Ask Snape

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Subject: Ask Snape Fri Jan 26 2007, 15:57

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Sep 18 2007, 23:48

Dead Doggy Sirius,
Go find a ghost bone to chew, I do as I please.
Snape

Fumbledore,
I know about your plan to have the pets and owls poop on me. Shame on you.
Snape

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 19 2007, 18:40

Dumbledore,

Stop talking to me….talk to The Hand

-Snape

Mr. S.Snape

Congratulations! You just won a free ipod
Owl us your credit card number for to confirm your prize

From: Swin-dle Inc.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 19 2007, 20:35

To: Swin-dle Inc.
From: The office of Severus Snape

I don't need your silly little Muggle toys, I have my own singing Cornish pixie band. They do a lovely little bluegrass routine.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Severus,

Have you ever considered dying your hair? I think you would look most lovely in a pastel shade of pink.

Yours,
Luna Lovegood

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 19 2007, 20:54

Luna Lovegood,

Really? I never thought that pink will look good on me!
Can you recommend someone that can dye it for me?

Excited,
Snape

S. Snape
You are cordially invited to the birthday party of Lord Voldemort
Pink clothing required (preferring pink bunny suits)

Hope you can make it,
Lord Voldemort Dark Lord of Extreme Evilness

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 19 2007, 21:12

Lord Voldemort Dark Lord of Extreme Evilness,

Sorry, but my pink bunny suit is at the dry cleaners. I'm seeing how Muggles do things.

With utmost respect,
Severus Snape

-------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Severus,

I'm having an acne problem and the dance is tomorrow! Can you give me a potion to help me out?

Neville

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 19 2007, 22:22

Neville ,
Ah, of course! I have acne problems a lot.
Come back the classroom after lunch and I’ll give you a potion

-Sev
-----
Snape,
Hullo, just want to say I just wrote a book!
& I was hoping you would recommend it to Lord Vodie for me since I lost his email
The book is called 101 Tips to Help You Become an Eviler Dark Lord by H.P.

-Potter

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 19 2007, 22:36

Potter,

I wouldn't even touch anything by you, let alone recommend it to anyone else

Snape

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Snape

Can you tell me how you get your hair so lustrous? I want to have hair like yours.

Gilderoy Lockheart

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 19 2007, 22:42

GL-

My mummy did it for me Ask Snape - Page 3 436937

It's one of a kind

-Snape
---------------------------

Snape,

Please come by my office for an emergency checkup
I think you are dying

-The Nurse

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Sep 20 2007, 18:27

Madam Pomfrey,

I am dying. We are all dying. It's called life, you silly woman

Snape

-----------------------------------------------------
Dear Severus,

My wife and I are trying to concieve but no method seems to be working. Could you please give us advice?

Concerned in London

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Sep 21 2007, 23:09

Concered In London,

I have 3 words for you: Grease Your Hair

(it always works if you do so)

Good Luck
-Snape

-------------

Sev,

Hello! My name is Isi! I'm 5 years old and I really like you
My big broader said you are Santa! AND the Tooth Fairi!

Wow

can i have sumthing nice for cristmas, I am very very good
I am sendin u a list of what I want: it's 5 hole pages!
I write it all MYSELF!

Love Isi

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Sep 22 2007, 06:54

Isi,

Please never bother me again with your inane ramblings. I know I'm handsome, so please don't point out the obvious. But I am not Santa... Owl the Headmaster for that one.

NEVER owl me again,
Snape

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Severus,

All kinds of rumors have been flying around, Professor Snape. Is it true that you're actually a spy for the so-called Order of the Phoenix? Do you really haunt the dreams of witches with your sexy voice? Are you actually Dumbledore in disguise? I would love to here from you, Severus, regarding a possible interview? If any of these things are true... well Sevvy, the public has to know!

Awaiting your Reply,

Rita Skeeter

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Sep 22 2007, 18:16

Rita Skeeter:

Answers to your questions
Spy: No Answer
Sexy Voice: You are right on!
I'm Dumbledore: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! I'M NOT THAT OLD MAN I'M WAY MORE HOT THAN HIM

-Sevvy

P.S. I can let you interview me later this evening at Magic R US

---------------

Dear Snape,

I want to say you are a idiot

thank you for your time

-Random Bob

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Sep 22 2007, 20:21

Random Bob,

No, actually YOU are the idiot! I have more intelligence in my right pinky than you have in your obviously bumbling body. If I ever see you, I will make you wish you were born a slug.

