Inside Smartie's head.

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Subject: Inside Smartie's head. Sat Feb 02 2008, 22:46

These entries are about my life at school and my boy problem, My friend problems.
Some entries are in 'novel' form but just tell me what u think or if u have any
Questions you know where to post.........& dont hesitate to tell me what u think.

"I fear our friendship will never be as strong
as it was in the past, and our future is
nothing but a stroll down the road to darkness."

"As the place on my back throbbed
from where he had poked me I thought
to myself, Is this what its come to?
Him asking but not caring?"
(because the boy i am talking about asked me something and he said rite after "you know what? i dont care")

"I sat up quickly as the pain seared
through my back.
He had done i again"

"....as he walk swiftly past me, I only wondered...."

"As he tried to get my attention, I gave him
no sign of interest. It tore me, as well as him.
But I knew our friendship would never be the same
again."

"Still constantly growing apart.
Day by day, Hour by hour,
Minute by minute, Second by second.
I knew the time was coming. I just hoped I
could fix it before it was lost forever."

"He is trying to make up for his past behavior,
He thinks I will forgive him. He thinks I am as
ignorant as the others. Well I am not so easily fooled.
I will never forgive him for what he has done."

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 03 2008, 12:41

What did he do? It's killing me here!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 03 2008, 17:36

He was my best friend/kinda crush and i confided in him so much,
and he just turned around and stabbed me in the back
by telling the girl i abosolutely hate all the stuff i had said about her.

I guess I am kinda blowing it outta proportion but its wat i feel inside. Inside Smartie's head. Bell2

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 03 2008, 18:48

dude, wow!!! why have i never been told this stuff? this is like a dramatic romance book. or a soap opera. sad, this is how u feel bout him? that O.L.D ridden boy? at least we're on the same page with the leader.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 03 2008, 19:16

hahaahahahaha
well not exacty but pretty close.
its deep feelings. on the inside.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 03 2008, 19:35

"Everything is well again we are close and
growing closer. His aroma is heavenly[]
I only hope that the situation turns out in
my favor once agin. I am wishing that
it will continue to grow stronger"

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 03 2008, 21:28

Well I guess I should start from the beginning.......
me n my bff kimber (aka LOONYkim) go 2 this
small little school out in the middle of the country.
there is like 75 ppl that go 2 the WHOLE school. and it is k-8th.(yeah)
Well we used to be friends with leilani marizela and .alejandra.
we all use to be friends and all of a sudden we just stopped this year.
Since then it has been Leilani, Marizela, Alejandra, Destanie, and Breanna.
{the last 2 came this year and are friends with them.}
So that just leaves me n kimber. we r stickin together for the rest of the year.
[and throgh high school(hopefully)]
and the "novel" entries are about a boy that i thought was my friend until he came down with a case of O.L.D.
That is the disease where u crave attention. not just a little bit ALL of it.
that is the epidemic that is going around in our little school.
[you will here that phrase (O.L.D)a lot in my entries]

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 03 2008, 21:36

green are novel entries about HIM
red are novel enrties about Chris
yellow are novel entries about dr. pepper[another boy]
white is my input
&
black is my regular entries

(i suppose i should have put this stuff at the top)

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 04 2008, 19:15

Pepsi::

"Oh how or friendship is strong.
Stong enough to mend itself.
Mend itself like it had done in the past.
A friendship stronger than anyother I's had.
I knew he was special.
I knew he was The One,
The One who would cause me great happiness.
He understood,
he talked me through it.
Not the brightest at times(LOONY=]),
but always with me,
never against me,
always on my side."

He is one of the best guy friends I have had. Nothing like "HIM" I was very close to him(Pepsi) and I know I will never know someone as great as him. We were best friends and if we would still be going to the same school, we still would be. But everytime we are together its just like we had seen eachother the day before. It is amazing. I think I love him.{more as a brother of course!!} but I don't know...maybe more....someday.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 04 2008, 19:19

"My hatred for him grows as the time passes.
I realize now we were not friends at all.
And I know now not to be more trusting.
Freindship is a fragile thing that ought not be meddeled with.
I know this now."

