Ask Snape

First topic message reminder :

Okay i was doing my usual, reading through the many posts over at imdb when i came across this game,called ask Snape. Simple really, all you need to do is answer the question which the previous poster has asked as if u were snape and then ask your question.

So to start:

Dear darlingly lobely Snapeypoo

Would you mind deducting 400 points from GRyffindor? If not, can i have the addy for your new hide out, you seemed to have moved without telling me

Lobe
The Mad One of Huffle Mafia.

Harry,

Who am I to deny my mother the chance to adore you like so many others. And to pick at her bunions for that matter, I tire so of completing that task. Oh darn, I did say that I'd hex off your hair though.... perhaps I'll be over tonight.

Toodles,
Snape the Great

Mr. Snape,

We are pleased to inform you that your child has been born. IT'S A BOY!

Sincerely,
The Hospital Staff

Hospital Staff,
Whats he look like? When can I come over? I think i will just show up tonight XD I am so happy. PLease tell Cissy to name him Timothy James Snape.
-Severus Snape

Dear Snape,
I Hear you and Cissy have given me another nephew!!! Ohboy, when dop I get a son or daughter form you?
Sincerls,
Bellatrix

Bella Boo,

How about we meet up tommorrow and discuss it? Would you like to meet at my house or yours? I'll be waiting for your reply ;].

Sevvy the proud new father

===========================================
Snape the Evilicious,

I need some help with my evil laugh. It keeps on coming out too.... well, nice. My video tape is enclosed so that way you can hear it for yourself. HELP MY CAREER IN EVIL.

A not so evil genius

Voldemort,

Your hopeless, dont even bother.

-Severus




Sevvy,

Can I come over tonight? I promise to bring the collar....

-Lucius

Not so evil genius,
Why should I help you? Rule number one to be an evil genius: Never ask for/give hellp to ANYONE!. Therefore, I see you are not fit to be an evil genius.
-Snape

Dear Snape,
I haer you had another son. Coongratulations! However, i do think that it would break Lilys heart to see her first best friend acting this way. Mabey you should behave your self, young man.
Albus Dumbledore

Dumbledore

Don't me jealous old man, go find Minnie

-Snape

~~

Snape,

I'm afraid you weren't good this year
You're not getting a gift from me

-Santa

Santa

But.... but....i had a son! That must rule out all those very small and insignificant periods of naughtyness.

Snape.


Sevvy,

Santa just sent me a Owl ptoclaiming i had been bad this year and wouldnt be getting any presents!


Bella

p.s. And you son looks like you, all greasy and mysterious.

Bella,
I got the same thing. I am wondering if Cissy did to. Hmm...? And you mean it! He looks like me! Thats awesome!
Sorry for that outburst.
-Snape

Dear Snape,
My, Bella, Lucius, and Voldy all got letters that we wont be getting anything from santa! What did we do?!?! Oh, and your son is doing fine, hes very healthy, and he looks a lot like you! (only hes got my eyes).
When are you coming over again?? I miss you!
_Cissy

Cissy,

I'll be there in 10 minutes, i just have to curse santa, how DARE he send us all letters! We are pure angels! I shall hold his reindeers hostage until he rethinks his desicion. Give my son a kiss from me, oh my what shall we name the handsome little angel? I refuse to allow you to name him Timothy James, its just so, pansyish! What about Lilyton? Or Lilysnape?

Love
Snape Proud doting father.


Snape,

Your son has killed a member of staff, you, as the father, will be held respoible for his crime.

Hospital Head

Hospital Head,
why? I havent even seen him yet!?!? I will be sending over my friends to sort this out. This is very unjust!
-SNape

Dear Snape,
We havent talked in a while. How are you?
-Voldemort

Voldemort,

Whatup Mouldylord! How you hanging there? I 5 by 5, just hitting the clubs to wet my sons head!

Snape's personal Assistant.


Dear Mr Snape,

I hereby give you my notification to quit, i can not be your assistant anymore! Wash your own dirty socks!

colin creevey

Colin Creevy

HA! I knew you were always a loser
And you can't quit 'cause the letter is charmed with a poison spell so now you're DEAD

mwhahaha

-Snape
p.s. consider yourself fired

======

Snape

I heard you needed someone to wash your socks since you have killed Colin

I heard Dumbledore or Dobby really likes those emo black socks of yours

- Forge and Gred

Walrus,

Why yes, I happen to be. I am sitting on it right now. You will never see your beloved bucket again!!!!!!! *evil laugh goes here*

Snape the Great

=========================================

Gorgeous Snape,

I am so in love with you that everywhere I look I see your face. I close my eyes and I see your face. I walk into the men's bathroom and I see your face on every stall door. I LOVE YOU!

