Ask Snape

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Mrs, A LOngbottom,

Of course I do not hate your grandson,

I LOATHE HIM.

would you like to know why? because you are writing me asking. You can expect a visit From Bella.

~Snape, Severus Snape


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Dear snape,

Why did u have to come and kill Dumbledore? I could have done it! ur such a show off!!!

~~D. Malfoy

Dear Draco,

You wussed out. Loser.

-Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Snape,

Can I make you a slogan? Something like "Don't mess with Snape."

-Eager Fangirl.

Dear Eager Fangirl,

You may make me a slogan, but make sure to keep it dignified, nothing that would cause laughter...

-Snape

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Dear Snape,

Are you disapointed that your named was used in the naming of Potter's child in such a weird way?

-Disappointed in names reader

Dear Disappointed in names reader,

Yes, I was horrified at the use of my name in such an unpractical way. If anything the child should have been named Severus-The-All-Mighty. Not what he was called.

-Severus



Dear Snape,

How do you get your hair to look so greasy? I've been thinking, it might look good on me...

-Albus.

Dear Albus,

Ahh, years of practice to get my hair to hang just perfectly like greased curtains.
But, alas, I cannot reveal my secrets.
*cough*dont.take.showers.*cough*

--Severus

____________________________

Dearest Snivellus,

Long time no see. While in the neighborhood I thought you might be interested in going out for a butterbeer... *wiggles eyebrows*. huh? huh?

--James Potter

Dear AvidToePainter,

I'd adore going to the Annual Toe-Nail Painting competition, but unfortunately, I have a date with someone quite special to me on that particular day. *cough Bellatrix cough* Could I borrow the nail polish anyway? One can never wear to much pink!

-Severous the Snape

=====================================================

Dear Sevvy-poo,

I hope you remembered our date on Friday! I'm looking forward to it soooooo much. I'm telling Draco that I'm visiting his dad in Azkaban, so he's out of the way.

Luffles you,
Narcissa

p.s. Could you wash your hair?

Dear Narcissa,

Why does everyone ask me that? I always make sure to was my hair with soap.

Your friend,
Severus

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Dear Potions Master,

Have you ever considered marrying your potions? Because you to be seem a bit infatuated.

Love,
Amortentia

Amortentia,

I have considered it, to stop all the love letters from my fans, but I decided agaist it as it is a bit wierd, and who would agree to do the cerimony?

Snape

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Dear Snapey- poo,

You need some one cute and someone who will listen to you in your life, give me a call if you ever need that little someone to cheer you up after a horible day at Hogwarts. My number is 07796757

Cutie-pi

Dear QTpi

I have my happieness potions for that, but thank you for the offer.

Snape

PS I have nothing to do with poo, why do people keep associating me with it.

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Dear Snape,

I'd like to know what your favorite potion, color, and food are. It is for an artical.

Sincerly reporter

Dear Reporter,
Well 'Reporter' *cough*RitaSkeeter*cough*, usually I refrain from giving out personal information such as these, but for you...I'll make an exception. My favorite color is of course pink, regardless of my awesome swishy black cloak. Though my favorite potion..draught of living death. Perfect for tourturing students..uh i mean teaching students how to make erm..it. ..yeah. thats it.
---S. Snape

******

Dear Snapey,
Do you ever wish you could find a wife and settle down, or is your greasy hair just too much for most ladies? Uh this is for a..report. so please respond...
--- loving fan Student

Dear Lucius,

It doesn't work well anyway!!

-Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Snape,

We recieved your order for Lucious Hair Treatment, and would like to know when it should be delivered.

-Betty Herring

Dumbledore,

Won't your little greasy lap dog do it for you any more? No, I feel evil and so I won't do what you want.

Malfoy

P.S Make sure my son passes all his NEWTS or I really will kill you.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Dearest Bella

Are you still up for tonight? Rember I told you to go through the gap in the defences in the Forest? Come down to my dungeon at 11pm, I'll be waiting for you.

Snape.

P.S- Before you ask I have washed my hair with soap.

Sev.
of course dear, but i must go back home around 2am, my husband's getting suspicious
-Bella
-----
Dearest Sev.
I love how you look in that whirl of robes
Especially the sweep you make them do
-Albus

Albus,
You can perv on the students all you want, but PLEASE don't start on me. What you doing with Potter all those hours in your office any way? I dont want to know if it is going to give me nightmares.

S. Snape.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Dear Snape,

A certain ex-student wishes to talk with you, but doesn't want to put down his name in writing. Please git, I mean GO, to the Jolly Collier for a talk. He will be in the womens toilets.

From,
An old friend.

An Old Friend,

You bloody bugger. I went and I found Fudge of all people there.
He got on my nerves and I killed him just like that.

