Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep..

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Subject: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Wed May 06 2009, 19:20

First topic message reminder :

May 6th, 2009

Well, I’m waiting for my old diary to close, I’m going to go ahead and start my new one. The old one was…just to crowded and I was beginning to slack on it. I had spammed it way to much. So this is my new one. Why I want a new one? Because, I just did. Anyway, with a new start, I’m going to go on and start my ranting. School is almost over for me, just about three weeks and I’m out until August. I happen to be a good cook who my teacher now likes but I get very confused. I have to know what something looks like before I can grab it, but whatever. I have made up with friends I had lost, gain new ones, and have lost one.

My dad has stated, he doesn’t have faith in the Lord anymore. I wasn’t too shocked. With what God had him going threw, he took what I said and made it sound like it was a bad thing. But whatever, I still love him no matter his faith. Even if he is a jerk sometimes. My cousin has turned from a bad girl to a Christian Snob. Thinks she is better then everyone, but in reality, she isn’t. My favorite author’s new book is coming out this summer! STRANGE FATES!!! If you love Twilight, you should read these. I swear to you, they are so much better. These are a decade older then Twilight though. They are called Nightworld Volumes 1, 2, 3 plus Vampire Diaries Series and then you have Secret Circle, about witches. The Vampire Diaries will become a tv show with some of my favorite stars in it. The chick from Degrassi, Mai, will be playing Elana..sooooo far from a Blonde though.

Kimmers is my twin, yes…we have made it known. I am the evil one she is the good one. I don’t know why though, she is eviler then me XD.

-Violet

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Aug 09 2009, 18:14

yeah, it's a good song.

Well, you're starting school tomorrow...don't stay up too late, you wanna be well rested for your first day as a sophomore! Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

Hey, d'ya wanna open up some RP threads to get back with James and Evanna, and Sarah and Timmy? Or do you just wanna drop them?

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Aug 09 2009, 18:45

Yeah...I'll open some threads with ya!

Just start them for us....

and can we start anew?

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Aug 09 2009, 19:06

Hey, I gotta get offline right now...but yeah, whatever you want! PM me with what you wanna do, or you could put it here...I don't care. BUt when I get online tomorrow we can start all over...or whatever your idea is. Just explain it to me, and I can title the threads based on what you wanna do. Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

And I'll talk to you later. Have a good first day of school! Start it with a bang! Just make sure it's a good one! XD *huggles*

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Aug 10 2009, 18:00

August 10, 2008

School was horrible. We are jammed packed. The teacher lounge is now a classroom because another school was closed down and they were forced into our school. It’s sad, really. There are over 40 students in each room and we cant even sit by ourselves in the lunch room, people sit ontop of one another because it’s so crowded. Almost all the white students have left and there are about four or five in each class compared to how many black people are there. And they already started acting like the school is theres and we, THE ONES WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOREVER, are the trash in the school. I hate it.

Teacher’s school funds were cut out so teachers have to buy EVERYTHING for themselves. Papers, books, ink…things like that. So they are trying to get us to buy it for them. In my first class, somehow I got put in a special class. Why? I have no idea…and my parents were picking on me and said I was stupid for crying. I didn’t bust my butt last year to learn English only to be in a special education class. It’s not fair that I have to reduce my learning for others. But I don’t want her hating me, so I’ll just stay in the class.

My dad is being a big butt. He wont let us do homework in the living room WHERE we have space to move. I cant be in a small area for long, I have to move. If I’m not moving, I get aggervated and he knows that. He said living rooms are for sitting, kitchens are for eating, and rooms are for working. I cant work in my room!!! I have a bed, a tv, a dresser, and a book shelf. THAT’S ALL!! He wont let me use the small coffee table in the living room because it’s ‘his’. Funny how he is risking my education for himself. It’s pissing me off as I write this because I kept messing up doing my homework.

I think I’m going to start writing a song again. I have some parts of it so far, still thinking of another thing to add to it. For some reason, this just keeps getting in my head. ‘I cant waste another minutes because my heart just won’t quit it.’ I was sleeping on the way to the beach when I thought of that. Blah, I hate school….so far. It’s boring and not even worth it. They are also thinking about taking the buses away because it’s wasting school money…then I have to quit because I wont have a way to school.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Aug 11 2009, 01:15

AGH!
First: Your stupid school district and everything in it aggravates me to the point of ripping my hair out. I think it's unfair, and unconstitutional that this kind of stuff is happening to to kids. I totally agree with you that it isn't right for the children of today to suffer from adults mistakes from yesterday. As I said IM RIPPING MY HAIR OUT! We have a right to education without having to pay lots and lots of money. If we wanted to do that, then we would all be going to private schools, now wouldnt we? It totally bites monkey booty that you have to share the school with a whole bunch of people. As for the part about not being able to be alone...IM SOOO SORRY! I would literally die if I had to be surrounded by people all the time.