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Feb 05 2008, 20:48

Today was one of the better days.
HE wasnt that bad today.
We didnt really hang out.
Me n my BFF LOONY just hung out alone like we always do.

haha without my novel stuff my life is really boring. nothing really happened today
except for UMBRIDGE. haha that is my evil substitute. i hate her.
so does everyone else in the class.
O.L.D is still spreading.
LOONY and i decided we should be sisters
haha i wish just anotherthing to taunt leilani with lol.

well i am pretty boring. haha sorry to the ppl readin haha.

lets see....

"Every day goes by without
a look or an acknowlegemet.
sometimes I wish it was different.
And sometimes I am grateful it didnt turn out worse.
I guess there is no cure for the dreadful disease.
I will find one in the future but now
I am as clueless as he is.

**MIXED EMOTIONS SUCK**

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Feb 05 2008, 22:43

u rock and i love u. u r so entertaining, sorry, but u r. wow is all i can say. oh, my bad ya'll i'm a part of this. * takes bow*

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Feb 05 2008, 22:45

HAHA U LOVE ME??? I TOLD U IM NOT READY 4 THAT KINDA COMMITMENT! grin

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Feb 06 2008, 22:03

Today was also good.
He stayed outta my way kinda.
Shirley(marizela) actually commented me today.
[STARNGE!!!]
we got a new kid in the class, him name is richard.[although he says thats not the way you spell it.]
He was asking me for help all day long. it got kinda annoying. O well ...AND he sits right behind
me breathing on my neck all day long!!!
ummm....we started basketball....we survived!!! our coach is gonna whip us into shape...which suxx so much.
umm...about the whole 'HIM' thing i have very bad mixed emotions about him....

"Every day is different.
One is good another is not.
Somedays I hate him, some days I love him.
I just don't know what to choose.
He is amazing,
he is repulsive,
he is nice,
he is jerk.
It is impossible to tell each and everyday.
He is driving me insane.
My head is spinning with thoughts and emotions.
I need to figure this out or it will cause a commotion.
Chaos in fact.
I have never had this much trouble
with a boy at all, EVER.
Maybe he is special.
I will find out sooner or later i suppose.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Feb 06 2008, 23:24

yes yes yes!!!

im on the virge of surpassing my sister in posts only 10 more!!!
Inside Smartie's head. 396219

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 10 2008, 18:38

haha loser, you wont catch up now. good stuff, that must be really deep cuz u never tell me that stuff....
bo hoo, u dont trust me or wut? i'd tell u...

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 10 2008, 18:38

haha loser, you wont catch up now. good stuff, that must be really deep cuz u never tell me that stuff....
bo hoo, u dont trust me or wut? i'd tell u...

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 11 2008, 03:29

well u would roll ur eyes and stuff at me like u always do...aND I PERFER TO WRITE THINGS DOWN...

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 11 2008, 03:37

This week has been good. extra good really.
Marizela wasnt bein a little "biscuit-eating bulldog"
haha lol
"HE' was actually not as bad.
which means he was actually good.
OLD is still spreading but i think we
[me & LOONY]
have taken alejandra away from the whole OLD epidemic thing.
4 now.
well me n loony just got back from walmart riight now
and we are really tired.
so i am gonna like not right n-e-more.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 11 2008, 03:41

oo and sorry. no novel entry until...tuesday, afternoon.
in my rush to get home this weekend i left the two ideas
on paper in my desk[stoopid me!!]

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 11 2008, 23:20

**WAIT!! I GOT ONE!**

He knows what he is doing.
I know he does.
He enjoys causing me pain.
phisically and emotionally.
I just dont know what is wrong with him.
I should have known better,
I should have seen this coming.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Feb 12 2008, 16:53

As I tightened my back,
waiting for an impact,
I felt a soft hand
on my shoulder
I knew today would be good.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Feb 12 2008, 16:59

As I was waiting for an insult,
I got a compliment.
As I waited for a smart remark,
I got sincerety.
As I waited for rejection,
I got acceptance.
This was a sign of change.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Feb 12 2008, 17:09

*tear*
aww, he is changing!!!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Feb 13 2008, 18:04

he has been changing 4realz.
well this week n-e- ways.
he hasnt been all up in my face my bff iz gettin annoyed though.
he is a little touchy.
if it was me on the other hand and if it bother me i would just complain.
but no. she doesnt listen to me.
he would just stop if you told him seriously.