Severved him right...I hope you were not too attached to him
-Snape

----

Sevvie

Guess What!
I got us tickets to the Yo-Ma-Ma Concert Hermione was talking about
(although I'm not sure that's his name)

See you at 8
-Ron

Ron,

I have no interest in going to that concert with you. I'm busy tonight.

P.S. If you had gotten Sum 41 tickets I so would have been there.

Your proffessor,
Snape
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Dear Snape,

I've heard you have had a number of fleeting romances with various people,
are these stories ficticious?

Sincerly,
Who wants to know?

Dear Who wants to Know?

These rumors have been widespread, even though utterly FALSE. Please don't contact me again

S. Snape

=======================================================================================

Proffesor,

What is the strongest love potion you have ever used?

A Keen Student

A. Keen Student

I have no clue, except you might want to drink more fluids if you want to try

-S.Snape

---

Severus.

You are grounded since you took points from Harry Potter
No potion making for a week

-Dumbledore

Dumbledore,

How dare you! Then I shall be able to teach DADA.

-Snape

_______________


Snape,

I think you should know that I have been studying hours for the O.W.Ls
You should give me a good grade!

-Hermione Granger

Granger,

I've given you decent grades since you first came here.
How else could you have been top of your class?
The least you could do is give me chocolate!

-Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Snape,

We've finally recieved you order that you "suggested" we make for you. Lucious Hair in Less Than Three Minutes is ready to send. When will you need it by?

-Leslie Atkinson

Leslie Atkinson

By now! I've got a date tonight, and there is a good chance the person may be repulsed by my hair, please send it NOW!!!

S. Snape

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Sevvie,

What time do you want me to come down tonight, and what are we going to do? I mean in our oclomency lessons?

H. Potter

Harwwie

Aww. Darling i told you I'll pick you up at 8 and we'll go to Hogsmede for the 'lesson'

see you then
-Sevvie

---

Severus

As your official BFF i have just got to tell you the truth no matter how hurtful it is.
Here it goes:

youareanuglybatandeveryonehatesyouandidon'thavethehotsforyouatall sorry

-Lucius

Lucius,
I wasn't with my darli- I mean Harry. And, your plans have been foiled by lack of careful planning not my beau- Potter. But, I will see you tonight at eight, because I've missed you ever so much.

Sevvy

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Sevvy- Poo,
Will you come to my birthday party? Please wear your pretty pink party dress and I'll wear my matching suit and tie. Oh please, pretty please?

-Voldy- poo

p.s. can you pick up Lucius's bunny suit from the dry cleaners before you arrive? That's my Sevvy- wevvy

-Voldy- poo,

First of all your a hufflepuff. I dont care for you sort, and no i will not come. Also Lucius is able to get his own crap.

Snape

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Dear Snape,

My snapeness, will you teach me how you can be a DE and a Order Member at the same time.

Person Below My *cough greasy cough* Beautiful Self,

The art of being a double agent is one that is complicated and stuff. One may not 'learn' it by merely wanting to learn the delicate things that go into being a once backstabber now good guy. But, of course, I am ever so flattered that you would ask me, the most wonderful person in the world, so I'll give you a tip. Just have really good skills at not washing your hair and have a worst enemy on both sides.

Snape The Great

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Snape Darling,

Will you meet me for dinner on Monday? Lucius is out so we can have some time alone... Please? I've missed you ever so much, and if you want, we can go to a nice little cafe decorated with pink hearts and that kind of thing. Don't tell Draco, though, he's awfully upset that now that his father's in prison I'm seeing you...

Cissy

p.s. Lucius says come visit him in prison so he can strangle you... I guess Draco has spilled some information...

Cissy dear,

Oh darn, you should teach Draco to keep his mouth shut. But of course I come over. Since Lucius is currently...not here, I could take you on that cruise you wanted to go one. Just you and me right?

-Sevvie

-----------

Severus,

I just recieved information from another of our spies in Tom's group that is acting as a Death Eater - though really a Order member (like you)

He says that there is a mysterious man with harem that includes Mr AND Mrs Malfoy, Harry Potter, Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange. Do you know anything about it?

-Albus

P.S. I heard he was quite the man too.

Dear Albus,
I can reassure you that i have absolutely no ideal what you are talking about!
man with harem including Potter indeed...
Snape


________
Dear professor snapey!
I've heard that you've never ever washed your hair! Arn't you afriad of headlice!!!!! And could it possiably be that your still jelsous of James that you want to make sure that your hair never sticks up?
Signed,
a concerned observer

Dear Loser.
*clears throat* Head lice only appear on clean people, and I prever to aviod that. And no, eww. Who wants to be like mudblooding man....he stole my woman.

Snape

________________

Dear Lover,

When should we met? Narcissa is out today...we have the whole day to ourself.

