Ettie's BIG office with a sea front view

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat i needed a new one....just because!

*starts planning*

Okay so i have CD Feature now....hmm who shall i pick on this time....hmmm.

Dunno if Ettie Skeeter will be coming out to play this edition, depends if she's escaped the confines of her metal cage.

Editors babble....ah ha i know what im putting for this...my pregnant toilet.

Editors Babble.

Hello and welcome to yet another full blown edition of the Pensieve! I am your hostess with the mostess, Miss Ettie!

It is odd to think that this time last year a handful of our lovely female members found themselves peeing on sticks to discover the joys of being pregnant, i was sorry to hear that Severs Snape’s (aka TeaBoy) test was negative but thankfully Elfie was already cooking their miracle within herself.

So, whilst thinking about the joys of life and wondering what the fuss is with peeing on a stick, I thought, oh why not! And popped to my local chemist where I obtained a stick to pee on, a packet of crisps and Flea treatment for my cats.

Racing home i slipped into the bathroom, joined by Holly and Dipstick who still think I need company whilst in the bathroom, and began the task of peeing on the stick. So far so good, one pee’d on stick, two yowling cats and wet feet (courtesy of Dipstick who had just jumped into the bath and soaked myself and Holly. The shock of the water splashing my feet made me drop the stick into the toilet.

Using a coat hanger and a very old litter tray scoop, we three simpletons fished out the stick which was showing two pink lines. Running like a bat out of hell to my Doctor we discovered, much to Dipstick’s relief (he still meows he is too young to be a father) I was thankfully not about to carry a kittenchild. Unfortunately someone in my house hold was pregnant. Actually it was something.

So, I am happy to announce that my toilet is expecting a little toilet sometime in June and as we attempt to trace the father, my darling sister hippo is eagerly signing adoption papers to add the toilet, which will be named Badger, as her son/daughter to join Elfie in the very amusing H.E Family Tree.
Until next time, What do you do when a endangered animal eats endangered plants?

Love to you all.
Ettie

Hmm is this too long?

Ettie Skeeter finds a home.

I have returned to the place where it all began. The wanted posters on the walls hold my beautiful face and a price on my well balanced head. This mission is going to difficult.

Guards roam the halls in pairs. Each pair wears a sparkling badge and robes of various colours, 2 wear green, 2 wear yellow, 2 wear red and 2 wear blue. I am told from my new source, who we shall call Bob for her true identity must remain hidden, that the guards change appearance every few months to remain hidden, I believe these guards are simply vain.

So, as I was sneaking through the corridors, dragging my life’s contents in a trunk I became increasingly tired. With each step I took, my bones grew more and more weary until I finally I had to admit defeat to this thing called exhaustion and pushed open a door closest to me. Not completely open mind you, I am still wanted in this hovel.

My ears prick to full radar ease droppingness as I hear two voices from within the room.

“I cant believe Elfie and Ducky gave her of all people a pay rise!” gasped one softly spoken voice.

“I know! Its not like she does any work anyways,” growled the second, whose voice was heavy with a strange accent from a land I know nothing of, yet.

“stupid purple hippo.”

“I’m going to eat that hippo if it’s the last thing I ever do!”

“But... what about the house cup and the quidditch cup?” squeaked the first voice in shock. “I thought to hold both cups was going to be the last thing you ever do?”

“Meh, as if the badgers can fight off the efforts of the others? I forsee the downfall of them soon, real soon...”

“Is that because you caught a glance at the house points?”

“Yes!” cried the second voice, suddenly the air was filled with heavy crying from the two females.

I closed the door quickly and quietly and tiptoed further down the corridor to another door, again I opened it ever so slightly and again I heard voices, well one talking to himself repeatedly and loudly and rather lovingly.

“I SHALL WIN!” the male voice boomed with pride.

“Down with the badgers! Shoot those pussy cats called Lion’s, CLIP THE WINGS OF THOSE PESKY BIRDS!” he shouts again.

“I will be victorious once more! No-one will see it happening, it will be BOOM, Daddio wins the cups! AND ONLY I ALONE WILL DO THIS!”

Slightly scared of the maniac inside this room, I close the door and began to jog down the hall to the next door, I don’t bother to open this door as the voices inside are raised to an argument.

“RA RA RAVENCLAW!”

“LIONS!”

“RAVENS!”

“Frankly dears, I just don’t give a damn,” yawned another voice.

Sighing I continue to move until finally I find a room empty. I slip inside and relax. With a flick of my wand I set up camp. I settle into my bed and pull the duvet up to my chin and close my ears. I hear a bang, a giggle, and a faint “love you millions of M&Ms”

“Who’s there?” I demand tiredly.

“It is i! The Headless Horsewoman!”

“Oh, goodnight.”

And with that I fall asleep as the Headless Horsewoman bangs around the room known as CB where she will forever remain a legend.

Btw, at the end of the chatbox interview can you add something for me?

"The chatbox would also like to state that Milo Ventimiglia belongs to, and is married to Aliza. Amber may stake her claim on him but the truth is - his heart will always be hers. And remember, the chatbox is always right!"

The INTERVIEW OF ALL TIME!

Etta and ChatBox!

With the strange going on with the vanishing ChatBox lately, I took it upon myself to investigate. Stealing some alien technology from my husband’s place of work I was able to take ChatBox hostage and trap him in a time vortex.

Ettie: CB, do you mind if I call you CB? Good, good, Can you explain why you keep disappearing from HE?

CB: ...I miss my mother, and queen. Holly adopted me back in the day because she had no other offspring and we grew very close! She spent so much time with me that you even dubbed her my queen!
*wails* I WANT MY MOMMY!!!

Plus, its fun to drown my sorrows in the rum that i stole from Caroru and her husband,
well, supposed husband.