Second:
I think it would be good if you started writing songs. I know that really helps me get through stuff. Stuff? No, more like everything and every part of my day. So yea, thats pretty much all of got to say. Ill stop ranting and what-not.

OH! Also, just to let you know...Im here for you if you ever need someone to vent to (:

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Aug 11 2009, 18:35

Awwww poor Vi! Your school sound aweful! Like even worse than mine, and I complain heaps sad

All these new people? Youe should give them a what for. tell em to go get... wait, dont think i can post what you should tell them but yeah. you get my drift.

and thats not fair! They cant put you in a SpEd class after you worked so hard ratty! Thats... GRRRRR!!! *huggles* and your not stupid for crying. I woulda done a whole lot more than that...

Your dad sounds mean. Like everything you tell me bout him sounds... mean. Hehe I remeber when you told me he didnt love you and i totally believed you even though you were joking... but i think thats just cause im gullible XD You should tell him that you cant work like that. Or just work where you want and not give a ... what he says about it.

But if you do write a song you gotta post it here kay ratty cause i like reading your songs Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

And i agree with Clafin if you need to vent... *huggles*

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Thu Aug 13 2009, 01:15

Oh! I forgot (: I would like very much to dedicate a song to you.
It's Faith by Jordin Sparks (:
I heard it and I thought of you instantly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_BD9WiGq8I

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 14 2009, 16:55

August 14, 2009

I have decided...to GO GREEEN!!!!! Yes,. I have been working on this for over three months, but after hearing Send It On by Miley, Demi, Joe bros, and Selena...I have gotten more and more into it. I unplug my phone charger, I *sometimes* turn my tv off...and I have decided...I will no longer sleep with my tv on. All the lights will be turned off in my house when I go to bed, along with my computer. I cant unplug it, but I CAN turn it off. I will try to stop smoking to stop the pollution...I wont throw trash out the windows anymore. I will try and save paper, cans, and most other stuff and help rycle...when I learn how to that is...never been good at that. It's just...think about it! One little change can help CHANGE the world. Everyone should listen to that song...it makes you feel good or in my case...cry. Why? I have no idea why.

School has taken over my life. X_X Im so tired. I havent posted in anything...so whatever I need to post in, could ya please send it to me in here? I know it's alot...I just dont get a chance to get on during the day. And when I do...I get off an hour later after checking my stuff. I just really want to sleep and get it over with. School is so hard this year....so many people...not enough books...nothing! I was thinking of maybe talking to my old Home Ec teacher and asking her if maybe there is a way some students can go around the school during lunch on Firday's can go to classrooms and get all their recycle stuff...like papers and cans. That way, we can help the enivornment, or during our break. It doesnt take long and it cant really dissrupt the classes if they go ahead and put the stuff in boxes. It would be a really good idea...and it can be a club thing for the FCCLA or Key Club...then again...they wouldnt really care to much about something that wouuld help the world.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 14 2009, 17:34

Wow, Vi that's great news! Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

I support you in everything you're doing!!

And I have pity for your school-ness because I start school in *sob* 2 weeks. So....yeah.

OH! And if theres anything I see you should post...I'll let ya know.

See ya lateeeeer. :D

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 14 2009, 17:36

Aww Vi! I love that song. Its my profile song on myspace (: The first time I heard it I cried too. Although Im not sure if it was from what the song was saying or the fact that Nick Jonas was singing. Oh, and I'm proud of you for decided to go green. When I'm at my dad's house, its like a total green zone. It can get kind of annoying sometimes though. He doesnt shop at grocery stores anymore, because he has a garden. He makes EVERYTHING himself. Its gross when I have to take out the compost. Blech! It smells like doggy dung. But, it helps the world. (: You should try to start a community garden or something like that. My aunt did that and SOOOO many people do it now. The idea for recycling at your school sounds pretty good too (: Hmm, I dont have much else to say besides that. Oh, and I posted in the "Wondering" thread. I guess thats all (:

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sat Aug 15 2009, 22:42

August 15, 2009

Well...I started on my song...and I think it's stupid....Blah...I just havent had anything worth writing about. Before, I was able to write about suicide, abuse, death...things that I was going threw. And I'm not ashamed to say that in most of the songs I wrote, that's how I felt, what was happening to me. That was basically my life, my past. Something that I hope that never happens to me again. Anyway...here is what I have so far:

Take down from this high
Feel no shame
Tell no lies.
Can't pretend to care anymore.
You know I cant waste another minute
For my heart just wont quit it.

