Inside Smartie's head.

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Deputy Head

Subject: Inside Smartie's head. Sat Feb 02 2008, 22:46

First topic message reminder :

These entries are about my life at school and my boy problem, My friend problems.
Some entries are in 'novel' form but just tell me what u think or if u have any
Questions you know where to post.........& dont hesitate to tell me what u think.

"I fear our friendship will never be as strong
as it was in the past, and our future is
nothing but a stroll down the road to darkness."

"As the place on my back throbbed
from where he had poked me I thought
to myself, Is this what its come to?
Him asking but not caring?"
(because the boy i am talking about asked me something and he said rite after "you know what? i dont care")

"I sat up quickly as the pain seared
through my back.
He had done i again"

"....as he walk swiftly past me, I only wondered...."

"As he tried to get my attention, I gave him
no sign of interest. It tore me, as well as him.
But I knew our friendship would never be the same
again."

"Still constantly growing apart.
Day by day, Hour by hour,
Minute by minute, Second by second.
I knew the time was coming. I just hoped I
could fix it before it was lost forever."

"He is trying to make up for his past behavior,
He thinks I will forgive him. He thinks I am as
ignorant as the others. Well I am not so easily fooled.
I will never forgive him for what he has done."

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Dec 10 2008, 15:45

Well after you talked to me about it, me and him were talking and I don't remember how we got to it, but we were talking about how even before he saw the paper that said so, he knew you liked him. I asked him how and he said it was kinda obvious...don't freak out. It's not like I went up to him and said "Andreya likes you, whether you knew it or not". We always are talking, and it just got to that.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Dec 10 2008, 23:24

arrgh...he is tricky....

o well... i dont really know now...i think i kinda like him but at the same time I am not really sure, cuz i have mixed emotions, an dhe is all nice sometimes and then he has mood swings and stuff....i dont know. cuz him totally making it obvious he knows and those side comments that he makes.....its just....i dont know. it just makes me have 2nd thoughts, and i know he still likes you. which is just....sad for me...and i dont know, all of this is way too complicated and i dont think it is worth it. but.....who knows? all I know is that I need to take a long think and get my......thoughts........together.

and obviously it wasnt that obvious if you didnt know.....hmmm...interesting...do you think he can read minds?

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Dec 11 2008, 22:39

dood!!!

I know what you guys were talking about when I walked up at lunch after I gave Spencer the apple I got him the 2nd time. You were saying how he is making me get things for him cuz i like him huh? like taking advantage of me like you dont do zac??? am I right? cuz if I am...I dont just do it cuz i like him, I have been buying him gatorades and stuff even before i knew i liked him, I do it because Iam nice (dont look at me that way because i CAN be nice) Like he asks me to do it so I do it. ya know...grrr...o well going to sleep now....how do you like my siggy +avvie??????

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Dec 12 2008, 07:39

yes that's what we were talking about. I told him he shouldn't do that to you, cuz that's like a weakness. I told him that I could totally do it to him, waay worse, and he knows it, and he got mad cuz he knows it is true....and if u happen to read this in the morning, i won't be at school today...well just till 9:30, because of another soccer tournament...(grr....i think).

EDIT: YEAH, I LIKE YOUR SIGGY AND AVVIE!!!! SORRY, I FORGOT TO WRITE IT..HEHE....XD

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Dec 12 2008, 21:08

YEah, we talked anout it today. he doesnt do it on purpose, like i said, I did that before I knew i liked him anyways, I dont really care, if i didnt wanna i wouldnt. and ya know...i am not some luv-struck puppy like I was.....last year *looks around* jk....but I am not. today was actually cool. very un-heavy. and light and cheerful. and get this!! Spencer actually ate!!! I know right! not just the apple. a burrito and like a whole lunch. it was weird to see him eat. u should have been there...LOL

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sat Dec 13 2008, 15:02

haha! Well I am glad you talked. But I should tell you this, your whole poking him routine is ticking him off, and if you don't want to shove him away, I advise you to stop it. I mean, he's a lot more patient than me so you might not notice it, but he's told me it bugs. Just trying to help, okay?