Snape

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Severus,

Recently, my boyfriend died, and I'm having problems getting over him. He was cute, smart, and oh-so-dreamy. What can you do to help me?

Sincerely,
Cho Chang

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Sep 22 2007, 23:21

Ms. Chang

I suggest you start dating someone more 'dreamy' than him
*cough* me *cough

-Sev

-----------

Dear Snape,

Hullo, I've come back from my vacation to the Land of Oz.
Please tell Lucius to report to me at noon and remind him that we have a tea party at 5.

-The Dark Dark Lord

Guest

Dear the Dark Dark Lord

I told Lucius and he said he couldn't come due to the fact he had an appointment with a muggle leg waxer and it was for the whole family so he didn't want to cancel!

Sevvy

Dear Sevvy
I live in a small Muggle town. Would you like to meet me outside the Wagon and Horses pub and we could have a really fun time. They do the best Muggle Whisky send a reply.

Tipsy In Tipton

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Sep 23 2007, 12:46

Tipsy in Tipton,

Not only do I detest you, I detest your entire miserable family. I would not wish to meet you if you were the last person on the face of the earth. Message me again only at your own peril.

Snape

----------------------------------------------------

Snapy!

I love you SOOOOO much! Can I please ice skate for you?

Casey

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Sep 23 2007, 13:36

Casey-

Sorry, I'm taken

-Sevvy

-----------------------------------

Sev-

Hello!
WE LOVE YOU!

-from SSFC (sevvy snape fan club)

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Sep 23 2007, 18:45

My fan club,

Thank you, I love me too. I told you before, I will not give you anything I own. Now leave me alone.

Snape

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Severus,

I wanted to apologize for teasing you in school. I know it was mean, I just couldn't help myself. James says he's sorry, too.

Sirius Black from across the veil

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Sep 23 2007, 21:48

Sirius and James,

Thank you all so much, your letter made me very emotional and floaty inside

All the best,
Sev
-------------

Snape-

Since you did not give me your muffin I’m going to kill you in the seventh book
Mwhahahaha

-Voldie

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Sep 24 2007, 07:07

Voldie,

If I die, it will be because I'm a pain in your butt, not because you didn't get my muffin. Now, please quit being so petty, I have to deal with that kind of whining all the time teaching these brats at Hogwarts.

Snape

===============================================

Snapy!

OMG I have been trying to get a hold of you for AGES!!! Will you please let me paint your toenails?!?!?!?!?!?

Tasha Frothenslosh

Guest

Tasha Frothenslosh

I will not be able to come til 5 o'clock on Friday but make sure youv'e got JET BLACK and VIVID PINK!!

Severus

===============================================
Severus Snape,

I am the friend of Tipsy in Tipton. She has been in a rage theese 2 days because you turned her down. If you don't apolgise I will hunt you down and use enough jinxes on you so you are deformed for the rest of your sad, miserable life!

On a rampage,
Zoe Mitton

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Sep 25 2007, 18:12

Zoe Mitton,

Jeez, go take an anger management class
Oh and by the way, my life is not sad and miserable

-Snape

Sevvy Love-

Hullo dear, it's me again! Your dear mummy.
I was wondering if you could invite me to another of those tea party of yours like you did when you were just a wee babe

-Mummy

Guest

Mummy

I am much to old for one of those tea parties but if you find me I'll try my best to make an small effort

Sev
===============================================
Severus

I've just had a baby boy and i've named him after you. He is going to have black hair and I wondered if I could get him to grow up and have the same kinda style as you. I will only do this if you say so because I have a huge amount of respect for you.

Please say yes
New Baby in Birmingham

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 26 2007, 21:14

New Baby in Birmingham-
Ah, of course you can do so. Although please remember to transfigure his nose hooked and grease his hair.
-Sev
-----
Snape,
I have your stuffed pikachu if you don’t pay me a million dollars by noon I will BURN it!
Mwhahaha

-the evil person

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 26 2007, 21:38

Evil Person

For raiding my bedroom, you shall die a slow and painful death. I have tainted this message with a slow contact venom. Now you know not to mess with a master of Potions.

Snape

PS: The Pikachu is not mine, it was confiscated from Ginny Weasley.

-------------------------------------------------------

Professor Snape,

I want to live again, can you help me?