Unfortunately the rum doesn't have a very good effect on me. Makes me almost, *shudders* HUMAN.
Why else would I be doing this interview with you?

Ettie: Um, maybe because im holding you hostage in the middle of a time vortex so you can't escape?

CB: Grrrr. I'll just swallow your words and LAG. You know how much people hate it when I do that!
*evil laugh*

Ettie: You say you're missing your mummy and Queen, Is it not true that she is still with you? I heard a rumour she was moving through you on a horse.

CB: She's not the same.
*sobs*

Ettie: What do you mean she's not the same? Explain CB, You're amongst loved ones here.

CB: Her spirit will always live on but it’s not truuuuly her.

Ettie: But isn't the spirit so much better then the body? She can’t feel pain any longer but she can still be with you, You shouldn’t complain you know CB, I mean it could be worse, you could have Rai as your mummy.

CB: ...Rai as my mummy? PLEASE! Don't even say such things! Even THINKING about it is torturous. Truthfully, I don't know how you survive.

And being who I am I can be witness to lots of secrets, I'm always around but...people tend to forget I'm there

I KNOW HIS SECRETS!

...And yours too.

AND THE WHOLE SITE'S!

Ettie: Who said I survived? Oh come on I have no secrets....what’s Rai's secrets? And Elfies? And Amy's? Come on if you know so much tell me, share with me!

CB: I'm not sure that I should.

Ettie: You know you want to

CB: I know one communal site secret though; everyone's absolute favourite person is Aliza! (littleprincess_01)

...She's just so great. And funny. And generally awesome!

Ettie: You're only saying that because she paid you too, i saw the money exchange hands! i have the proof right here! *points to hundreds of photographs*

CB: Oh, and here's another. You know Amy once received a lap dance from her birth father? Secretly, she enjoyed that - she's a very sick girl our Deputy Head is

Ettie: Oh my, What else?

CB: ...AND HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH SCANDALS? What would I do with that money? *hides brand new Prada shoes*

Oh, did you know that recently the Huffie HoH has become very stressed because all her sex slaves - i mean men - have been disappearing for short amounts of time.

Ettie: THEY WHAT?

Ettie: *clears throat* pray tell dear.

CB: They have been coming in rendezvous in the chat box with...RAIIII

Ettie: No!

CB: It was quite a shock to me at first i tell you, but now its quite a regular occurrence!

Ettie: But Rai is her father!

CB: But they are his lovers!

What can I say?

Ettie: *quickly going into denial mode* Oh the shock horror! Poor Streamies! I always knew there was something going on with DT after i dumped him! Go on tell me more, we'll be here a while.

CB: Who next?

You decide!

Ettie: Hmm, tell me about Elfie, I here she sneaks into your room after everyone goes to bed. And let’s not forget a certain report filed about her "collecting students" instead of being on honeymoon

CB: Oh please, do you really think that I would disclose something like that? Remember, a lady never kisses and tells!

Ettie: Go on, you know you want to. And i'l put your picture in the paper.

CB: *clearly distracted by a large shiny golden stone*
And I AM a lady. Oh wait, I was meant to be Holly's SON.
... I had a sex change!!

Ooh. I do have some gossip about GinGin and JennJenn. Did you know that they joined the secret badger-mafia? At night times they go out and terrorize people, hoping to force them into badger-love.

And instead of horse's heads, they use the heads of lions, snakes and eagles!

Ettie: Anymore Gossip? What about Car? I know you KNOW her secrets deary.

CB: ...Carr? Did anyone notice how happy she was when skully returned? Did anyone wonder WHY? The truth is, Caro and Skully like to go on secret outings together...with the rum of course! Johnny still doesn't know though, but I expect that it is Caro's way of lashing out about Johnny taking another wife...

...the secret outings are far from romantic though, skully and caro plan on morbid ways to kill Johnny’s new wife!

Really though, HE is like a secret soap opera.

Ettie: So, you had a sex change?

CB: ...i've been feeling very strange lately and it dawned on me why after a long time. The sex-change-operation-guy said it was probably grief but i know it was something else, being a woman is my true calling!

Of course, there are disadvantages, Sharon preferred our midnight meetings when i was a man.
but she understands of course, and knows that her and I were always meant to be - nothing like a sex change can get in our way!!

Oh WAIT. Sharon swore to me to keep our meetings a secret in case Mick found out! Oh, she'll be so ashamed of me. She did not want to break Mick's heart. its such a shame he has to find out this way...

Ettie: Oh no, something is wrong. UH OH! *Captain Jack Harkness appears in the Time Vortex and looks at Ettie with disapproval.* Lovely talking to you CB! Gotta run before I get punished!

CB: CAPTAIN JACK! SHE KNOWS ABOUT YOU AND RAI! BEWARE!!

...The safety of others is my biggest concern as a CB.

The chatbox would also like to state that Milo Ventimiglia belongs to, and is married to Aliza. Amber may stake her claim on him but the truth is - his heart will always be hers. And remember, the chatbox is always right!



And with that said Captain Jack Harkness restores CB to its rightful place, back on HE under the watchful eye of his/her mother Holly. Catching up with his wife, Captain Jack returns her to the Hufflepuff common room where she gets locked in her office with her puppets and Jack. Please, no-one save Ettie, she’s resting.

The interview is great, love us!

Except, between all my - I mean chatbox's responses don't put the gap there, it's a little confusing. Have it more like this:

CB: ...I miss my mother, and queen. Holly adopted me back in the day because she had no other offspring and we grew very close! She spent so much time with me that you even dubbed her my queen!
*wails* I WANT MY MOMMY!!! Plus, its fun to drown my sorrows in the rum that i stole from Caroru and her husband, well, supposed husband. Unfortunately the rum doesn't have a very good effect on me. Makes me almost, *shudders* HUMAN. Why else would I be doing this interview with you?