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sat Dec 13 2008, 18:15

yeah, i noticed that...Ima stop.

and I am trying to get some info out of him.
I sent him a comment on myspace and i asked him when he "found out".
I asked him if he got it yesterday and he said no and he asked what it was about and I was like "i cant tell you i will get too smiley and I hate to smile. " and he said, "oh yeah, you get all smile crazy huh?"

and after that it all went smoothely.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Dec 14 2008, 13:41

smoothly doesn't have an 'e'.

glad you will stop. *nods* good for your health to do so, he might pop you, haha. Jk.

I don't think you'll get much out of him, but good luck to you.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Dec 14 2008, 16:07

c'mon, I am awesome i will be able to get some stuff out...dont underestimate me...*wink*

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Dec 17 2008, 18:38

okie dokie artichokie. whatever you say. *shrugs*

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Dec 18 2008, 22:56

well i did......i found out that he....*gives up* aww...never mind he probably already told u....

and why is he getting mad that i am talking about guys? i have always done that...and we talk about other stuff too....geez....i dont do it onpurpose....stuff happens ns i wanna tell you do i just NOT because he is around ALL THE TIME???

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Dec 19 2008, 08:46

he didn't tell me...i think....so tell me.

and he just gets annoyed with it, because it seems like we are either talking about guys, or mulberry. things he can't talk about with us. it just bugs him that he's left out often, because jsut cuz he's a guy do't mean he always talk about chicks. cuz he actually NEVER does!! kinda different than the guys that i know...but that's how it is...

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Dec 19 2008, 16:44

I found out that he knew about weeks ago but not the actual details.

umm...right then...

ok well I was waiing by the drama room after school because we had rehearsal at one and I
was like "why walk home and comeback after like 10 min?" so I stayed and spencer was
walking with his sister..i guess...or someone and i was sitting on that blue thing outside the
dama/music building and he came running and gave me a huge tackling hug....and i was
like.."okaay...this is a first." (inside my head) and i hugged him and he was chilling with
whoever he was with and i was in deep conver sation with my drama people. and it was all
cool, and Mr C had come and we were gonna go inside and rehearse and so i called him
over and gave him another hug and told him merry christmas.....I thought it was cool.
but that is just me LOL....

nothing else happened...and sergio was awesome today...*sigh* ahh...sergio....LOL

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Dec 19 2008, 18:15

thats cool.

and sergio's going out with samantha, huh? i saw him today. he IS cute. i don't know why i doubted you...haha!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Dec 19 2008, 19:51

yup... and he is funny and we have the same sense of humor...<3

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sat Dec 20 2008, 12:54

haha cool.

XD

Kim

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Dec 21 2008, 16:57

yup....

well...i stayed up til 5 am trying to clean my room
and i got pretty far I guess...I can at least walk to
my bed without tripping over somthing which is good....

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Dec 21 2008, 17:22

wow, that's late...your room must have been friggin dirty...but, then again, it's you we're talking about....*sigh* haha

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Dec 21 2008, 20:41

is it late??

or was it early?

hmmm...*strokes chin* these are the questions that haunt me.

and yes we are talking about me LOL

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Dec 22 2008, 15:16

haha.

5AM..for you it's late in the night. For me, it's just waking up really early...ha. does that answer your question.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Dec 25 2008, 01:32

haha....i have no idea...maybe...*strokes chin again* LOL

so...I havent been on lately..
but..it has been suckish
my mom has been getting on my case for nothing.
likei dont even do anything to her and
she starts yelling at me for no reason.
like i will say hi or something and she starts going off.
it has been horrible..

and i miss him...it sucks..

there has not really been a plus side until
today when cesar called, and i answered
the phone. *sigh* he is so cool, and awesome *sigh*

so no big new....

and i need to Email Spencer about my man he was supposed to get me.

