Ask Snape

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Voldemort,

You know I was only dating you because you were powerful. Now that you're not... I can confess my true love for Sirius Black and we can live happily ever after *smiles* Anyway, I don't need you, so I suggest that you call Bella, she's be glad to date you.

Severous Soon to Be Black

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Sevvy- Boo,

I just wanted to say like, hi, 'cuz I like miss you... so, like hi! And, like, you're, like, my favorite person, like, totally! Thanks for, like, getting my husband out of the house so we can, like, go on our date, like totally. Draco's, like, really mad 'cuz he like hates you.

Love, like,
Narcissa the Valley Girl (like awesome!)

Valley trash,
I have no idea who you are, but you really should get a life. I've never been with you and I dont plan to. I'm in love with Voldemort.

Severus

__________________________

Dear Sev.
I would have made you Harry's godfather, but Sirius asked first and said you couldnt becuase you may kill him from an heart attach with all the grease.

Lily Potter

Lily,

It's a condition. I'm sensitive about it!

S.

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Dear Professor Snape,

Can you tell me where you learnt the dramatic flare thing with the robes? I'm practicing the part of you in the new school play and need some tips.

H.P.

Dear HP,
I was born with the natural talent, something your pee brain never had.

_____________________________________________________________
Dear Sev.
Are your legs not quite white below that cape and trousers?
Hermione

Granger,
Shut up know-it-all. Go flirt with you two Orges.
Snape

______________________

Severus,
When do you think we can meet up for our 'mission'

Your Voldy Girl

Moldy Churl,

When Harry Potter throws in the white flag and calls "uncle".

S. Snape.

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Severus,

Why won't you love me like I love you?
Lemon sherbert?

A.D.

Albus,

I am appalled that you would even ask me to love you. I could never tear myself away from mourning endlessly over Lily and plotting to rip out Jame's eyes and string him up by his innards. I have no time for your silly affection in between my obsession and revenge. Good day to you!

Severus Snape

p.s. I do to have a life!

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Professor,

My mother decided that she thinks that you are the most handsome man alive and will reconsider your offer of love and divorce my father. In your dreams!

Ha,
Harry Potter- The Boy Who Should Have Died, But Didn't

Harry,

Your mother is dead, much like your father, and I do not want or appreciate you trying to rub it in my face. Go burn somewhere.

-Snape

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Professor,

I'm afraid that we have contracted an outbreak of strange fungi on many Quidditch players feet. Would you like to come look at it?

-Madam Pomfrey

Madam Pomfrey,

No, unless it's the Slytherin team... *smirks*

~snape

___________________________

Snape,

Please go to my office 2:00AM tomorrow so we could prepare for Harry's birthday party. And tell the other proffeseors to come to. I hope you you make it at 2:00AM

I am Dumbledore of course silly,
Albus Dumbledore

Dear Dumbledore.

I do not with to celebrate potter's birthday. he is arrogant like his father so i dont like him, find some one else to spread the word..

with all my love.
Severus Snape..
___________________________________________________________________________

Dear Severus,

We would love it very much if u could attend the Azkabans annual christmas Ball. This is a unique invitation for only u so dont try selling it on knockturn alley.

Please RSVP throgh letter...

Sincerely Yours, Dementors of Azkaban.

Dementors of Azkaban,

I have never, nor will ever feel uplifted about attending an Azkaban ball, however, I will send someone to attend in my place.

-Snape

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Snape,

We need you to go out a fetch some cheese. We are running low. Thank you.

Speaker: Dobby
Of the House elves of Hogwarts

Dear Dobby,

Why would you even expect me to do such a meaningless task as that. send one of your types of creatures to do it.

~Snape


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Dear Snape
I have given up on Voldemort. Please give me a chance. I Have always admired you an di want you to know that i lov e u so much.

Bella Lestrange

Fred and George,

Filtch will be arriving in the corridor momentarily to give you detention.

-Snape

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Snape,

I want a purple hippo!

-No name

Draco,

I AM APPALLED! Draco Malfoy! A good boy of such a high blood standing should never fall in love with a mudblood. It only leads to bitterness and getting dumped by the girl who stole your heart for arrogant ugly quidditch players with glasses and bad hair. *is bitter*

A Broken Hearted Snape

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Professor Snape,

My mom totally would have dated if you weren't ugly, obnoxious, obsessive, and a Slytherin. Oh, and you'd have to be my father too! Haha, you lost and now you're alone and miserable! Bye you greasy nose freak!

Harry Potter, the arrogant boy who you wish had never been born

Yes, the arrogant boy I wished had never been born,

Stop insulting me NOW! One more word and you will have detention!

~Professor Snape


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Professor,

Are you POSITIVLEY sure that I did not get an Outstanding on my Potion Exam last last year? I would have asked you sooned, but Harry just told me to rack your brain by looking through your whole classroom for it... But please, don't make Harry do it

The best student EVER (i think),
Hermione Granger

Miss Granger,

You are an insufferable know-it-all, yet you do not realize that you were entirely responsible for the grade which you earn. And if I ever catch anyone going through my classroom for anything, they will have detention. Indefinitely.

-Prof. Snape

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Dear Snape,

I am afraid that several of the dungeons windows have exploded due to experimental spell-crafting and in the process several of your students have lost their hair. I am requesting the remedy before they stay bald forever.

