Ask Snape

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

The Mad One of Huffle Mafia,

Apparently you do not know who you are speaking with. I do not do anything on demand, especially if it does not benefit me. I must say though you raise a great point about deducting points from Gryffindor. Although you are a Hufflepuff I must say for asking such a stupid question I am deducting not 400 but 500 points from Gryffindor.

Snape

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Snape,

I was just wondering, where do you get your hair products? I wish for my hair to be as shiny as yours!

Yours forever,
Nancy

The Mad One of Huffle Mafia,

Forget you even asked this question, because I'm not going to answer. So if anyone mention this again, let him or her know I'm going to deduct them 300 housepoints. Except if it happens to be a Slytherin, then I'll make them write lines.

Yours menacingly,
Snape


Dear Snapey-hun,

Why can't you be happy???

Love,
somebody who cares for your mind's well-being

Dear somebody who cares for your mind's well-being

Who said i am not happy? I demand to know NOW! 1500 points from GRYFFINDOR! now that ... That makes me happy.

Yours Glrrfully
Snape





Dear old Snapeypoo,

Why do you always wear black? Why not white? Or pink even! You'd look very handsome in Orange i think ... Oh and your mum dropped by the school today, she said she's found the new underwear she bought you 20 years ago.

Yous
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia and your one true love

To The Mad One of Huffle Mafia and your one true love,
Pink? White? Orange? Black is wayyyyy cooler. You wierdo. Tell my mother to get lost or I'll send Goyle after her.

Snape.

Dear Mr. Pants are falling off of me Snape,

Why can't you just tell harry that Dumby's death was set up? And why do you feel the need to put so much gel in your hair?

Hate,
Rebecca_aka_ the person saying you're not evil

Dear Rebecca,

50 points from Gryffindor for your insolence! And if you must know i like being the most hated man in teh world.

Dear Snapeypoo

Did you honestly love that little mudbnlood who ran off and married your worst enemy? You know you could ahve meeeee.

lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia

Dear The Mad One of Huffle Mafia,

She was my entire sense of living - but that doesn't concern you. And you're too young, anyway.

Snape the one who doesn't wish to be bothered

Dear Misunderstood-sleaky hair-Snape,

Why do you always have to be so unfair towards Gryffindors?

Yours respectfully,
Cristina the scared Gryffindor

Dear Cristina the scared Gryffindor

I am not unfair to Gryffindors, i just prefer the other houses more. XD

yours sexily
Severus Snape

My darling Snapeypoo

Did you know you smell? Quite bad actually, but anyway, do you deny that your only reason for helping Draco Malfoy is because you're secretly in love with Lucius?

Yours forever in love with you
The Mad one of Huffle Mafia.

The Mad one of Huffle Mafia.

I wont even glorify your existence with a response to that

S.Snape


Severus Snape

Now that you are an outlaw and on the run, how does this feel?

Rita Skeeta

Dear Rita Skeeta,

I would love to give you a whole interview about this but you see - I think my master would have something against it. Off the record - how do you think I feel, now that I can't even have my monthly bath and I'm miles away from my hair grease? I will look awwwful and I'll lose all my fangirls! I'm dying here, you know?! Anyway, Rita honey, please don't publish this, ok? If you want, I'll invite you to dinner in about a year and a half, when this is all finished - in case I'm not dead by then.

Yours truly,
Severus Snape

Yo Snapey,

You're da maaan! You killed that old Dumb-dork all righ'! Still, don't ya have nightmares after tha'?

Peace yo!
Martin da stressed rapper

(just so you know i already Interviewed SNapeypoo as Rita Skeeter XD its over at the Quill)


Dear Martin da stressed rapper

Only pathetic child would have nightmares.

Yours irratedly
Severus Snape.

Dearest Snapeypoo

How do you feel about your secret collection of Spice Girl Dolls being found along with your Half Blood Prince custom made platform shoes?

Love forever
The Mad one of Huffle Mafia.

The Mad one of Huffle Mafia,

I think they are cool! What - aren't I allowed to have a HOBBY?

Severus the Spice Girls Lover


Monsieur le Snape,

Eez it true zat you do not like girls wiz blonde 'air? I am asking because my Veela grandmuzzer wants to date you.

Yours admiringly,
Fleur Delacour

Dear Fleur Delacour

I absolutely adore women with blonde hair, unfortunately at this tie i have my hands full with a certain blonde haired Hufflepuff second Head of House and i fear to leave her for she truly is a member of the Hufflepuff Mafia!

Yours forever loving blondes
Snapeypoo the sixth spice girl.