*goes to do it*

Merry Christmas

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Dec 25 2008, 13:12

that's not cool. I'm sorry your mom is acting like that, maybe she's stressed out or something...

You need to chill over him. you'll see him soon enough. Speaking of him's I had a dream about Price last night. I don't really remember what happened, but Emma came in and woke me up from my dream about him and I was irritated. I know we were in classroom though with a couple of people...and that's all I know.

Well, have fun talking to Spencer, tell him I said HI!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Dec 25 2008, 18:06

aiight,,LOL

srry about emma...LOL

i am not even going crazy...there is nothing to chill *folds arms*

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Dec 25 2008, 19:53

*lightbulb*

I figured out another way you are like a guy....

u know how girls always go to the bathroom in pairs?

well u always go alone....

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Dec 26 2008, 12:45

haha. "That's a random thought, brought to you by Speedo." haha, if you say it in a deep voice it sounds like some kind of commercial..haha.

And, I don't really see the need to have a buddy when going pee.... (lol)

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Dec 26 2008, 15:26

haha....I remember that...Hilarious...

and that is what I am talking about, the mentality of a guy....LOL

well i am supposed to go to my neices b-day party...(the bigger one)
we are going bowling, but idk if i wanna go or not.

haha...

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Dec 28 2008, 10:52

Looks like I missed the party....

And FYI last night I bought you a present, and it's not socks. I'm not sure if I'm still gonna get you socks, but this is pretty cool the thing that I got you. I bought it in San DIego, so it's probably not down here....

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Dec 29 2008, 14:52

ooo yay!!!!!

(dang it! now i have to go get you something.)

LOL jkjk i did get you something. I can imagine ur face haha....

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Dec 29 2008, 17:08

gah! Ur driving me crazy, I want my gift...now!! Well, I guess I can wait a week...

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Dec 29 2008, 17:14

i can probebly bring it by 2moro or something...no? ok nevermind...haha

what size shirt do you wear?

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Dec 29 2008, 19:00

a medium...

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Dec 29 2008, 21:56

oo..ok.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Dec 29 2008, 23:30

Ok...two things.....i wanna spill out my guts so hard on what i am thinking about spencer and it is driving me crazy but i know you dont want to here it and you are just gonna roll your eyes because i will be talking in circles trying to figure myself out and you are gonna get tired of hearing me and stuff and i have been trying to sort it out in my head trying to see if i like him or not and it has been brutal and i have no one to talk to and i mean, what is the point of a diary if you cant spill your guts in it right? well that is what I am thinking, but it is different when you have your friend looking at it and reading it and analyzing everything that you say who probably goes and talks to her mom about some of the stuff too....and it has been driving me crazy the way I have been going around in circles over and over and over and over and over again and i am talking like that now, repeating what i have said before, over and over and over again. this is my life and i just have to deal with myself over-thinking everything and stuff....*sighs* and I have a million and one things to do and i shouldn't be here right now trying to do this. and trying to withhold my feelings, because one, I have to do the dishes, and two, I should be asleep. an it has just been really horrible and i have just been going crazy, and i am surprised I am actually sane enough right now to be typing this. and you know that i am typing super duper fast right now because I am ranting inside my head, and I have proved my point already and am starting to slow down now but am still typing just because I feel like it and wanna have a really long uber-post and I am just trying to fill up space. and I am not feeling well and I think I have heartburn I don't think I have ever had it before and it doesn't feel very good. but I am pretty sure that is what it is. But we never have any pepto bismol in the house, which sucks. i remember my grandma always used to smell like pepto bismol. I could sure go for some right now. and you know, my thumb hurts, too. yesterday i was putting something away for my mom in the fridge, and i bumped it up against something and it hurts like HEeLl yup. and i know you are wondering, is there a point to all of this? and I will answer your question right now...NO. There is no point to this. The only point is my desire to have a really long post. so i am gonna go now...and try to go find some tums or something...goodbye ok.... OH!! i almost forgot number two...How is your Vacation so far?

