Ask Snape

Admin

Deputy Head

Subject: Ask Snape Fri Jan 26 2007, 15:57

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Nov 30 2007, 16:44

Albus

I am getting my tonsils removed, very scary.

Snape
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Professor Snape,

How do I make pollijuice potion? And do you know what happened to my black notebook I let you borrow?

Rosalie Vain

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Nov 30 2007, 17:20

Rosalie Vain

Oh I leant the notebook to some movie director to shoot a movie..I think it was called Death Note or something

- Snape

=====

Dear,

I'm afraid that you are going to die in 2193884 days.
Please accept my condolences

-Molly Weasley

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Nov 30 2007, 19:32

Dear Molly Weasley,

Who on earth are you talking to?

_______

Mr. Snape

I would like to remind you that nudity is not allowed inside the classroom, no matter how hot the room is a that that time. You are a wizard, and you can make it cooler if you wish.

Albus.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Fri Nov 30 2007, 23:11

Albus,

Don't pick on me whe you have put a youtube video called 'Potter Puppel Pals' with you naked on there

-Snape

-------------

Dear Daddy Sev

I’ve recently found out that you were my dad!
Why didn’t you tell me before?

-Harry Potter Who Became Harry Snape

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Dec 01 2007, 08:28

Harry

...Cuz I hate you

Snape
~~~~~~~~~

Dear Snape

Why did you give my notebook to a movie director? I needed it for my other classes!

Rose

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Dec 01 2007, 10:02

Rose,

I gave it to the director because I hate you, and because they paid me for it. Deal with it.

-Snape

Mr. Snape,

I saw you doing that strip tease for Filch it the teachers lounge, though why you have that gash on your leg I do not understand. I thought you had better taste.

-Anonymous.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Dec 01 2007, 11:23

Anonymous,
what are you talking about? I really do not know. Dont write to me again.
-Snape

Sevvy,
I havent heard from you in a while. I am kinda mad about that! And I am also mad about the fact that you did a striptease for filch! I am sooo mad at you, that I let lucius back in the house. If you want my love back, you will have to wok for it!
-Cissy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Dec 01 2007, 13:32

Cissy,
You can keep Lucius, I'm done with you for the last time. Please give my number to your sister.

Snape

---------------------------------------------------------------

Professor Snape,

Here is my assignment, it's three days early and two pages too long, I got a bit carried away. I hope it is up to your standards.

Hermione

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Dec 01 2007, 17:04

Hermonie,
500 points from Gryffindore for it being too long, and you have recived an "F". I do not have time to learn and check your grammer, nor read a gryffindore/muggle borns paper.
-Snape

Snapey-Wapey!
Hello. Cissy gave me your number, said you wanted to tallk. So, here I am!
-Bella

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sat Dec 01 2007, 21:58

Dear Bellatrix,

Forget you ever found my number, anyone who talks to me as Snapey-Wapey obviously needs to be Crucio'd some more.

Snape.

Snape.

I hate you go die.

James.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 09:06

James,
I am so very suprised at your civil tone. Has death made you a changed man? Or is this a different James? Either way, I dont really care what you say. I am ten times better than you.
-Snape

Snape
I request to see you at whatever avalaible time you have. I need to talk to you.
-Dumbledore

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 10:16

Albus,

For what reason?

Snape
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Professor Snape,

You-you hate me!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!?
*cries*

Rose

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 13:08

Rose,
I just do,why must there be a reason. 500 points from Gryffindor for asking such a dumb question
-Snape

Snape,
Is there any way we can get back together. I am sooo lonely with out you!
-Cissy

p.s. I will make brownies!

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 14:17

Cissy,

umm no. And just to let you know, i hate brownies!

-Snape

~~~~~~

Dear Snape,

What would you like for Christmas?? I mean, I can't get you two front teeth....but i can get you a christmas tree! Or shampoo! OR BETTER YET- a bath and body works gift card!!!

-Becca

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:05

Becca

I wish for only one thing for Christmas, the demise of Gryffindors.

500000000000 points from Gryffindor.

Snape.

Sevvy

Baby you know you want to be with me, please, i've tied Bella and Mouldy up to the stair case in their underwear for you.

Cissy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:19

Narcissa,

Frankly I find that very disturbing. Do not talk to me again. Ever.

Snape

Snape,

You need to be in my office to discuss what will happen when you go flying out the window in the 7th book. You have no idea how hard that actually is to do.

Albus.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:21

Albus

Go away you sad old man i have a life.

Snape.

Severus,

Could you possibly release me from these restraints that Mrs Malfoy has me in.

Lord Voldemort

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:27

Lord Voldemort,

Nope. I enjoy you be tortured by her and not me.

