Ask Snape

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Subject: Ask Snape Fri Jan 26 2007, 15:57

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 19 2007, 05:01

Dear Bella

Go snog your Voldielocks doll again, and maybe your husband will catch you, again and this time kill you. oh how i wish to watch your death.

much more evilly yours
Snape.

Dear Professor Snape,

Im at a loss, my girlfriend has ran off with my enemy and i have no friends, what should i do?

Yours
Anon.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 19 2007, 19:04

Anon,

I know that losing girl is hard (even though I don’t know how you feel)
But look at the bright side, I found out that Sally who is now one of my many girlfriends, is a good kisser

Sincerely Yours,
Severus

Mr. Severus Snape,

I regret to inform you that your Mr. Snuffles the Rabbit passed away on Sunday while in our care.
Please come to the special funeral we prepared for you pet

-PetSitter Inc.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 19 2007, 19:09

PetSitter Inc.

*crying madly*

*Tears have made the ink run*

MURDERERS! I WILL KILL YOU ALL WITH MY POINTY STICk!

yours
S.Snape.

Dear Severus,

As a former Death Eater, we would like to invite you to join our new club, it's called I'm a Big Greasy Haired Git and we would love for you to be our treasurer.

yours
Feorge and Gred Weasley

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 19 2007, 19:45

F & G. Weasley

I will only accept for the postion of the president
I am not going to sink so low to be a treasurer!

-Snape

-------

Snape

Donuts!

-Random Bob

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 19 2007, 19:46

Random Bob,

CRUCIO!

Snape.

Severus,

I am holding a small gathering in my office tonight, it will be just you and I, what do you say snuckems?

love
Minerva

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 19 2007, 19:58

Minnie

Aww so kind for you to invite me but I have a ~~date~~ meeting with ~~Harrykins~~ Potter ~~for Valentines Day~~ arranged by Dumbledore

-Snape

--------

Dear Sev

I love your date today
Can we go out on Sunday too?

Love Harry

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 19 2007, 20:02

Harrywarry

Your wish is my command
But you pay this time.

Sevvywevvy

Severus

I have been informed that you were NOT ill last night and were in fact out with Harry! Is this true do you not love me anymore? Have i not kept our love a secret?

Sirius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 19 2007, 21:49

Sirius,

As I i could love YOU, do you not read my memo's it says everything.

,Sevi

~*~

Sevvywevvy,

I just read your last message and NO im not paying, why don't you just go with your presice siiiiiiiiriusssssss... that is what it says in your stupid memo!

P.S Im not calling you Sevvywevvy no more.

,Harwwwwy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Nov 20 2007, 10:09

Harwwwwy

Please don't be like that! You know it is you i love! Sirius means nothing to me! I declare my undying love to you!

Sevvywevvy.

mr Snape,

You are hereby summoned to a hearing to answer for your part in the death of a first year muggle born Slytherin student. Please attend at 9am Monday.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Nov 20 2007, 17:52

Whomever this concerns

sorry I have an invitation from some other funeral organization for killing some other random student

i am afraid i can't attend

-Sincerely Snape

Sevvywevvy

Aww I love you too
But please remember to give me a gazillion galleons for christmas!

Love Harwwwwy
XOXOXO

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Nov 20 2007, 18:12

Harwwy

I am afraid I do not have that many but I will give you as much as I can.

Love Sevvy
XXOOXXXXO

------------------------------------------------

Dear snape,
Please back away from my Harry.

seriously Ginny

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Nov 20 2007, 19:36

Ginny

Oh no you didn't little girl!
I'll only give him back if you jump off a cliff

-Snape

---------

Professor

With all due respect - you're a moron

-Ron

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 21 2007, 13:57

Ron,

Eat dung.

Snape.

Proefessor Snape,

I must confess i have been feeding your students love potion no one really loves you, you slimy haired bat.

G. Weasley

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 22 2007, 13:36

G. Weasley

Little girl. I'm sorry but I think you have a brain damage
this letter is a portkey to the hospital wings to fix you up

-Snape

----------------------

Dearest Sevvie

I missed you so much that I'm going to buy you a huge donut

-Dumbledore

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 26 2007, 18:42

Dear Dumbledore,

I must maintain my figure. Perhaps instead you can buy me a lovely apple.

Yours,
Sevvie

Dear Severus,

I'm afraid to report that you are on the naughty list this year. Please expect lumps of coal in your stocking. Thank you.