*dies a little inside* *sigh* could be longer

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Dec 30 2008, 23:29

ok...well this is my 2926th post...i am catchin up kinda....LOL

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Dec 31 2008, 00:36

2952nd

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Dec 31 2008, 10:11

well, you were right no almost everything you said, i was wondering "what's the point", but don't be silly. I learned to stop telling my mom stuff, now what she figures out is pretty much all she knows...so just spill already, it's YOUR diary, not a diary that you can only put certain things because people are gonna read it....

I hope your tummy is better.

and my vaca is pretty good, u?

tonight 7 o'clock my church, 7!!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Wed Dec 31 2008, 15:34

OK well I am not in the gut spilling mood, so...maybe later LOL

mine has been ok..i guess...i have been cleaning out my RV and that has been sucking but is all good.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Thu Jan 01 2009, 16:41

When I think about him all I i can do is smile. I say his name and I don't know, it is just this overwhelming feeling. I don't know. I am just crazy like that i guess. It was cold outside right? well when I hugged him I felt warmer...IDK i know it doesn't make sense but, yeah, what is a word to say when you have nothing to say?

supercalifrigilisticexpialidocious

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Jan 02 2009, 00:22

OK well I had this hugely strange dream last night.

Ok so you, joe jonas, me, and price were all on this roller-coaster. it wasnt really a big roller-coaster, kinda like a medium, one that i would get on. anyways, the whole thing was shaped likie a dragon. but the front part was like egg shaped. it was wide open and had no seatbelts. it had two seats,one for me and one for Joe. You and price(who was switching back and forth from price to NickJ) were on the inside. the track was kinda like a freeway but weird. You were talking to joe and asking him if he should be crazy and weird. I was like answering for him, and saying that is like 90% of him. And he started to say "yeah and 10% of me is..." and i cut him off and said "sensitive." and looked at me in a flirty...kinda arched eyebrow way, and i blushed nad said "dont look at me." and all this time we were still on the roller-coaster and it was kinda fast but not really. it was scary because there werent any safety belts or anything like that, and it was like jumping...over obstacles and stuff. but it was weird, and joe and i were in the front seat. and we came to a stop where we got off that coaster and got on another to finish the ride. and i was like...."why am I sitting in the front?" and you and price switched with me and joe and joe had disappeared, so you and price were in the front and i was inside the dragon. and there was no seats or anything. it was just like at the front of our schhol, just slanted with a rail. so i was just slipping and sliding inside and it was weird. hen we got to the final part of the ride which was a room with like theater seats in them. and elliot was there. and he sat next to me. and so we rode the ride until the end and u and me ended up in this parking lot of an airport, and the jonas brothers were on thier was to the plane and i said, "i am gonna go talk to joe." so you and price waited in the car. I went to go talk to joe and there was a washing machine in the corner and i walked up to joe and said, "hey, whats up..?" adn he had his old hair cut ya know? with the spikey-craziness...and he smiled when i was walking up and there was a girl sitting on the washing machine and he cleared her throat as to get his attention and he rolled his eyes and mouthed 'i am so sorry' and he walked on in line. and this girl looked like a snob and she was texting ona phone like urs and he assistant walked up to me and said "any business hat has to do with joe has to go through me." and i was just trying not to blow my cover so i was like "oh, I am just a fan and I want to get his autograph." and she was like "oh." and he walked back over and said "yeah, back off, just s fan...can you give us some time to ourselves? i dont think she imagined meeting me with other people around." and i smiled at m=him. and it wasnt just a friend thing. we had something going between us. 'a love connection' and he signed a picture. and gave is to me and that girl came back and said..."if that is all...joe has to get on his flight" andi was like..."well there is one thing." he was beginning to walk away and when i said that he stopped nd looked at me and i said.."if joe ever comes back maybe he would consider calliing me and coming back to the fair with me." and he nodded and motioned for me to look at the picture. it said I had a really nice time...call me...Love Joe Jonas and his assistant said...."I dont think that will be posible." and i said.."oh, ok well sorry i bothered." and i walked away smiling and i tgexted him and he said, 'you know i am gonna call you again." and i wrote back 'yeah i know" and we started to text and i ran into elliot and he gave me a hug and he was like who are you texting and i was like, 'kimber...she need to come pick me up.' and he said " i can give you a ride" and i was stuttering. "i...well..i dont.." "come on" her said so i went and i did nt like hikm and was thinking about JOE.....................