It makes it flow better. :D

okies, i'll sort it out later

For the Record:

CD Review: PINK – Funhouse.

1 Badger = Poor, 2 Badgers = nothing to shout about, 3 Badgers = Good, 4 Badgers = Excellent and 5 Badgers = MUST HAVE CD


In the Hot seat this edition for our CD review is Pink's long awaited for 5th album release. Following the two year vacation from the recording studio, Pink has come back and let go. This album is 70% based on her relationship breakdown with the gorgeous Carey Hart.

So, let us rewind two months, when So What, the debut single off this album burst onto our air waves. This single set the pace for the album, the bar of expectation was set, the fans began a long walk to the record shops, waiting, hoping, to see their idol smash the bar left with the breath taking work of art known as I'm Not Dead. Could Pink really top the work she created two years earlier? If So What was anything to go by, most fans would say yes.

Well, lets hit the stereo, turn up the volume and clear house, it's time to hit play and step into Pink's world of relationship breakdown.

First up, is ....

Track One

So What:

I guess I just lost my husband/I don't know where he went ...

Nice opening line. Ah Pink has returned! There is no doubting why this single hit the top spot of music charts across the world. Sticking her middle finger up at the world, her marriage and possibly everyone else, Pink unleashes a rant. This anthem of break up is the kind of song you would play repeatedly down the phone to your Ex when you're drunk, which ladies may I say is a rather pitiful thing to do, phoning him, not the drunk part, moving back to the record! *does a jumpy dance* I can't possibly find fault with this song, and have to say I will be playing it repeatedly, to remind the BF that he is not irreplaceable. 5 outta 5


Track Two

Sober:

Till you're trying to find the you that you once had/I have heard myself cry, never again/Broken down in agony just tryna find a fit

The second single off this album and I can understand why. A sombre start for a song which follows So What, as the music began I knew I just had to wait for the more edgy side of Pink to break out, and I was right. With a catchy chorus, not as catchy as So What, Sober hits deep within you. Straight from the heart of Pink, the song takes us through the front of being the heart broken. When you find yourself suddenly single, after a heavy relationship, your mind, heart and soul goes through so much but on the outside you have a continued front, that fixed smile, the eyes that lie and say “I'm good.” If you let your front fall and show your real emotions, it's your own fault. Pink used the therapy of recording this album to unleash such an intimate insight of her own heart and soul and emotion to bring us a brilliant song in the form of Sober. 5 outta 5

Track Three

I Don't Believe You:[b]

[b]No, I don't believe you/When you say you don't need me anymore/So don't pretend/To not love me at all/Cos I don't believe you

An acoustic ballad, straight from Pink's heart. You can't not listen to this song and not be moved, you can't not listen to this and in some way shape or form, relate to the emotions, the words, the broken promises and pleading. We are only human after all. This song explains itself with just the first listen. A truly beautiful song. 5 outta 5.


Track Four

One Foot Wrong:

All the lights are on/But I'm in the dark/Who's gonna find me/Who's gonna find me

Hmm, not as good as the first three songs, still good though, worthy of a listen, it's sort of lazy/sleepy, slightly edgy, very throaty ... And yet I can still find a piece of myself within the lyrics. For me this song is like walking the tightrope of life, one step wrong and you'll fall, make one mistake and its game over, no-one can save you but yourself. One Foot Wrong, is for me, a cry for help to find a way out of the darkness. 3 outta 5.


Track Five:

Please Don't Leave Me:

Can't you tell that this is just a contest/The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest/But baby i don't mean it/I mean it, I promise


Up beat, I has thought the album would be depressing ballad one after another, thank god I was wrong! Up beat but still following on the footsteps of the previous four. A clear cry to her hubby, Pink pleads for him to not leave. She expresses her regrets, she apologises and my god the Da Da Da's are so freakin annoying! Great song, even with those annoying Da Da Da's. 5 outta 5


Track Six

Bad Influence

Alright ma'am (ma'am)/Calm down I know your son said he was in my house (my house)/He was the captain of the football team but I turned him out


Haha I love it! This is my song, not depressing, up beat, catchy, you'll find yourself giggling at the lyrics, classic Pink! Its a simple song, fun, but simple, still great though, it reminds me very much of some of Pink's early songs, very poppy. Alas it doesn't quite fit in with the tracks on Funhouse though. 4 outta 5.


Track Seven

Funhouse

This used to be a funhouse/But now it's full of evil clowns/It's time to start the countdown/I'm gonna burn it down down down

One of my favourite songs off this album, its upbeat, it's hard hitting, honest and deep. Her home was once a happy place, filled with love and laughter, now, after the breakdown of the marriage it's nothing more than a horrible memory of what used to be, a constant reminder of what they had, the only option is to burn it down ... Well ... I can see her point.... And I agree ... Clowns are evil. Haha Brilliant. 5 outta 5

PINK – Funhouse.

1 Badger = Poor, 2 Badgers = nothing to shout about, 3 Badgers = Good, 4 Badgers = Excellent and 5 Badgers = MUST HAVE CD


In the Hot seat this edition for our CD review is Pink's long awaited for 5th album release. Following the two year vacation from the recording studio, Pink has come back and let go. This album is 70% based on her relationship breakdown with the gorgeous Carey Hart.

So, let us rewind two months, when So What, the debut single off this album burst onto our air waves. This single set the pace for the album, the bar of expectation was set, the fans began a long walk to the record shops, waiting, hoping, to see their idol smash the bar left with the breath taking work of art known as I'm Not Dead. Could Pink really top the work she created two years earlier? If So What was anything to go by, most fans would say yes.

Well, lets hit the stereo, turn up the volume and clear house, it's time to hit play and step into Pink's world of relationship breakdown.