And that's it. Depression is evil, is wrong. Is comfort sometimes. When you are alone, when you need someone, sometimes depression is there to hold you, to make you feel like the world isnt there, that it's only you. Sometimes, depression isnt as bad as they make it out to be. Tell no one, then no one knows. Tell someone, they crawl up your back, trying to figure you out when there is nothing to look for. Sometimes, I wonder if life is even worth living and then I think about something and roll my eyes. I become another useless, depressed, stupid teenager. And that's not what I want do I? The answer is no, but the depression is stil there, telling me I deserve it. The comforting, but evil, hand trying to get to me.

So with school comes projects. I have to make a Totem Pole...and I have no idea what to make it from. We were thinking of making it with clay, but my mom said no. She doesnt want us to go to the creek and going to find it. Well...when I get a zero because of her self-fish way, I wont say anything. Besides, I could care less right now. I'm just tired...tired and wanting to curl up and never come out again. I'm disturbed, so disturbed that it's sicking. And I cant even right what happened that made me that way. Only because three people know. My best friend Erin, my friend Nicky, and Mar. Lately, being disturbed just makes me feel better, knowing that I have something to make other;s sick with. It's like bliss, like a high. God...I just kind of scared myself. Oh well...my thoughts, my diary...of course, it could get deleted, who knows?

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sat Aug 15 2009, 23:15

Vi your songs sounds like it's coming together nicely so far. Better than the songs I can write, I suck at writing songs XD

I'm sorry to hear about the depression. sad

Umm... a Totem Pole... you should make it outta toliet paper roles or maybe even a paper towl roll. All ya gotta do than is add stuff on the sides or even just paint it

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Aug 17 2009, 19:42

August 17, 2009

Swine Flu is now here. So many students from all four schools in my area have it. Including my cousin. So yeah...sucks. Blah...dont really know what to write. I feel like someone ran over me, threw me up, and then beat me with a wet noodle...I just...dont feel good anymore. I lost my spark that kept me going. My head is always hurting and I hate that. I hate that I feel useless and not welcomed at everything. Including my lunch table. I found it first, it's my table, my lunch spot. No one wanted to sit with me, except the two people I asked for to sit with me. Sean and Lowery. They are the only friends I have in my lunch period and this black guy named Justin sat with us cause he was a freshman and we took him under our wings. Next day...someone I dont know sits down with us. A freshman too. I have no idea why he is sitting with us. He was sitting at the table behind us. And then some boy named Josh sits with us to. So I'm the only girl, with five pervs, and what does that mean? Pick on Lesley and her weird but "lovely" chest. It's annoying, really. And who can I tell? They will just say it's boys being boys, but is it when my feelings are being hurt? When I cant even sit down without hearing something about me being said from my own table? The only person I allowed to talk about me that way was Sean and that's because I'm so use to him doing that, I just got over it, but he doesnt really do that much anymore. So It's just Lowery, Josh, Morgan, and sometimes Justin.

And they keep trying to get me to flash them. I dont want to. I was raised better then that. Even if I did do it once last year to one of my friends, it was because I was dared to do it, and I really didnt even show him anything except down my shirt, so it really didnt count. But this year, I'm just tired of it. I've been debating with myself if I should go and talk to someone I can trust. Maybe my old English teacher. I mean, I guess I should just face it, no matter where I go, I'm going to be talked about. Is it my fault that they are there and I cant get nothing done about it until I get older? They blow a fit when you talk about their "size" but when it a girl, they are entitled to it, I guess. Blah...I feel like a cheap *badword* when they talk about me like that. They have even discussed if I have "lost" it. One, I have morals. Two, I dont want any children, and Three, if I have, that's my business, not theirs. But I havent I dont want to until I'm married. That is a bond between me and the one I marry, to give them something I cant give anyone else and that's how I look at it, even if it makes me old fashioned.

I finished my totem pole. I'm waiting for the wings to dry and harden so I can pin them on the back. Maybe I can take a picture of it and post it on here for yall to see what I came up with. It's really cool...I used "magic dough" which is really play doh and all. And then I painted over it and used some markers to draw with. I made a raven at the top, bear in the middle, a fish at the bottom. It's kind of cool I guess. I wish I couuld have used clay though, let it dry out. But yeah...couldnt. Tropical Storm Claudette came threw while we were in school this morning, nothing big. They didnt want us out of school for something that isnt a problem...we didnt get it bad cause it had messed up Florida and Mobile before it got to us, to that's a plus right? Oh well. I think I know why Morgan sat with us that day and why he keeps doing so. Me. No, not that "i like you" thing. Just the...I want to see if I can get laid or flashed atleast so I can tell everyone. Pfft. He stands with us a break, sits with us a lunch and dang it if he could, I bet he would follow us to our classes.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Aug 17 2009, 19:50

Awwee Vi I'm sorry to hear that. I think that you should go talk to your English teacher. It could help even if all you two do is talk Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