Merry Christmas!
Santa Claus

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 26 2007, 18:47

Dear Snata,
What Have I done this year? I absoultly do noe get why that is! I spend my life looking after whiny brats, and hold my temper, and now TAKE ME OFF THE NUGHTY LIST, DANG IT!!!
Sincerly,
Severus Snape

Dear Snape,
What shampoo do you use? Would you like to try our new one?
0-Herbal Essences.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 26 2007, 19:08

Dear Herbal Essences,
I DO NOT USE SHAMPOO! However, If you are in need of a male model for your advertizing campain, I am available.

Sincerly,
Sexy Sev

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Proff. Snape,

Why do you hate me?

Sincerly,
Neville the Scared!

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 26 2007, 19:44

Dear Neville the Scared,

Look in the mirror for your answer.

Snape.

Dear Severus

Any hance you can collect my new robes from Madame Malkins? Cissy has me handcuffed to the front door and has destroyed all my clothes.

Lucius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 26 2007, 19:59

Lucius

Nah, I have a muggle video tape full of you stuggling in your handcuffs...I'll wait a few days to get your clothes- it seems like the tape didn't catch the part where you peed on the rug...can you do that again?

-Snape

------

S.Snape

We have received your video of a stuggling blond for the 'UK Funniest Home Video' contest and it seems like you have won!

Please come to the award assembly on Tuesday

-UK FHV Inc.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 26 2007, 20:19

Dear UK FHV Inc.

I will be deleted to attend the adwards, do i have to bring the blonde fool?

Snape.

Dear Severus,

What is this i hear about an award? I peed on the rug at your request now may i have some clothes?

Lucius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 26 2007, 20:30

Lucius

Tut tut, you didn't see the magic word!

-Snape

-------

Sevvie!

Congrats on the award! I knew tying Lucius up will work!
Is the date still on for tomorrow?

-Cissy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Nov 26 2007, 20:32

Cissy,

It was a wondefully clever idea! Of course the date is still on for tomorrow!

Sevvy

Severus,

I am concerned with the amunt of time you are spending with the Malfoys. Wat are you up too?

Albus.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 04:28

Albus.

there isnt anything going on i swear

Severus

harry

what was wrong with ginny tonight she didnt seem happy with you

ron

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 11:37

Kayz the games called ask snape *giggles* only questions for snape apply.

Dear Mr Snape

My grandson infrms me that you have attempted to use the killing curse on him, what do you have to say about that?