Dear Severus,

Please could you collect me some fresh robes, a bag of gold, a wand and a beautiful woman as life in Azkaban is plainly dull.

Your only Friend
Lucius Malfoy.

Dear Mr. Malfoy,

Let us pretend that we do not know each other.

Severus Snape


Dear Snape,

Have you ever been in love? I heard that you used to be massively in love with a girl from school, but that she married a different classmate? Is that true?

Curious in Colorado

Curious in Colorado

Do not be absurd! I have never been in love but i have BEEN loved.

Severus Snape

Dear Snapeypoo

It's your mother here, i just wanted to ask if you wanted your socks ironed along with your pink y-fronts?

love
mummy

Dear "mummy",

My mother is dead. I do not have time for stupidity or pranks, leave me alone!

Severus Snape


Dear Severus Snape,

This is Witch Weekly, we have recieved your subscription to the magazine and would like to thank you. Please note that your first magazine is attatched to this letter and the complimentry beauty products will be delivered shortly upon arrivle of this.

Thank you,
The Staff of Whitch Weekly

Dear Staff of Whitch Weekly,
Although I am overwhelmed with flattery that a magazine of your standing would deign to send me a subscription, I must decline on the grounds that looking through your magazine may cause my heart to burst with joy. I would not want you responsible for my untimely death and the resulting lawsuits.
Severus Snape

P.S. I have donated your fine magazine to my students, many whom have owls that are no doubt in need of your product in the bottom of their cages.

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Dear Snape,
What's your definition of a perfect date?
- Dateless in Daytona

Dear Dateless in Daytona,
A perfect date consists of an early bird special at the local Phoenix's and a duel with the Dark Lord followed by my favorite pastime, muggle hunting. And the date would end with an agonizingly long account of all my worst times at Hogwarts with James Potter and Sirius Black.
Severus Snape

P.S. I think there's a reason you're dateless if you're asking ME for dating tips.

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Dear Mr. Snape,
I'm sorry to inform you that your order of Silk Pink Dress Robes have been delayed. The owl got lost and just returned. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Madame Malkin

Dear Madame Malkin,

Is it clear to you that I have very.. influential .. friends? If I do not get my robe my tomorrow morning, some of them might pay a little visit to your shop, I hope you won't mind the mess.

Silk-Pink-Dress-Robe-less Severus Snape


Hello sunshine,

I was just wondering whether you forgot about our date the other night in the basement, because you didn't show up. Honeypoo, be a good boy next time, okay?

Lots of Love,
Your darling Minerva

Dearest Minerva,
A love that burns as white hot as ours will surely consume us. I think it best that we resist the temptation to give in to our forbidden love. Just know that whenever I pass you in the hallways I will be reliving the memory of you changing form for me all night long.
Simply yours,
Sevy


Dear Snape,
It is true that there are certain potions that a wizard your age can take to enhance his, uhh, masculinity?
Wondering in Walla Walla.

Dear Wondering in Walla Walla,
I have no need for such potions and your insolence will not be tolerated.
I have more important things to do than listen to your mindless questions therefore I will be deducting 700 points from each of the houses save Slytherin. Now be gone from my sight!!!!


Snape,
Do you ever get sun? You're looking pale these days.
Fresh Air is good

Dear Fresh Air is good,

According to latest research, pale is healthy and trendy, again. And I feel just fine in my dungeon, thank you.

Snape


Severus, my friend!

How are you? Azkaban is unfortunately not so comfy, but I'm ok myself (although I shall ask you not to show my wife the picture of myself that I am ataching to this letter). I wondered if you might tell the big boss that I will do whatever he likes - except cleaning up - if he helps me break out. On second thought, you might do that as well, right? I even have a plan, all you have to do is agree... oh, and break into Azkaban, get me out and break out. You see how much I trust you? Help me, friend!

Yours truthfully,
Lucius

Dear Lucius,
I would be more than happy to break you out of Azkaban, if only that were possible without revealing anything to Dumbledore of my true allegiance. I will hold the picture away from Narcissa for now, but it may be difficult after awhile. She does tend to visit a lot, and stay in my dungeons an awful lot as well. I do not believe she is visiting Draco, or so it seems.
Severus

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Dear Snivellus,
I hope Harry is giving you a hell of a difficult time. If I could I would haunt you, but Albus won't allow me. Rot in hell, Snivellus!

Sirius Black

Dear Sirius,

I can't beleive you sunk to such a low! I am not intimidated by you or your rotten nephew so if you please, stop harassing me!

Snape
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dearest Snape,

There have been so many rumours! Well, do you like me or not!