You should do what my friend does in situations like that. Tell them all off, hit and punch a little and than other girls will come. Even those who didn;t like her helped her out Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

but talking with your English teacher would help out

Ooo your totem pole sounds cool. UI'd like to see it

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Aug 17 2009, 22:23

Well, twin it sounds like they're treating you like a typical girl. Which sucks. I know how that is, I have friends who do that to me...I just laugh at them and make jokes back at them, make them feel dumb or something. You gotta let them know it doesn't bother you, and you can't let it bother you because they're just gonna keep doing it. If you tell them straight up to back off of you in that way it could help, or it could just make them laugh and try even harder; boys are stupid like that. *peptalk* But whatever you do, DON'T don't let them make you feel cheap, Vi. You're not and you know it! You're a smart girl and you can't let a bunch of goofy idiots make you feel less than that, girly! You're very outspoken, here at least! You gotta bring that same girl into the real world and stand up for yourself. You handle those boys and let them know who they're messin with or else they'll keep it up, which we both know you don't want! Welll....I may have gone a bit overboard. XD Buuuut I hate when people get picked on in ANY way! *grr!*

And the totem pole sounds coolio!! :D

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 21 2009, 03:51

August 21, 2009

I'm not going to school today. My throat is killing me and I'm sneezing and coughing. I feel horrible. And it makes me feel bad because I have two test today that I worked really really hard in studying for. So yeah, that sucks. I wonder if I can ask my sister to give Sean my work...? Would that do any good? I dont know. But he could give it to my English teacher and she could grade me for that day....

OH! I think my English teacher wants to move me from her slow first period class to one of her faster classes. It's because out of 60 problems the other night, I only missed two. And she said for people in her slow class, no one should have missed that, they should have missed more. She regraded it, found two the girl didnt grade. I got an eighty. She said all my grades so far have been 100 100 100 96 100 100 80. That's not my fault I was put in that class.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 21 2009, 04:03

Oh my goodness Vi! I swear you and me are in sync ): I haven't been able to talk for three days because my throat feels like its been ripped out and stomped on by a slug. (Doesn't sound like it word hurt...but trust me it does!) I'm sorry you dont get to take your tests but.... YAY! that your getting moved up in your English class. I think it was dumb that they put you in a 'special' class. I mean, honestly...you? You are pretty much amazing at everything, while you leave the rest of us here to suck at life miserably...well okay, thats just me but you get my point.

Anyways, I'm sorry you don't feel good and all I feel your pain :D
Oh, and check the Great Hall pleasiesss?

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 21 2009, 04:17

I will...with school starting...I dont get on much...I'm only on for the hour cauase I have to get my sister up for school. But then I'm going back to bed. I feel soooo horrible. And my nose is all tickley cause I have to sneeze and it's not coming out and I'm freezing...and its really hot and muggy outside...so when I'm cold and it's like that...my mom knows I'm not kidding. Last year when it was about 90 something degrees outside, I was wearing Jogging pants, pj pants. Two long sleeve shirts, a regular t-shirt over that, my bedroom shoes and I had a jacket on. So my mom knows I wasnt kidding.

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 21 2009, 04:25

Awwww Vi ): Im so sorry! You should just blow your nose as hard as you can for like ten minutes. That always works for me. My mom never believes me when Im sick. Once, I literally threw up in front of her and she accused me of being bulimic. Then I get sent home from throwing up on a teacher and she still doesn't believe me. Anywhosss you should just get lots and lots of rest and eat chicken noodle soup and drink apple juice :D

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 21 2009, 09:55

I ended up going back to bed. My dad was going to ask my mom to take me to get my permit...but I just dont feel up to it. And I havent study...but I doubt it is hard. I mean...why would it be hard? Blah...I would rather do it during a school day so I looked alright...I looked like something someone chewed up and spat out. We dont eat chicken noodle soup or have apple juice. I'm going to try and eat some of my chicken strips and french fries cause thats the ONLY thing in the house that belongs to me when we talk about food. I just have to chew them up really really hard and make it soft enough to swallow.

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Aug 21 2009, 10:02

*huggles clafin and vi*

I am sorry girlllllls!!! I hope you feel better sooooooooon!

That's good news about your permit though!