the end

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Jan 02 2009, 10:39

wow, that is weird...and maybe that means you don't like elliot as much as you think you do, and maybe you like someone more and you are just a little bit confused....and I was just there to be your silent wing-man, haha, but you were thinking of me so price was there to keep me company. yup yup, that's my interpretation. I pulled out the dream oracle for that one, trelawney would be proud, the crazy dingbat.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Jan 04 2009, 14:10

LOL dingbat

well i think the whole not liking elliot thing is wrong because every night after that dream he has been like the main person in my dreams...my dar subconcious...i wish it would just tell me straighforward.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Jan 04 2009, 16:12

haha, that's too bad you are having internal conflicts with your dreams. don't you wish you could beat it up...that reminds me of a boggart for some reason.....hmm..

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Jan 04 2009, 16:16

LOL yeah

OK well I had told my cousin about them already, Carlos, and he tried to interpret them for me.

Well the one of them was that we were at school, me and him and it was a minimum day. It was the start of new years vacation. and we were having a party in all my classes. It was cool. Ok so i thought he was walking me to my classes but then he went in with me and it was Mr. Barerra's class and it was filled with cushions like mattresses and stuff and he went and jumped on one and motioned for me to go and sit on it with him so i went and laid with him and we were watching Alice and Wonderland, so we were laying down and then i had to go to my next class and he went with me and it looked like the church inside and you were in it and Mrs. Feist was there too and you were working on a dinner or something and she said "come on kimber work harder" or something and it was weird and you were really tired and it was crazy but .. Spencer was there with me and we were smiling and flirting and everything.

I don't know. When every I am here thinking about it I am like "why do i like him there is not reason for it i just should anymore" but when I am around him it is so hard no to. grrr...i am angry....

i will get on l8 and tell u about he desert and stuff but i have to go take shower 1st.

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Jan 04 2009, 16:40

hmm...weird...we have weird dreams....is it a girl thing, or a teen thing?? but it's weird nevertheless...

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Jan 04 2009, 19:26

Yeah i guess...but i wish he would just say in my life and out of my dreams.....

ummm........3000th POST baybay!!!!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Sun Jan 04 2009, 22:18

ooh.

and you copycat! :p

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Jan 05 2009, 18:24

LOL I so did not copy.

But guess what!!!!! I have a bigger part in the play now. Now you have to come and see me. mI am Celeste Ethereal. OMG I am so happy now. I m ight do two parts...though...Stagehand and Celeste. I am so pumped. and right after school I got really hyper....and I still am...WHOOOOOOOO * spins in circles....* YAY!!!!!!! ok well bye *waves*runs away*

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Fri Jan 09 2009, 15:56

OK....so nothing really to report....just boring...I had lunch with Cruz today cuz kimmy wasnt there *stares at her* How was the tourney?

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Mon Jan 12 2009, 20:26

It was aight. We got 3rd place, but could've got first if I didn't miss those penalty kicks...GRR!!

and the siggy is cool...does it mean what I think it means??!

Subject: Re: Inside Smartie's head. Tue Jan 13 2009, 21:13

i Dunoo.. what do you think it means?

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