Love,
Lily

Dear Lily-impersonator,

I do not appreciate being pestered by pranksters who constantly try to insinuate that I possess a heart. I do not. Lily Potter is dead, any feelings that I may have harbored for became a moot point at her death. I am sure you have better things to do than to write to me, though perhaps not. I most assuredly have better things to do than to answer insipid questions.

Severus Snape
***********************************************

Dear Snape,

How long does it really take to brew veristaserum?

Dear Unnamed,

What kind of moron doesn't know how long it takes to brew Veritaserum. If you had any brains you would not have dropped out of school before that was taught, so you wouldn't hae to bother me now!

-Snape
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Snapey- Wapey

I really do hope you willl forgive Sirius and James and join the Order, this time truthfully. Why don't we meet for tea to talk about it? Please Respond

-REmus

Dear Remus,

I assure you that I have long since forgotten your petty school yard taunts. I am already a member of the Order of Phoenix, which you know if you would take the time to attend a meeting instead of off crying about being a werewolf. You get hairy and bite people on a full moon, deal with it.

Snape
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Dear Snape,

Perhaps you did not receive my last letter? I am still very interested in purchasing your collection of My Little Ponies. Please let me know if they are still available. If you prefer we can trade. I noticed that you are looking for Garbage Pail Kid cards, and I so happen to have an impressive collection. Please let me know soon.

Yours, Collecting in California

Collecting in California,

I'm not sure about yourself, but when someone does not answer my letters of inquisition, I take the hint and do not continue to pester them with more. Since you insist on a reply, here it is. I am no longer selling my collection of My Little Ponies dolls as my mother has asked me to keep them for sentimental reasons. As for the Garbage Pail Kids cards, my collection is complete. However, if you are interested in Strawberry Shortcake dolls, I am downsizing my collection and would be willing to part with some of them. Do let me know.


Serverus Snape

**************************************************

Dear Snape,

You make my heart go pitter patter...I love your glistening black hair and the way it sways when you walk. Please tell me you feel the same way about me. I think we have a lot in common. Please tell me we can spend the rest of our lives staring at each other. Your in love and hope....


Luna Love(YOU)good

Dear Miss Lovegood,

Firstly, my hair does not sway, it is greasy and lanky and I like it that way. Secondly, you are a student at my school, I am your teacher, any relationship we were to have would be highly inappropriate. Thirdly, you are and idiot and you are wasting my time and my ink.

Professor Snape

*****************************************************

Dear Snape,

I am a new potions professor at a rival school. I have a student in one of my classes that I despise. He is arrogant, snot nosed, and incompetant. Besides detention, what other punishments would you suggest to hasten his inevitable expulsion?

Sincerly,
Hopeful in Haiti

Dear Hopeful in Haiti,

I reccommend embaressment in front of classes, and unconditional failing. If you wish to discuss this further, or truly get away from this student, murder the headmaster and come join me in hiding.

Severus Snape
__________________________________________________________________

Dear Snappy-Poo

I wish to talk to you regarding my grandson, Neville Longbottom. I do not approve of your unfair and cruel punishment, that has absolutly no cause. I have spoken to the govenors, who will be investingating. I expect a full apology.

-Augusta Longbottom

Dear old bat longbottom

If you son tried harder in potions and did smart stuff I wouldnt be crude. On seeing stupidity runs in the faimly I don't think that'll ever happen.

Snape

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Dear snape

Stop stalking me. No you cant sniff my hair. LEAVE ME ALONE!

- Molly Weasley

Dear Mollykins,


I wuv you so much my wittle heart can't take it any longer. Please come wif me to hide fwum the big scawy Order.


Lots of wuv...Snapey poo.


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Dear Snape,

I have a problem, and I think you can help me since you appear to be suffering from the same. My hair has been overyly greasy my enitire life. No amount of washing, or anything helps. Please let me know of any suggestions you have tried...even though it seems nothing has worked for you either.....


Yours truly.....Slick in San Diego

Dear Slick,

I have more important things to attend to then worry about my hair. Its greasy because I don't wash it, I'm too busy torturing students and saving their unworthy hides from the Dark Lord. Might I suggest you shave it off and stop pestering me for hair advice. Consult a teeny bopper magazine or whatever people like yourself read. Do not write me again.

Snape

******************************************

Dear Snape,

I stumbled upon a great Potions book with lots of useful suggestions and awesomely cruel spells. Would you know how to get in touch with some bloke who calls himself the Half Blood Prince? Perhaps you taught him?

Pondering in Pondicherry.

Dear Pondering in Pondicherry

I am very close friends with this Half Blood Prince and shall be calling today at 7pm to collect said book, unfortunatly if you are present at the time i collect said book you may suffer a horridly painful death, did i mention it would be slow?