First up, is ....

Track One

So What:

I guess I just lost my husband/I don't know where he went ...

Nice opening line. Ah Pink has returned! There is no doubting why this single hit the top spot of music charts across the world. Sticking her middle finger up at the world, her marriage and possibly everyone else, Pink unleashes a rant. This anthem of break up is the kind of song you would play repeatedly down the phone to your Ex when you're drunk, which ladies may I say is a rather pitiful thing to do, phoning him, not the drunk part, moving back to the record! *does a jumpy dance* I can't possibly find fault with this song, and have to say I will be playing it repeatedly, to remind the BF that he is not irreplaceable. 5 outta 5


Track Two

Sober:

Till you're trying to find the you that you once had/I have heard myself cry, never again/Broken down in agony just tryna find a fit

The second single off this album and I can understand why. A sombre start for a song which follows So What, as the music began I knew I just had to wait for the more edgy side of Pink to break out, and I was right. With a catchy chorus, not as catchy as So What, Sober hits deep within you. Straight from the heart of Pink, the song takes us through the front of being the heart broken. When you find yourself suddenly single, after a heavy relationship, your mind, heart and soul goes through so much but on the outside you have a continued front, that fixed smile, the eyes that lie and say “I'm good.” If you let your front fall and show your real emotions, it's your own fault. Pink used the therapy of recording this album to unleash such an intimate insight of her own heart and soul and emotion to bring us a brilliant song in the form of Sober. 5 outta 5

Track Three

I Don't Believe You:

No, I don't believe you/When you say you don't need me anymore/So don't pretend/To not love me at all/Cos I don't believe you

An acoustic ballad, straight from Pink's heart. You can't not listen to this song and not be moved, you can't not listen to this and in some way shape or form, relate to the emotions, the words, the broken promises and pleading. We are only human after all. This song explains itself with just the first listen. A truly beautiful song. 5 outta 5.


Track Four

One Foot Wrong:

All the lights are on/But I'm in the dark/Who's gonna find me/Who's gonna find me

Hmm, not as good as the first three songs, still good though, worthy of a listen, it's sort of lazy/sleepy, slightly edgy, very throaty ... And yet I can still find a piece of myself within the lyrics. For me this song is like walking the tightrope of life, one step wrong and you'll fall, make one mistake and its game over, no-one can save you but yourself. One Foot Wrong, is for me, a cry for help to find a way out of the darkness. 3 outta 5.


Track Five

Please Don't Leave Me:

Can't you tell that this is just a contest/The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest/But baby i don't mean it/I mean it, I promise

Up beat, I has thought the album would be depressing ballad one after another, thank god I was wrong! Up beat but still following on the footsteps of the previous four. A clear cry to her hubby, Pink pleads for him to not leave. She expresses her regrets, she apologises and my god the Da Da Da's are so freakin annoying! Great song, even with those annoying Da Da Da's. 5 outta 5


Track Six

Bad Influence

Alright ma'am (ma'am)/Calm down I know your son said he was in my house (my house)/He was the captain of the football team but I turned him out

Haha I love it! This is my song, not depressing, up beat, catchy, you'll find yourself giggling at the lyrics, classic Pink! Its a simple song, fun, but simple, still great though, it reminds me very much of some of Pink's early songs, very poppy. Alas it doesn't quite fit in with the tracks on Funhouse though. 4 outta 5.


Track Seven

Funhouse

This used to be a funhouse/But now it's full of evil clowns/It's time to start the countdown/I'm gonna burn it down down down

One of my favourite songs off this album, its upbeat, it's hard hitting, honest and deep. Her home was once a happy place, filled with love and laughter, now, after the breakdown of the marriage it's nothing more than a horrible memory of what used to be, a constant reminder of what they had, the only option is to burn it down ... Well ... I can see her point.... And I agree ... Clowns are evil. Haha 5 outta 5


Track Eight

Crystal Ball:

Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring/Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness.


Filled with so much emotion, you think back to Pink's last album and the deep emotional song Dear Mr President. A beautiful song dealing with Pink with her heart on her sleeve. Wonderful vocals and the song is kept simple with just an acoustic guitar with no over powering drums or keyboards, heavy rifts. Crystal Ball is brilliantly written and sung just as brilliantly. My second favourite song off this album, 5 outta 5.


Track Nine

Mean:

Use to send me flowers if you ******in my dreams/I use to make you laugh with all the silly **** I did now you roll your eyes and walk away and shake your head


Whaaa a country sounding start, loving the rift though haha. The song is straight forward, it questions how the relationship got to the point where it did, how could they move on from that point, should they stay together? All these questions, we each ask when faced with the inevitable end of a relationship, with so many questions pounding away at your head, you can't blame Pink for unleashing them all in this song and facing up to the answers that she finds. Beautiful. 5 outta 5.


Track Ten

It's All Your Fault:

I'd conjure up the thought of being gone/But I'd probably even do that wrong


Not one of my favourites, possibly one of the weaker songs on a so far exceptional album. With a powerfully vocal, you can almost feel Pink;s desperation as she sings. Not much to say other that. 3 outta 5.


Track Eleven

Ave Mary A:

If we don't kill each other then the side effects will/Deep down I think we got a problem


A strange song, seriously weird. Not very catchy, yet worth a listen. At the end of verse she changes the destination to say things like “London I think we got a problem” “Tokyo I think we got a problem.” Its mainly about what's happening in today's world with reference to suicide bombers and shot students. Lyric wise, great, vocal wise, great in some parts not so hot in others. 3 outta 5.


