Ask Snape

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Mr. V.
I quite like your wife so no...would you like to have a duel over her?
Snape


Dear Snape,
How much were you in love with Lily (in inches please!)
Mathmatician


(sorry katherine! looks like we posted at same time!0

Dearest Lily,

What can I say? Petunia has a way about her. I'm sure James would back me up on this.

XOXO

Snapey-poo

___________________________________________________


Dear Mr. Snape,

The Elvis Drive-Thru Wedding Chapel of Hunk-a-hunk of Burning Love is booked for this weekend, but we have an opening for you and Ms. Dursley Sunday next weekend if you care to reschedule?

Rev. Big Love
Church of the Elvis Drive-Thru Wedding Chapel of Hunk-a-hunk of Burning Love

Lily,

Oh my darling, your old news sweety, i prefer someone with a pulse.

Snape.

Snape

Now see here! That is my wife you are seducing, return her at once or else!

V. Dursley

Dull Dursley,

She hardly needed much seducing, now be a good Muggle and stay out of my way. Your son isn't the only one who looks better with a tail.

Snape.



Dear Snape,

Long time no hear. You still coming to the Jedi Convention with me in Las Vegas?

-Filch

Filch,
of course my dear sir! wouldn't miss it for the world.
Snpae


Snape,
What your fav. tv show?
fan

Filch

Naturally! I plan on getting married there as well, wanna be best squid?

Snape.

Severus

Who are you marrying? It had best be mum!

Draco.

Draco,
Its not! Its Petunia Evans! hahaha, rub that in your mums face! she never loved me anyway...
-Snape

Dear Snape,
My dress is a disaster! It dosnt fit right! Make those people pay!!!!
-Petunia.

Tunie my darling

ive killed them all, now stand still while i work my magic and make you into a princess.

Snape.

Mr Snape

Your application for a US visa has been denied because u have greesy hair and big nose

yours

Harry potter The US Government people

US Government people,
Thats not fair!!!!!!!! nor right!!!
-Snape

Dear Snape,
what do you think of taking a shower once in a while?????
- a Fan

a Fan,

Look whoever you are. I am now officially FIRING you from being my fan

-Snape

-----

Sevvie,

Guess What!
you know the US citizen applications we sent in together? I got mine back today and I was accepted!

how about you?

-Harry Potter

Harry,
I was denied. Please dont go without me!
-Snape

Dear Snape,
we have decided to allow you entry to our country, on behalf of a request of Mr. Harry James Potter, and some freaky uy named Lord Voldemort who threatened to kill us if we didnt. Congratulations.
U.S. Government.

US Government

YES YES! I love you guys!
Here's a one week free membership to my Snape Fan Club for you all

-Snape

----
Sev,

I heard my 'letter' to the US Gov. worked

Congratulations
You now owe me something

-Voldemort

Voldemort,
Anything you want master. *mutters under breath*
Snape

Snape,
We're awaiting your guest list.
Wedding Inc.

Wedding Inc.

I thought Harry sent it go bother him

-Snape

----

Sev.

Ah! Severus. I'm in dire need of letting out my anger
to fullfill your debt please come to my manor at 7, remeber you owe me something

-Dark Lord
P.S. prepare your will, i think you'll need it.

Dark Lord,
I think I might have...previous engagments in a country far far away. I'll try to make it though.
Your loyal servant

Snape,
WHERE ARE YOU?!?!? I SAID 7!!!
Voldie

Voldie

I'm sorry milord, I have a date with Dumbledore, you know how mean he can be

-Snape

------
Dumbledore

How dare you make Snape gay, go away with your silly little lemon drops and leave him alone, he still owes me something

-Voldie the DL

p.s. tell him to come to the manor at 8 OR ELSE!

Voldie,
It is not my fault if Snape like me more than you *sticks tongue out* I'm just more lovable.
Dumbliedore

__________________

Snape,
Inform "Dumbliedore" that he is to meet you here at 8 OR ELSE!! I EXPECT YOU THERE 8 SHARP!
Voldie

(er..it's suppose to be snape answering the first one)

Milord,

Sorry boss, but now i've got to plan my wedding with Potter. Can I go the day after tommorrow on the same date next year or the year after that?

didiconfuseyouihopedidid!

-Snape

---

Sevvie

Thanks for the invite to you wedding, I booked your honeymoon for you. One way trip to the Riddle Manor. This mysterious man reccomended it me.

The name sounds familar...I don't know why

-Lucius

Lucius,
I'm sure the honeymoon will be quite satisfactory.
Snape

Snape,
I hear your honeymoon is going to be at the Riddle Manor. Maybe I will see you there.
Voldie

Voldie

Really? Who are you going with? I heard the manor have an indoor swimming pool with a spa.. meet you there!

-Snape

------

Sevvie

How dare you not marry me!
Crucio~ mwhahaha

-Bellatrix

Bellatrix,
*wincing in pain* Do you not already have a husband Bella?
Snape

_________________________________
Snape,
Didn't we have such a grand time at the spa, Sev.? I quite enjoyed it!
Voldie

Voldie

Yesk but next time can you please tell Nagini to keep out
she's not fun to bathe with

-Snape

----

Snape

Before I forget, you still owe me somthing
come to my room at 2

-Voldie the D.L.

Voldie the DL

Sorry i caqn't make it, im having a second honeymoon on Mars.

Snape.


Sevvywevvy

Any chance of an affair now your "married"?

Belliewelly

Ms. Lestrange,


If I could stomach the odor that reeks from your mouth, than perhaps I could entertain the idea of "hooking up" with you. Sadly, I fear that my fear of your breathe is much too strong an obstacle to overcome. Regardless, I am sending you this case of Muggle mouthwash as their is no charm known to wizard that could tame the foul stench that from you mouth emits.

