettting Dumbly to bring me something to drink.
Im sending this letter via Trewlawey
you know the cute witch who see's things and has a major crush on you!
I miss u snooklebums.

Lily

Dearest Lily,

Please tell the seer that I only have eyes for you

Love ya always lilypad,
Sev

To Severus Snape

You have won $1000 galleons from the raffle you entered at Pinky Horsie Day Care at the age of 9. Please come pick it up at the Amazon Rain Forest at 9am on Satuday

From: the PHDC inc.

Dear the PHDC inc

I am thrilled to have won!
Is there any chance however you can simply deposit my winning sinto vault 598 at Gringotts?

Yours
Severus Snape.

Darling,

I do believe you have a stalker
Other then myself
Please tell Dumbly to stop stalking you and to stop sending me curses via Owl.

your loveing Grawpywarpy

Grawpywarpy,

I know I have a stalker it's pretty obvious when I saw him dress like a ninja and try to hide behind a first year student.

-Snape
P.S. go tell him yourself

Snape,

I heard a rumor from someone that you are being stalked by the old man Dumbles.
Please get him to see a shrink soon. Last time he stalked me, I found him clinging to the celing of my common room...it was very distrubing

-Trying to Help

Dear Trying to Help,

You think I could get 'old man Dumbles' to see a shrink? I've been trying to for the last... oh... 25 years or so. You should send this to the Dark Lord.

~ Snape

Dear Greasy Git though I still Respect You,

Could you please do something about Dumbledore? He's been giving me these weird looks lately... it's scaring me... and I'm the Boy-Who-Lived. I know that if anyone can do it, it's you Snape.

- Harry Potter[/b]

Harry Potter,

I was planning to send him to the Dark Lord since I know the D.L. is an excellent shrink. (i overheard a session he had with Malfoy Senior)

Other than that, I've been trying to distract him by putting the Giant Squid in his room, but you should help me too.

-Snape

To Severus Snape

I know you are passing notes with Harry and your people.
Stop! Or I'll be forced to put a camera in your bathroom to see if you are following my instuctions.

-Dumbledore the Great Ninja

Dear Dumbledore the Great Ninja,

uhh can you just shut up, and i dont care ill just find it and kill it with the killing curse. So ya! Harry is mine now to send notes to!

~ Snape

to Snape

You better or ill show you my super cool ninja moves! =O ohh what u gunna do now, what what!

Dumbledore the Great Ninja

Dumbledore the Ninja

Oh, you mean those lame ballet moves is what you call your 'super cool ninja moves' dream on old man

-Snape

Snape,

Why in Merlin's hat did you send Dumbledore the Candy Freak to me? He's driving me crazy, i think i'm going to send him to Wormtail since he said he's life goal is to become a shrink

-Voldemort the DL with Supreme Coolness

Lord In Darkness,

I do my hair myself...just go by 'Grisy Gell 4ever' then you'll hair will be sleek and cool like mine

-Snape

Dear Snape,

I challenge you to a battle of dark and evil

-Harry Potter

Gred and Forge,

1000 points from Gryffindor and you are sentenced to a eat brussel sprout detention for 2 weeks

-Professor Snape

Snape

please stop harassing harry

-Sirius from the Dead