Track Twelve

Glitter In The Air:

Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?/Have you ever looked fear in the face/And said I just don't care


Ah my FAVOURITE SONG! An exceptional song to “end” the album – before you get to the bonus tracks. Pink asks the questions and before you know it, you're either saying yes or no, out loud as well (try to not to listen to this track in public, otherwise you'll get some funny looks, trust me haha) and then if you say, you'll ask yourself why not? An extremely deep song, powerful vocal, Pink's best vocal in my opinion. Glitter in the Air will no doubt have everyone talking.

Overall:

Well, this long awaited for album lived up to my expectations and succeeded them.

Pink's way to deal with her relationship breakdown brought us this outstanding album, and with only a couple of truly weak tracks, the album overall is a massive success and tops all recordings brought to us by the tortured soul of Pink. Instead of going to therapy, she hit the studio and channelled her raw emotions into Funhouse, and with those raw emotions, Pink found an even great vocal, if anyone says this girl can't sing, well they obviously haven't listened to this album.

I give this album ...... 5 Badgers

So what you waiting for? GO BUY IT NOW!!!!


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Editor's Babble:

Hola and welcome to another edition of the Pensieve.

As you know things on H.E have changed in a lot of ways, members have left, members have returned, Mr Rai Daddio finally overpowered Elfie and Amy and took control of H.E (i hear that both ladies are recovering well on a small island off Fiji).

Christmas was busy time in the pensieve head quarters. So busy in fact that half my staff are still in bed holding their heads shouting they'd never drink Stephy's Uber Cool Evil Cocktails again ... But like i told them all as i walked around their beds offer tea and sympathy whilst banging my lovely marching band stolen drum, they knew better then to go drinking a cocktail that has Evil in it's name. Ah well they'll learn some day.

Some news from the home front. Some of you may know i have been jet setting around the globe this New Year. New York, Toronto ... well, let me tell you this, i almost died. Honestly, what happened was, i was in the back seat of my friend's car as we drove at some ungodly hour on a mission of making it to Montreal, when she lost control of her car, skidded on some ice and sent us swirling across the road like a bunch of tin can ice skaters. When the car finally stopped i jumped out and screamed "I'm English not a Suicide Passenger." WELL enter stage left Mr PoliceMan. Who by the way looked remarkably like a younger Captain Jack Harkness, like um Captain Jack in The Empty Child *looks at Rai with wide eyes* "Are You My Mummy?" *goes back to telling story*

So the nice man asks (and yes i swoon) if there is a problem. And i say "Yes sir there is! I'm freaking lost!" and he looks at me and speaks "Are you from Scotland?" which is when, thankfully for him, my friend's husband jumped out of the car, bundled me inside and saved the policeman from a good slapping. So anyway, we agree its far to dangerous to be out driving whilst the roads were so icy and go home, with the not-so-nice PoliceMan following us because, wait for it .... ""We don't want to go upsetting the Queen by killing her family."

As you can imagine i fell through the front door of my friend's home and screamed, demanded some hot coco and curled up beside the fire. Some days are just not worth getting out of bed for.

Until next time, Happy New Year to you all and may every day bring you a new surprise in life.

Love Ettie.

p.s. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Answers on a postcard.

Editors Babble:

Hola all!

Welcome to another jam packed edition of the Pensieve. Today I am going to get on my High Horse.

So, America now has it's first Black President and I am very happy for them, although I must confess that I didn't understand a word of what was being said, especially when I misheard the word inauguration. I thought they meant Inoculation. And of course, imagine my face when I heard it was being broadcast around the whole world. I said to my long suffering Gryffindor boyfriend, “Why in the name of King Arthur's chain mail are they showing that poor man get injections? It's just cruel! What if he's afraid of needles? This has to be against his human rights!” John waited for me to get down off my high horse before telling me he wasn't getting injections live in front of the world. He just had to repeat what some bloke said. So I was relieved until I saw the poor man “fluff” his lines, can't say I blame him mind, I would have done the same knowing billions of trillions of people and possibly aliens (who knows what they're watching via our satellites, I hope they haven't seen Big Brother UK and decided to skip our planet for any contact.). Actually if it was me, I'd have made up my own words.

Ah and the Superbowl, another American thing broadcast around the world and other galaxies. How fun was that? I fell asleep after the 2nd quarter, sorry I'm a light weight these days. Anyways, we were watching Jennifer Hudson belt out the national anthem when the camera flicked to the players and well, there was almighty hell in our house. You see, whenever we watch a football game (I just typed girl instead of game which is actually quite accurate with the behaviour of some of our footballers) and everyone sings the national anthem, you can't hear the singer because everyone in the crowd is singing it ten times louder, which actually makes you wonder why Football people pay hundreds of thousands of pounds for a celebrity to come and sing, its pointless. Anyway, back on my high horse, when the national anthem is being played, the camera always goes down the line of players and anyone who isn't singing gets “fired.” Well, we shout “FIRE HIM!” at the tv because everyone, players and managers and Referees should sing the national anthem of their country, its a sign of respect. And anyone not singing or even lip syncing (they just have to ask Mrs Beckham for tips on how to do that, she taught David, did you know that? Gosh it was years ago but anyways, most footballers have singer wives.) should totally be fired, or at least benched. I once had this boyfriend who would wrap an England flag around his shoulders, hold hi hand to his chest and sing the nation anthem whenever England played football on TV, that didn't last long, I lost my temper and phoned the police and pretended to be an annoyed neighbour. Ex Boyfriend got a warning and told to pack it in, glad to see that our tax money is put to some good use for a change.