Cedric Diggory

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Sep 26 2007, 22:06

Cedric Diggory:
You are obviously somewhat alive due to the fact you wrote me a letter.
If you really need my help, vow to become my forever fan
-Snape
P.S. also buy me a set of smiley stickers
-----
Hello
I am your worst enemy
Also your best friend

What or Who am I?

-RiddleMaster

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Sep 27 2007, 22:37

RiddleMaster,

It doesn't matter who you are! I am better than you, so therefore I don't care. Now go away.

Snape

---------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Snapy,

Will you please help the guy who plays Carlton on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air get a real career?

Sincerely,
Will Smith

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Sep 28 2007, 00:19

Will Smith

Tell him that he could work for me as an enternal servant

-Snape

----

Snape

Urgent Business! Please tell Lucius and the pituful man called wormtail to come to my dark lair (isn't that a cool name?) at noon tomorrow.
You can come too

-the Lord of Darkies

P.S. we are watching a movie so bring your fluffy bunny slippers

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Sep 28 2007, 10:21

Darkies Lord,

Lost the fuzzy bunny slippers, hate the dark lair, busy at noon tomorrow.

Snape.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dearest Snape,

Can you please help me? I've lost all my teeth and I need to get some new ones. I can't afford dentures and Medicaid refuses to help me.

Homeless in Seattle

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Sep 28 2007, 22:45

Homless in Seattle

first of all you need to get a life
second of all if you attend a party at 24 Dark Lair Ave I'll pay you two boxes full of gold

-Snape

p.s. write back if you get back

Sevvie:

I have anger management issues
help me or else I'll hunt you down

-Angry in Hawaii

Guest

Angry in Hawaii

I personaly recomoend Filius Flitwick, he gave me sessions for a small fee mabe if you do good enough charms for him(highly doubt it) he may make the fee smaller

ANYWAY- your death threat added onto the list, that now makes 64, and they still dont worry me

Snape

Severus darling,

My husband keeps disappaering for nights and sometimes weeks. Could you possibly tell me where he goes or who with?

Nacrissa

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 02 2007, 10:27

Dear Narcissa,

He is with me, so be quiet and find someone else, he is all mine, mine i tell you, MINEEEEEEEEEEEE

Severus.

Dear Sev

Is it true your still in love with me? I do hope its not tru because that would just be so sad, you silly man.

MRS Potter nee Evans

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 02 2007, 18:01

Mrs. Potter nee Evans

Because you cheated on my to marry That Potter Idiot I framed you for stealing the Dark Lord's teddy bear - and that's why he killed you ..mwhahaha

-Sev

-P.S. I love you anyways

--------------

Sevvie

You FORGOT our anniversary of out loving beautiful relationship!

Sad and Hurt
-HP

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 02 2007, 22:40

HP,

You are nothing but a bumbling idiot with a ton of good luck. If I hadn't promised Elfie I'd be good, I'd smite you down with a ton of bricks.

Snape

----------------------------------

Dear Snape,

I recently found out that my husband was cheating on me. What do you think I should do?

-Distraught in Denver

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 02 2007, 23:00

D in D

Hang him upside in public so people can see his underpants

-Snape

----------
Sev-

Can you ask your Dark Lord to come over to my house...I really want him to say "Come to the Dark side" to me... it's so cute !

Star Wars Fan

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 02 2007, 23:06

Star Wars Fan,

Obliviate!

Snape

------------------------------

Dear Snapy,

It is true you're Elfie's biggest fan?

-Curious in Cancun

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 02 2007, 23:11

Curious in Cancun

Actually she's my 2nd fan, the person who I most adore is myself

-Snape Lover

----

Snape

I keep washing my hands like every like 5 sec!
I also like use like like a lot like you know?

Like do you like have any like suggestions?

-Crazy In California

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 02 2007, 23:14

Crazy in Cali:

Get a life. Seriously.

Snape

--------------------------

Sna-py-poo!

I love you!

Moaning Myrtle

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 02 2007, 23:27

M. Myrtle

How did you even write a letter you're a ghost for Merlin's pants!

-Snape

P.S. I hate you too

---------------

Sevvie

Why are you cheating on me with HP? that loser!

-Ron The Weasel

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 03 2007, 01:30

-Ron The Weasel,

i am cheating on you because i can, and by the way, dont you know that he is the chosen one, and not some sidekick?