Greatest wishes and good health
Snapeypoo


**************************

Sev Baby!

You know you love me, you know you miss me, that is why i ask for your assistance. Please look at the enclosed photographs and tell me, does my bum look big in the green leather thong? Also, if you could refrain from comforting my wife for the time being i shall very grateful.

Yours forever and always.

You not so secret anymore lover Lucius

Lucius
Yes you bum does look big in that. And i will stop comforting your wife when i please.


Snape





Dear Snape

Can you transform into a bat?


Polly

Silly little Polly,

No I can not transform into a bat nor do i wish to!

Snape

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My lovely Snape

In my gardening I have discoved some weeds what should I do?!

Little miss Prinny

Little Miss Prinny,

I suggest you dispose of them right away, a bit of that silly Wicked Weed-B-Gone that Witch Weekly (not that I read it *ahem*) is always talking about should work...or you can just burn the things, whatever you fancy.

___________________________________

Snapeypoo,

Do you need a hug?

Seamus the Great

Seamus the great,

If, and I am stressing the word IF I needed a hug, I would not want one from you. I would hug your darlin' wifey instead. She believes in my innocence!

Sev

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Dear Sev,

I was wondering if you could teach me occlumency?

Captain Jack Sparrow

Captian Jack Sparrow,

I would never teach a drunken slob like you occulmency...EVER.

S. Snape

___________________________________________

Dear Severus,

How is it possible for a like...maybe six foot tall warlock possibly mate with a giantess?

Luna Lovegood

Luna Lovegood,

That question just disturbs me.....100 points from Ravenclaw!

Professor Snape
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Dearest Snape,

I was wondering if it was true that you secretly are in love with Bellatrix Lestrange. Rumor has been going around for quite some time....

Harry Potter

Potter,

I am NOT going to answer that...300 points from Gryffindor!

S. Snape

___________________________________________
Snivvy,

D'you ever wash your hair?

Padfoot

Padfoot -cough Bloodtraitor cough-

As a matter of fact, I rather like my hair this way, gives it an illustrious sheen that many fan girls happen to admire.

Severus
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Severus Snape,

What do you do when you are in love with someone and you are not really sure how to tell them? I know you are good at these kinds of things....well..possibly, I just didn't know who else to ask, so...yeah....

Peter Pettigrew, aka. Wormtail

Pettigrew,

What makes you think I'd have knowledge in such things? -Looks around to make sure no one else is around- Here's my recommendation: Send flowers and a bottle of elven mead with just a few drops of Veriteserum. "Conveniently" show up and make small talk. Have a few galsses of mead and then start asking quesitons. Never write to me again you pathetic little rat.

Severus

___________________________________________
Severus,

How do I get back in the good with the Dark Lord?

Bouncing Ferrett

Bouncing Ferret,

DON'T call me Severus! It is Professor Snape, to you. Back to your question, you have absolutely no hope of 'getting in good' with the Dark Lord unless you stop being such a coward and kill someone necessary to the Order.

Professor Snape

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Severus,

Rumor has it that you have a 'thing' for me... Care to elaborate after the next meeting? Careful, otherwise I might just have to practice my Crucio's on you.

Bellatrix Lestrange

Dear Bellatrix,

While you do cause my stomach to churn, I assure you it is not with feelings of love. Now your sister, Narcissa, on the other hand....

Mr. Severus Snape


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Dear Snape,

I can't take it anymore! I have tried memory spells and therapy, and still I cannot dampen the torch I carry for you! Tell me what, if anything, I can do to persuade you to allow me into your heart? Is there some small hope?

Your caretaker of love, Hagrid

Hagrid,

Of course there is room in my heart for you to disappear and never come back. Stay away from me you disgusting half gian baboon.

With no love at all, Snape


Dear Snape,

I have never hated a man as much as I hate you. I hope that you live and die painfully as my parents have. To never see your greasy hair and ugly big nose I will cheer in happyness.

With all the hate Harry Potter

Harry Potter

You are a fool and I will not explain myself to you I was acting on Dumbledores orders you twit!


Snape

you forgot a question so i'll post one.

Dear Snapeypoo

When will you admit your undying love for Dobby?

love yours forever
Winky

Shut up you Winky person

-irritable Snape

Dear Person-I'm-About-to-Use-My-Evil-Powers-Own

Snape you idiot! I said give me black robe not a blue robe!
Come to the manor at 8 to get your daily crucio and at 9 for your punishment

Mwhahaha
-The Dark Lord

Come to the Dark Side