Of course, its not always put to good use, the week before Christmas we were the victims of an arson attack. Where the police when it happened? Telling the Newspapers it was a, and I quote, “An electrical fault which sparked and set a piece of card board on fire causing the sheds to go up in flames.” Was it heck! Two bored kids no older then my finger nail, broke into my block of flats, then broke into the shed area and went “oh look, this one has a Christmas Tree and Photographs and Decorations, what should we do?” and whoosh went 24 years of memories in a matter of minutes. But before you think I'm just angry because it was my shed they torched, I have to tell you that we were the third block in a matter of months to be attacked, even the night before the fire the kids tried to torch another block across the road from mine. Great Policing guys, go catch a fare dodger and lock them up for seven days, oh look that guy is driving 2mph over the speed limit, quick lock him up. Honestly it's all a bit pointless now having the police force, I could do a better job in my sleep. And before you say “Join them then!” I would like to point out that I applied but they said no because my family are not the saints they wish people to believe them to be, I on the otherhand am a saint and have a clean record, but they judge you on your family and credit rating. How pants! So I decided to go work for the next pain in my backside. The Government.

Wait, don't start thinking I am going to kick that “not real” (well he isn't! We didn't vote for him! We don't like him!) Prime Minister out of Downing Street, I must confess that I am applying to be a mere type monkey for the Department of Work and Pensions, sounds exciting but it isn't. All I'd do is take the calls of people who have found themselves unemployed, handle payment enquiries and decisions.

*Hears Police sirens outside* You're not going to believe this, but the police have just come racing into my cul-de-sac and arrested an old man for, wait for it, urinating against a wall. Idiots. Where was I? Oh yes the potential job.

So, here's how it goes, I input their data into the computer and then after 5 hours switch seats and start answering calls from irate people who haven't received their benefit. Do you know what you have to say to them? You let them explain everything, take their details and then, without grinding your teeth because you can tell them what they need to know and sort it all out in a matter of seconds, tell them that “someone will phone you back within three hours.” And we'll have to tell them, when they ask why we can't tell them, that we aren't able to access that information, which fast forward two hours, we can. A lazy job for just under £20K per year.

*gets down off high horse for good*

Oh that fell good. Hope it made a nice change to my usual random talk. Business will return to normal soon.

Etta.

P.S Why do bands/singers release “Greatest Hits” CDs when we already have ever one of their songs?

*bows* thank you, its all true about my neighbours as well. They knocked on my door Sunday morning after hearing me running around like an idiot at 7am to find out if F1 had started again, and as my boyfriend opened the door, i started shouting at the tv, lol, they quickly went out for breakfast.

I think i'll write something for F1 after each race, mind you, if we release Edition Ten on May 1st i'll have about 3 or 4 races to cover xD

i figured its something she'd do

And great call on stinky belly dancer bikin for Mick

Now i think i'm going to do Awesome Amy, but i don't have a clue on wha-huh to dress her, maybe a gold ultra mini mini mini dress with David Tennant as her unwilling date... he'll be handcuffed and shackled and gagged

Hmm, i think, i'll have thou "inside" stinky awards, and flibble we can slide everything into place I'll do Awesome Amy and um, someone else ... arriving flibble sneak inside for stinky awards to begin, do thou want to annouce stinky winners and i'll write stinky reactions or do thou want to write stinky reactions and i'll annouce stinky winners?

roltfmao

omg. she would kill me!

I'm totally doing it! I'd send everyone a PM to warn them i'm on stinky loose but they'll just take a sneaky peek at everything ... i wish i could lock them out of stinky pensieve while we're working lol its not so much fun if they know whats coming!

Okay, here we go! *hides from Awesome Amy and Streamers*

stinky Hoscars.
Live from stinky Purple Carpet.

It's that time of year again and stinky Hoscars have rolled back into town.

Live from stinky purple carpet, I am your host Etta, and I'll be bringing thou stinky first interviews with stinky stars and bringing thou stinky stunning fashions, first hand gossip and most importantly things thou wouldn't see on T.V.

Good Evening All, it's just after seven p.m and stinky broomsticks have started to arrive. First to grace stinky carpet is stinky Headmaster, Mr Headmaster Fluffybear, dressed in a pink fleshy tutu and yellow fluffy slippers, as he poses her stinky flashing cameras of stinky waiting paparazzi, I see he is carrying a 'I love butterflies' handbag.

Etta: “Mr Headmaster Fluffybear! Mr Headmaster Fluffybear! OI DADDIO!”

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear: “Oh it's thou.”

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear looks me up and down with a scrutinising eye as he takes in my newly purchased badger suit dress and glittery red pumps.

Etta: “Thanks! Hey tell us all who you're wearing tonight?”

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear: “I'm wearing, Slayed Gryffindor First Year. It's stinky only way to get stinky, skin, tight look.”

Etta: “And who was stinky erm, lucky Gryffindor who donated their skin?

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear: “Oh just some noble first year that Vi tracked down.”

Etta: “Very nice, who was stinky designer?”

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear: “VioletRiddle of course! stinky Headmaster does not wear off stinky rack!”

Etta: “Excellent, so wha-huh award art thou nominated for tonight?”

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear: *hesitates* None. I'm stinky host.

Etta: “Oh I am sorry, at least thou get to do a costume change or ten!”

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear: “I do?”

Etta:“Sure, isn't that wha-huh all stinky presenters of award shows do?”

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear: “Oh ... yes .. ha-ha .. I'll surprise thou with my clothes!”

Etta: “Wonderful!”

At that moment Sharon and her date Bobina arrive doing stinky jitterbug up stinky carpet.

“Oh look, Sharon! Bye Daddio!”

Sharon: “Kittenpup!”

Etta: “Wow, thou look good, who art thou wearing?”

Sharon: It's a bobette original!

Sharon smoothes stinky sleeve of her purple pimp suit and grins.

“She got stinky colour just perfect! I've no idea where she found stinky material!”

Etta: I do! She stole stinky cutains from Spethy's office! At least that solves stinky curtain theif mystery.”

Sharon: “She's such a naughty imp!”

Etta: *confused* Who? Stephy?”