Sevvie.

Dearest Mr.S. Snape,

You are corginly invited to the joining of unions of Mr D Malfoy and MR P Potter. Please reply by return Owl if you wish to attend, Please reply by return Owl if you wish to Cruccio the socks off them both

Yours
Miss H Granger

Guest

Miss Granger

I wish to attend but it is only because I know both of their fathers and I know their wishes

Severus Snape

P.S I notice the use of Miss, still havn't found anyone deccent? Cuz I might know someone who might like a know-it-all like you
=====================================================================

Severus Snape,

you said you could come and have your toenails done at 5 last maoday. I have waited, I have turned down 6 appoinments, all at 5, in case you turned up. I also got your requested colours in.
What have you been doing?!
You have missed some brilliant nail art!!
With this letter I enclose the nail paint. If you still want me to do them send them ahead of your arrival and the style you want

This is your last oppertunity from me

Tasha Frothenslosh

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 03 2007, 17:52

Tasha Frothenslosh,

I am very very sorry about missing the appointment
I had to go crucio the socks of some of my fav people

With this letter I'm enclosing the colors I want: hot pink and black as usual!

See you Friday
-Sev

----

Snape

I heard that you were going to get your nails done at Tasha Frothenslosh's place. Can you ask her to send me some nail polish, I really want to try to do some of mine myself

- Filch

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 04 2007, 15:18

Filch,

It'll cost you 20 Galleons.

Snape

-------------------------------------

Professor Snape,

Please remember to turn in your OWL and NEWT scores, as we have not received them. Failure to do so will result in the fluufy green bunnies ninja-kicking your skull

Respectfully
The crazy-cool ninja pirate wizard,
Dumbledore

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 04 2007, 19:01

The crazy-cool ninja pirate wizard Dumbie:

I put them in your pink goat shaped mailbox by your room yesterday
By the way, I am happy to report that Harry Potter didn’t pass any of his tests – you owe me 82223300 galleons for losing the bet

The cooleset emo pirate
Captain Snape
====
Snape:

I heard that you and Harry Potter are going to start a fan club devoted for both you and him.
Can I have an invite?

-Lord Voldie The Man
P.S. if you don’t give me an invite I’ll take away your teddy bear Mr. Pickles

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 04 2007, 20:44

Lord Voldie,

I honestly don't know what you're talking about. I have absolutely no intentions of starting a fan club. I already have one, I believe Elfie has been voted my number one fan. Try talking to her about your own fan club.

Severus Snape

PS: I already gave Mr. Pickles away to Little Elf

--------------------------------------------------------

Captain Snape:

What exactly is an emo pirate?

Curious in Cambridge

Guest

Curious in Cambridge

Put 2 + 2 together you stupid person

Severus Snape
==========================================================
proffessor

I have your reply, Harry and Draco were thrilled. Anyway what was this about someone like me. Could you introduce me please sir *bobbing up and down*

Hermione

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Oct 05 2007, 16:20

Miss Granger,

Certainly, her name is Rita Skeeter. She's had a crush on you for ages. By the way, how formal shall I dress? I have my green tux at the cleaner's.

Snape.
-------------------------
Snapy-poo,

Why haven't you written me back, I promised you an exclusive interview for only ONE KISS!

Love always,
Rita Skeeter
Ask Snape - Page 3 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Oct 05 2007, 21:37

Rita-

MY kiss is worth way more than a lousy interview
give my 10000000000000000000000 galleons and I'll think it over

-Sev
------------------

S.S.

Okay you don’t me and I do not live on yellow brick road with wormtail and did not threaten to tell Mr. Pickles
I need some advice: I am scared of the dark, what do I do?

You-DON’T-Know-Who The DL

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Oct 05 2007, 21:47

Scaredy-Cat

Get a night light, it's what I did.

Snape
-----------------------------
Snapy,

Will you please let me measure you for a new set of dress robes? I have your other set here, and they are wearing thin in the buttocks region.

Cordially,
Agatha Witchley
Witchley's Tailoring
Ask Snape - Page 3 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Oct 05 2007, 22:02

Agatha Witchley,

Of course, I’ll go by your shop on Tuesday.

-Snape
P.S. please put EXTRA cushion on the buttocks region, I want to sit more comfy

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Snape,

As I told you 1000 times before use some other room as a snogging corner
I DO NOT want to walk on you again

- HP

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