Yours
Mrs. A. Longbottom

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 12:04

hahaha oops SOWWY

Mrs. A. Longbottom

i was trying to hit someone behind him

Mr Snape

snape

pop over to my office i want to see you about something very important

albus

is that right etta lol

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 17:10

Albus

Don't you dare use that tone with me old man

-Snape

p.s. sorry but I have an ~~date~~ appointement with ~~cissy~~ a friend

~~~~~~~~~~~

SEVERUS SNAPE!

How dare you allow those filthy muggles put my stuggling-and-tied-to-door video on the telogision or whatyoucallit

I am disapointed in you young man!

-Lucius Malfoy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 17:14

Der Lucius,

But It was FUNNY!!!! And dont look at me, Cissy was the master mind.
ha HA
-Severus Snape

Dear Snapeykins,
When are you coming over again? I want to make dinner, and I have GOT to make sure that Lucius is gone. So please, baby, write back as soon as possible!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOOOOOOOXXXXXXX
-Cissy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 17:17

Cissy

XOXOXOXOXOOXOXOOXOXOOXOXOOXOXOO to you to luv
I can come over tomorrow since I put a 'bad hair' charm on lucius so he'll spend all day at the barbers

-Snape

------

Mr. Snape

You are grounded for life

From the Awesome Potter Jr.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 17:19

Potter Jr.
I resent that. 5,000 points from Gryffindore, who ever you are!
-Severus Snape

Dear Snape
Are you really sure you wish to quit S.P.E.W. we have great member benifits!
- H. Granger

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 17:48

H. Granger

I never said I was going to quit that daring club!
I love the elves andthemoneyincluded

-Snape

==================

Sevvie

I'm so lonley, you don't visit me anymore

Voldie and Nagini

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Wed Nov 28 2007, 18:00

Voldie and Nagini,
I am sorry, I have been quite busy with my dear Cissy. And moruning Lilys Death. How about I come over this weekedn, okay. Okay.
-Snape

Dear Snape,
How dare you touch y wife, and forget the Dark Lord in the process!
-Lucius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 11:48

Lucius,

i am snape, i shall touch your wife and the dark lord at the same time if the mood takes me, which it does, toodles!

Snape.

Sevvykins

That pesy Potter boy has just kissed me! KILL HIM!

Love you snuckem's xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

cissy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 14:09

Cissy,

Why am i writing to you if your dead?

-Sevvykins.

Severus,

Might I ask why you are stalking me and were in my room last night?

-Remus.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 14:18

Remus

Yes you may ask.

Severus.

p.s. i never siad i'd asnwer.

Sevvy

hi darling how was school? Ddi you like your new gray y-fronts i sent you? and the home made scones?

love
Hagrid

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 14:22

Hagrid,

For the last time, you know i dont like you showing your affection in letters sweetie. If someone found out they would fire us. Please do not forget about our meeting later tonight.

ps. Let me cook, you cant.

Sevvy

Mr. Snape,

Why do you keep failing me, why not fail the Malfoy kid instead? You know I'm better than him.

-HJP

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 14:30

HJP,

You're your father's son, deal with it, Malfoy is worth 1 million of you.

Mr Snape.

Severus,

my mothe rinforms me that my father is not my father and that you are....are you?

Draco Malfoy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 14:34

Draco,

I dont know what your mother said that for. Voldemort is your father. HA.

Severus.

Severus,

Why dont I get more roles in the book?

Hannah Abbot.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 14:50

Hannah Abbot,

You do, you just don't realise it becaus eof potter.

Snape.

Dearest Sev

Party tonight, my place, you coming?

Lucius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 15:00

Lucius,

Firewhiskey, right? Will your wife be there, because i want to talk to you.

Sev.

Mr. Snape dude.

Can you get me into Hogwarts and stuff, my friends say I'm crazy to be writing to you, but i know that you'll get me in the school.

Hannah Boot.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 15:06

Hannah Boot.

No i won't get you ito Hogwarts, i'm not the nic eone here, go ask Albus.

Snape.

Dearest Severus

Bella has dumped me, i demand you come be at my side as i weep.

Lord Mouldysocks

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 15:16

Lord Voldemrot,
Wow, you must be upset. You spelled your name wrong. I will be right over, okay?
_Snape

Snape,
I am soo terribly sorry, and tell my voldykins that. I miss him so much! Could you hook us up again? I know you are seeing him tonight. Please!!!!!
-Bella

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 15:19

BElla,

You hae hurt my best friend terribly! He can even perform the killing curse without crying! I refuse to have any....Can u be here by five?

Snape.

Sev,

Hey there sweetypie! Fancy teaching me the waltz tonight, if you know what i mean, wink wink nudge nudge, Lucius wont be home.

Cissy
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 15:23

Cissy,
Do you care if Bella is there too? I told here to come to my house at 5:00, so we can be there by 5:15. If not, I could just leave her at the house alone with Peter.
-Severus

Severus
I hear you think you are a player? A big shot with the ladies. Well, what makes you think so?
Lucius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 15:41

Lucius,

Your wife and sister in law make me think so.

Snape.

Sevvy

Leave Bella, i just want it to be us.... and Draco, i can't exterminate him!

love
Cissy
xxxx

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 17:31

Cissy

Draco? Draco's back? I thought I've pushed him off that cliff..

-Sincerly Sevvie

p.s. XOXOXOXO

~~~~~~~~~~

Severus

Thank you for paying for a spa holiday so I'll feel better about Bella

-Your friend
Voldie

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Thu Nov 29 2007, 17:39

Voldie,
You are so very welcome.
_ severus

Sevvy
no... i dontt know how, but dracos back. and i really dont know what to do about it *frowns* mabey we can tie him outside, like we did lucius. But that leaves Bella. What ever shal we do baby!
-XXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOO
Cissy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Nov 30 2007, 04:49

Cissy

I have sent Bella off in search of humple horned snork something or other under the um instruction that it wil voldie back, silly woman. WE SHall BE ALONE!

Sevvy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

p.s. do you want me to wear my back robes or my black black robes?

Sev

I think im lost, can you send me a map please?

Bella

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Nov 30 2007, 08:58

Bella

Find you way around or find you own map.

Sevvy

SNAPE

Make it to my office tonight or else.

Dumbledore.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Nov 30 2007, 14:06

Dumbledore.
I am sorry, I have a ~~date~~ um appointment.
-Severus

Sevvy
Black Black makes you look cooler :] OMG, what is happening to me, I just put a computer smiliey. and computer spaak. Can you help me? *winkwink* I need you to come over and we can play school. I really nede hepl with my spiellng.
-CiSSy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Nov 30 2007, 15:55

Cissy

I am on my way now, do not fear your Sevvy is here. I may *cough* have to *coough* chain you up for *couh* eing a bad girl *cough*

Sevvy.

Snape

What do you mean you can not attend due to an appointment? What is so life threatening?

Albus

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