OMG!! I saw chris today i am soo happy!!

no deep feelings today sorry =(

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Feb 14 2008, 13:06

chris?? christian!!!! the tall poor tortured soul? the spy who's a stalker??? that chris??

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Feb 14 2008, 14:44

ewww!!!no didntu read the first page?? Chris iz pepsi!!!

ewww y would i put that i was happy about it????

where is ur head today???

EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 18 2008, 13:49

"Silently watching,
not saying a world,
camouflaged in his friends.
I only wondered would he talk?
Would he speak to me?
Only timne will tell.
All I wish i s for things to be back to normal again.
Silently waiting,
watching for the day..."

and i know i sound desperate and everything,
but i'm not. these are just my feelings.
He was my friend and i just want him back
but i can live without him.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 18 2008, 13:55

This was when i was out in the desert but the campfire.

"As I watched the smoke rise,
I thought,
and thought,
and thought,
and I came to the conclusion that,
it was not worth it.
HE was not worth it.
I am sure in a while my feelings
will change but for now....
he is not worth it."

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 18 2008, 20:39

signature word here- wow. correct a mundo, not worth it. guys are NOT WORTH IT!!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 18 2008, 21:43

hahaha

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Feb 19 2008, 18:12

"Not a glance or acknowledgment,
Still not worth it.
Not a word or sound,
Still not worth it.
I miss his voice and his touch.
Still not worth it.
I am wishing one day
that the circumstance will change,
but for now,
It is still not worth it."

"One sylabel,
not even a real word,
Still not owrth it."

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Feb 19 2008, 18:40

This day has been so weird! I'm telling you!
It started out all slow for us.
that whole 1st part of school she didn't even look or talk to me.
right before lunch he said "whoa!" not even all of it.
but at lunch we started to mess around.
in class he kinda talked to me
its not like he was completely ignoring me like before.
and at p.e. him and i were hanging out all cool-like.
cuz me n him were playing basketball
and he made a dunk 4 me.(meaningless i might add) but he has never made anything for me b4.
(I'm not taking it all Inside Smartie's head. 13

"Oh my gosh!<3 he made it 4 me!" LOONY i know it doesn't mean anything)
but it was kool. cuz he wasn't making fun of me. cuz i was missing like a lot.
and he said he would miss for me so i could make it. and he was being really nice and kool.
i liked him today.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Feb 20 2008, 18:20

it was awesome. the same like today but it didn't take him that long to talk 2 me. well actually, i got his attention with the star i made. but it was cool cuz when we were at lunch he was there and me n loony were there too. with Hannah. n we were just talking and hanging out and he was so not O.L.D. it was awesome. i am telling u its like 12.12.12 already. o well as long as he is so not O.L.D i am just fine with that. Inside Smartie's head. 11630

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Feb 20 2008, 18:41

"How do I explain?
How do I express my feelings?
Things change with every passing day.
I love him,
I hate him.
I want to kill him,
I want to protect him.
Things have been so hard lately,
mixed emotions,
the constant fear of rejection,
the false hope of what might happen,
and the crushing sense or unhappiness.
I am just hoping, one day things will quiet down,
and O.L.D. will be vanquished forever."

End of GOLDEN YEARS

"...And O.L.D. will be vanquished for good. but it will never perish completely. for there is O.L.D in all of us. If we choose to show it is a challenge it itself.

[If we choose to show it is our fault completely.]

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Feb 20 2008, 22:09

inerestering....

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sat Feb 23 2008, 16:11

Ok well i so didnt go 2 skool yesterday.
I am sick and im sad

Our game was cancelled,
I haven't seen him is two days, and just when we were getting closer..
i can omly imagine what OLD has done to him this time.
He was on the verge of bein chris-status,
O well I guess I could start oer again next week.

