Ask Snape

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Subject: Ask Snape Fri Jan 26 2007, 15:57

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Oct 05 2007, 23:05

HP,

You know you're just jealous of my deathly good looks and my mad skills. Now bugger off, aren't you supposed to be saving the worlld?

Snape
--------------------------------------------
Professor Snape,

You have GOT to tell me how you get all the girls!

Respectfully,
Neville Longbottom
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Oct 05 2007, 23:38

Longbottom

First of all change your last name for Merlin's underpants!
No one will want to date someone will the name of Longbottom duh

-Snape

---------

S. Snape

Please owl me some groceries, I'm STARVING here...
apparently the yellow brick road supermarket is nonexistent

-Voldemort

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Oct 06 2007, 10:38

Voldilocks,

What, no unicorn blood to sustain you?

S.

________________________________________

Dear Snape,

I must admit that it was I that stole the polyjuice potion ingredients. I used it to transform myself into Lucius, whom I mistakingly believed you truly loved. What's a girl to do to win your heart?

Yours in Desperation,
Madame Pomfrey.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Oct 06 2007, 13:49

Madame Pomfrey\

Unfortunately Lucius was not my lover at that time since I had left him for Cissy
Bet you could never guess who I’m dating now…

-Snape

--------
Snape,

I regret to inform you that this month, your fan only donated $213324234224 galleons to your awesomness - that’s three galleons short of last month!

To increase your fans utter adoration, I have imperioed have a dozen of them. I need to schedule a meeting with you for further plans.. what time are you free?

From D. Umbridge
Your Secretary of WASA (we adore snape association)
-

Guest

Umbridge

how many times do i have to tell you? I don't care!! Now if you dont stop sending me messages I will be forced to Imprise you!

Thanks WASA for the $213324234224 galleons

Snape
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Snapeypoo

Are you avalible tonight? I feel lonely and I need someone to warm up to!

Gwarpy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 09 2007, 00:43

Gwarpy-

You Go Away
Do I Make Myself Clear Enough?

-Snape

-------
Snape

I am sad to inform you that after 1000000 DNA testing we found out that the white hair was YOURS!

please schedule a meeting with your shrink at 3
-THE imformer

Guest

The imformer

How can this be? I have Black hair, not white, cant you see that? do another set of tests NOW

snape
===============================================================

Sir,

Ive changed my name, now what?

Vince Power

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 09 2007, 10:40

Vince Power,

You should try something that sounds a little less like a porn star's name. Try something like: Justin Davis.

Snape
--------------------------------------------
Snape,

You. Me. Garden. Midnight.

Sincerely,
You-Know-You-Want-Me

Guest

You-know-you-want-me

I would never meet you cause I dont know who you are and I hate you!
Tell me who you are if you want to see me, and I never meet strangers at midnight

S. Snape

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir,
Name changed again, chose the name you suggested, now what?

Justin Davis
P.S.- sorry if this bird takes it's time. Its done a lot of deliveries to tell people my new name
PPS- My gran has disowned me

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 09 2007, 10:56

Mr. Davis,

Now you need to get a total makeover. I suggest that you refer yourself to Ms. Lovegood.

Snape
----------------------------------------
Snapy-poo!

You know who I am, and we always meet in the garden at midnight! I am offended you would act like you don't know me! Is there another girl in your life? You ask me not to write my name down so that if some body got this note the anonymity would save your reputation, and this is the tanks I get?

You-Know-You-Want-Me

Guest

you-know-you-want-me

Sorry, im slow today. ok I'll meet you

Snape

=========================================================================

Sir,
I've been to Luna, shes sorted me out. What else must i go through?
Justin

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 09 2007, 13:22

Justin,

Now you must shave your head and dance naked under the full moon for the next six months. After that, get a dragon to lick you on the noggin.

Snape
------------------------------------
Professor Snape:

Are you sure you want me to make Neville--I mean Justin-- wear Blaise's pink socks?

Luna Lovegood
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 09 2007, 23:04

Luna Lovegood

Absolutely
Oh, and remember the purple sparkles on both his eye lashes

-Snape

-------

Sevvie

Why did you ditch me for the you-know-you-want-me person?

Angsty Dumbledore

Guest

Angsty Dumbledore,

I ditched you for 2 reasons:
1) I can
2) Shes better than you

So haha to you

Snape
==============================================================================================

Sir,

This is going a bit to far, I only want girls to like me, not to make a complete and utter fool of myself! I am quiting this unless I get a girl this week, O.K?