Malfoy

Dear Malfoy,
Under the big oak where you carved our names i'll be there in five XD
Snape

___
Dear Snape,
in the end were you proud to of known Harry? If not why?
Signed,
Confused

Confused,

I am not proud to know Harry, but overjoyed that he spent time with me, wether it be in detention, which happened a lot, an in those lessons, which didn't work, which showed how Harry thought about certain, shall we say, staff.

S. Snape

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Sevvie,

You are currently teaching Ginny, arn't you? Well, you kno, I have to keep up apperances, as a "normal" boy, so can you up her grades so she wouldn't moan, and so we can kiss, with out tounges before you ask, more, making me look better, and have more time for you?

Harry- boo

Harry-Boo,


I have no intrest in helping your love life, go ask someone who cares,


The Evil Potions Master,
Snape





Snape,

why do you have to be so rude to Neville? He is a very cool guy and tries his best. And stop calling my girlfriend a mudblood,


Ron Weasley

R. Wealsey

Don't you think I got enough of a telling off at the hands of Nevilles grandmother? The old bat so wanted to whack me over the head with that blooming bag of hers. And since when have I called Miss Granger a "Mudblood"? Aren't you thinking of Mr Malfoy jr.?

S. Snape

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Snape,

How many more hours do you want Harry to be doing stuf in you dungeons? I'll soon have to re-don my ninja stuff and spy on you two, so be careful what you do to, and with, him.

Ninja Dumbledore

Dear Ninja Dumbledore,

More than you should see. So stop being nosy, you.

-Snape

___________________________

Dear Snape,

Can you give me the better instuctions to make the dang potion you're going to make us do next time?

-Draco

Draco,

You must learn to succeed on your own.

-Snape

P.S. They're under your bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snape,

Could you tell me how babies are made?

-Young child

Young Child

Go and Ask your parents instead of me, they made you, you annoying brat, so they should know better than me, as I have no children, so Shoo!

S. Snape

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Mr Snape,

Why are you permanently so evil to my children, you are in the Order man, and so are we, I rekcon I should follow Mrs Longbottom's approach, and give you a good whacking with a saucepan. Be good to them, within the week, or I will be round.

I know where you live Severus,

Molly Weasley

Mrs. Weasley,

I feel that my actions toward your children are completely influenced by their performances at school. If they'd like me to be kinder, perhaps they should learn to make a potion.

-Snape


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snape,

What would you do if we put decent shampoo on your shampoo bottle?

-Curious Mind

P.S. It wasn't me!

Curious Mind,

How dare you even imply that I use less than decent hair care products. I'll have you know that my shampoo is a fine blend that creates my unique style that women seem to love. And I'll also tell you that I'm prettier than you. Hah!

Snape the Great

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Sevvy Wevvy Poo

Can you come to my bringing the dead back party on Friday? I really want you to wear that gorgeous glittery pink dress that you were telling me about the other day. Would you please? Oh, and I have catering arrangements at Roadkill to Go!

Voldy, who didn't go moldy after all

Voldy, who didn't go moldy after all,

You are a raving lunatic. Why won't you die?

Severus Snape
___________________

Snivilus,

Are you still wrapped up in the Dark Arts? Just be careful you don't make Hogwarts dirty with the grease dripping off your nose.

Sirius

Sirius,
Sirius darling, is this a lover's quarrel? 'Cuz I was so sure that you were the one. In that case, I'm so glad Bella killed you! *sniffs indignantly* and my nose isn't drippy with grease, you must have seen me when I had a cold. Hmph!

Sevvy (who makes sneezing look smexy)

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Sevvy Honey,

Hey babe, do you want to go to Cissy's house and torture children with me tonight over a romantic candlelight dinner? The Malfoy's are out for dinner, so they won't be back until midnight and they'll be totally drunk, so they won't even notice we're there.

I lurve you,
Bella- Boo

Dear Bella-Boo,

You know I'd love that. I send you my love.

Yours truly,
Sevvy Wevvy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Professor Snape,

CAN I DO YOUR HAIR!?!?!?!?!?!

Your loving student,
Rose

Rose,

Of course you may not do my hair! My hair style takes precision, accuracy, and a lot of grease and other stuff. Actually, though, if you could give me a frohawk that would be wonderful! So I'll see you tommorrow in the potions class room and you can style my hair. Tell no one where you are going, or the wrath of greasy hair will attack you!

Snape the Great *giggles* I will look great with a frohawk!

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Dear Snape,

Is it really true that when you were fifteen you shaved your head because you wanted to become a monk that wore neon pink and live in isolation? Or was that just an odd stage that you went through? Seriously though, Lord Voldemort told me that your favorite color was pink, you even died your hair a light pink, or so he told me!

Curiosity Killed the Cat, But It Won't Kill Me