I am more depressed now.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Feb 24 2008, 00:01

still sick and still sad

*waaaaaaaa*

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 25 2008, 07:47

aww, he aint like that. put a little faith in him!! he chills w/ me and paco and richie and josh. *sorry, that's what josh calls him and it's catchy**i guess*

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Feb 25 2008, 21:16

RICHIE????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

OK I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.
ARE U GUYS LIKE FRIENDS NOW?

oh AND

still sick not going to school tomorrow either!!!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Feb 28 2008, 17:06

OK so i went today. and u will never guess....HE was not there. ugh!!
and it sux. ugh!!! well my bff and sister is not going to the fair with me
and i am sad. but ima go check ouut the pigs "wink*

WELL IDK WAT ELSE CUZ I DONT HAVE ANY NOVEL STUFF.
CUZ I HAVENT SEEN HIM OR HEARD OF HIM IN A WHILE.

oo nevermind!!!

"The days without him grow longer,
They are painful,
but I know I will get through this.
One day,
One day I will see him.
One day not too far from now.
If it was meant to be it will happen."

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Feb 28 2008, 17:12

just get over it. naw, jkjk. and bacon is mine, so step off!!!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Feb 28 2008, 17:31

i meant mustard!!! genius.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Feb 28 2008, 21:33

hehe, i knew that!! i was just playin *looks around*

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Mar 04 2008, 13:54

well yesterday was great.
HIM and I were ttly flirting lol.
im at skools so i will write when
i get home today was good 2.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Mar 05 2008, 18:46

OK well i didnt write yesterday.
Well today was completely and totally awesome.
Hannah and I (hannah is my friend)
were playing a basketball game with HIM.
I was ttly and completely awesome.
we played once at lunch and then again at P.E.
It was so fun cuz we werent playing by the rules or anything.
I had the ball and he tried to take it away andI turned around.
I tripped and landed on my hands. He went to make the basket
but then he came back and helped me up because I was still on the ground laughing.
and another time today,
we were palying and hannah was shooting.
Him and I went to get the rebound and he stuck his butt out and I stuck
my but out so it was like this...>< and we were trying to get the ball.
it was so much fun. but I owe him$2.50 cuz he won. o well I had fun. Inside Smartie's head. 549390

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Mar 05 2008, 19:38

okay, how did u change the titl? or am i losing my mind? or have you opened another one??

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Mar 06 2008, 18:37

well today was kool. i hung out with Hannah again.
we played basketball again. with HIM(hey Kim should i just call HIM by his name?)

well anyways, HE slammed his big ol' monster but into my thigh and now my thigh hurts

well me n Hannah are playing him again tomorrow, so he will finally gut his 5 bucks. but i don't
want him 2. (I know I am just being selfish). cuz then we will stop playing together and he is on are on our side not OLD.

LOONY is about to go LOONY!! seriously. I'm so not gonna be there when that happens.
I am scared. no one is gonna wanna be there when it happens.

well i am figuring out that i only wrote my novels stuff cuz i was on that emotional roller coaster.
but not anymore.
we are good now, friends again *knocks on wood*

well idk Wat else.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Mar 06 2008, 22:26

OK well today, I also saw <CASTON TATE>
and his bro colton, caston is so awesome!! I ttly love him.
not in the LOVE love in the OMG UR AWESOME!! I LOVE U!!! way .
but yeah he is kool. I saw him at vons again.
instead of sharinga starbucks, we shared a pepsi from the donut shop.
but he is so kool. me n alejandra were talking on MSN and
she was making fun of us saying that he ttly likes me and how we were made for eachother.
but i was like MAN I WISH HE REALLY DID LIKE ME and she was like WHY?
and I was like WELL, CUZ HE IS KOOL AND I WOULD LIKE TOTALLY DATE HIM IF HE DID
CUZ HE IS COOL AND HE WOULD MAKE A GOOD BF CUZ HE IS AWESOME AND COOL.
and she was like AWW THATS SO CUTE. and I still dont know y she said that was cute.
but it would be kool if he DID like me.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Mar 06 2008, 22:35

ugh. lucky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna see them!

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