What we can learn from the movies!

You might have seen this sort of thread on other boards - it's still pretty funny as people still manage to think of things to add to it.

Careful observation of teh movies can teach us valuable life lessons. For example:


1) Henchmen are invariably poor shots.

2) If you are held prisoner in some sort of industrial place or warehouse like place - don't worry, you will always be able to escape through the ventilations ducts.

3) No matter how tight your security, the enemy will always be able to plant one of their operatives within your organisation.

4) Any sort of lock can be picked with a paperclip or a hairclip.

5) You can steal a car by bashing away the underside of the steering column, pulling away any two wires and rubbing the ends together.

6) In a western, you can always catch up with the bad guys by heading them off at the pass. Bad guys are notoriously ignorant of local geography.

7) If a hero gets shot, the wound is invariably in the upper left arm and seems to be painless.

8 ) All animals understand spoken English.

9) Before polishing off the hero - the villain always explains his evil plan in great detail - always explaining how it can be foiled.

10) The authorities will never believe you when you warn them of an oncoming threat - people have to start dying first.


Please post what you have learned from the movies!

(Tell me if I do this right.)
If there is a big green skull with a spider coming in out of his mouth...RUN!!!

If a strange man is approaching you, and you are sitting in a graveyard, and your friend is screaming "Get back to the cup!" GET OUT

If theres a dance and your a geek your bound to get a date at the end.

If you are going to a new school, the mean girl is ALWAYS named Stacey

In all scary movies,scream,i know what u did last summer,friday 13th etc the damsel in distress always runs up the stairs away from the murderer then locks them selves in a room with them and has to jump out the window.

in a scary situation an girl and a guy is always caught doing 'it' and killed

If it won a award and there is a dog in it...the dog is GOING DOWN!

kids can defeat all kinds of thiefs

Never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever, even if Mary Poppins herself is asking you, get on a roller coaster in a movie.

There are many extras in Hollywood. :D

any time the power goes out its not because of the storm.

Huge great white sharks are lurking to eat us when we go to the beaches.

Ginat monkeys aren't always bad.

twins switching places always get caught

Don't go near a Victorian-style house during a thunderstorm...it will be haunted.

Never baby sitt alone as someone will come to killl you

Never play any of those board games that come in the mail for free-you will either get sucked in and have to fight for your life, or the game will come alive and the creatures/characters will invade your house and terrify your family.

Never feed your mogwai after midnight, it will turn into a cocoon and become an evil little beast in which you gotta end up killing with sunlight in the end.

Don't ever fight a kid that learned from a old rinkly guy. your gunna get beat up. Badly. And if his name is Karate kid. RUN!!

if a priest or nun is terrified of ur house, wont go in it, gets sick in it, and wont talk to u on the phone whilst ur in ur home, its probly a good idea to leave ur house.... u know, before the devil comes to kill u........

Always check your wardrobe for a passage into a remarkable land

Respect the Lion for he is king of beasts.

Never trust a wolf


:D

If a girl goes to some camp/school pretending to be a guy, and vice versa, it alwys takes a couple weeks for someone to find out, and they never tell the leader of the camp/school because they became friends with the "switcher".

if you are on an airplane with your kid, NEVER take your eyes of them!!!!!!!!!

the hero will always disarm/ remove the bomb before it blows.

If you are a secret assasign with amnesia the government is after you.

If you wait to ask your crush, (s)he will go with Cedric.

If you are a ware-wolf, kill the vampire before the last stroke of twelve.

If you have henchmen you're evil, if you have a side kick you're the hero.

Cable-guys are deranged psyco-paths.

Never let your five year old kid make a wish on his birthday, you'll end up telling the truth.

If you take orders from a radio *cough* charlie's angels*cough* it's impossible to die unless you've turned evil.

If there is a revenge seeking power hungry saber tooth tiger around, save the baby, then befriend the tiger.

If ancient hippo's are chasing you, play dead in said saber tooth tiger's mouth.

If you are a dodo bird... don't let all the females go after the watermelon.

never let an alien race read poetry to you.

The answer to THE question of life, the univers, and everything is 42.


Life

When you return on a golf cart, all bad things are forgotten!

make sure that when you buy glass slippers they don't have' room to grow'...perfect fit all the way!

the monsters in your closet aren't evil just their boss

if a 'nice' lady with magical powers has an abnormal number of life-like stone statues in and around her castle...RUN!

the zombies are always out to get you

the zombies aren't always out to get you...sometimes they can be your friend!

if you are a complete air head...by the end of the movie you will be a sweet kind loving sensable person and will have learned a valueable life lesson and good morals (*cough* hadtowatchcowbellesonDisneyChannelwhilebabysittinganditwascompleteandutterhellthewholeeveningdon'tevenask*cough*)

if you are a super hero fashion designer...you will be rich no matter how slow business is!

If you are in hiding from your ex boyfriend who you just saw murder someone...don't hide with singing nuns.