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Aug 23 2009, 00:17

August 23, 2009

Still sick...couighing, sneezing, head aches, stuffy nose. I feel like...bad things I cant write. Ugh...it's so....uncomfortable. Blah...I wrote a poem...called Seven. Why? I have no idea...it;s kind of stupid now that I think of it. Nothing to really write...five dollars I end up going to school Monday...and most likely I'll be sent to the nurse for coughing and sneezing alot.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Aug 23 2009, 00:20

Awwee Vi I'm sorry to hear that you're still sick. Try taking lots of medicine and gets lots of rest It'll help Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

and as for thr poem called seven well it has to be awesome cause seven is the most awesomest number in the world! Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Aug 24 2009, 04:26

August 24, 2009

Well...it's Monday morning and I'm bored. Only a few minutes before I go get dressed for school and redo my hair to it looks alright. I didnt get any sleep last night so if I fall asleep in class...soooo not my fault. I kept waking up to cough and sneeze...maybe I should go to bed three hours early today so I can be awake in the morning. I cant taste ANYTHING. It all taste like silver and copper...no matter what I eat. My nose is all....stuffy and I cant stop coughing or sneezing. My body feels like someone threw it against the wall over adn over and over. Bleh.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Aug 25 2009, 05:31

August 25, 2009

I was ready for school...had my clothing out...done my hair...went to the washing machine and what was there? THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO A GIRL!!!! Ticked my off....my dad forget to turn it back on last night....and I dont have another one...stupid Wal Mart...stupid everything. Man, and I really really wanted to go today!!!! Looks like this will be one of those years where some idiot forgets to do alot of stuff

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Aug 25 2009, 17:34

My little dreamer twin, Violet, could you please post for Evanna? ^_^

And I'm sooorry you haven't gone to school because your sick. Bummer. And the forgot to dry your clothes incident, I've had that happen! >.<

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Aug 25 2009, 18:11

I didnt forget...they forgot.

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Aug 25 2009, 18:24

ANd that makes it even worse! >.< Because if you did it to yourself it's your own fault, nothing you can say about it....but if it's someone else it's entirely different.

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Aug 25 2009, 18:32

Yeah then I got introuble for it not being done.

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Aug 25 2009, 18:36

Aww that totally sucks ratty *huggles*

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Aug 31 2009, 19:11

August 31, 2009

Well...school is still boring. Havent been sleeping much, people are confusing, and I'm still stuck in the special ed class. I want to be moved from the room, but I cant because it's to late to move, but why am I in it, if I dont need it? I'm smart, even though I classify myself as dumb, because truely, being in that class makes me feel more and more dumb each day. I know a noun, verb, pronoun, everything! And yet, I'm still in there, stuck and feeling more dumb then ever.

People are just...there now. I'm getting confused about my faith again. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it's just me not wanting to believe when I know I want to. I kind of just want to give up...not do anything anymore. I guess...I should...

Life at home has gotten good and bad. Sometimes, me and my dad play fight, but there are times when I think he is picking and he isnt...and then he hurts my feelings by yelling and I hate being yelled at, which makes me cry. It's just...stressful and nerve racking.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Wed Sep 02 2009, 19:17

September 2, 2009

Well...in the last two days, two black boys have found it fun to touch up on me. Yesterday, I ended up wasting the only thing I had to eat that day by throwing it on the ground and storming off to the bathroom, only to be kicked out because we arent allowed in there. What's the point of a bathroom if we arent allowed in it? Well, I told them to stop it or they will find something they didnt like in their face called my foot. I doubt it will work, but one more time and I'm going to talk to my old English teacher. Supposely, I let one of them do it last year and if he happens to remember, everytime I touched me, I ended up hitting him or being confused and lost in space for something I dare not speak of. Last time, him and two other guys thought it would be 'funny' to close a cirlce around me and start pulling my jacket off and grabbing at me to I started freaking out and crying for them to stop. They called my a cry baby but I didnt care.

I still havent been sleeping well. When I got home this afternoon I done my homework, checked a few things on the computer, ate a sandwich and we to bed. Woke up a few hours later and took some sleep meds. Waiting for it to kick in as of now. It's soooo hot. I'm just sweating but I have no idea why. And my sides have been hurting and I feel like throwing up alot. Oh well..

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Thu Sep 03 2009, 17:20

Vi! That is SOOOO horrible! ):
I am so so sorry thats happening to you.
I definitely think you should tell someone...
and if it keeps happening then beat them up!
XD I'll help!

Oh, and maybe your still a little sick?
Do you think it could be the Flu or something like that?

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Thu Sep 03 2009, 22:51

I looooooove youuuuuu twinnnnnny!