-Snape.

~~~~

Dear Snapeeeeeee,

Do you like Cheese? I LOVE cheese. Do you have any cheese? PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Or cheese itz.

-Peterrrrrr

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:29

Peterrrrrrrr,

I thought you were dead? I have no cheese for ghosts, they make horrible dinner guests.

Snape.

Snape,

GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT!!!!!!

-Albus

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:36

Albus-

Chicken Butt.

-Snape

~~~~~~~~~`

Snape,

Can i have your autograph?? You are absouletly fantabulous! You can like come along with me and my friends to the muggle movies if you want! OMGGGG would you come to our party this weekend???

-Becca

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:36

Albus

Your Dead?

snape

Severus

Do not make me write to your MOTHER! Release me at ONCE!

Lord V,

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:40

(I used etta's)

Lord V,

Ha! I dont care about my mother, thats how evil I am!

-Snape.

Severus,

Just because you hate your students does not mean you can give them a 5 meter long essay, and demand it due the next day.

-Minevera

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:44

Minny

yes i can and i will and i have done. so there.

sev

Snape

I DEMAND you give my some an O in his next test.

Mrs Longbottom, c/o St Mungo's

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:53

Mrs. Longbottom,
We have to teach your son that life's not fair. now, giving him an O would be fair. now that is not teaching him anything!

-Snape.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Snape,
Do you think you could tutor me? I know that i'm getting O's and everything...but i don't get it :/

-Pansy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:56

Miss Parkinson,

Don't play coy with me. I know what you want. Be in my office in one hour and we will see about that tutoring.

Snape

Snappeypoo...

Why havent you talked to me?

Cissy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:57

Cissy

Ever so sorry ive been recharging my chamera battery so i can record Lord V and Bella.

Will be there in 20minutes!

Sevy

Snape

Leave my son alone!

James "i dont care if im dead" Potter

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 15:59

James,

I care if your dead. Because if you are, then I can torture your child.

Snape.

Snape,

your broom left its headlights on. Do not forget to turn them off, and conserve battery life.

-Albus.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 16:07

Albus

Get a life! I shall leave my brooms lights on for as long as like.

snape.

Sevvy

The bed is getting cold, come home to me.

Lucius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 16:09

Albus,

Oh my, thanks for telling me
I'll turn it off in a jiffy

-Snape

----------

Severus Snape

You are in trouble young man
Lord V. had written to me saying you've been misbehaving!

Oh dare you!
Angrily,
Mum

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 16:10

(used etta's again)

Luci-poo

You know I want to, but the insufferable old Dumbledore is keeping me here.

Sevvy

Severus,

I will get a life when i feel like it, till then, please turn your broom lights off.

Albus.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 16:29

Albus

No, now go back to rotting quietyl.

Severus

Snapeypooooo

i lobe youuuuuuuuuuu

love

Hermione

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 16:33

Hermione,

Get in line. So does everyone else.

Snape.

Snape,

How do you get your hair so wonderfully greasy?

-Fangirl

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 17:31

(just typed here down here again)

Albus,

Oh my, thanks for telling me
I'll turn it off in a jiffy

-Snape

----------

Severus Snape

You are in trouble young man
Lord V. had written to me saying you've been misbehaving!

Oh dare you!
Angrily,
Mum

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 18:26

Mum.
I dont care what you think of me. I shall send a dementor to give you a kiss to die for tonight.
Godbye mum.
Take that Voldemort!
-Snape

-Snape
I had a wonderful time with the tutoring last week. I just thought you should know that I did not get the last lesson either ;] Can I come back for more help?
-Pansy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 19:11

Pansy,
Ofcourse you can, how about in 5 minuets, in my personal quarters though please.

Snape.

Severus,
I will crucio you in 2 minuets, please be within striking range of my wand at that time. You disappoint me. I thought you loved me, not Lucius.

Voldemort.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Sun Dec 02 2007, 20:06

Voldie luv,

What made you think that idea! of course I love you darling

-Sevvie

-----

Sev

Are you cheating on me with Potter, the Dark Lord, Draco's mom, dad, and aunt?

-Pansy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Dec 03 2007, 04:07

Pansy,

Damn right i am!

Sev.

Yo Snapeypooo!!!!

Omly me love, just had to drop you an Owl, ever so sorry to tell you this, but you have a daughter, i know you hate kids but Kathrine is just brilliant, also in Slytherin house, how wonderfully proud you should be!

Lobe
Ettie.

p.s. TREAT HER NICE OR I SHALL BRINGLILY BACK FROM THE DEAD AND KILL HER ALL OVER AGAIN. and this time i'll make sure you have a front row seat.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Dec 03 2007, 15:17

Ettie

....I have a-a...daughter!?!?!?
*faints*

Snape
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snape

I am having boy troubles. Can you help me?