If you were in hiding from your ex boyfriend who you had seen murder someone...don't come back for a sequel


Life

In any group of kids, there is always a nerd who wears glasses, and a fat kid wo wears very ugly t shirts

a good detective always has a sidekick who will inevitably bring up a clue that cracks the case.

There's always an evil twin!

No matter how much someone hates you, kissing them will make them yours for life!

There is always some kind of fight.

If you find yourself in a dark, spooky mine, don't drop a dead body down a well. You may get chased by goblins.

Don't leave old film reels with an Alien Autopsy on it in very hot conditions. It may burn up.

Don't trust butlers called Edgar.

Don't trust mice. They may want to cut your head open.

don't trust construction workers till the end of the earth, it's only twelve minutes away!

don't let a vogon read poetry!!!

If you see deaths plan, kill yourself. It makes life hell of a lot easier.

Never trust small, skulking fellows with two personalities who go by the name of Gollum.

If someone lives inside a volcano, then they are evil.

not all costume jewlry is harmless

Films are not always harmless - if you see a hand come out of the screen then run like hell


if a train is trying to run you down, run sideways not striaght ahead


If you break a mirror in a film, then the bad luck superstition is probably true


Never split up - dont you watch movies?

if anything is trying to run you down run sideways not straight

If u r trying to hide- don't b the one wearing the red dress!

if you're being chased by a serial killer, whats the point in running, they are always kicker then you and get there before you.

Not all house elfs will worship the ground you walk on.

If you're running away from something don't stop and turn around.

Whats the point in running away from murders, you will only end up falling over/tripping up.

(these have been done...i think? oh well)
if you come across a shiney trophy in the middle of a maze with murderous hedges, don't touch it!!!

it IS possible to out run a missile!!!

If you build it, they will come.

Every murder that robs a bank will run out of bullets before there finished and every robber will get caught!!!!!!

oh and theres always gonna be a happy ending!

when running from a serial killer, the girl will always trip and fall.

popular kids are always mean.

Life always has an adventure.

If your a geeky girl who doesn't know her father your a princess.

If your the geek you'll always get the hot girl/guy in the end.

Never trust someone with a crown made of icecycles.

If yuo have no life a famouse pop stars gonna need you to be there tutor

if you make friends with the pouplar girls, they will turn on you...b careful

Always let the Wookie win!

The person you trust the most is the one decieving you.

If you befriend the alien the government will find out. (But you'll have a lot of fun in the meantime!)

If you want someone to help you and they say "Ok, just don't fall in love with me" they're going to die.

The dumb blonde will always run, fall, scream, and die at some point in horror movies

If your father was a pirate and you didn't know it, you'll become a pirate.

Old guys know everything.

Yes, the ROUSs do exist.

Nothing can stop true love.

I actually wrote this out a couple weeks ago...


Things I learned from Lord of the Rings
1. Do not try to climb down a mountain crying – it does not work.
2. Shiny things ward off spiders.
3. Humans are hairy.
4. If you catch on fire and run off the highest tower of a city, you will die.
5. If you’re engulfed in fire, you may live.
6. Spiders like the taste of humans.
7. If a spider stings you, you’ll drool white pus.
8. If you’re pale and not breathing, you might actually be alive.
9. People can starve for months and still be fat.
10. If you fall off a cliff, you won’t die.
11. Goblins evolve too.
12. Catapulting heads is fun.
13. People take a long time to hit the ground.
14. You can fight kneeling down.
15. Special Effects are too much fun.
16. People can have good teeth without a dentist.
17. If your horse dies, you die.
18. If you swallow oil, you won’t gag.
19. You bounce up if you’re pushed over.
20. Confidence never winds a war.
21. If an elephant gets shot with arrows, it won’t die right away.
22. People have really good aim.
23. If you give an elephant an earring, it’ll die.
24. Elephants die if you cut their ankles.
25. Death is pretty.
26. If a dragon comes flying at you, you’ll die if you don’t movie.
27. Don’t make a guy with a spiky ball angry.
28. Women are better than men at killing.
29. The Undead kick butt.
30. Ghosts can walk on water.
31. If a king dies, he becomes a vicious wraith.
32. Counting dead people is amusing.
33. Surging down an elephant looks cool.
34. Elves have good balance.
35. Dead people cause smoke.
36. It’s funny to see people fall and hit things.
37. Growling scares people.
38. People look better dirty.
39. People will follow someone under 4’ before they’ll follow a kind.
40. Biting a bone will break it.
41. Effects are more important than realty.
42. Bare feet on rocks don’t hurt.
43. Things with long legs can be really slow.
44. Eagles can beat dragons.
45. People leave white prints when they walk.
46. Blood looks like barbeque sauce.
47. Every time you burn a ring, somebody’s eye dies.
48. You need three eagles to carry two people.
49. Someone 3’6” can save the world.
50. Love always prevails.

dont ever walk out in a street mad you might get hit by a bus

If your dad's a cop, you might want to shut up about it.. (Saw II)

Always believe in ghost stories - in case you might be in one. (POTC)

The monkey is the bad guy!!!!! (POTC, POTC2)

Don't cheat in games. (Jumanji)