-Filius Flitwick

Filius,
How many times do I have to tell you. If they are Slytherin, send them to Madam Pompfrey at once, Any other house, please send them to me...

Grinning Evily, Snape

_________________________

Heya Snivilus,

Hows it goin? I just wanted to say, is it manure you bath in, or just grease, coz either way you come out smellin'!

Your mortal enemy, the ghost of James Potter.

James Potter,

I would prefer if it you stayed dead and didn't come back to make my life worse.

-Snape

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Professor,

Is there any possible way to get the answers before I take the test?

-Draco Malfoy

Draco...

of course, just come by my office. I would just love for you to give that Granger girl a run for her money...

~~$$$nape...


¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Snape.....

Would you please tell that greasy haired Malfoy Sr. to "GET AWAY FROM MY GODSON"

Sincerly....Sirius Black

Sirius Black.

No.

Mr Severus Snape Master of the World.



Snapyepoo honey bunny wiggly bear,

Can you stop off at the corner shop on your way over? I need a bottle of wine, twenty packets of breath mints, some denture cream, oh hair dye, clarol Nice and Easy Number 89, and um shampoo.

Forever yours

Lucius snuggly buggley wuggley cakes

Lucius,

I'll only stop by if your wife isn't home. But why would you need shampoo? Are you trying to hint something at me? Don't you think I'm perfect just the way I am? I'm not being clingy am I? WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME I'M PRETTY?!

Sevvy Wevvy, who is very worried that you don't respect him, and love him for being himself *sob*

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Snivellus,

HA! YOU DIED HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You greasy haired little Slytherin! Now you'll never be able to touch my Lily! Wait... that means... NOOOOOOOOO! YOU'RE COMING TO HEAVEN! RUN, ALL OF YOU RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Dead People Mail from James Potter

(LOL SNAPE & LUCIUS)
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


You just wait potter when i get up there u are gonna get it!!!

I am so not the snape you knew before when u were alive BEWARE!!

~~~~Snape

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Snape,

"I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare I hate your big dumb combat boots. And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick-- it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh -- even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around. And the fact that you didnt call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you - - not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

~~Lilly

Dear Lilly,

I have no Idea why you're just sitting there explaining why you hate me so much on pieces of expensive parchment i mean slytherin

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Dear snape,

please explain to me why your signature line is ~50 points from gryffindor~ and why your sooooooo mean to harry cut him some slack

Fredrick Lukenbottom

Lukenbotten?

Is this by any chance Neville Longbottom?

I have no idea what you are talking about

*earses 50 points from his siggy and chances to 100*
Snape.

___________________________________________________________

Dear Snape,

I need some grease. Can you spare some?

Hermione

Dear Pettigrew....

you suck, get a life meet a girl, gosh freakin idiot!!! (LOL jkjk)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Pettigrew....

Is it my fault that i am just more compitant than you? please stop bothering me and...go meet a girl of something...gosh!!

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Snape.

I was wondering if you would like to go on a date sometime......just send my owl back with a yes or no.....if it says yes i will pick you up on my Firebolt friday nite at 8pm...hope to see you...<3<333<3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love your SECRET ADMIRER

Dear Admirer,

Attached is the restraining order I've composed. Please adhere to its commands.

Thank you,
Snape


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Dear Snape,

Where were you? I've been holding this dragon hostage so you could take its scales and all it's done is made me lose my hair. Thanks a lot.

-Lucius Malfoy

Dear All House's Quidditch Captains,

Of course you can my class off, as long as you're prepared to do twenty sessions of detention along with extra homework for the rest of your life.

-Snape

P.S. I reject your love sentiment at the end of your letter.


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Dear Snape,

My adult boyfriend just dumped me and I'd like to know if you'd pretend to go out with me to make him jealous. After all, you're waaayy sexier than Sirius.

-Miley Cyrus

P.S. I'd like to know if I can have some more extra-strength love potion so I can slip it to random people...

Dear Filch,

I will obligingly agree to act as your replacement. It is not my ideal choice, but Malfoy shouldn't cause to much trouble and I suppose your beloved cat is worth some of my free time. I hope Mrs. Norris is well.

Snape

Post Script: I excpet a restocking of some of my ingredients in order for this favor.

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Dear Snape,

We saw your hair recently in the paper and we beleive it is stunning and we recognize trhat you must be using our hair products that we sent you. We would formally like to inquire whether you would become our sponsor.

L`OReal, because you're worth it!

L'OReal,

I would very much enjoy this partakingly sudden sponsorship. However, I'm much to busy trying to make some students' lives miserable. I'm swamped. Over the summer, I could probably sqeeze in a few ads though...

-Snape

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Dear Snape,

At the Committee of International Spies, we were wondering if you'd consider joining our ranks. It'd be quite useful to recruit some wizards, and your skills are magnificent. Please get back to us quickly, as we are trying to conquer Australia.

-Committee of International Spies.

Dear CIS,

As honored as I am to be offered an opportunity with your prestigious enterprise, I'm afraid I am too well know to be a spy. So with deepest regret I withdraw, for I do not wish to sabotage your operations.


-Snape


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Dear Snape,

As the head of the Academic Decathalon subject committee, I would formally request to use you as our subject of study for next year. It would be highly invasive, but we feel that it would inspire students to a new level of motivation.

Please think about it thoroughly.
My smypathies,
Head director of AD., Bob.