I give you all my sympathy and power to punch! XD

But really that is annoying, immature boys are such jerks. I just wanna tell them to shut up and get a life. U-G-H! That's sad though, especially because it does hurt you, and nobody does anything about it. I know that when boys pick on me I act like it doesn't bother me and make them feel stupid and idiotic, but it doesn't always work because this one guy think's he's just 'so hilarious' and likes to show off in front of his friends. Well, he's just a loser and a stoner trying to find comfort in other people's pain....Well I don't think I really helped you, but wanted to give you these thoughts of mine anyways, and let you know that even though I don't write in here often, or for that matter other places much right now, I DOOOO read it all and take it in. Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Sep 13 2009, 08:11

September 13, 2009

Well, I was going to go to church today, but I just didnt have enough time to get ready...and God is making me pay for it by feeling bad. I just didnt have enough time to get myself ready. I was told I would be picked up at nine o'clock and then they changed it to eight o'clock...which is what time I got up. So now I feel bad, which just...doesnt feel good. School has been, ok...to say the least. My cousin thinks this guy who use to be my best friend and now hates me is the guy for her and she wants to change him. It makes me made that whenever I had a guy who talked about her, she would mess with me until I broke up with him, yet, every guy she has had talks about me and she talks about me also. I dont know what it worse, that I lost the only person I ever loved because of her or that she allows every guy that comes to her to talk about me and talks about me also. Am I such a bad person, that I have to be called hurtful words? For things I've never done...? So what if I never kissed a guy? So what if I want to be a virgin? Who cares? Well, I do. And so does God. If God wanted me out there, doing that, he wouldnt have wrote that in the Bible.

I have one person I can actually talk to....he doesnt disrespect me and he is really nice to me. Unlike most guys who like to talk about....my features....he would just rather talk instead. His name is....really....I'm not going to say his name. But we can just call him..."Good Guy." Good Guy also shares the same birthday as me, which is weird...but awsome. He is the only guy that doesnt think my cousin, Lacie, is pretty...he thinks she is ok...but not pretty like all the guys think. Everyone thinks he is gay because of that. Just because he isnt shallow doesnt mean he is gay. But he was so nice the other night, it made me smile alot. I told him to tell me I was ugly, just to get my cousin off my back about asking him out. And he said "Not, I cant tell you that. You ARENT ugly, Lesley." So we had to fuss about it until he finally said it. And then he said "Lesley, you are my friend. I would do just ABOUT anything you ask me to do." I was like...awww...I need to tell the other to do that for me. It sucks cause after that...I sorta did like him...maybe it's because he just...isnt like any other guy that has tried to get with me. But yeah, whatever. He still hasnt explained why he decided to sit at our lunch table or stand with us at break. We usually walk to most classes together...but he is a freshman. So after break, we walk towards his English class, my locker. After that, we walk to AVC building because he goes to Bus. Tech and I go to Health Science. Then we walk to lunch. After that, I dont see him. But he is a closer friend then the rest of my friends.

I love Health Science. It's so fun, and I catch onto the words easy. It's my class to train and be a nurse, so when I become a senior, I can go to the hospital and help them out there. I love taking the class because it's so fun. But it goes by to quick, which...sucks. History is fun, because...I just love it. My other classes are...ok...but 5th adn 6th period are my favorites.

Then in 7th period, the only class I have with Lacie, she ignores me for the guy she likes. So for an hour, I have no one to talk to, nothing to do, and get teased by them. She doesnt even ride the bus anymore, yet she got mad when I wasnt going to ride the first day. She could have called the chick she has been riding with and tell them she was going to ride with them. She doesnt like the bus because they 'cuss and say dirty things.' One, if she talked to me the whole time, she wouldnt hear them, and two, if she wanted, she could go to the front of the bus. But she claims the bus, messes up her hair. It's just annoying how much she makes me feel like dirt. But whatever, that's her business, not mine. And when that guy breaks her heart, but I know how he is, my shoulder is going to be dry and not there for her. She knows about how he is, but she thinks she can change him. I'll let her do what she wants, because he wont change.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Sep 13 2009, 13:51

Well it sounds like your cousin is...a problem. Selfish and vain is what I get from how you've talked about her. And if that is true I think that even if she is your cousin and you love her for those reasons, it would be better to let her go for now. I mean, my friend did some things she shouldn't have and while she was in that stage I just was like, "Well, you obviously think that is more important than other things in life like school, or me, or church. So hope it's worth it..." and I didn't say it angry, I was just tired of her compromising herself so she could go 'have fun' or whatever. And although I didn't agree with what she was doing, I wasn't going to go with her and do that stuff, and I hoped she would stop soon and grow up....but I left her alone. And in the end she got caught and in trouble and she came back to me and was crying saying, "Im sorry, I'm so stupid..." she still has work to do in her life, but you know things got better, even though we're sort of distant right now. So hopefully this doesn't sound like some mumbo-jumbo nonsense and it'll give you some hope with your cousin. Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Fri Sep 25 2009, 08:19

September 25, 2009

I think...this is it. I'm over everything and I give up. Last night, I cried three times...over nothing. My friends where right, I do like good guy, and he likes me to, but he has a girlfriend plus someone else likes him. He just makes this hard on me because he knows how I feel but he just makes it worse by just...doing what he is doing. This is the first guy I've liked since I was 12, so that is hard for me to just...get over. I've been trying to work on it. I have only three more years here anyways and then I can go off to college to become a nurse like I want to be.