Lucius

Lucius,

Please find encosed a small bottle of antidote and kindly tell Bella to stop giving you love potion.

Snape.


Sevvy,

I failed DADA, can you please curse Lupin?

Draco

Draco,
curse Lupin yourself. I am too busy with your mother.
- Snape

Dear Snape,
I am pleased to tell you that you have been chosen to be featured on "What Not To Wear". Please come to ourr studio with your most worn peices of clothing, and ready for a new start on December 20, 2007.
Sincerly
Producer of "What Not To Wear"

Santa,
Why me still! You took Cisy and bella off! Why not me!
-Snape

Dear Snape,
I am bringing you a stocking full of coal also. Santa told me to.
-Cissy

Cissy,

Why on earth would I want coal? I have no use for fires. Give some to someone who actually likes being warm near a fire.

Snape.


Snape,

I cant stop staring at your picture, you haunt me day and night. I cant concentrate, your always on my mind. Please love me!!!!

-Lucius

Lucius,
Bella really needs to stop the love potions. Tell her that.
-Snape

Dear Snape,
be a good boy and inhale the love potion I have enclosed. Lucius is begging for your love!
-Bella

Bella,

NO. why dont you.

-Snape.

Sevvypoo,

How about you meet me in the teachers lounge later, I want to figure out how to brew a potion.

-Lupin

Lupin,

I'll be there. What type of potion.... perhaps a love potion ;]?

The Snapeylicious Dude

===========================================

Snape,

I had some blood tests done recently to dispel the rumors of me being your son.... and I have some terrible news. I am your son. NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY MOTHER?!

Harry Snape who was Harry Potter

Harry,

You mean you didnt know, she loved me more than your father, HA!

-Your father *smirks*


Sevvy,

Why how did you know it was a love potion? How about 11:30? I'll be waiting....

-Lupin

Lupin,
My Snapey senses were tingiling. Ill be there
-Snape

Dear Daddy,
Can you help me with my potions homework?
-Harry Snape

Harry,

Just because I am your father does not mean that I will help you get better grades. Give me 3 hours, I'm busy with lupin at the moment.

-Daddy


Severus,

Last night was great, but i cant remember, is that potion supposed to brew for one hour or two, you'd better come help me with it now.

-Remus

Remus,
Two, but I will stay lonmger if you wish.
-Snape

Dear Snape,
I hve had another son, and he looks just like you. Lucius cant believe it. Thanks a lot. Rodulphus left me, Cissys mad at me, and he wet his diaper.
You take him for a change.
-Bella

Bella,

I am too busy with my boyfriend and my other children. Get Luci to help you.

-Snape

Sevvy,

I think you might need to stay longer, I dont know what to do next....

-Remus

Remus,

Dahling, I'll stay as long as you need me. I pledge my undying affection for you now! Never leave me or my heart shall perish from despair.

Snapeywapey

=============================================

Beloved Snape,

I fear Lucius will intervene in our relationship soon. He is terribly jealous of you and will do all means to seperate us. I have tried all the methods I know of distracting him (attempting to kill his son etc.), but nothing works. Maybe we should elope and move back to Albania...

Voldy Who Went Moldy

voldy who went Moldy,

How about, i run off with Cissy, that way, you can follow and Lucius will kill himself out of desperation.

Snape.


Dear Professor Snape

I am in desperate need of your help and advice, i recently wrote a well versed story about you and submitted to a popular fanfiction site, however this site constantly rejects my fics for silly reasons, none exsist reasons also, what should i do?

yours
desperatly sad Snape worshipper

desperatly sad Snape worshipper
Give me the web adress of this site, and I will take care of them. The internet sould be floodes with fics of me, and rejecting them is NOT allowed!
-Snape

Dear Snape,
Lucius has killed himself in despiration. Lets go to Albiana now.
-Voldy

Voldy,

ah, slight problem there.

i dont wanna go, but as i write this, you are cureently being fed a love potion by Bella and will soon become Mr Bellatrix Black.

Snape.

Daddy

me. likes. your. wand. me. kill. mouldy. now. yes?

lobes lotsa lobes and snakes.

Harry.j.Snape.

p.s. me. clever.boy.now.yes?.