Justin

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 10 2007, 19:58

Justin,

IF you quit you are more foolish than I thought, and that's pretty foolish.

Snape
PS There are no guarantees in life.
-----------------------------
Snapy

I wub you!

Mario Lopez

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 10 2007, 22:03

Mario Lopez,

Go back to Saved by the Bell and give Screech a good kick in the butt.

Snape

--------------------

Snapey,

Hi, I want to know how to get people to see me as more than just a piece of meat.

Thanks,

The cow next door

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 10 2007, 22:06

Cow,

Go to Hogwarts

Snape
----------------------------------------
Snapy-poo,

I kicked Screech in the butt for you, what else would you like me to do?

Your servant,
Mario Lopez
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 10 2007, 22:09

Mario,

That was fast, why don't you crucio the other cast members while you're at it.

Snape

---------------------------------------------

Snape,

I wish I could have been in Slytherin.

Percy Weasley

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 10 2007, 22:21

PW

Morons don't get in slytherin

-Snape

-------
S.S

I'm scared of the dark! What do I do?

- Dobby

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 10 2007, 22:28

Dobby,

Die

Snape
---------------------------------
Mr. Snape

It has come to our attention that you have verbally assaulted a house elf. We will not stand for this. Do it again, we'll jinx your nose off.

S.P.E.W.
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 10 2007, 22:55

S.P.E.W.

Run along, you bother me.

Snape

----------------

Snape,

I have a huge crush on you.

Lucius Malfoy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 10 2007, 22:56

S.P.E.W.

Mind your own beeswax

-Snape the Almighty Cool
---------

Sevvie

Just a reminder for our date on Saturday

-Cissy

Guest

(what happened there? I'll do the last one)

Cissy
im fine for Saturday will you have wine?

Snapeypoo
======================================================

Sir

I want a good potion to brew cuz im bored. Can you think of any?

Ernie

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 11 2007, 20:04

Ernie:

make the brain potion - it is obviously you need some

-Sir

--------------

(here's the one that we skipped)

Snape,

I have a huge crush on you.

Lucius Malfoy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 11 2007, 20:08

Lucius,

I know. What do you want me to do about it? I'm busy playing with my potions.

Snape
------------------------------------------
Professor Snape,

I want to be the best at Potions, can you tutor me?

Draco Malfoy
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 11 2007, 23:39

Draco Malfoy

What! I thought I killed you last month!?!? (look at previous posts)
Oh and by the way I can't tutor you anyway I have a date with your father

-Snape
--------------

Snape

I loath you
You are an idiot

President of LAHSC (let's all hate snape club)

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Oct 12 2007, 21:19

LAHSC president,

Good, it means I'm doing my job properly. By reading this you have consigned yourself to a long and painful death. Let your followers know in the future, they should not mess with a master of Potions.

Snape
--------------------------------------
Snape,

Please help me get my career back on track!

Dustin Diamond
:slyhterin:

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Oct 12 2007, 23:28

Dustin Diamond

If you are having trouble with your career first get a life
Second: get a haircut

Glad to be of assistance
Snape the Powerful

-----------------------
Snape!

How DARE YOU miss the tea party on Sunday!!
You will have to pay by attending the next one on Friday at the LAHSFC abandon building

-Umbridge

Guest

Umbridge,
If Ive told you once, Ive told you a thousnd times I DO NOT WANT TO COME TO YOUR TEA PARTIES. Does that make it clear. Plus this letter has a slow acting posion on it. HAHA

Snape
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Snape

Why do you wear black, not red, reds more evil? Why are you evil? Why do you look like an over-grown bat? Why do you enjoy potions? What Quidditch team do you support?

Bored in Birmingham

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Oct 13 2007, 12:08

Dear Bored in Birmingham,

Truly you are wasted space upon this planet that I command. And I of course support any and all Qudditch teams whose games have resulted in a loss of life.

S.

_________________________________________

Dear Snape,

You like potions, I like potions. Why don't we get together and whip up some potions together?

Alluring in Alaska

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Oct 13 2007, 17:33

To: Alluring in Alaska

Sorry Alaska is not the In place for me to go- maybe next week

-Snape

--------------

Hullo here's a riddle for you

What's black and white and red all over?

-From RiddleMaster of The Universe of Riddles

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Oct 13 2007, 20:14

RiddleMaster,

Dead zebra in a blender. Like I care.

Snape.

-----------------------
Snape,

I tried to get a life, but I don't know how. Who you please help?