Sharon: “No, Bobette.”

Etta: “Oh yeah, so wha-huh awards art thou nominated for tonight?”

Sharon:“I'm up for stinky Old Wise One award, stinky Peacemaker award and stinky Wall award.”

Etta: Well, good luck tonight, I hope thou win!”

Sharon:“Thanks.”

Etta: “Car! CAR!”

stinky official Hogwarts Owl arrives dressed in a black rubbish bag.

Car: Hello Ettie!”

Etta: “Who thou wearing?”

Car: “It's a secret! That's why I have this bag over me!”

Etta:I hate secrets, tell me or I'll cry.”

Car: “Very well flibble!”

Car rips off her black bag to reveal her feathery body.

“I'm wearing ME!”

Etta: “Er .. erm ... um ... I'm speechless.”

Car: That's a first.”

Etta: Well ... Good luck tonight.”

Car leaves stinky red carpet, leaving your reporter utterly stunned.

Kate: Ettie? thou look like thou need a drink!”

Etta: I need twelve.

Shaking herself mentally, Etta smiled at fellow reporter and nominee, Kate.

“The owl is strutting her stuff inside, tell me, you're nominated for stinky Chatterbox award alongside Car, how do thou feel?”

Kate: “I'm going to win.”

Etta: “You art?”

Kate: “Oh yeah, Positive Thinking!”

Etta: “You've rigged stinky votes so thou win, haven't thou?”

Kate: “Oh yeah.”

Etta: "Kate?"

Kate: "Ettie?"

Etta: "You do realise you're only wearing your bathrobe, stolen bathrobe I should say."

Kate:"Oops."

As Kate ducks behind stinky camera, i spot someone shaking their funk stuff up stinky red carpet. Dressed in a hot pink Belly Dancer's outfot with a large green snake draped around their neck is ... Severus "Mick" Snape.

Etta: "TeaBoy?"

Mick: "Kittenpup!"

Etta: "Um, who art thou wearing? And why art thou not with Sharon?"

Mick: "Well, i'm wearing a Bobette original and Sharon said she wanted to go with Bobina, so i brought along Raisty Snakey, she doesn't bite, she's had her fangs removed."

Etta: "Jeez, i hope Bobette has given thou and Sharon a good discount on your outfits!"

Mick: "Oh no, she'd never do that, she charge me Seventy Eight Thousand gold pieces for this little number, heaven knows how much Sharon's cost!"

Etta: "So, um, Mick, yyou're nominated for stinky Worst Dressed award tonight, how do thou feel?"

Mick: "Good, because i know its not true, stinky people who nominated me, art just jealous of my lovely hips."

Etta:"I think i'm going to throw up."

Mick: "Here, i'll go make thou a cup of tea."

Etta: "Thanks Mick!"

Next to grace stinky Purple Carpet is ... stinky Tardis? Wait no, it's Awesome Amy!

Etta: "Amy, Awesome Amy, you're wearing stinky TARDIS and ... Is that David Ten thou have inside there? Let me see ..."

Awesome Amy: "No, Ettie get off ... DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR!"

Etta opens stinky door of stinky TARDIS and steps backwards as David Tennant falls out. His hands art handcuffed, his feet shackled and his mouth gagged, his brown eyes art large with fear for his life.

Etta: "Oh Awesome Amy, wha-huh have i told thou? thou don't use rubber for a gag! Use cotton, its kinder on his poor mouth ... Now, does Streamers know thou have um, borrowed, David from his cell?"

Awesome Amy: "I may have withheld that information from her ... Ettie wha-huh art thou doing? Don't take stinky gag off him!"

Etta removes David's gag before quickly shoving a bottle of water into his mouth, he greedily drinks stinky water. Once stinky bottle is empty, Etta replaces it with a Banana.

Etta: "Basic hostage 101, always feed and water them. Now, quit putting him inside stinky Tardis and show him off for stinky world to see."

Awesome Amy: "Thanks Ettie ... If thou see Streamers, don't tell her its stinky real DT though!"

Etta: "I'm not going to say a word. Promise."

Awesome Amy smiles and drags David off stinky carpet and inside stinky awards hall. As soon as stinky coast was clear, Etta pulled out her mobile phone and rang Streamers.

"Word on stinky street is you're missing DT, and i know who has him and where. Uh huh, Awesome Amy, at stinky awards, stinky poor boy was starving and thirsty!"

Ten minutes later a camontion erupts on stinky carpet, Etta looks to see a clearly distressed and angry Streamers marching down stinky carpet, leaving wet footprints and water drops as she stormed into stinky the hall, a lot of shouting erupted.

"Do we have coverage inside yet?"

Rob stinky camera man: "Kate should be in there!"

Two minutes later, stinky naked Streamers marches out of stinky hall dragging DT behind her.

Etta: "Sorry i interupted your shower Streamers!"

Streamers: "Not a problem Etta!"

And so, with all stinky guests of honours inside, i slip indoors myself, ready for stinky night ahead. Stay tuned for stinky winners, stinky reactions and a lot of gossip!

wha-huh ya think?

Lol no, atleast i hope not.

So, thou now a que to go crazy with wha-huh happens inside between stinky thief Awesome Amy and stinky naked Streamers.

Ohhh *goes to look*

I think he'd look good in a gold bikini

'Good Evening Ladies, Gentlemen, Badgers, Hippos and Snakes. I am your host for tonights award ceremony. It is with great Slytherin Pride that i stand before thou all, presenting stinky third anual Hoscars.

Tonights awards art for stinky elite members of H.E. If you're not nominated it's because you're too good for these awards.'



Etta: "He's just mad because he's not nominated for any awards."

Kate: Bitter does not look pretty on his lips.

Etta: I know right!