Unkonw person

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Dec 03 2007, 15:24

Unknown Person

I know just what to do for your boy troubles, give that special boy the boot and stay with me! I am in need of more fangirls... one can never have too many, you know.

Snape- of the SFGA (Snape Fan girl Association)

Slimy Snape,

Did you know that dead people have their own postage system?

Much love and hatred,
Bellatrix

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Dec 03 2007, 15:26

Bella

um, no, and I didn't need to...

Snape
~~~~~~~~~~~

King Snape

CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!?!?!?!?!?!?

member of the SFGA

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Dec 03 2007, 15:34

member of the SFGA,

have ten!

lobe
handsome snape.

Oh Snapeypoo!

Before i forget! Lucius is locked up in Dungeon one, Bella's idea naturally.

Cissy
xxxx

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Mon Dec 03 2007, 19:25

Cissy,

Psh yeah right.
Look right now I'm snogging Lily so go away

Snape

P.s. if you're locked up, how come you sent me mail?

----

Dearest Sevie

I'm your bestest of the bestest fan.
I can I please have your boxers?

- Bestest number one fan

p.s. and you comb, autoraph, broom, shirt, pants, your oil grease, full bottle of shampoo...ANYTHING

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Dec 04 2007, 16:12

Bestest number one fan,

Sorry, my boxers are currently in the possession of someone with blond hair *cough* lucius *cough* and I cannot seem to get them back since he seems to think that he will keep them.

Yours,
The Snapeylicous Snape

=======================================
Your Snapeyness the one and only king of greased hair,

I am need of your pink bathrobe for a costume party tonight and I would love to know if you're using it.

Your Dark Lord,
Voldy the pansy

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Dec 04 2007, 16:19

Voldy the pansy

No, N O you are not borrowing it! I STILL REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID TO MY PINK GOGO BOOTS YOU EVIL GIRL! and lets not mention my best sequin sexy red dress you ruined last month. so no you can not borrow it.

Snape.

Hey Sevvywevvy,

Quick question, how do you feel having a daughter with the Head of Hufflepuff House? And the fact that she has a Daughter to Lucius as well..does this effect your love for you child?

Angel of Midnighte
Senior Journilst for the H.E Pensieve.

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Dec 04 2007, 17:37

Senior Journilst for the H.E. Pensieve

WHAT! Lucius cheated on me!
*sob sob*

Oh well, I'll go find Cissy then

-Snape

-------

Dearest Sevie

What you heard from the H.E. Pensieve was wrong
I would never cheat on you darling!

-Lucius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Dec 04 2007, 17:40

lucius,

I believe you *snogs cissy* thousands wouldn't

Sevvy..

Mr Snape,

Please find enclosed the photographs of Hufflepuff's Head of House in a cmpromising postion with Mr Lucius Malfoy and a picture of their daughter, now Deptuy HeadMistress of H.E. What do you have to say?

Senior Journilst for the H.E. Pensieve

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Dec 04 2007, 17:55

Senior Journilst for the H.E. Pensieve

Wow! How did you do that? I've been trying to put a picture of Voldie and Potter together with photoshop for MONTHS

tell me how please

-Severus

----

Snape

I heard you were planning world domination with your pet bunny named Pooh. Please don't take away my glory

I HATE NOTHING LEFT *sob sob*

-Voldemort

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Dec 04 2007, 17:59

mouldysocks,

Oops, too late.

Snape.

snape,

Cissy is pregnant again, is it yours?

Lucius

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Dec 04 2007, 18:09

Lucius,

Don't you know me well enough to answer that on your own? No, you're probably to dim. Yes, it is me you nitwit and together, my offspring and I will rule the world!

I'm not your father but I will be soon,
Sevvy

Sevvywous,

This is your mummy-poo and I was hoping that you'd come by and see me.... and maybe bring that dashing friend of yours, Harry. Perhaps you could hook us up?

Your Mum,
Mrs. Snape

p.s. He has the cutest hair!

Subject: Re: Ask Snape Tue Dec 04 2007, 18:12

Mum,

Your going to be a Grandma

Sevvy

p.s. if you havent suffered heart failure and died, i will bring Harry over, but i'll magic his hair away from his head first! HA!

Snape.

Your mum has sent me a kissergram, she is the kissergram.

SAVE ME! YOU VOWED TO MY MOTHER YOU WOULD SAVE MEEEEEEEE

Harry

» A Hello from me, Snape and Little Elf!
» Snape
» Severus Snape
» Severus Snape
» Severus Snape - good or evil?