Remy,

I can't go over right now because :Oh My Gawd I just found out I have a hangnail!!

gotta go
-Sev

~~~

Sevvie

Darling, heard you need fashion help
I will be willing to help you

-Lucius

Lucius,

Didn't you kill yourself? Whatever... and no, I don't need your fashion help. Don't you know that I have my own fangirl association? I obviously don't need help, whereas you...

Sevviewevvie

==============================================

Sevvvvvvvvvewus,

Will you stop feeding love potions to Bellatrix and the dark lord to make them fall in love? It's getting to be rather obnoxious, watching them Crucio each other to show their love... and sometimes those spells miss.

Cissy

Cissy,

You seem to have been hit a few too many times yourself, for you seem to think I care. I dont. Good night.

Severus


Sevvi-poo

Sweetie, where are you, i've been waiting.... Its cold down here...

-Remmy

Remmy

I told you, I had a hangnail and while I was getting it fixed, I saw this prettyful ad for a spa so I ditched you for that instead

-Sevvie

------

Sev

Please stop using my bathtub as a spa

-Harry

Harry,

As your father, i will use your bathtub as a spa whenever I want.
Deal with it.

Your father.


Snape,

I hear you have been flirting with Remus, what am I, a piece of snake-like meat?

-A displeased and lonely voldemort.

Voldy Babey,

Sowy love.... It's just that recently with your whole 'taking over the world' thing I've been feeling kind of wonesome. Forgive me? Enclosed are your favorite muggle meat tarts!

Sevvy

==================================================

Dada,

If I wevert toos babies talks willz yous loves mes mores?

Harries Snapies

Harry,

.....no, now shut up and leave me alone.

Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snape,

I know where you live....

Your Stalker

Dear Bella,

If you want to stalk me, use a different owl, i know its yours.

-Snape.


Dear Mr. Snape,
On December 11, 2007 we will have out school Science Fair. My teacher has asked that we help in finding more judges to determine the winners that can advance to the Regional Science Fair. She says that many people who currently work in the science field participated in a fair or science competition at some time in their life. We are hoping that you might like to be involved in encouraging our growth in science. The fair will include about 250 projects that fall in 13 categories. Out fair can send 30 projects to the regional fair.

I understand that you are very busy and may have prior obligations on December 11th. If you are not able to judge, maybe someone else in your lab would be able to help. Thank you for considering this invitation.

Please say yes
-Rabid fangirl who wants to meet you

Rabid Fan Girl,

I will come, only if you primise to keep your other rabid friends away from me, and you let me bring my boyfriend, Voldie waldy.

Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~

Snape,

*bid drool mark on letter*

?????

?????????

Voldey, dear, please keep the snake away from your letters, it has leanen't to write now....

-Snape



Severus,


OMG I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!


-A calm fan

Fan,

below is a strand of my hair. Use it well, fan girl

The Magnifasent Snape
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snape Dear,

It seems as though I have lost my wand. WIll you fetch it for me, luff?

Yours, Voldey

Voldey,

I've sent your wand to you along with that pair of pants you left at my house last week.

Love and Mistletoe,
Snape

==================================================

Professor Snape,

Would you mind helping me pick out my dress robes for the Yule Ball? After all, if we're going together we might as well match...

Yours,
Trelwaney

Trelwaney

I TOLD you I'm going to wear pink and you'll going to wear purple! so stop bothering me

-Sev

-----

Dearest Sev.

I'm afraid your ipod ran out of batteries and I buried it in your backyard for the funeral.

-Lucius
P.s. hope you still love me?

Lucius,
your forgiven. It was time for the iPod tto die anyway. However, if you still want me to love you, you must buy me the new iPod video!
-Snape *evil laugh*

Dear Snape,
Since I accidently killed Cissy, showing my lovve to voldy, will you love me now? Theres only a 70% chance of her coming back to life (because Voldy loves her, and could do that)
-Bella

Dear Bella!

How dare you kill your own sister! I'm ashamed to call you a deatheater. *giggles girlishly*... and I thought you loved Voldy?

from *very confused* Snape.



Dear Snape,

This is Tyra Banks. I was wondering if you would be part of our modeling agency. We are currently looking for greasy haired men to be part of next fashion show. Are you interested?

Love,
Tyra

Tyra Banks,

YES YES YES YES! I'm intersted! What kind of fashion show is it? I once starred in a Victoria Secret ad before! Is that why you asked me?

-Severus Snape

------

Dear S. Snape

You are under arrest for killing Lucius Malfoy's pet bunny
You have to pay $18329432989428342 galleons for bail

-Mr. Security Boss

Mr. Security Boss,

I only killed Lucius bunny because it bit me. I need a kiss to make it better and everything. So I sue him back!

Love,
Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Dear Snape,

Would like to play Barbies with me?

Love,
Mollie Sue Greenback

Dear Mollie.

I would play with you but unfortunatly I have a reputation as an evil teacher to uphold.

Apologies

Snape

--

Dear Snape

Would you mind if I pranked you to make me seem big infornt of my death eater friends?

Lucius

Lucius,

No

-Severus

p.s. and for that, this letter is going to turn you into a chocolate covered strawberry

----

Sev

Something horrible has happened! Someone turned Lucius into a strawberry and then Voldie accidently ate him!

Help!
-Bella