It's just, when I'm around him, I get butterflies. When I think about him, I get all kind of emotions. Like anger, sadness, happiness, love, hate, things like that. And I smile when I think of him also, which I realized yesterday in class. I think that may have been the reason I started crying last night. And when we arent talking over the phone or the computer, I get this...lonely feeling in my chest, like I've been rejected.

I havent been eating, I'm not hungry. I have been sleeping alot. I'm just tired. My parents think I'm starving myself and I'm doing drugs. I've lost four pounds in one week. It's not my fault. I dont want to eat, I'm tired of forcing myself to eat food I dont want to eat. And I eat at school...like...jut very small things. The lunch lady looked at my food in disgust yesterday because I only had five small meatballs, no bread, an apple, and chocolate milk. And then again, I didnt eat much of it. I ate four of the meat balls, four bites of my apple, a swallow of milk, threw it away. I dont want to eat it anymore, I cant eat it...I get sick. I got sick and almost threw it back up...whatever it was that I had ate last night.

I talked to Good Guy for two hours, in which, he mad me cry and knew he did. He asked me if I wanted a hug after I told him I was crying. Of course...I would have to wait until today to get it because it was FB chat thingy...but yeah, whatever.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Sep 28 2009, 09:13

Awww Vi, I know how you feel. Boys are...complicated to say the least. Things will get better if you just believe they will. I know your gonna hate me for saying this but, I think you should listen to a Jonas Brothers song. it is called Take A Breath. I know this sounds incredibly cheesy, but I always always always helps me calm down when I'm stressed out and feel like a big blob of human without a brain...or any functional organs for that matter. Don't give up hope Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

I'll pray for youuuuu!

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Sep 29 2009, 08:00

Whatever today is, 2009

Well, to put it simple. He lied. He doesnt like me, he just let me think he did. Even though he did tell me and my cousin. We fought alot this weekend about everything and how he was treating me and such. My mom is thinking of sending me back to the doctors again. She thinks I'm depressed. I dont want to agree with her, but you can just look at me and tell I am. Which...sucks to say the least. I dont eat and when I do, I force myself but then I just want to epmty my stomach. I sleep or cry all the time and then I cant get back to sleep. I want to blame Good Guy, but I cant. Theres no one to blame for how I feel or for what I feel. I feel nothing anymore. I'm just...numb. Numb all over. I just want to sleep and cry, lay in bed, never move, and just think. I hate eating, it just makes me sick all over again. And then you have Good Guy just...making EVERYTHING WORSE.

I was pretending to be one of my friends and he said 'I could have gone my whole life without knowing Lesley liked me. We could still be friends, but no, you had to f up my life. Thanks...' I dont know what was worse, seeing it or just...going all numb once more. Am I that bad of a person? That the one person I thought I could trust just turned on me when I needed him the most. But everything is alright now...right?

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Thu Oct 01 2009, 21:55

October 1, 2009

I went to the doctor today. They think I have mono. I've lost ten pounds in the last two weeks, I barely eat, I have bad headaches, I feel like puking, my stomach hurts, my throat is sore and I'm so tired. But I cant sleep....no matter what. Right now, I'm just...waiting for the pain to just stop. So far...pain: 2 me: 0. If basically missed all of the week, and tomorrow I cant go to school, so we are going to get my work that I have missed and we are going to pray I can go back Monday...unless the doctor tells me to stay and puts me on bedrest. This is my year, my only chance to pass the exams the first time. I need this year, I need to learn this stuff for my graduation exams. If not, oh well...

Good Guy has been helping me alot, trying to cheer me up. But he has gave me pet names. Sweety and Boo. I asked him to not do it anymore, so hopefully, he wont. If he does, I'll just tell his girlfriend to make him stop it. Hopefully, they will break up and give me a reason to fight with the jerk face. Ugh...I just feel horrible. I'm just....like walking death.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sat Oct 03 2009, 11:49

October 3, 2009

I got my results back. I dont have mono. But they wouldnt say what they thought I have. I looked it up and I could have diabetes or kidney problems. You would think...wow she must be shocked or scared or yadda yadda. But I'm not. Cancer, heart disease. diabetes, kidney problems, COPD, just about everything runs in my family. But eh, I doubt I have either. I have to go back Weds and get some more test done and then on Thrusday. I hate this...alot. First my dad and now me? I still put my faith into God and trust he will take care of me threw everything. I cant go to church tomorrow, so I'm gonna read my bible extra long tomorrow night or tomorrow afternoon to ease my guilty of not going. It's rude to fall asleep in church, plus I have all these medicines I have to take. But for some reason, I think I really should go....I just dont want to fall asleep in church.