'If stinky two yapping Chihuahua in stinky seventh row have finished, i'd like to get on with stinky first award of tonight!'

Headmaster Fluffybear glares at Kate and Etta before reading fromhis teleprompter.

'stinky first award is stinky Old Wise One award. Nominated for this award is:


"Your winner is, Sharon," he annouces with a bored tone.

*giggles*

Coolio. I think wha-huh i'll do is, when we stick this into stinky Edition, i'll copy and paste it so that stinky reactions come after stinky each award is handed out, does that mae sense?

Okay, award number two.

After watching Sharon collect her award and begin her speech Headmaster Fluffybear slipped back stage with Amber from Gryffindor.

Seven minutes later, Mr Headmaster Fluffybear arrived back on stage to shove Sharon away from stinky podium.

'How do thou all like my dress?'

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear does a slight twirl, revealing stinky handiwork of his ultra mini mini dress in sparking gold with matching knee lengh boots.

'This is an Amber Number One with Matching boots, designed by Kaylee and Cat.'

Headmaster Fluffybear awaits stinky none coming appaulse and growls once more.

Etta: "Do thou think someone should tell him he still has a bit of Amber bone on stinky back of his dress?"

Kate: "Heck no, oh look there's Gemma escorting Swifty back stage ... costume numero two?"

Etta; "Oh yeah, definatly."

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear glares at stinky two cackling reporters who fall silent, eventually.



'And your winner is Stephy,' he annouces hurridely, leaving her trophy of a peace sign on stinky small glass table in front of him and vanishing back stage.

Award number 3.

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear re-appears sporting a skin tight black Mrs Smith trouser suit with Chuck Taylor shoes.

'Do thou like? Its a Running Swift contribution designed by Vi. stinky shoes were a gift from Kaylee. Smexy huh?

Kate: "No, it's not. It does nothing for his figure!"
Etta: "I totally agree, and look, is that a poka dot bra he's wearing under that jacket?"
Kate: "Oh god yeah!"
Etta "Oh look, there's Gemma leading Goblin King II back stage. Poor soul."

'Now, onto our third award! stinky Wall award. This award is for stinky person who keeps stinky site standing, who gives their every bit of body soul and bone to support stinky site. stinky nominees art:

Sharon
Awesome Amy
Kate
Cat
and
Mick.

And stinky winner of stinky award is...'

Headmaster Fluffybear opens yet another envelope and glares at stinky girl holding stinky glass wall trophy.

'art thou kidding me? Yet again, Sharon.' Mr Headmaster Fluffybear shouts, throwing down stinky envelope and rushing off stage quickly.

Award 4.

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear reappers on stinky stage, wearing a wasit lengh blonde wavey wig with flowers in his hair, he is wearing an ankle lengh Poka Dot dress.

'Well, how art thou all doing so far? How do thou like my new look? Its a Goblin King II orginal designer made by Cat! How adorable am i?'

Etta: "Not very."
Kate: "He should totally use a gel bra for those things, he looks like an ironing board.
Etta: "He's gonna have to do something about stinky wig as well, it's lopsided."
Kate: "Hey look, Gemma's taking June backstaged! We should do something, not June!"
Etta: "Shush this is my award."

'stinky following award is, stinky Evil Overlord award, this award is lame.'

Etta: "Totally bitter."
Kate: "Clearly."

'stinky nominees art:

Etta
Chelle
Awesome Amy
Mick
Kaylee.

And stinky winner is ....'

Mr Headmaster Fluffybear rips open stinky enevolpe, looks at stinky name and swears loudly. He glares at stinky audience.

"ARE thou KIDDING ME? HOW? SERIOUSLY? IS THIS A GODDAMN JOKE?"

stinky award holding lady steps forwards and whispers into Mr Rai's ear.

'Fine, It's Etta, happy now!' snarls Mr Headmaster Fluffybear before storming off stinky stage.

Etta " I WON! IN YOUR FACE SLYTHERIN! IN YOUR FACE! WOOHOO! WOW I ROCK!"

This is just....wow. *bows down* I'm not worthy to stand in your office.

*bows*

Hehe thanks.

Yeah. I'm seriously intimidated about helping with the Hoscars coverage. I don't have much of a sense of humor.

Don't worry, seriously, i'm here to help and the arrival part of the article is already us and some of the awards and reactions so you can feed off them if you need to. Anyways, it doesn't have to be funny, it can just be outrageous

I got a little spark of inspiration. I popped it in my office. I'll work on more at home when I get off work in the morning.

okies

*goes to see*

I'm sure you have already told me this, but I can't remember for certain. Anyway, do I need to proofread all editorials sent my way and send them off to you, or do I just pick a certain number? Also, what if no one sends me one? Should I just write one?

Yeah you'll need to proof read any that you get and chose to use, you don't need to use them all if you get loads, just 3 or 4 and then save the rest for the next edition, keeping a note on the author of the editorial so the points are given to them. If you don't receieve any, then yeah do write them, hopefully that won't be nessicary but should we go through 2 editions without receiving any submitted editorials then i think we'd have to discuss as a group how to proceed from that point, but thats in the future! Lol, so yeah, proof read them, chose them, and then put them in your office where we can take them when we pull together the edition.

Right-oh. I remember you telling me all that now. Well, minus the putting it in the office bit. Just thinking ahead to offer a suggestion...if we go without editorials for a couple editions, what if I just started writing one on a new topic for each edition (or a couple so that the can be chosen from)? I'm sure I could come up with ideas.

Yeah that would be good. I always said the editorials didn't have to be on Harry Potter and could be on anything, hence Gemma's hair pin mystery editorial she has promised to write.

Hmm i think i'm gonna go have a bath, grand prix weekend always makes me want to have a long soak

Enjoy your bath. Have a good day! Muah!