Dustin Diamond
P.S. I got the haircut!
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Oct 13 2007, 20:58

Dustin Diamond,

There's no way anything could help you at this point.

Snape

----------------

Dear Snape,

I throw up on girls when I'm too close to them. What should I do?

A concerned boy named Stan

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Oct 13 2007, 22:41

Stan,

Kill yourself. Leap to your death at the old rock quarry. Do it now.

Snape
--------------------------------------------------
Snape,

I heard Bruce Willis say you revitalize people's careers. My friend Vince Vaughn told me so, as well. Can you help me?

Ron Jeremy
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Oct 13 2007, 23:55

Ron J.

As I told all the others who had asked me advice about careers
1) Get.A.Life.
2) Go away

-Snape

---------

Mr. S. Snape

We are sorry to imform you that Stan had leapt to his death at the old rock quarry

So now you are cordinary (sp) invited to Stan Steve's funeral at the county park on the 18th

-Funeral Manager

Guest

- Funeral Manager

I will not be able to attend the poor boys funeral but i frll very sorry for his parents

S. Sanpe

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir,
What type of art do you like?

Cho chang

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Oct 14 2007, 10:58

Cho,

Blood splatters on different things. No, I will not explain myself any farther

Snape
-----------------------
Snape

You killed Stan!

Kenny
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Oct 14 2007, 11:59

Kenny,

I had no idea... Would you like to join him?

1) Go jump off a cliff
2) Give Stan my congratulations when you see him

- Snape

--------------------------------------------

Severus Darling,

I'M YOUR FANGIRL!!!

Love From,

Insane For Snape

Guest

Insane for Snape

Im glad to hear it. You do know theres an oficial Snape Fanclub- ask elfie

Snape

--------------------------------------------------=-----------------------------------------------------------------

Proffesor

What's you favorte magical cretaure?

Hagrid

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Oct 14 2007, 16:12

Hagrid-

Bunny rabbits -DUH

-Snape

--------------

Dear S.S.

You are invited to Kenny's funeral since he had jump of a cliff a few days ago
Please come to the Skull Plaza for the reception

-Funeral Manager

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Oct 14 2007, 21:34

MOrtician,

I will only attend if I am allowed to kill all the other guests

Snape.
-----------------------------------
Snape,

Man, you're cool. Wanna be my friend?

Eric Cartman
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Oct 14 2007, 23:27

Eric Cartman

Change your name first

-Snape

--------------

Mr. S. S.

You are invited to the funeral of everyone that had been to Kenny's funeral that you had killed

Reception will be on Ill Ave. at 3 o clock tomorrow

-Funeral Boss

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 16 2007, 16:36

Funeral Boss,

If I come, I'm killing you and your staff.

Snape
-------------------------------
Snape,

You suck, dude. You should quit with the killing, man.

Kyle
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Oct 16 2007, 20:03

Kyle

FYI: I dont care

-Snape

-------------------
S.Snape

Due to the fact that you killed the funeral staff, this automatic charmed message is to invite you to the funeral at 7 pm on wednesday

- Charm by Funeral Boss

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 17 2007, 10:46

funeral boss

im busy wednesday

snape
-----------------

dear snape

why do you hate potions?

azay

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 17 2007, 13:14

Azay,

I don't hate potions, I hate you, and the rest of humanity. You're all too stupid.

Snape.
--------------------------
Snape,

Dude, you rock even more now! Be my friend!

Eric Cartman
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Oct 17 2007, 18:16

Azay

What? I loooooovvve potions with my very soul

annoyed snape

--------------

Dear S.Snape

You have won a free ipod from the survey you took online
please pick it up a 183 W. Yoyo Road on Monday

-Survey Co.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 18 2007, 10:08

Survery Co

What on earth is an ipod?

Snape

Dear Snape

How are you and how have your holidays been?
I miss you tuney is being to annoying hehe.

Lilly

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 18 2007, 19:07

Lily

Aww…how sweet I miss you too <3

-Snape

-----------

Snape,

if you don't want your free ipod can i have it?

-Arthur Weasley

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Oct 18 2007, 21:45

Arthur,

No, just because you asked.

Snape
---------------------------------------
Mr. S. Snape

You are hereby being served in the case of The government of the United States v. Severus Snape for the recent mass murderings occuring in Colorado. This is a warrant for your arrest.

Signed
The Attorney General of the United States of America.
Ask Snape - Page 4 Slytheri

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