My left eye is loosing sight in it. Not badly...just its so blurry. And I keep getting dizzy. But if I just keep my faith in God and not worry, he wont let anything bad happen to me, unless he is ready for me to come home. But I feel my time on earth isnt over yet, I need to fulfill what my job is to do, help others and praise the Lord. I even helped one of my friends by telling him that God wouldnt do something to you because you deserve it, he only puts you through what he thinks you can handle. It was alot more stuff, but it made me cry when he said he was going to give his faith to the Lord another try. : )

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Oct 05 2009, 20:31

October 5th, 2009

I am putting what I write in spoiler. Only because it may not...please some of you and I dont want anyone complaining that I didnt warn you.

Spoiler:

And I'm scared. What if I have to have surgey? What about school? This is my year, the only year I have to be able to take my exams with learning everything this year. What if I fail? What if I have to REPEAT this grade like 9th grade? Important thing: Love life...never take it for granted. Never know when something will harm you...even something to simple.

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Oct 06 2009, 15:15

Arg! my computer won't let me see the spoiler sad

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Oct 06 2009, 15:24

I went back to the doctor today. He done another urine test and the nurse came in with a weird look on her face and asked if I was on my period. I knew then something was just not write so I told her no. She told me that I had alot of blood and protien in my urine and I needed ultra sounds and bloodwork. I also have to go out of town to Mobile to see a kidney specialist about everything. What was mistaken for the flu and mono are my kidneys. I could have kidney failure, kidney infections, kidney stones. We have no idea.

There you goo...

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sat Oct 10 2009, 22:07

October 10, 2009

Brain tumor never crossed my mind. Not until my mom put it there. Its funny how one minute you cna be...all happy....and next...not know whats real and whats fake anymore. I had a MRI and MRA and I looked up warning signs for brain tumors....I had all but one. Well...it would explain alot. Nausea...head aches...lose of seeing/hearing....bad balance....just alot. I dont know though...I mean...maybe it's all in my head. The meds they gave me dont work either.

I think I'm going to bed...

-Vi

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Oct 11 2009, 17:15

Ohmygosh. Wow thats huge. Okay.

*tacklehugglesherratty* I love you ratty and you shouldnt worry cause it will be okay. Cause I wont let anything happen to you okay??? Dont freak out. Are you freaking out? Im not freaking out. Okay maybe a bit... but a brain tumor? Ohmygosh.

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Tue Oct 13 2009, 22:32

TWINNNNN! Oh em gee! That's scary!! Buuuuut I have to say, I am so proud of your trust in G-O-D! I'm glad that you're reading your Bible and believing and stuff! It's great! But what isn't great is your kidneys! I hope they're okay! *praypraypray* I looooove you! Be safe, be strong, and believe! I'll pray for youuuuu super-hard!

Brain tumor?! Woah. That could be super serious...

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Wed Oct 14 2009, 03:36

Sorry I haven't had the chance to post, but I've been praying for you every night! I know everything seems super horrible right now, but God only puts people through stuff to make them grow as a person. Plus, no matter what's wrong, I know that you'll be able to pull through it. You're one of the strongest people that I've ever had the great fortune to encounter in life. So, don't get yourself down k? Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

We are all here for you andddddd we all LOVERSSS YOU A LOT...A LOT, A LOT! I should probably say something super inspiring right about now, but nothing comes to this hollow head of mine. So, I'll leave it at that. Oh, and remind you...Faith by Jordan Sparks Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Mon Oct 19 2009, 17:16

Violet I'm soooo sorry to hear about that. *huggles* I feel like I have just disappeared on you. sad

I'm sorry. I hope everything gets better for you. Brain tumor... I hope it's not but if it is I hope they fix it right away. If not I'll wave my hand and make it all better. I will give you some of my brownies!!! They fix everything!!! I hope they fix your kidneys too but with medicine theses days they can do just about everything except bring back the dead. I'm sure you're in great hands. As for school don't worry too much about it but it might be good not to totally forget about it. Just tell everyone what's going on and I'm sure the school willl work with you to fix you up. Don't worry. God will protect ya and I'll try to pray for ya as much as I can. You're in his hands and he will protect you. I'm certain of it cause that's what he does. He'll make sure you get through this and than he'll make sure you'll get through school passing with flying colors. I'll be sure to pray Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. - Page 2 436937

Subject: Re: Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep.. Sun Oct 25 2009, 16:35

October 25, 2009

Nothing so far. All we know is that I just have alot of protien in my urine. The headaches stopped...but barely. I still have them. My head is like..killing me right now, but whatever. My parents dont really care. The dr is making me do a urine test for 2 weeks, so if I'm making protien during the night, I could have a sort of cancer or disease. I dont really care anymore.

-Vi

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