SS





____________________________________________________


Dear Sir,

How do you do? I was going over my books and it appears that you still owe 700 galleons for the oversized, pudding filled, clawfoot tub that was delivered to your domicile last month. I am sure that lack of payment was merely an oversight due to you recent wedded bliss. Please remit answer and payment as soon as is reasonable.

With Warm Regards,

S. Morgenstern, I Thawght I Saw A Puddy Tub Inc.

Dear S. Morgenstern, I Thawght I Saw A Puddy Tub Inc.,

I WILL NOT TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS SOLICITING! LEAVE ME ALONE OR FACE MY WRATH!!

Sincerly,
Severus Snape!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Snapey,

Will you marry me?

Love,
Lily's big sister Petunia. aka Tuney.

Turney

I told you, your husband paid me 30424234 japanese dollars to go away so I can't be with you

-Snape

---

Sevvie

YOU OWE ME!

-Voldemort

p.s. come to the manor at 8 or else..i'm tired of repeating myself mister.

Voldermort,
I've told you before, my new wife is very demanding on our schedule and I must be home at 8:00. You will have to abide by MY schedule or not see me at all!
-Snape


_______________________________________________________________

Sev.
Why have you stopped answering my numerous letters? Answer me, or I will be forced to come down to your new house!!!!
-Mum

Dear the Dark Lord,

Here are your assoted undergarments. I asssure you that your secret is safe with me and a couple million people via myspace.

Your Devoted Servant,
Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Snape,

SAVE ME!

From,
Everyone

Mrs. Norris,
Do you think I am attractive? Is that what thats about. You a cat. Leave me alone.
-Snape

Dear Snape:
I am sorry to inform you that you owe 35764878578407 Galleons for your whole wedding.honeymoon. And we still dont know who tyou choose.... Please pay A.S.A.P.

- Wedding Inc.

Wedding Inc.
I've sent you the required amount so PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
~Snape *mutters underbreath, "See how they like lepherchuan (sp?) gold!"*


Dear Snape,
Do you not like cats? That's very racist of you *scratches face*
Mrs. Norris

Dear Mrs. Norris.

I like cats, just not romantically!

Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Dear Snape
Don't you break my cat's heart!

Filch

Mr. Filch,
I had no intention of breaking her heart, just keep her away from me!
Snape

_____________________________________________________________
Dear Snape,
What are you planning on doing with my aunt now that you're married?
Harry P.

Harry P.
I would tell you, but the details would just be T.M.I. for you....
-Snape.

Dear Snape,
I am pleased to inform you that I have come for your soul!
- Dementor numbha seventeen!

Dear Dementor numbha seventeen,
Oh, bugger. Ummm...*runs*
Snape



Dear Snape,
Why won't you love me? Cats is cool, too.
Mrs. Norris

Mrs. Norris

Obviously you're a CAT so you can't write this letter
so obviously you must be some crazy fan of mine trying to get attention

Which is stupid

-Snape

----

Yo Snape,

Listen man, I really need you to give me my Wii back, I have serious issues now I am bored

But peace out while you're at it


-Ganster Mafia

Dear Ganster Mafia,
You'll get your Wii back, over my dead body! HA! HA HA!
Snape



Dear Snape,
How is my aunt? Did she flip out about your hair?
H. Potter

Madame Prince,
I do not care how loud I am for I am Snape the Potions Master!
Snape The Potions Master


Dear Snape,
Do you like the Bella/Edward shipping or the Bella/Jacob shipping?
Twilight and Harry Potter fan

Twilight and HP fan

I like Snape and everyone shipping
What about you?

-Snape

-------

Snape,

Over your dead body? So you won't give me back my Wii and had the nerve to take my awesome glittery ipod.

Feel my warth
I will hunt you down man

-Ganster Mafia

Ganster Mafia,

Bring it on, man. Bring it on.

Snape



Snape,

You can't take points by letter you greasy git! Tell my aunt I said hi.

H. Potter

Harry.

Oh of couse darling, but are you coming over on Saturday?

XOXO
-Sev

---
Snape,

Meet me behind your bed at 12am, we are going to have a showdown you hear?

You better be there man or my buddies and I are you going to steal your teddy bear and bash or plasma tv.

-Ganster Mafia

Ganster Mafia,
NOT MY TEDDY BEAR!!! I'll be there!
Snape


Dear Snape,
You didn't show up...why not? We have your teddy bear btw!
G.M.

G.M.
Why do I even care anymore. I have sent Dementor Numbha Seventeen or your soul.
ha-HA!
-Snape

Dear Snape,
I love you!
- Bellatrix.

Dear Bellatrix,

Enclosed you will find a cruciatus curse just for you. Please enjoy.

Much love,
Snape.
_________________________________

Dear Prof. Snape,

Eat dung!

Ronald Weasley

Ronnikins!

I thought we agreed to not call me any names if you want that date on Saturday.

-Snape

----
Mr. Snape

You are fined 3939938 Japanese Dollars for killing Mr. Ganstar Mafia-san.
Please report to the Headquaters (that no one can find since it's too secluded and protected) to pay up

-Headquaters Boss

p.s. this letter will exploded 2 seconds after you read it.

My Lord (Voldykins),

Are you sure you'd like another? You killed the last one because it threw you off.

Sevvy-poo

_______________________

Snape,

What's wolfsbane again?

Harry "The Boy Who Lived" Potter

Harry,
YOU SHOULD HAVE PAYED ATTENTION IN MY CLASS THE FIRST DAY OF YOUR FIRST YEAR!! GO LOOK IT UP YOU STUPID CHILD!!!!
~PROFESSOR Snape

____________________________________________________________
Snape,
Are you free this Saturday?
Bellatrix